Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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How to best help my husband?

replies: 2

Hello, My husband who has been diagonsed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2010, has not been taking his medications. To be fair, the anti pyschotic he was prescibred was not really helping him either, as he still had some episodes (some paranoia, never violent but he gets depressed, anxious and paranoid about family members). We live with his family as I dont have a job yet so cant move out at the moment, He stopped taking his medications in July, and so far he's been okay, albeit withdrawn from the rest of the family besides me. He also feels angry sometimes, a bit irrationally and requires lots of space. While I am understanding enough to give him what he needs (he is a bit off with his mum and dad, doesnt communicate much with them as he feels he doesnt have anything to say to them?), his dad gets impatient. Like he is just like "Why cant he act normal?" Umm because he isnt normal? At the moment my husband isnt seeing a psychiatrist because he doesnt want to be prescribed with medications. He is sweet and loving to me, and loves being with me and is fine as long as I am with him and supporting him. But I just dont know what to do. What can i do to help him? I dont want to appear hostile by suggesting to see a pyschiatrist again, and we are trying to see a psychologist or a therapist to talk to. Somedays he's just spacey and distant, and while I never pressure him to get a job (encourage him to do what he wants to, and focus on his health), his family keep asking me what plans he has for the future. They keep asking me "Has he been good today?" which I find off putting, like him being unwell is him being bad?? His parents are lovely people, but they are not very flexible and get upset whenever my husband isnt acting "normally". Please help. I just want to be able to get a full time job and afford to move both of us out of here, but until then how do I manage? How can i help my husband? Thank you.

Help with my child....

replies: 1

Hi all, like many parents I am going thorough teenage years with 2 girls. My youngest is a pretty happy child and doesn’t give me any problems. however my 16 years old has been having problems for over 2 years now. A couple of years ago she declared to be transgender (from being a girl she thinks she is a boy). As she was having panic attacks I took her to the doctor and then a psychologist. With the psychologist we decided she would wait until the end of high school and if she then was still feeling transgender to do something about it. The psychologist diagnosed her with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. We stopped seeing the psychologist as anyway she wasn’t following the suggestions given. She is very socially awkward (probably due to the fact that she is not comfortable in her skin) and spends all her time at home. She never goes out, doesn’t practice any sport. Even when she bunked school she was still staying home. She spends way too much on social media and YouTube. I feel powerless and angry. I feel resentful towards my husband as him and his family have mental issues. However, my daughter always and only seeks my support. She never goes to her father and expresses her anxieties. Whenever she wants to talk she only comes to me. At least she comes to me, instead of keeping it inside I suppose, but it’s taking a tall on me. I am suspecting that my behaviour is that I want to refuse the reality. I don’t want her to take any medications to change her body, as I know that are side effects. I wish she was more independent and she was like majority of the kids. That she was going out and getting into normal trouble, such as being late. anyway we are going to doctor tomorrow as she is saying she feeling even more unmotivated and depressed....

Teen Son Mental Health

replies: 2

Hi Guys, Firstly please forgive me if this ends up long but would love some tips etc. My 18 yr old son was recently officially diagnosed with anxiety. I too have anxiety so I was not surprised exactly. He was put on medication 2 weeks ago and I am hoping this helps along with continuing to see a psychologist. What I am struggling with in his over analysis of his thoughts and feelings and his constant worry that he is a bad person. It is not unusual for him to check himself with us frequently, for instance, we have been asked; could I be a sociopath, psychopath etc, could this be cancer. He brought up a very normally developmental event from when he was little where he and another child looked at each other without clothes. Both children were of similar age and development and he started worrying if that makes him a sexual predator. This then started his thoughts going crazy about whether it meant he was sick in the head, how do you know mum, does someone just wake up and do this sort of thing? We spend time talking this through and he was like the idea repulses me but Im scared mum do people just snap and do bad things. I made the mistake of talking about my father in law one day snapping - I was referring to his breakdown due to PTSD. My son was like, what do you mean, do you just wake up and lose the plot and hurt people or do bad things. I said no he never did that, he was very sad and couldn't cope after an incident at work. Then with the recent news of the mentally ill person stabbing someone he starting having anxiety saying, mum do mentally ill people just do that, do they wake up one day and lose the plot. He has himself in knots worried he will wake up a bad person one day. He suffered with bad separation anxiety from us when he was about 11 etc whereby we couldn't move the cars around out the front without him panicking to check that we were leaving. He has hypochondria as well. He has always been a bit awkward and we have had this checked in an assessment which didn't identify much else besides anxiety. Thankfully he has a job, he has a psychologist but he has a very small friendship group that are all very 'nerdy' and don't really get out and do much. I just don't know what to do. How to guide him to becoming an independent and healthy adult and to help him stop these runaway worries. Thanks

