Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Is my boyfriend severely depressed or does he want to leave me?

replies: 9

Hi everyone, I'm very concerned about my boyfriend who is currently giving me the silent treatment. It's been over a week and the thoughts going through my head are driving me crazy. He has a history of depression, though I don't know much about it as we've only been together for 9 months and he doesn't talk about it with me. I brought up an issue recently, and he wasn't willing to talk about it- he just shut off completely. I got very upset and frustrated and tried to push the conversation a bit further but it was ignored and we both went to sleep. He then got up in the middle of the night and left. (We don't live together- I assume he went to his house). I haven't heard from him or seen home since, though I've tried calling multiple times and sent 3 text messages. I've tried apologising for how I handled the situation. I've tried explaining that by bringing up any issues in our relationship isn't a personal attack on him. I've tried telling him how much I care, etc etc. Same result- nothing. Before this recent event, there's been 3 other times when a similar thing has happened. Seemingly when there is any problem and a lack of communication, he just ignores me for days. In the past it has only been 3-4 days maximum, and then he's contacted me. This time it's much longer. I'm trying to work out what to do, if I even can do anything. Communication is so important to me and I don't know how to solve this when we can't talk. I've almost settled on the sad fact that he just wants me to leave him alone/ break up, yet I'm almost positive that he's acting this way because of his depression. Other than these times, he's very caring and seemingly happy in the relationship, and we have a lot of fun together. I love him and want to be there for him if he is battling with depression. Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated.

Schizophrenia.

replies: 2

I believe in invisible people. I tried to make sense of it so I googled invisible people do they exist and the military has made an invisible wall. I come to the conclusion that there's an invisible suit as well. Some days I tell myself no ones here your truly alone but I just don't feel truly alone. I'm also having a hard time believing I'm a schizophrenic. Is there anyone on the forum here who has schizophrenia and can relate? I also wouldn't mind anyone's advice or support.

Guilt of silence

replies: 4

My struggle to find a place for all the emotions I am feeling of watching my adult son unravelling. I have this beautiful photo of him as a baby crawling towards me with a huge happy smile looking directly at me. I can not get this image out of my thoughts. His adult life has consisted of lies, anger, demanding financial support and taking no responsibility for his own actions but blaming all those close to him. Most of all me, his mother. He has recently been arrested and now has a pending court appearance which may result in prison time to which he is guilty. My son has not shared this information with me nor spoken to me for 2months prior.My fear for his future, his reaction to me reaching out knowing but my own disappointment, anger, hurt and pain of wanting that image of my happy boy as a baby back and I how do I respond to him. What went wrong? I want to tell him I love him but the anxiety I feel when I think about who he has become stops me from wanting a relationship. I'm struggling with the guilt of this feeling of needing to distance myself from him. I don't want to worsen his image of himself but him not sure I can manage a relationship. Sense of guilt but obligation is overwhelming.

Class refusal year 7

replies: 4

Our son started yr 7 at a much larger school than primary school. In the first day he had a panic attack once he was at school. school started on a Friday which allowed his anxiety to build up and on the Monday he was under the desk in his room in a ball crying and rocking about not wanting to go to school. we can get him to school but not class. He can’t explain to us why he can’t. most nights his anxiety hits about going the next day with Sunday being the worst. Telling us he can’t do like anymore etc. he had no issues attending primary school and is social. we are doing the tough love and making him go. He sits in the library or wellbeing office. The school is good and trying but they only have so many resources. he was attending a large catholic high school but worked out quick they were not a great help so moved him to a much smaller public high school which he tells us he likes. we don’t know if keeping pushing, keep attending psychologist appointments and hope he can fight whatever is going on in his head or enrol into online school and take away that class pressure. if anyone has had a similar experience I would love to hear.

Supporting my daughter

replies: 2

My daughter is a single mum of 2 with depression and ptsd and juat need advice on how to help her i already help with the kids but doesn’t seem to be enough for her she’s really down

My wife has schizophrenia. Is accusing me of cheating.

replies: 3

Our relationship is in been a mess and I have always had her best interests at heart doing what I can to support and show her that she is loved but her psychosis is making it hard and she’s not even trying to get help from doctors I will be there for... View more

Feeling Burnt out. Have been supporting my partner of 4 years with depression

replies: 5

My partner is a beautiful man and hence why I have stayed in this relationship for so long. He has had multiple depressive episodes in our relationship. The latest one starting since August of last year. He is doing all he can to help himself but nothing has worked since August. He has no friends. I feel the role of being equal in this relationship has changed. I feel like I am constantly trying to help him and give him ideas on how to help himself. I feel like a Mother. He has just started a mood stabilizer as well as being on anti depressants since i Have known him. Unfortunately I am starting to feel depressed myself as it has gone on so long. And I myself suffer from mild anxiety. I don't want to end the relationship. But I am starting to feel burnt out.

