Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Husband with Bipolar Disorder

replies: 30

Hi there, my husband has had bipolar disorder for over 20 years, wasn't so noticeable or frequent years ago but as he gets older, there are 2-3 major episodes each year. Starts off with insomnia and trouble getting motivated, through to exhaustion then hyper mania for a few months then onto the downward spiral to depression. He is currently going through another episode, its been 6-8 weeks now on hyper mania and he has been taking anti-depressant and sleeping medication which is not helping. Last week he went to the Dr and was prescribed a mood stabiliser, which he now refuses to take.I am deeply concerned as this manic episode is getting out of control, he is confrontational, berating, not rational thoughts or suggestions, not acting responsively, and trying to reorganise the house (moving everything around and "de cluttering") and being hyper all the time and not being able to stay still. We are sleeping in different rooms as he is up all night, then crashes for an hour or two, then up again and buzzing around trying to "change the world". For the past few days he says he's been really dizzy and unable to stay still and has to keep moving.Monday we are back at the Drs for another assessment, I will tell the Dr that he is not taking his medication and suggest that he must see a psychiatrist. I feel totally exhausted with all his "in your face" behaviour, the kids understand that Dad's not well and know not to push things otherwise he just freaks out. I am very cautious when he is around, not that he would hurt us, but I don't know what's going on in his mind. I feel as though he needs time away from us, and I don't really love him the way he is. I know he is sick and it's the illness that I hate, not him, but I can't even be in the same room with him as he makes me feel so uncomfortable. This is not a good environment to be in, I have stress enough at work, and with the kids, school and a step father terminally ill with cancer, I don't know how long I can take his behaviour.I have no other family support here, his friends have noticed a change in his behaviour (some say he has been acting a little strange) but when I say this to him he thinks that I am making it up and it's me that has the problem, and apparently everyone else understands him but me.He blames me for the way he is feeling, he constantly seeks my OK for things that he does (when he doesn't need to) and believes that I say things when I don't (words in his mouth). He says that he knows I hate him (which I don't). He says that he hates me as I never compliment him and that I always say that he's never good at anything (which I don't). I just shut up now as I don't want to get into an argument.As for rearranging the house, at 3am the other morning I woke up to him clearing out the kitchen pantry (to de-clutter) and everything was out everywhere. At the moment, he is in the bathroom rearranging the vanity unit, putting stuff from the kitchen into the bathroom and vice versa. It's exhausting and depressive!Anyone want to talk or have some advice.Vanessa

I don't know what to do??

replies: 1

I went to visit my partner after numerous recent calls saw she was upset about something.when I arrived into town and entered her house to talk about what was up she pulled away and said nothing I then seen that she was seeing someone else and still I asked how long for. I have a few mental health issues which were diagnosed on the prior day and her silence when asking for closure and how long was it going on has become threatening to my health. I have explained what her silence does yet she continues to not reply in any manner.. it is to the point where I actually don't know if she's doing this on purpose... what can I do??

Phone addiction with depressed husband

replies: 2

Hi Guys, my husband seems to be addicted to playing on his phone all the time. He plays games constantly. I am concerned because my son is a toddler and wants his father’s attention. I do as well even just for an hour when coming home. He is currently fighting depression and anxiety he has been for about 2 years. I mentioned my concerns tonight and he did not take it well at all. I feel like I am trying to be understanding however he said it helps him cope. But I just want to mentioned while we are sitting as a family for like 30 mins a day can we please try to put the phone down? Just to connect? He just did not take this concern well at all. It was very defensive. I had to mention it because it was beginning to upset me. It’s just so hard when I want to voice how I am feeling I feel incredibly guilty. Because I just make him worse.

My husband is so reactive that I have shut down and fallen out of love.

replies: 4

We have been married for 40 years. I have been unhappy for 20 years or so. The problem is that I cannot have a voice in our relationship. If we are having a conversation, I can't finish a sentence with him interrupting me and taking the conversation in a direction he chooses. If I ask him to change the way he does something (minor, like keeping the screen doors shut so insects don't come in) he blows up and says i'm always on his case. The way he talks to me is always in a tone that implies that I'm hopeless. I was a lively engaging person once upon a time. I feel like I am a shadow of my former self. I bite my tongue constantly and feel a lot of repressed anger. As a result of our unhappiness, I have lost love and any desire for intimacy. He drinks and smokes in excessive quantities, probably as a result of our unhappiness. I'm not sure where to go from here. Divorce would mean we both take a very big drop in our living standard but we can't carry on like this. Has anyone been through this? Is there hope?

