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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Worriedmumma My 10 year old is having suicidal thoughts!
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, I'm new here and just thought I would jump on and see if anyone else out there is having similar problems. My 10 year old daughter has Sensory processing disorder which is not a recognized disorder here in Australia so shegets no help for th... View more

Hi guys, I'm new here and just thought I would jump on and see if anyone else out there is having similar problems. My 10 year old daughter has Sensory processing disorder which is not a recognized disorder here in Australia so shegets no help for that, unspecified anxiety disorder and also now possibly depression. I am not surprised by this given what she has to deal with on a daily basis. She is medicated for her Anxiety which was the hardest decision I ever made, she was on them for 6 months before we weaned her off them to see how she would go. Within a month I could see her mood change and she became withdrawn, I suggested she go back on her medication which she declined. A few weeks ago she broke down and told me she thinks about killing herself and also has thoughts of self harm. She was carrying around something to self-harm with and her brother took it off her because he was scared for her! I had no idea and I feel like shit about it. I forced her back on her medication in hope that it would help, she has been back on them for almost 4 weeks and she is still thinking this way. Our GP has referred us back to the child and adolescent mental health clinic but I don't know how much help she will get there, we have been there before for her Anxiety but they basically told me there is nothing they can do and we were on our own, we are a single income family and seeing private psychologists is really expensive, she needs help and so far we've seen so many people for her other thing's and nobody seems to be able to help her. It just breaks my heart, I hope they can help this time because she desperately needs it. I don't want her to do something silly because that would destroy me and I wouldn't come out the other side. If anyone else has a child in a similar situation and can give me some guidance that would be amazing, I just feel so hopeless. I hope you all have a lovely day!

Worried_step_dad 9yo daughter is experiencing severe anxiety.
  • replies: 11

Hi people. Thought I'd try reach out to others in a similar position, stumbled upon this site whilst researching causes and treatments for anxiety in children. Think it's awesome that our great country has services such as this, and I'm confident tha... View more

Hi people. Thought I'd try reach out to others in a similar position, stumbled upon this site whilst researching causes and treatments for anxiety in children. Think it's awesome that our great country has services such as this, and I'm confident that joining these forums can only benefit my situation and possibly provide some insightful advice from those already dealing with a young child suffering severe anxiety. My step daughter is 9 years old and unfortunately is not coping very well at the moment. I completed the online survey and received a very high score, I have no doubt she is suffering from severe anxiety and needs as much love, reassurance and help possible from me and her mother right now, but a little unsure as to wheather or not we should seek medical advice just yet. Her natural father has never been able to control his anger or emotions in front of her since the separation from her mother over 5 years ago. It has gradually gone from bad to worse to now extreme, and despite my every effort to respect his position as her father, I have supported and helped my partner to recently take out an intervention order against him, and suspend all contact with his daughter. As expected the long term stress experienced, with the current turmoil and fear caused by her own biological fathers actions has sent my step daughter into a wild rollercoaster ride of emotions. I'm trying my very best to provide the love and support required, whilst bearing in mind that I am her step father and have to be very careful how I proceed in providing a full time fathers role to her in his absence. Her mother and I have a 3 year old child together, and are currently planning our marriage whilst also saving a deposit for a house. This whole situation is far from ideal, but despite my best efforts to avoid the inevitable, her father has caused an enormous amount of distress and has placed strain on the whole family, including grandparents and extended loved ones. But we have a very close family unit with good communication and our main concern is the emotion effect it is causing my step daughter. The symptoms of anxiety are all there, and recently she has been complaining of physical chest pains. A late night trip to the emergency department was inconclusive and the doctor believes it's possible stress/anxiety is the cause. We are all very concerned for her health, but not sure how best to treat the situation and proceed. Has anybody here been through similar?

