Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

TahliaKate I don't know how to help my friend tell his parents about his mental health
  • replies: 2

My friend has recently told me and his partner about his struggle with depression, anxiety and bipolar. We have since encouraged him to see the doctors which he has done. He has been put on some medication but has another appointment coming up. We ar... View more

My friend has recently told me and his partner about his struggle with depression, anxiety and bipolar. We have since encouraged him to see the doctors which he has done. He has been put on some medication but has another appointment coming up. We are left with no idea what to do because he refuses to tell his parents and we found out that he has started to self harm. He has started to be open with us about the extremes of his mental health but we are struggling so much. We have considered telling his parents ourselves however we don't want to break his trust, but that means that have to figure out a way to get him to talk to them. He has told us that he doesn't want to upset his family but we know that they will help him. Please keep in mind that we are only teenagers

Jane1980 Seperate Father of 3 Feeling Guilty
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, My 40 year old brother has been seperate from his wife for nearly 2 years now. They have 3 kids together, & he feels really guilty that they’re now from a “broken home” I received a call for help from him tonight, & found him crying on t... View more

Hi Everyone, My 40 year old brother has been seperate from his wife for nearly 2 years now. They have 3 kids together, & he feels really guilty that they’re now from a “broken home” I received a call for help from him tonight, & found him crying on the couch. He is very “old school” & is heartbroken his marriage ended. Mum & I have tried to explain to him that his kids are healthy & happy, & that it’s very common for parents to seperate, but in his words “it’s Just not right, They should have their mum & dad together” He has the kids 3 nights & 2 dinners a fortnight. We didn’t know at the time, but he’s had depression for over 10 years, & it started coming to light when his kids were born (He had 3 under 5) Unfortunately he took to drinking to help cope & ultimately it was the cause of his marriage breakup. He has a psychiatrist, he did start seeing a psychologist but “didn’t click”. He is completely broken hearted & riddled with guilt, I don’t know who will be able to help him? He doesn’t feel talking to someone will make these feelings go away, & honestly he is just so “broken” I don’t even know if it will help. Is there anything available for men in his situation, or has anyone gone through something similar and come out the other side? I’m so scared that one day he will end his own pain because he just can’t see any light.

Ash_J Suicidal sister
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, My sister has been dealing with anxieties for such a long time. This has gotten worse lately, I believe she is depressed as she takes everything negatively. She cannot let go things that has happened in the past and keeps going around it... View more

Hi everyone, My sister has been dealing with anxieties for such a long time. This has gotten worse lately, I believe she is depressed as she takes everything negatively. She cannot let go things that has happened in the past and keeps going around it. She wants everyone to give her attention, things to go her way, needs sympathy or it triggers her anxiety. This has gotten worse lately, she tried committing suicide last week but posted about it (indirectly) in social media an hour before doing it. Now what does that mean? I’m really confused. I have never dealt with a similar situation and I don’t know how to approach this situation. She doesn’t really talk to me and even if I say anything, she tends to take it negatively. I keep thinking about this a lot and everyone has expectation from me as I’m the one who lives with her. I feel anxious too when I think about it. I’ve advised her that she should seek help and I can come along if you need someone but I don’t think she is willing to seek help. And I’m tired of waking up everyday and thinking about this all over again and again.

Monet_Exchange how to help a depressed partner to move forward
  • replies: 2

I would just like to start of by saying thank you for everyone who is courageous enough to write on here and to everyone who is kind enough to reply. If it wasn't for you all i would not have been able to navigate through my experience. My boyfriend ... View more

I would just like to start of by saying thank you for everyone who is courageous enough to write on here and to everyone who is kind enough to reply. If it wasn't for you all i would not have been able to navigate through my experience. My boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months, 3 good ones and 5 depressed ones. He has never been depressed before and i've never dated anyone with depression. He is a cardiologist who lives with his aunty and uncle, as one of them has a heart condition. He quit work this year to go and look after his dad who is dying of cancer in Italy, however due to the Coronavirus he can't leave the country. After 4 months of failed medication he is now on an antidepressant and seeing a psychologist. He is on his 7th week of the antidepressant and it is working (slowly) i can see a positive difference in communication and thought process. His psychologist thinks he is not getting better as quick as he should be because he is not moving forward with his life. The problem is, is that he doesn't see a change, he still has no energy to get up or even talk on the phone, thinks of himself as useless and due to not working he doesn't have a schedule. He is unable to go back to work due to side effects of the medication. He is well taken care of at home, too well, and he has nowhere to be so he sleeps all day. He is an amazing man with big dreams and accepts he has depression, however i feel he is now comfortable within his depression and his dreams have faded. This concerns me. I understand that everyone who suffers depression has a difference experience. He responds well to me and i think with a gentle nudge i might be able to start the wheel turning. I would like to know what steps a partner can do to slightly push/assist/encourage their depressed partner to want to move forward (eg: exercise,move out, get in a routine, donate his time...ect )

Claire42 All I feel now is resentment
  • replies: 1

My de-facto partner of 3 + years has diagnosed depression, anxiety and OCD. He is so deeply absorbed by his rumination that he barely responds when I talk to him and his presence in the house is like a dark cloud. He never smiles or has anything posi... View more

My de-facto partner of 3 + years has diagnosed depression, anxiety and OCD. He is so deeply absorbed by his rumination that he barely responds when I talk to him and his presence in the house is like a dark cloud. He never smiles or has anything positive to say and frankly it is draining to be around. I was forgiving of his behaviour and supportive of his efforts to seek help for a long time, but he won’t commit to therapy for more than few months and any slight improvements fade over time. Now all I feel is resentment and my solution to protect my own mental health has been to check out of the relationship emotionally. Due to recent financial commitments, I can’t leave right now, but I am considering a long term escape plan. I know this forum is about supporting loved ones, but what happens when you just can’t anymore? I’d love to hear from someone who has been in this place and come back from it? Is it possible?