Hi I’m new here

replies: 2

I’m looking for ways to support my partner who has depression. I don’t want to nag him

My Girlfriend hates her life and it’s destroying me

replies: 1

so these past few months have been mentally some of the worst months of my life, not only have I been super depressed as a result of school-related anxiety etc. my girlfriend has also been crumbling along with me. I’m in year 12, and in 1 month I will be doing my HSC, meaning this is the most frustrating, scary, anxiety-ridden experience of my life, and my girlfriend ( who is in the year below ) is also severely depressed. She has a very busy schedule, and we only get a chance to hang out on weekend nights. As a result of this she is always tired, sad, angry, anxious and so on and so forth. I try my hardest to take care of her; I listen, I care, I suggest, I comfort, but being in the midst of the HSC I’m also struggling and am finding it very hard to cope with everything going on. I’ve thought about ending the relationship, but I love her unimaginably and can’t do it solely because of a few months. Yet everyday, she gets worse and worse, and therefore I get worse and worse. She will tell me almost every night how she hates every aspect of her life, how she hates always being tired, always being sad, and straight up hates herself. I try to help but nothing I do makes her feel any better, she just shrugs it off and gets frustrated with me, hence making me stressed and having to prove my care for her. She’s not a bad person, like at all, but she is making me feel like I am because i can’t help. I’ve told her to try and free up some space; like telling her to maybe drop her dancing classes or soccer because that’s why she’s always tired and never has any time, but she’s been giving the same excuses of “it’s almost over” or “i used to be fine doing them all” for months now. I simply don’t know what to do, and because it’s not getting worse I’m scared she’s going to hurt herself

BPD teenager

replies: 2

Hi I was wondering if there were any particular forums that helped parents with handling the stress and anxiety of raising a BPD teenager? Thanks

Husband has bipolar/depression and won’t seek help

replies: 3

Hi - long post sorry I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years now & was unaware of how serious his mental health issues were until after marriage. He has bipolar depression. He has really low self esteem, no communication skills , & doesn’t think counseling will help. He is on medication daily, but has told me before that he has suicidal thoughts nearly every day. He has in the past , when he was drinking heavily , been verbally abusive and often asked me to end his life for him. We have a 15 m/o who he loves, but he hates my family & I have to make excuses for him not being Around.I don’t expect him to attend all events but I do the same for his family. He can enjoy time with his family and friends but when it comes to mine- he disappears.when I ask him to talk to me about it he won’t,I feel like he is lying. I am very close to my family and this kills me. He also is very tired most of the time, he is on a sleep apnea machine, & if I need help with the baby he flat out just says no he’s too tired. In the past when I was worried he was suicidal I checked his phone once , & found messages to a family member saying how he thinks my family is crazy and how I need therapy - I have actually had counseling after having our baby because his anxiety and depression was feeding into my own anxiety. I am much stronger for it. I am now always checking his phone and he deletes everything mutual friends have messaged me & told me that he has said to them about how my family is crazy, & how I’m the one who needs counseling. When I question as to why he is talking to others & not me he can’t answer me. i feel at a loss. I loved my husband but as I was unaware of this condition until after marriage, I feel stuck. I feel like the person I thought he was - a happy social person who loved being around my friends and family with me - either doesn’t exist or was lying to me this whole time. I have been begging him for the past 5 years to seek help. I had a conversation the other night with him- a hard one , I told him that I need him to understand I can’t continue to be lonely in marriage & this is not what i thought marriage with him would be like. I told him that I loved him but that I have a lot of red flags & if he doesn’t learn how to take care of himself that I would take my daughter and leave. i know that was probably the wrong choice of words & have never threatened leaving before but I’m wondering if I’m wasting my time trying to get him to understand help