Anon28 My mother is in denial about depression
  • replies: 6

Hi, My mother was diagnosed with depression 6 years ago, and has been on the same dose of medication since then. My whole family has realised alot of signs of her depression getting bad again and i have bought it up that maybe she needs help but she ... View more

Hi, My mother was diagnosed with depression 6 years ago, and has been on the same dose of medication since then. My whole family has realised alot of signs of her depression getting bad again and i have bought it up that maybe she needs help but she is in denial. She gets very defensive and very angry and believes my whole family is selfish. She doesn't see the way she is towards everyone and that she is hurting everyone around her but believes its the other way around and that we are speaking to her badly or are angry at her when we aren't. We all thought we were in the wrong and that we were making her unhappy but realised that we all feel the same and haven't done anything. My question is how do we help her when she doesn't believe she needs it? I know you have to want to help yourself as ive suffered with depression myself. But she strongly believes she is fine when we know she's not. We are all at breaking point. How do we make her realise this isn't how she is meant to feel? That she needs to talk to someone? Everytime its bought up she gets angry but she has never actually spoken to anyone about it apart from taking medication. How do you talk to someone about getting help?

LittleMissCornetto Confused Carer
  • replies: 3

Hello, I wasn't even sure I wanted to post on here but here goes nothing... My partner and I are mid twenties, living together in a tiny bed sit apartment, the reason I'm mentioning our apartment is because we don't have much personal space anymore. ... View more

Hello, I wasn't even sure I wanted to post on here but here goes nothing... My partner and I are mid twenties, living together in a tiny bed sit apartment, the reason I'm mentioning our apartment is because we don't have much personal space anymore. Now, I have been diagnosed and medicated for depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADD for roughly ten years, seeing councillors regularly and my GP and a Psychologist, this works for me and has for most of the time I've been having issues. My partner on the other hand suffers from depression, anxiety,regular suicidal thoughts and ADHD but will not see anyone. He medicates by smoking, drinking energy drinks and playing video games. He has seen a councillor but argued with him as my partner is incredibly stubborn and set in his ways, the councillor ended up dropping him and we called a crisis team and they said they've known my partner for 15 years and because he's not actually done anything to hurt himself (he bought something to help him hurt himself after his councillor dropped him) they could and would do nothing. I guess what I'm asking is, how can I get him motivated to get help, he keeps telling me he 'wants me to find a new man that can take care of me' (I work full time and have the entire relationship, as he doesn't have a mental health care plan in place he has not held down a job for more than a few months before quitting, getting fired or they just stop rostering him). All I want to do is help him, I've been where he is and I got through it with a lot of help. I'm trying to make positive changes in our lives (better food, more exercise etc) but it's difficult when he just doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to die but he isn't sure he has much left in him to keep him alive. I'm just stressed and confused and need some suggestions really, he isn't a lazy person, and he's really sweet and generally a great guy, but he just won't look after his mental health and I don't know what to do anymore.

Sweta Depressed partner left because he doesn't want to hurt me anymore
  • replies: 6

We have been together for almost 5 years but he broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He started showing signs of depression since the end of December, 2018 when his dad moved in with him. His dad's an alcoholic and has been giving him and his family a hard ... View more

We have been together for almost 5 years but he broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He started showing signs of depression since the end of December, 2018 when his dad moved in with him. His dad's an alcoholic and has been giving him and his family a hard time since he was a kid. He moved out to live with his dad but he told me just a day before he was moving out which left me frustrated, lonely and overwhelmed so we would have arguments occasionally, however he was patient with me. His depression started getting bad after a month of moving in with his dad, I initially didn't understand what was going on and would get mad at him whenever he picked a fight with me. I would suggest things to help him but he would take it the wrong way and try to argue instead which frustrated me more. But then he would apologise later for lashing out and I would apologise too. I asked him to move back in with me with his dad and that we would take care of things together and I even offered to help him with his debts. He would say he didn't want to burden me with his problems. He wouldn't sleep or eat and always told he hated everything and everyone and that he didn't care about anything anymore. I tried to be as supportive as I could. We would meet once every week as his dad needed more attention. He started texting me less and I felt ignored which I argued over with him but he mentioned that he didn't want to talk to anyone so I gave him some space and told him to take his time. Things were going okay until he found out his department was closing down and people started getting fired. Fortunately they kept him but he got worse and I told him to look on the bright side that he still has a job but he said he didn't see any worth. He stopped meeting me but came over to surprise me for my birthday and didn't meet until after a month. I tried to be patient with him but at times I would get frustrated too and share my frustrations with him which would trigger him so I tried not to bring it up. He started ignoring my messages 2 weeks before our break up but he would still text his friends. He would just reply with a single word but I stayed patient until I couldn't take it. I confronted him and he broke up with me saying he didn't feel anything and that he was jerk for hurting me. He mentioned getting mad at everyone and not just me and told me to focus my energy on my career and not him but just last week he blamed me for everything. I'm just very confused and keep blaming myself too.

