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Long distance partner pushing me away

Community Member


I've been in a relationship with a woman living interstate for several years. We broke up pre-Covid and got back together post- Covid. I love her very much. Her teen daughter is currently hospitalised for mental health reasons. I want to support the interstate partner but she pushes me away. I want to visit her to check in on her, as her own mental health isn't great. She says she thinks about 'giving up on life'. I was so worried about her- eventually she confirmed that doesn't mean the same as ending her life. She won't agree to me visiting her, yet I long to give her a hug and make sure she is ok. She says it's not personal but she still has time for 2 other friends, one of whom she had an affair with in the last 6 mths. I thought we dealt with that and got past it. 
I understand she is going through a lot and she doesn't know what the future holds for her daughter.

I don't know what to do anymore, I've tried to be supportive on her terms but it hurts she wouldn't allow me to go visit this w/e yet despite saying it isn't personal and she has pushed everyone away, yet she is still seeing a couple of her friends regularly and attending a party this w/e.

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome 


You have strong feelings for this lady but it doesn't appear that those feeling are mutual. Sadly.


I'm sorry you feel this way. Freedom is afforded to all adults and her decision are hers to make. This is the same when we get a partner if a person with a mental health issue that refuses treatment.  They have that right.


For a partner to be treated less important than friends it is to outsiders like me to - see the writing on the wall. 


I suggest, as hard as it is, not to contact her and wait until she contacts you, if she doesn't, you know your future.


Again I hope you are OK. Reply anytime