How to support boyfriend struggling with stress and depression

replies: 3

Hi Everyone, I am looking at how I can best support my now ex boyfriend who is struggling with depression. We were dating and spending generally every second night together, depending on both of our work situations, recently I could tell that things were not great for him and he wasn't in a great headspace. I knew that work had stressful and his grandmother who is like a second mum has not been well. I would remind him that if and when he was ready to talk j was here to listen. He would respond that he knew that but he wasn't wanting to talk about it as he didn't want to burden me. He was constantly tired and would spend most nights playing games to as he would say distract his mind. The other night he came over and I knew he wasn't in a good way, he sat down and told me that he was breaking up with me as I deserved someone who made me happy and wanted to spend all their free time with me. I told him that despite how he has been recently he does make me happy and that I wanted to be there for him. We spoke some more and he said that he still loved me and that I had been the best girlfriend he had ever had. I suggested a break and he said that what would happen if we got to the end our break and he still felt the same, We agreed to meet for a coffee in a fortnight. When I have spoken to our mutual friends they were shocked that we had broken up and thought we were really good for one another. I don't want to push him away as we got along really well and I believe we could be friends of not in a relationship. I'm struggling as to what to do now, I want to support him through this but I don't know how and I, scared that I'll lose him completely if I push too much. Any ideas or thoughts would be great appreciated.

Can I save our marriage?

replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 10 years and I love him dearly. We moved to Australia 8 years ago and have a beautiful 3 month old baby boy. We live in a isolated rural area, and all our family is in the UK or France. We don’t have much support here. The last 12 months have been so hard.My husband has been living with Major Depressive Disorder and has had episodes of Pyschosis. He also drinks a lot. He has been trialed on many antidepressants some have helped some made it a lot worse.He is now on anti psychotics which he is very ashamed about. His behaviour has been erratic. He had told lies, stolen and cheated whilst at his worse. He continues to tell lies and now I have no idea when he’s being honest and when he’s not and I have a feeling he does not know the difference now. His behaviour indicates that he no longer knows the difference between right and wrong. His behaviour is very risky and when confronted he always breaks down and talks about how he wants to be dead and we would be better off without him. I am struggling. I am bringing up our son with no support. Whilst trying to help my husband.I know it’s not my husbands fault but some days I get so angry with him, he won’t stop drinking even though he knows it makes it worse. He tells so many lies and I feel so hurt our marriage is in tatters. I don’t think he can care about me. If I choose to leave the only place I have to go is the UK I can’t afford to live here on my own with no support . I don’t want to take my son away from my husband. I know it’s not a healthy environment to raise a child in but I really meant my wedding vows and despite all the hurt I don’t want to give up. We were happy for years and I really want that back. I have no idea what to do. Has anyone watched someone go through this and come out the other side ? Or am I just holding on to false hope ?

I’m looking for inhome support after traumatic event newly single mother of 5

replies: 2

Hi I am hoping I can get some information on getting some in home support for myself. I have arranged an in home nanny to be hopefully starting soon to assist with my young children and there daily routines and education and age appropriate activity’s. In all honesty though I can not function I have not been able to get threw my own everyday domestic and household duties which there for holds us back as a family I worry because there is rules for getting help with this service and if I’m not able to keep up my household chores and have educator or nanny to only have to deal with my 2 year old twins needs I will not be able to get the help I’m drowning and need help if anyone knows of service that might be able to help with domestic and management of life after debilitating trauma that would be great thanks new member hoping to get some advice for myself and my family

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

How to best help my husband? replies: 2

Help with my child.... replies: 1

Teen Son Mental Health replies: 2

Hi I’m new here replies: 2

My Girlfriend hates her life and it’s destroying me replies: 1

BPD teenager replies: 2

Husband has bipolar/depression and won’t seek help replies: 3

How to support boyfriend struggling with stress and depression replies: 3

Can I save our marriage? replies: 3

I’m looking for inhome support after traumatic event newly single mother of 5 replies: 2