KICKER How do I get help for my wife who has anasognosia
  • replies: 3

Hi all, my wife is probably suffering from anasognoia, which I undertand is akin to a broken brain and hence my wife has no insight into her mental health condition. She has had thsi fror well over 10 years and I have been unable to get help for her,... View more

Hi all, my wife is probably suffering from anasognoia, which I undertand is akin to a broken brain and hence my wife has no insight into her mental health condition. She has had thsi fror well over 10 years and I have been unable to get help for her, depsite her G.P telling her she needs to have a mental health assessment. Naturally, if she doesn't think she has a mental health problem she shall not seek help. My wife, thinks things are happening that are not, such as people spying on her, cameras being installed in the TV and Air Conditioner spying on her, someone living in the roof etc. So it seems as though she may have paranoia including delusions etc, possibly even schizophrenia. Its been pretty difficult living like this for myslelf and my 3 kids. It's really tested my levels of frustration and self control and of coure made life extremmely challenging for my wife. I love her dearly. I recenly discovered a framework for helping someone like my wife, who may suffer from anasognosia, come to receive treatment, via the LEAP institute in USA. I have read their book, "Im not sick, I don't need a Doctor" , which outlines the LEAP process. (Listen reflectively, Empathise, Agree, Partner). Whilst there are some online training tools on their website, mainly videos, and the book is very helpful, I would really love to attend face to face training in this approach. The courses however are only held in USA. Has anyone had experience with this LEAP approach and are there any LEAP trained professionals in Australia, as I understand LEAP also condust train the trainer courses for mental health professionals. Also, are there any other similar approaches that may help my wife come to agree to have tretament even though it is impossible for her to be aware that she has a mental helath issue. Kind regards. Kicker

Bayse Rock and a hard plACe
  • replies: 6

Hi I am new to this so please forgive me it may get a bit lost. I am a friend/partner who is trying to help someone with chronic anxiety. He relys on me being there for him and it really is a lot harder than it sounds. My friend has addictions to alc... View more

Hi I am new to this so please forgive me it may get a bit lost. I am a friend/partner who is trying to help someone with chronic anxiety. He relys on me being there for him and it really is a lot harder than it sounds. My friend has addictions to alcohol and drugs which he is now withdrawaling from and it has created chronic anxiety which is testing me atm. I am trying to understand but like him it doesn't happen overnight. I'm still not sure if our relationship will continue a lot has happened and there is still a fair amount of anger from him towards my family which I struggle to accept. This anxiety is such a roller coaster and there seems to be a lot of blame from him to me, is this normal? He was in jail over Easter and now there is an IVO order to stop family violence, I am trying to help him but when u get constant strikes towards you and your family it's difficult to maintain that help. I have distant myself from him atm but he is now attacking me for not being there to help. Dambed if u do, dambed if u dnt. He has been ordered to attend counselling and other organizations, which he is trying but been shoved aside due to the history I think. He has started with the sessions but has severe attacks and breaks down in a mess, can't handle being in public places which is turning this anxiety into a rage or a blubbering mess. Thank you for listening.

