Rock and a hard plACe

[Bayse]

Hi I am new to this so please forgive me it may get a bit lost. I am a friend/partner who is trying to help someone with chronic anxiety. He relys on me being there for him and it really is a lot harder than it sounds. My friend has addictions to alcohol and drugs which he is now withdrawaling from and it has created chronic anxiety which is testing me atm. I am trying to understand but like him it doesn't happen overnight. I'm still not sure if our relationship will continue a lot has happened and there is still a fair amount of anger from him towards my family which I struggle to accept. This anxiety is such a roller coaster and there seems to be a lot of blame from him to me, is this normal? He was in jail over Easter and now there is an IVO order to stop family violence, I am trying to help him but when u get constant strikes towards you and your family it's difficult to maintain that help. I have distant myself from him atm but he is now attacking me for not being there to help. Dambed if u do, dambed if u dnt. He has been ordered to attend counselling and other organizations, which he is trying but been shoved aside due to the history I think. He has started with the sessions but has severe attacks and breaks down in a mess, can't handle being in public places which is turning this anxiety into a rage or a blubbering mess. Thank you for listening.

[Billyc]

Hi

I can understand what your going through.

its very hard to help someone in his condition. The withdrawal process in itself is a difficult challenge, and if managed it can also be dangerous to his health.

all you can do is tell him that he needs to seek profesuonal help.

There really isn’t a lot more you can do for him.

Thats all I can tell you.

I hope you can manage yourself through this without trying to take on the load for him. You have to be careful about coming across as enabling. Addictions cause erratic and selfish behaviour,

I hope this helps

[Bayse]

Thankyou for your reply and you are spot on with the erratic and selfish behaviour, its difficult when the anger is constantly aimed at me and my family so instead of reacting I am listening but all the same it is pushing me away. He is trying for help but always on me to go with him to the appointments but with the orders in place I am not allowed to encourage it, which angers him but that is his anxiety for you. I do appreciate your response it is nice to know there are others out there to talk to. Much appreciated.

[Billyc]

Hi

Id encourage you to use this forum for your own sanity, there’s some very powerful stories shared by many strangers.. you might even find yourself supporting others.

I wish you all the best and I hope time will help your friend recover and find peace with himself.

best

[Bayse]

Thankyou for your words they are very helpful. I am feeling rather anxious today myself as he goes to court today and I know he will be overwhelmed by his anxiety, he wants me there and very disappointed I am not going to be as I am not required. I went to the movies last night with my sister (he knew I was there) but still managed to contact me like 14 times only to get annoyed because I wasn't accessible for a chat. Its a no win situation. I am trying to move on quietly, he is noticing that I am not around as much as I was, I said I have had enough of all the personal attacks all the time. He still goes on about how I just don't understand the anxiety he is suffering from, I may not really understand this completely, for sure, but its as new to him as it is me still trying to understand. I don't know am I getting this wrong? Am I trying to be to firm, I am not expecting too much and not asking to do anything just going with it. I sat and listened to him talk to me for 5 hours straight one night without saying a word, but as soon as I talked about anything that I felt it came back to my family and personal attacking. That's when I left and never went back, I struggle now to have time for him. I feel I need to tip toe around him and be careful with everything I say, everything I do, I can't go anywhere, if I do he thinks I am cheating on him and that's another road we go down. So mentally challenging for me atm. I know he is challenged as well and I am aware of this but I don't know what else I can do, I am here and willing to listen but he wont listen to me and never has always talks over me so that's when I get annoyed. I am not having a whinge just trying to understand if this is me getting it wrong? am I approaching this wrong or am I just supposed to take it as he is suffering from chronic anxiety? Thanks for reading this just feeling overwhelmed.

[Billyc]

Hi Bayes

Try not to punish yourself over his challenges. It’s not your fault, as I mentioned earlier addictions can cause selfish and erratic behaviour. Part of this can be manipulation, aggressive nature when he doesn’t get what he wants etc

Theres no logic or rational thoughts to his behaviour. So there’s no pint in you getting caught up in it, and if I may say so it sounds like it’s getting to a point where you are being harassed.

he needs to help himself, he needs to find professional help.

My suggestion is start putting yourself first now. I can hear the stress in your thread.

Hope this helps

[Bayse]

Hi Thank u for listening and reading yes it is everything you are saying and I am trying to put myself and my family first now. I certainly can't say I haven't tried as I only gave what I could offer. I have so much appreciation to you for your inspired help it has been great to get feedback from someone outside of all this, you are an amazing person thanking you again.