Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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My wife has schizophrenia. Is accusing me of cheating.

replies: 3

Our relationship is in been a mess and I have always had her best interests at heart doing what I can to support and show her that she is loved but her psychosis is making it hard and she’s not even trying to get help from doctors I will be there for... View more

Feeling Burnt out. Have been supporting my partner of 4 years with depression

replies: 5

My partner is a beautiful man and hence why I have stayed in this relationship for so long. He has had multiple depressive episodes in our relationship. The latest one starting since August of last year. He is doing all he can to help himself but nothing has worked since August. He has no friends. I feel the role of being equal in this relationship has changed. I feel like I am constantly trying to help him and give him ideas on how to help himself. I feel like a Mother. He has just started a mood stabilizer as well as being on anti depressants since i Have known him. Unfortunately I am starting to feel depressed myself as it has gone on so long. And I myself suffer from mild anxiety. I don't want to end the relationship. But I am starting to feel burnt out.

How to help my sister

replies: 5

My sister (36f lgbt) is currently going through a mental health crisis and has been suffering the following symptoms that I’m aware of since the start of December: - panic attacks - insomnia - sensory overload with sound and light - depression - inability to leave her home - withdrawing from friends and family - inability to attend work for 8+ weeks - incoherent speech - chronic pain - racing thoughts and inability to communicate coherently via voice or text or in person. She won’t talk on the phone to anyone who she has had (limited) engagement with since this all began. Initially I assisted her in putting in some boundaries with friends and family to give her some breathing space to deal with grief, trauma and stress. But it’s now at a point where she will not engage even with me beyond a simple ‘hello’ sms each day. Our mum, myself and her best friend have come up with a plan that I’d like some advice on. We’ve reached out to the CATT team and local mental health triage team but without giving them my sisters name and address (something we’ll do after we’ve exhausted gentler options) Mum and sisters BFF will attempt to visit with my sister tomorrow. Unfortunately I live 3.5 hours away. They plan to give her a few options: 1. Sister and mum go to GP to get referral for inpatient 2. Sister agrees to call CATT team for assessment with mum and bff 3. We do a family referral to CATT Team without my sisters consent. Given her disengagement with family, friends and living alone were of the opinion that an inpatient stay would be most suitable. I’d love feedback on the above mentioned plan

Fine Lines

replies: 3

My son has just turned 26.As an adult, he has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression. Just a week ago he completed a 4 week stay at Gunnedah, an addiction retreat, at our (great) expense.He has been self medicating with weed and nicotine for quite a few years, but apart from those addictions he really wanted a "reset" - learning better habits, trying new things - and he got that there and felt heaps better.But although I don't think he has gone back to the nicotine and weed (yet) he has already lost those good habits and is struggling. He lives in Brisbane and we live 7 hours' drive away in the country. We are heavily financially supporting him and I think that makes it harder for us not to nag him about "getting on with life" although we do try to just listen and be supportive of how much he feels he can and can't do in terms of work (and life).He sees a couple of different psychologists and therapists, one being specifically an addiction counsellor as he feels he has always been addicted to something, whether it be food, gaming or weed. I just really need to know where to step in, and where not to. I have started seeing a psychologist myself but that is about me, not him I guess.

My Partner Suffers From Depression

replies: 2

Hi, My partner and I have been together for 14 months and for at least the last 7 months, it has been an emotional roller coaster. My partner told me within the first 2-3 months that he suffers from depression and he has tried to commit suicide before. Over the past 6 months he has bought a new business, a family member has been diagnosed with cancer and he has lost a friend to suicide. I really try my hardest to support him, be there for him and look after him but he becomes distant, withdraws, shuts down, ignores me, and treats me as if I’m invisible. I am confused at the moment as when I first met him, he was like a different person and it feels like he isn’t who he portrayed in the beginning and I don’t recognise him. I guess I have always felt somewhat taken for granted and unappreciated, but the past weeks have been crushing. He told me last week that he wanted me to be more supportive but I don’t know what else I could possibly do. When I asked him, he had nothing to tell me. I honestly don’t know what I am supposed to do. Unfortunately, my mental health is now being effected and I feel quite overwhelmed and desperate.He has told me he use to see a psychologist and has been on medication in the past, however, when I asked him about seeing his psychologist he said no and he knows what he has to do. The roller coaster and ongoing stress is making me sick. What can I do to support him? Any advice appreciated.

