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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Gypsy70 Husband depressed and angry and I just don't know what else to do
  • replies: 8

Hello My first post. My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years, married for 12 and we have a 7 year old. For as long as I can recall he has had various levels of depression but it has become especially worse in recent years and in parti... View more

Hello My first post. My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years, married for 12 and we have a 7 year old. For as long as I can recall he has had various levels of depression but it has become especially worse in recent years and in particular the last year. He is constantly angry at me and my son, rude and mean. I'm working so hard to keep things going - home life, parenting our son and work (we run a business together.) When he is in a depressive state he says some truly awful things to me and I don't know why I put up with it. I'm just done. I vowed I would do anything to protect my son (who only thinks that daddy is cranky because he is tired). I feel sick and tired of having to be walking around on egg shells and being the "strong" one who has to keep the peace when inside I'm anxious, lonely and sad. I'm sure as you read this you would think that I should just leave but of course it is never that simple. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this today. Therapy perhaps? I just wish that he could say to me "I'm sorry, I'm feeling really bad at the moment, it's not you, it's the depression, just bear with me." I want my husband back. I hate this depression.

YodaB17 New concerned parent
  • replies: 1

Hi. I'm new to this forum and would love some guidance. My teenage son suffers from depression and anxiety and recently started talking about self harm and suicide as he see s no point in living. Won't see his psychiatrist and has stopped attending s... View more

Hi. I'm new to this forum and would love some guidance. My teenage son suffers from depression and anxiety and recently started talking about self harm and suicide as he see s no point in living. Won't see his psychiatrist and has stopped attending school. .any attempt to talk to him about it is met with resistance. worried and don't know how to engage him.

YexM How to support my partner while protecting my mental health, and help him become more emotionally resilient & get him out of negative thought patterns
  • replies: 9

Hi all. My partner and I have been together 6 months and he has been very upfront about suffering from depression and anxiety for most of his life. What I need help with is protecting my own mental health while supporting his. Throughout the relation... View more

Hi all. My partner and I have been together 6 months and he has been very upfront about suffering from depression and anxiety for most of his life. What I need help with is protecting my own mental health while supporting his. Throughout the relationship there has been a lot of push/pull from him. He will say something often not very nice or cruel, which pushes me away. I've been close to ending the relationship over the things he has said because I don't deserve it. Then he says all the right things to draw me back in, it's good for a while and then the cycle repeats. I feel like it's coming from a place of fear, but then another part of me wonders if he's just unsure about the relationship but he tells me this isn't the case. The other thing is he is stuck in constant negative thought patterns, and is holding on to past hurts. I've been supportive in listening and offering suggestions but he can't seem to move forward, and sometimes I feel more like his therapist than his partner, and it feels like we are going over the same things constantly with no improvement. I feel like I'm very understanding and supportive of his difficulties, but if anyone has suggestions I'm all for it. Everything of course has a flow on effect, thoughts in his head at night equals restless sleep equals flat and tired which effects his work-he has a lot of mental health days, which effects his concerns about losing his job because he isn't being effective which leads to worries about financial concerns and on and on. I've no doubt living in his head would be exhausting, and covid and lockdown has made everything worse. I've never been in a relationship like this before and I'm lost as to where I draw the line, because it is effecting my own mental health, happiness and self worth. The upside is he is great at communicating most of the time, he is willing to admit when he has made a mistake and I can see he is trying. I think this is a relationship worth fighting for, and I hope that if we can resolve some of the current problems in his life that will relieve some of the pressure. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Soschott This is just the start of my story but I am seeking hope and support
  • replies: 2

Hi, First time poster here so please be kind, let me share my story with you so you understand why I am here and reaching out for support. So here I go... My 19yo daughter suffers from schizo-affective disorder and I am her biggest support and carer ... View more

Hi, First time poster here so please be kind, let me share my story with you so you understand why I am here and reaching out for support. So here I go... My 19yo daughter suffers from schizo-affective disorder and I am her biggest support and carer as well as being her mum. What is schizo-affective disorder you may ask, well it is a combination of bi-polar and schizophrenia. So in one neat little (or not so neat) bundle she swings from being depressed (at times suicidal) to being manic as well as having psychosis. As her carer, I am utterly exhausted. As her mother I am overwhelmed and emotional as I process all that she is going through. There is so much more to this story but this is just a start. Why am I posting today I hear you ask, well I am reaching out to others in this community who may be in a similar position as I am in need of support but also hope. I need stories of hope that my daughter will come out the other side of this and be able to start living the life she deserves to live. I also need to hear stories of others in a similar position to me, I need to feel that I’m not alone in this journey and that there are others out there that understand what this is like. No judgement, no criticism, just hope, I need to feel some hope that we can get through this in one piece and that life will get better. Thanks for taking the time to read my post

MoonlightShadow13 Zoom connections for my mother
  • replies: 1

Hello everyone, I am looking for connections for my mum in terms of virtual/zoom meetings. She is finding it hard coping with her anxiety and depression and I’ve suggested zoom meetings to help her talk with people in similar circumstances. With ever... View more

Hello everyone, I am looking for connections for my mum in terms of virtual/zoom meetings. She is finding it hard coping with her anxiety and depression and I’ve suggested zoom meetings to help her talk with people in similar circumstances. With everything going on in the world she finds it comforting doing zoom meetings and staying safe so if anyone can point me in the right direction that would be great.