How to help my sister

replies: 5

My sister (36f lgbt) is currently going through a mental health crisis and has been suffering the following symptoms that I’m aware of since the start of December: - panic attacks - insomnia - sensory overload with sound and light - depression - inability to leave her home - withdrawing from friends and family - inability to attend work for 8+ weeks - incoherent speech - chronic pain - racing thoughts and inability to communicate coherently via voice or text or in person. She won’t talk on the phone to anyone who she has had (limited) engagement with since this all began. Initially I assisted her in putting in some boundaries with friends and family to give her some breathing space to deal with grief, trauma and stress. But it’s now at a point where she will not engage even with me beyond a simple ‘hello’ sms each day. Our mum, myself and her best friend have come up with a plan that I’d like some advice on. We’ve reached out to the CATT team and local mental health triage team but without giving them my sisters name and address (something we’ll do after we’ve exhausted gentler options) Mum and sisters BFF will attempt to visit with my sister tomorrow. Unfortunately I live 3.5 hours away. They plan to give her a few options: 1. Sister and mum go to GP to get referral for inpatient 2. Sister agrees to call CATT team for assessment with mum and bff 3. We do a family referral to CATT Team without my sisters consent. Given her disengagement with family, friends and living alone were of the opinion that an inpatient stay would be most suitable. I’d love feedback on the above mentioned plan

Fine Lines

replies: 3

My son has just turned 26.As an adult, he has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and depression. Just a week ago he completed a 4 week stay at Gunnedah, an addiction retreat, at our (great) expense.He has been self medicating with weed and nicotine for quite a few years, but apart from those addictions he really wanted a "reset" - learning better habits, trying new things - and he got that there and felt heaps better.But although I don't think he has gone back to the nicotine and weed (yet) he has already lost those good habits and is struggling. He lives in Brisbane and we live 7 hours' drive away in the country. We are heavily financially supporting him and I think that makes it harder for us not to nag him about "getting on with life" although we do try to just listen and be supportive of how much he feels he can and can't do in terms of work (and life).He sees a couple of different psychologists and therapists, one being specifically an addiction counsellor as he feels he has always been addicted to something, whether it be food, gaming or weed. I just really need to know where to step in, and where not to. I have started seeing a psychologist myself but that is about me, not him I guess.

My Partner Suffers From Depression

replies: 2

Hi, My partner and I have been together for 14 months and for at least the last 7 months, it has been an emotional roller coaster. My partner told me within the first 2-3 months that he suffers from depression and he has tried to commit suicide before. Over the past 6 months he has bought a new business, a family member has been diagnosed with cancer and he has lost a friend to suicide. I really try my hardest to support him, be there for him and look after him but he becomes distant, withdraws, shuts down, ignores me, and treats me as if I’m invisible. I am confused at the moment as when I first met him, he was like a different person and it feels like he isn’t who he portrayed in the beginning and I don’t recognise him. I guess I have always felt somewhat taken for granted and unappreciated, but the past weeks have been crushing. He told me last week that he wanted me to be more supportive but I don’t know what else I could possibly do. When I asked him, he had nothing to tell me. I honestly don’t know what I am supposed to do. Unfortunately, my mental health is now being effected and I feel quite overwhelmed and desperate.He has told me he use to see a psychologist and has been on medication in the past, however, when I asked him about seeing his psychologist he said no and he knows what he has to do. The roller coaster and ongoing stress is making me sick. What can I do to support him? Any advice appreciated.

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Is my boyfriend severely depressed or does he want to leave me? replies: 9

Schizophrenia. replies: 2

Guilt of silence replies: 4

Class refusal year 7 replies: 4

Supporting my daughter replies: 2

My wife has schizophrenia. Is accusing me of cheating. replies: 3

Feeling Burnt out. Have been supporting my partner of 4 years with depression replies: 5

How to help my sister replies: 5

Fine Lines replies: 3

My Partner Suffers From Depression replies: 2