Kyle961 I’ve got a family member that I’m extremely worried about
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone. Just tonight I caught up with my mum and I’m extremely worried about her mental health as the conversation got very dark as she fell into tears which I’ve never seen her do before and mention that her work has been hell for her as her bo... View more

Hi everyone. Just tonight I caught up with my mum and I’m extremely worried about her mental health as the conversation got very dark as she fell into tears which I’ve never seen her do before and mention that her work has been hell for her as her boss isn’t helping around the workplace and has been very cold towards her and very unorganised and she’s feeling the pressure at work and has effected her behaviour at home. She mention that she has no energy to fight and more and wants to roll over and give up. I’m very worried. What should I do. I know if I recommend a psychiatrist she won’t go as she can be as stubborn as me. Please help as I’m as m concern that it may affect my parent’s marriage P.S. Before anyone’s stresses about me I’m doing good. I’ve got a job under my belt and working full time on a job that I love and I’m moving out in 3 weeks and got close friends to communicate to. Any advice would be appreciated and I wish very one that no ones alone during these difficult times Thank you

SapereAude Homeschooling A Child With A Mental Health Condition
  • replies: 4

Hi all, Just wondering if any of you have children with a mental health condition and you have had to home-school them? Are you able to share any tips on how they can benefit the most from these challenging times? Background:- Miss 7 (grade 1) has AD... View more

Hi all, Just wondering if any of you have children with a mental health condition and you have had to home-school them? Are you able to share any tips on how they can benefit the most from these challenging times? Background:- Miss 7 (grade 1) has ADHD, is on medication but still finds it hard to concentrate. I'm working from home whilst trying to home-school her again so I'd appreciate any tips you can share please. I'm sure there are others in the same boat or similar too. Take care. Thanks in advance.

RCB Guidance needed
  • replies: 1

My husband suffers from anxiety/panic disorder. I have tried to talk to him about the reason (not going to wake up) and I have now realised that this has been a fear for the 11 years I’ve known him. I have suggested seeing someone to discuss the issu... View more

My husband suffers from anxiety/panic disorder. I have tried to talk to him about the reason (not going to wake up) and I have now realised that this has been a fear for the 11 years I’ve known him. I have suggested seeing someone to discuss the issue but get met with “it’s nothing that happened” before. He now doesn’t sleep in bed with me anymore choosing to sleep on the couch as he can have the TV on to sleep - this was all through our relationship but didn’t realise the real reason until recently (we had about 2 years roughly where the TV didn’t have to be on). Hubby refuses to even acknowledge that it could have started from a trauma in younger years. I am now at a loss at what to do. It’s starting to affect my own mental health and I have considered to seek therapy myself. I feel silly though as it’s not my problem and I know that. I just can’t get my head around him not wanting to seek support and not seeing the issue for what the issue it is. It is starting to affect our relationship as I am getting to the point we can’t plan a holiday, we don’t sleep together anymore, I don’t sleep because of the sound of the TV, and I don’t feel I can express my true feelings anymore. I am at a loss of how to help. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated. Note: he is taking anti depressants/sleeping tablets prescribed by docs.

Lou9233 Worried about longterm friend with signs of depression
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, first time on the forums but am really struggling at the moment. I have a long term, best friend who has been showing signs of depression for a while now (where I have tried to support her and suggested ways to get help) and now she has ... View more

Hi everyone, first time on the forums but am really struggling at the moment. I have a long term, best friend who has been showing signs of depression for a while now (where I have tried to support her and suggested ways to get help) and now she has completely cut me out of her life with zero contact. I myself struggle from anxiety so am finding it hard to know what to do next and constantly overthinking things. Should I continue to check in or take this as a sign to distance myself from this friendship because she is not wanting me to send her messages etc? Thanks.

Becando_ Helping Mum
  • replies: 3

Hi Guys, I’m here because yesterday my amazing Mum deliberately harmed herself. She has since been treated in hospital and discharged with some input from the mental health team. She has suffered with amphetamine use for some time, was in a toxic rel... View more

Hi Guys, I’m here because yesterday my amazing Mum deliberately harmed herself. She has since been treated in hospital and discharged with some input from the mental health team. She has suffered with amphetamine use for some time, was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist and ice-addict which has been ‘ending’ for the last 2 years, with AVO’s, arrests, warrants etc, she has recently been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, is struggling financially and told me today that she was assaulted as a child (didn’t want to elaborate except to say she never sought help as a child as she didn't think she would be believed). I have tried everything from having her stay with me, helping her financially, taking time off work/uni to support her, I call her nearly everyday and have got her started with a psychologist, however she didn’t like her and didn’t think it was helping so left. She still feels hopeless about the future which scares the crap out of me! And when I try and explain how much I need her, she brushes me off and says ‘Well it’s gonna happen eventually anyway’. I’m at a loss as to how I can support her anymore and am sure she won’t seek help on her own! i just want my mum back!! Please help!!