Husband with Bipolar Disorder

replies: 30

Hi there, my husband has had bipolar disorder for over 20 years, wasn't so noticeable or frequent years ago but as he gets older, there are 2-3 major episodes each year. Starts off with insomnia and trouble getting motivated, through to exhaustion then hyper mania for a few months then onto the downward spiral to depression. He is currently going through another episode, its been 6-8 weeks now on hyper mania and he has been taking anti-depressant and sleeping medication which is not helping. Last week he went to the Dr and was prescribed a mood stabiliser, which he now refuses to take.I am deeply concerned as this manic episode is getting out of control, he is confrontational, berating, not rational thoughts or suggestions, not acting responsively, and trying to reorganise the house (moving everything around and "de cluttering") and being hyper all the time and not being able to stay still. We are sleeping in different rooms as he is up all night, then crashes for an hour or two, then up again and buzzing around trying to "change the world". For the past few days he says he's been really dizzy and unable to stay still and has to keep moving.Monday we are back at the Drs for another assessment, I will tell the Dr that he is not taking his medication and suggest that he must see a psychiatrist. I feel totally exhausted with all his "in your face" behaviour, the kids understand that Dad's not well and know not to push things otherwise he just freaks out. I am very cautious when he is around, not that he would hurt us, but I don't know what's going on in his mind. I feel as though he needs time away from us, and I don't really love him the way he is. I know he is sick and it's the illness that I hate, not him, but I can't even be in the same room with him as he makes me feel so uncomfortable. This is not a good environment to be in, I have stress enough at work, and with the kids, school and a step father terminally ill with cancer, I don't know how long I can take his behaviour.I have no other family support here, his friends have noticed a change in his behaviour (some say he has been acting a little strange) but when I say this to him he thinks that I am making it up and it's me that has the problem, and apparently everyone else understands him but me.He blames me for the way he is feeling, he constantly seeks my OK for things that he does (when he doesn't need to) and believes that I say things when I don't (words in his mouth). He says that he knows I hate him (which I don't). He says that he hates me as I never compliment him and that I always say that he's never good at anything (which I don't). I just shut up now as I don't want to get into an argument.As for rearranging the house, at 3am the other morning I woke up to him clearing out the kitchen pantry (to de-clutter) and everything was out everywhere. At the moment, he is in the bathroom rearranging the vanity unit, putting stuff from the kitchen into the bathroom and vice versa. It's exhausting and depressive!Anyone want to talk or have some advice.Vanessa

I don't know what to do??

replies: 1

I went to visit my partner after numerous recent calls saw she was upset about something.when I arrived into town and entered her house to talk about what was up she pulled away and said nothing I then seen that she was seeing someone else and still I asked how long for. I have a few mental health issues which were diagnosed on the prior day and her silence when asking for closure and how long was it going on has become threatening to my health. I have explained what her silence does yet she continues to not reply in any manner.. it is to the point where I actually don't know if she's doing this on purpose... what can I do??

Phone addiction with depressed husband

replies: 2

Hi Guys, my husband seems to be addicted to playing on his phone all the time. He plays games constantly. I am concerned because my son is a toddler and wants his father’s attention. I do as well even just for an hour when coming home. He is currently fighting depression and anxiety he has been for about 2 years. I mentioned my concerns tonight and he did not take it well at all. I feel like I am trying to be understanding however he said it helps him cope. But I just want to mentioned while we are sitting as a family for like 30 mins a day can we please try to put the phone down? Just to connect? He just did not take this concern well at all. It was very defensive. I had to mention it because it was beginning to upset me. It’s just so hard when I want to voice how I am feeling I feel incredibly guilty. Because I just make him worse.

My husband is so reactive that I have shut down and fallen out of love.

replies: 4

We have been married for 40 years. I have been unhappy for 20 years or so. The problem is that I cannot have a voice in our relationship. If we are having a conversation, I can't finish a sentence with him interrupting me and taking the conversation in a direction he chooses. If I ask him to change the way he does something (minor, like keeping the screen doors shut so insects don't come in) he blows up and says i'm always on his case. The way he talks to me is always in a tone that implies that I'm hopeless. I was a lively engaging person once upon a time. I feel like I am a shadow of my former self. I bite my tongue constantly and feel a lot of repressed anger. As a result of our unhappiness, I have lost love and any desire for intimacy. He drinks and smokes in excessive quantities, probably as a result of our unhappiness. I'm not sure where to go from here. Divorce would mean we both take a very big drop in our living standard but we can't carry on like this. Has anyone been through this? Is there hope?

Supporting medication reduction

replies: 3

My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and commenced on medication 8 years ago. She completed a qualification and has been working, albeit with ups and downs, and periods of unemployment, but no hospital admissions. Recently she visited her GP and now tells me that she is planning on reducing her medication - she said the GP said it wasn't meant for working people, when she complained about the side effects and that the doctor is supportive of her coming off the mediction gradually. She feels she will manage work better without the medication side effects. She lives with me and has no close friends or other supports. I'm anxious about this going wrong and I know nothing about possible withdrawal from the medication or signs of it. My memories of past visits to A& E departments are not pleasant ones. As she has been relatively stable for so long she hasn't seen a psychiatrist in years. I'm trying to be supportive and positive as that is what has worked best in the past, but I'm worried. She hasn't actually started reducing the dose yet, but plans to in the next week. I'm thinking I should try and get her to make some kind of agreed plan I can act on in need, but I'm not sure how to approach it, without sounding overly negative about it. I thought about visiting the GP myself, but that seems an invasion of her privacy - she is well over 18 years old and needs to be independent too. If anyone can share information on how they supported someone to reduce a long term treatment, I'd really appreciate it.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

My wife has schizophrenia. Is accusing me of cheating. replies: 3

Feeling Burnt out. Have been supporting my partner of 4 years with depression replies: 5

How to help my sister replies: 5

Fine Lines replies: 3

My Partner Suffers From Depression replies: 2

Husband with Bipolar Disorder replies: 30

I don't know what to do?? replies: 1

Phone addiction with depressed husband replies: 2

My husband is so reactive that I have shut down and fallen out of love. replies: 4

Supporting medication reduction replies: 3