Tracey_B Wife of depressed partner. Need some guidance
  • replies: 4

Hi My husband just got diagnosed with major depression. I'm so lost and confused as to how I support him. At the moment all I feel is frustration and sad that this is happening. Intimacy has dwindled, I feel I need to be in a great mood everyday to t... View more

Hi My husband just got diagnosed with major depression. I'm so lost and confused as to how I support him. At the moment all I feel is frustration and sad that this is happening. Intimacy has dwindled, I feel I need to be in a great mood everyday to try and lift his, I feel I can't rely or lean on him as an equal partner. This all feels so sad. I know what he is going through cannot be helped. He has started taking an antidepressant and is going to see a psychologist soon. But will this get better? Can major depression be reversed or is this us now? Trying to be positive but it's so hard.

Hatim How to help my depressed partner? Please help.
  • replies: 2

So, to understand the situation I guess I should give a bit of context. My partner (woman) and I have been together for a few months now. I have always known that she did have issues with depression and anxiety, but not the extent of it. Recently she... View more

So, to understand the situation I guess I should give a bit of context. My partner (woman) and I have been together for a few months now. I have always known that she did have issues with depression and anxiety, but not the extent of it. Recently she has been getting into these moods where all she wants to do is nothing, feel nothing, and simply not exist. Upon asking her, what is it that would help her feel better? All she says is that she simply wants to feel nothing at all. I'll admit that although I am aware of mental health and how important it is to take care of oneself, I often find myself not knowing what to say to her. Anything I say seems to anger her and make even more upset. A few weeks ago she began seeing a therapist, which is great, but she often tells me that she doesn't want to process anything or work on the issues that the therapist and she discussed and just get to a point where she feels nothing at all, no happiness, sadness, anger, love, fear, nothing. I do not understand how to help her, because anything I say triggers her and makes her more sad. I want to help her, but I don't know how. Any advice would be really great! Thank you Stay safe />H

ChallengingTimes Given it my all and still no sign of light
  • replies: 7

I'm exhausted. As a result of domestic violence, for 10 years I have been a single, self supporting mum of a now 17 yo daughter with PTSD, anxiety and depression and a son with level 2 ASD (Aspergers) now 13. I have given every drop I have to keep my... View more

I'm exhausted. As a result of domestic violence, for 10 years I have been a single, self supporting mum of a now 17 yo daughter with PTSD, anxiety and depression and a son with level 2 ASD (Aspergers) now 13. I have given every drop I have to keep my children in good schools and seeing good specialists (despite me being diagnosed with depression a few years ago as well). But after 10 years of giving it my all I am running out of steam and things have only got more demanding - despite Psychiatrists and Psychologists and medication and support for years, my daughter's depression has progressively increased to a stage that she cant attend school (year 11) most days and my son is hitting puberty and so presenting with a whole new range of challenges. I just feel so deflated, like Ive given it my all only to end up with both kids in an unhappy state and with nothing left in the tank to keep us afloat. I know all the rhetoric, and the importance of self care etc. But just for the time it has taken to belt this out on the laptop, I wanted to tell someone that some days it's really hard for me to keep giving and supporting and seeing no positive outcome. I'll keep doing it of course because there's no option to give up.

Steve_P A letter to my future self 
  • replies: 1

Dear Future Self, I am writing you this letter to share insights and strategies that have empowered me to persist in the face of my mental health and illness. I write with a caring heart that it reaches anyone struggling with their mental health, sup... View more

Dear Future Self, I am writing you this letter to share insights and strategies that have empowered me to persist in the face of my mental health and illness. I write with a caring heart that it reaches anyone struggling with their mental health, supporting a family, friend or colleague or those who just want to offer support to others. Collectively, we have the power to inspire more conversations on this topic and as well learn more about it so that you can adopt or share with the knowledge with others. Firstly, understanding the difference between mental health and mental illness is helpful. Everyone has a mental health, and based on our words, actions and behaviours contributes to whether or not we have good or poor mental health. For example, to making the decision to exercise regularly and eating well everyday. The consequence of having poor mental health can lead to mental illness, such as depression and anxiety. I have both. Similar to this unprecedented pandemic, mental illness does not discriminate on who it chooses and there is a no cure that can fix me overnight. It can happen to anyone at any time. Mental illness does not get cured through time, instead it requires the expertise of medical professionals. All personal and professional life events shape our mental health both consciously and subconsciously. The beast as I like to call it led me down a path from experiencing events that hurt me. From losing a dear friend in high school, becoming the ‘man’ of the house’ in my teenage years, and getting beat down on the tumultuous ride of Mum’s bowel cancer were only a sample of events that were building subconsciously until I couldn't cope with anything anymore. I lost my sense of identity, continually questioning my self-worth, purpose and will. It had crippled my passion for my work in the disability sector where I had to walk away from serving as a Board member for a non for profit organisation that was so dear to my heart. So what does it really feel like?

Desperately_sad_Mum My daughter is psychotic and won’t go to the doctors I’m terrified
  • replies: 2

My daughter is having her 4th psychotic episode. This one has me dead centre as the enemy. Usually we have a good relationship but these episodes have slowly ruined our relationship. She’s angry and manic. She doesn’t think she is ill won’t go to the... View more

My daughter is having her 4th psychotic episode. This one has me dead centre as the enemy. Usually we have a good relationship but these episodes have slowly ruined our relationship. She’s angry and manic. She doesn’t think she is ill won’t go to the hospital, last ambulance visit ended with police, handcuffs, sedated, catheterised and detained...very traumatic, and I need to ring an ambulance again but I am so fearful because of the police being so violent. Why did this ya e to happen to her