Pgtl Partner in denial about depression
  • replies: 2

Hi all, First time posting so bare with me. I’m reaching out to get some advice on how to respectfully convince my partner (together for almost 10 years with 4 children together) to speak to someone about his depression. It wasn’t always obvious, whe... View more

Hi all, First time posting so bare with me. I’m reaching out to get some advice on how to respectfully convince my partner (together for almost 10 years with 4 children together) to speak to someone about his depression. It wasn’t always obvious, when we met he was romantic, out going, cool and so caring. Our first child he was an amazing father and still is very dedicated but by our third and fourth he has become less hands on or wanting to be involved. I guess I’ve always known that he has ‘issues’ as he had an upbringing no one deserves in my eyes- no steady relationship with his mum, witnessed her be abused, was abused by her, was sent away to his real dad at 17 who he had never met in another country and the only real love he felt I believe was from his grandpa who sadly passed away last year- which is why I think it has reached a point that he NEEDS to get help as it has changed him and it is hurting our family. The problem is that he doesn’t seem to want help or he is too ashamed to speak to someone. I’ve offered to go with him or not if he prefers, I’ve pleaded but he just won’t make the first step. He denies it only when he drinks, which isn’t too much at the moment, is when he opens up and let’s his pain out which always leads back to his childhood. I need him to do something because he becomes this mean person sometimes and is unhappy where he doesn’t want to work and our family is suffering. I have taught myself to be mentally strong and know that when he is snappy or lets out words of frustration (which could be verbal abuse, has never physically abused me) it is a reflection of his own pain but I think to myself if it gets worse what sort of life is this for our family. I get very emotional thinking of the pain he has endured and I want him to get help so he doesn’t hurt us. Any advice from those who have been in this sort of situation is much appreciated. Thank you.

Loolee111 Advice for dealing with depression
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. It comes in waves. I’m not coping well right now. I’m still able to put on a smiling face at work but the weeks are exhausting. I collapse on the weekends and struggle ... View more

Hello, I have suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. It comes in waves. I’m not coping well right now. I’m still able to put on a smiling face at work but the weeks are exhausting. I collapse on the weekends and struggle to get out of bed. I have cut myself off from everyone. I have no social life, no friends and avoid family. I can’t seem to deal with any interaction. I feel like it is all coming to a head and I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a good GP and I’m reluctant to take medication again because it’s a short term solution. Any suggestions would be very welcomed. Louise

Thomas_87 Help with parents that are dealing with severe health issues
  • replies: 1

hey all, decided to stop by as I really dont know where to go and need some help advice on how i can assit my parents who both suffer with mental health. My parents live in adelaide in retirement like centre, I live in Melbourne. My mother has been a... View more

hey all, decided to stop by as I really dont know where to go and need some help advice on how i can assit my parents who both suffer with mental health. My parents live in adelaide in retirement like centre, I live in Melbourne. My mother has been a long term sufferer of depression and anxiety, things have spiked somewhat since a diagnosis of early onset demenetia ( mum is only 67 ) Mum's relationship with my dad is so toxic, she becomes very verbally and emotionally abusive regularly. Accuses my father of doing things or going out of his way to make parts of her life problematic, what complicates things even more is cos of mum's dementia she forgets things and has created some form of alternate reality of how things play out which only exist in her mind. This means dads ability to refute any of the outlandish claims is non existent. Any form of rebuttal instantly turns into mum being verbally abusive and accusatory. Mum spends 80% of her days in bed, she is extremely socially isolated, any attempt to get out or do social activities usually ends up in mum cancelling last minute or accusing dad or FORCING her to do something against her while, which is completely rididuclous. My Dads mental health is suffering significantly because of this, when i speak to him on the phone he sounds so helpless and defeated. He has lost the ability to think independantly for himself.His whole being exists around my mother, what state she will be in when she wakes, what claim or accusation will be levelled at him next and of course taking mum to her many medical appointments. I have talked to dad about looking at putting mum into some form of respite care or getting a carer to help him but he is always resisitent gearing how mum will respond. Must recently out of nowhere she accused dad of making them move from our family home of 40 years into a retirment village, telling dad she did not want to go and he forced her against her will. Now this is so far from the truth its not funny, mum told me and my brothers many times how excited she was about moving and how she loved where she lived now. Im feeling really helpless, it does not help that i live interstate. This has gone on for many years now and I just dont know where it will end. Can somene please give me some advice of that to do. thanks for listening to my story. sorry its very jumbled, im a bit all over the place after a phone call to dad.