Im scared my dad might hurt himself

[panda5]

My dad has been depressed fir as long as i can remember but he seriously injured himself a couple of months ago forcing him out of work. it feels like his depression has skyrocketed to the point im scared he might seriously harm himself if he doesnt get help soon. he is 60 years old but im only 19 and have my own mental health struggles so i dint feel equipped to help him. because he is so stuck in his old ways he just refuses to get professional help beyond the antidepressants he had been on for years and years. ive been having nightmares and i really just dont know how to make it all ok beyond calling the police and having him committed to a mental hospital. i think im just looking for any advice or reassurance or anything on how i can support him without it all getting unfolded on me cause i know i wont be able to handle it on top of uni and everything

[Sophie_M]

We’re so sorry to hear about what’s going on for you and your family right now. That must be incredibly difficult. It sounds like you’re a really supportive child, and we’re glad you could share this here. We have also reached out to you privately and sent an email to you.

We recommend calling us or another helpline on 1300 22 4636 to discuss this. We’d also really encourage you to encourage your Father to call Lifeline on 13 11 14, who may be able to help him plan for his safety.

We know it’s not simple, but we would encourage you and him to seek support. If he is unsafe, or unable to avoid acting on unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it’s really important that you or he calls 000 or presents to an emergency department. 

It is really good that you’ve been able to share this here. It might take some time for our kind community to spot your post, but we’re sure they will soon be here to offer their kind words, understanding, and advice.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[therising]

Hi panda5

You're obviously a deeply feeling and deeply caring person and you're dad's so blessed to have such a person as you in his life, he really is. I'm wondering whether there's another family member who's able to talk with him, if you express your concerns to them. Perhaps they're someone who can also support you in a number of ways, in helping you or guiding you through your challenges.

From my own experience, I've found there can be so many different triggers for depression or the worsening of it. A loss of a sense of identity and a loss of a sense of achievement can be a couple of significant triggers. If your dad identified himself largely through his job, 'I am the breadwinner of the family. I am a provider. I am a hard worker' etc, he may have lost a significant way of identifying himself when he lost his job. If a sense of achievement was only felt through his job, he may have lost his only way of gaining a sense of achievement. Reforming a sense of self and sense of achievement may be amongst the challenges that can come with depression. To remind him 'You're my dad and this is what you being my dad means to me...' could help with his sense of self.

With someone being stuck in their old ways, this leads me to think of my husband who's around the same age as your dad. It'd take more than a crowbar to pry him out of a lot of his old ways, largely because a lot of them are based on habit, a sense of security and sense of identity that he likes and has become used to. Some of his ways can take me to the brink of insanity at times. The reason I mention this is because someone else's ways can impact our mental health and this is something to be conscious of. I've lost track of the number of times I've said to him 'You do you but leave me out of it'. While one of my own ways of coming to manage my mental health (especially depression) involves me doing constructive deep dives into my emotions, in order to get to the bottom of them and make sense of them, my husband's way has always been to avoid emotional challenges. With his father passing away a couple of weeks ago, my husband's stuck in surface level emotions. Not being a deep diver, he can't get past understandably feeling sorrow for himself (aka 'feeling sorry for himself'), when he needs to be making greater sense of his grief. I know this is going to mess with him and impact the rest of the family but until he changes his identity to that of 'deep diver' he'll continue to suffer. Old ways can prove harmful under specific circumstances that don't allow for them.

Sometimes it's a matter of 'Until you change your ways (including beliefs), there's nothing I can do to help you or make a difference to you'. In this case it can become a matter of finding someone else who can help them change their ways of thinking, feeling, expressing or venting emotions etc. As I mentioned, is there are another family member or does he have any friends that could perhaps lead him to experience a difference? If you can't guide your dad to speak to someone, could the challenge come down to guiding someone to him. While the meds he's on may work under general circumstances, they may not help under extreme circumstances such as with major mental and emotional challenges.

Remember to look after yourself and your own wellbeing. A sensitive person who has the ability to sense so much needs support, guidance and encouragement when it comes to how and what they're sensing within and around them. I love sensitive people. I find them to be truly amazing and beautiful people. The world would be such an unfeeling and terrible place without them.🙂❤️