Supporting medication reduction

replies: 3

My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and commenced on medication 8 years ago. She completed a qualification and has been working, albeit with ups and downs, and periods of unemployment, but no hospital admissions. Recently she visited her GP and now tells me that she is planning on reducing her medication - she said the GP said it wasn't meant for working people, when she complained about the side effects and that the doctor is supportive of her coming off the mediction gradually. She feels she will manage work better without the medication side effects. She lives with me and has no close friends or other supports. I'm anxious about this going wrong and I know nothing about possible withdrawal from the medication or signs of it. My memories of past visits to A& E departments are not pleasant ones. As she has been relatively stable for so long she hasn't seen a psychiatrist in years. I'm trying to be supportive and positive as that is what has worked best in the past, but I'm worried. She hasn't actually started reducing the dose yet, but plans to in the next week. I'm thinking I should try and get her to make some kind of agreed plan I can act on in need, but I'm not sure how to approach it, without sounding overly negative about it. I thought about visiting the GP myself, but that seems an invasion of her privacy - she is well over 18 years old and needs to be independent too. If anyone can share information on how they supported someone to reduce a long term treatment, I'd really appreciate it.

helping others

replies: 1

i have had many friends over the years that i have had to support through issues, physical or mental, sometimes requiring constant reassurance. after a while i feel as though my reassurance isnt helping just because i say it so much. i mean everything i say, but i feel should this go on longer theyll think im just speaking out of habit and disregard my help and get more down on themselves. is there any advice that i can get to help this situation?

Me

replies: 2

HiI have a 43yr son unmarried, no children, no home and feeling like he has no future. He desperately wants children and to feel loved by a partner. He works FIFO and that has contributed to the lack of meeting people in general so social circles are almost NIL. He recent was between jobs, finished one and waiting to start another, had a motorbike accident and now requires operation for bad leg injury. Stuck at home at mothers house (me) awaiting surgery, then long recovery. Job prospects fading with every tick of the clock...Gambles seeking dopamine hit, ADHDCurrently depressed on so many levels as per beginning of this post... cant see his life's purpose want to curl up and die....How do I help ??

Centrelink Disability Support Pension for Mental Illness

replies: 16

Hey guys My wife has had SEVERE depression, anxiety and panic attacks for nearly 17 years. The depression is up and down at times but in relation to the anxiety/panic she has been virtually housebound for the past 9 years, unable to leave the house without me in the car with her and unable to go any further than a few blocks from home. She cannot go any further than immediate walking distance to the car and we cannot turn the car off due to fear of not being able to immediately get home to her safe zone without experiencing a severe, debilitating panic attack and we're back to her not leaving the bedroom again. She has taken numerous medications, seen counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotherapy and doctors over this time and has not been able to beat it. Introduction over, she is obviously unable to work and cannot fully care for our kids alone so I am forced to be only able to get casual/part-time work while on Newstart allowance (required to be still applying for full-time work) and cannot earn more than $680 per fortnight or I will lose my entire Centrelink payment. Even though there is an extensive catalogue of proof of many years of her condition Centrelink will not approve her for a Disability Support Pension as it is "only mental illness" not an "actual disability" and the only assistance they can offer is $80 per fortnight carer's allowance. Does anyone have any experience in a similar situation or have any advice they can offer ?

My 12 yr old has anxiety

replies: 5

Hi our 12 yr old son suffers with anxiety, we are currently seeing a new child psych and have tried different things to help him but most of the time to no avail! I was wondering if any other parents had tried animals as a way of helping, he keeps saying if he had a dog it would make his anxiety go away? I know it's not gonna be a miracle cure but has anybody tried this avenue and with what results? Cheers

Mum has dementia and I don't have much patience

replies: 2

I need some advice about how to cope better

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Husband with Bipolar Disorder replies: 30

I don't know what to do?? replies: 1

Phone addiction with depressed husband replies: 2

My husband is so reactive that I have shut down and fallen out of love. replies: 4

Supporting medication reduction replies: 3

helping others replies: 1

Me replies: 2

Centrelink Disability Support Pension for Mental Illness replies: 16

My 12 yr old has anxiety replies: 5

Mum has dementia and I don't have much patience replies: 2