Supporting family and friends

Pinned discussions

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

•

15-07-2016

•

41 unread

All discussions

Sorted by:

Start a conversation

Year 12 daughter saved her friend from an attempt and now she has PTSD and can't go to school Trigger warning: suicide attempt

replies: 2

My beautiful caring daughter attended a social gathering at a school friends house. One of the friends hadn't been seen for a while, so they went looking for him. Her and her male friend found the guy mid-suicide attempt. They immediately went to help him while screaming for help. Another guy came running over to help. She said she was panicking. He was very lucky to come around and survive. Had it been a few minutes later he would not be so lucky. Once the boy came round he claims he doesn't remember anything (he had been drinking and is on a strong dose of antidepressants). So the people that were at the gathering decided they would not let their parents, his parents or the school know as they feel he doesn't remember it and he was just being a sad drunk on Valentines Day (as he had broken up with his girlfriend). So they have all gone on as if nothing has happened. By daughter wants them to tell the parents and the school but they don't want her to. She is in a very toxic friendship group with 10 guys and just 1 other female. She is new to the school and this is the only friendship group that would let her sit with them. They boys in the group are misogynistic and her female bestfriend is suffering from a whole lot of issues but loves the attention from the boys in the group so she will always choose the boys over her only female best friend. The guy who tried to commit suicide is attending school and everyone is acting like NOTHING happened. My poor daughter is so traumatised.This friendship group has been toxic for about a year now and this recent experience has made things so much worse. She does not want to go to school and see these people, however she is 3 terms away from finishing Year 12. She is booked in with the GP to get a mental health plan so she can see a psychologist to help process everything that has happened. I want to protect her and keep her away from the toxic friendship group, but she has nowhere else to sit (and these people are in her classes). She doesn't want to spend her school breaks in the library or bathroom. She is tearful at school, needs to ask to go to the bathroom to cry before returning to class. Please HELP me help her?

Desperate Mum

replies: 5

Hi I'm mum of a nearly 36 son who suffers from anxiety and depression. He tells me he manages his feelings by drinking and gambling. Consequently he is in a huge amount of debt. He goes to counselling fortnight at $190 per session and seems to really trust his counsellor, however, I feel he isn't making any progress. I had been helping him financially for some time but since I have recently retired, couldn't see an end, so have withdrawn that support. He has now threatened to quit his job and go on welfare so he doesn't have to service his debts. He refuses to talk to me and will only communicate with texts as he says he can't bear to hear thw hurt and disappointment in my voice. His father and I divorced about 10 years ago. His father also suffers from mental illness and alcoholism. I want to be able to help, but I don't know how and while I can see how unwell he is, I feel that he is manipulating me. I have a very supportive family who all want to help him but he's shut us all out and only approaches us for money.

Helping a friend

replies: 1

hi, I'm jack of hearts my friend has been having a hard time figuring out who they are. They have been using different labels and pronouns for a while now. They come from a homophobic, religious household limiting ways to express themselves the way they want to. I have been trying my best to help them out by giving them advice I have found from the internet (I am aware of how unreliable this could be but it's what I've got) and other people who have gone through this, yet still I am unsuccessful. They also have been under a lot of stress from the way they have been treating themselves and the way others are too. I am genuinely worried for them. I hope it isn't too much to ask but can you guys drop some more tips on how I can help them out.:))

Preparing my husband for inpatient treatment

replies: 19

HELP Preparing for Husband to go to Hospital !! First time poster not sure who to ask for this. Could bother his doctor or the hospital or even my dad who is a psychiatrist but I thought reaching out to people who have first hand experience in this as I doubt my dad usually takes note of what personal effects and how many pairs of socks his patients brought to hospital. My husband is going to hospital to sort out his medication and really get on top of his mental illness instead of limping along on horse tranquillisers and telehealth appointments every few weeks.He is very high function he works in management and does tri's. He is very very unwell with PTSD which developed into a major depressive episode and now also anxiety. he is going in for at least four weeks to Private Clinic in February. My question I want to do all I can to help him and make the stay as comfortable as possible so what do I pack for him ??? SPORT Road bike and indoor training ( his doc is getting permission for from the hospital to set it up to continue his training) Yoga mat Clothing: 3 sets of tracksuits, 3 short sleave PJS, 2 long sleeve PJS , 5 sets of running gear,3 sets of cycling gear, 5 pairs of pants, 7 tshirts, One set of going out stuff, Sneakers, Boots, Slippers ,Thongs/slids 14 sets of sock and underwear I am labelling everything order cute iron on tags Toiletries , normal cologne ,beard wash, beard oil, hair wax, shampoo conditioner, body wash for sport, body wash and lotion ( lush sleepy for evenings) , face cleanser, moisturiser, facial scrub. Beard trimmer hair brush tooth brush tooth paste Room Own pillow, 4 picture frames, body pillow, soft toy models of his dogs Anything else that we can make it more homely ? Personal effects : Photo books of dogs, travel Books of 58 love notes I am having made Books of well wishes from 20 close friends I am compiling Activity books: colouring, dot to dot, maths text book for fun Am I missing anything or does anyone have any tips ?? We live and work 250km away both with super supportive works and friends but i will only be able to visit 3 days a week. Also want to make it as comfortable as possible to give him every chance of success.

supporting from a distance

replies: 21

Hi everyone, I'm new here but am hoping some of you might have some advice for me. My (now ex) boyfriend started showing extreme signs of depression back in October (isolating himself, telling me he could barely get out of bed, etc.), and then in November, when I suspect his seasonal symptoms set in, he cut me off completely for weeks at a time, wouldn't answer my messages (though he would tell me afterwards that he read every one of them). I tried to be supportive when he did reach out, tried to be understanding when he cancelled on me. I myself suffer from depression, though for the most part I have it under control with help from my counselor. I can see so much of what I went through at my lowest in the way he's treating himself now ... very down on himself, won't accept any compliments from me, doesn't smile or laugh much. near the end of November he had an episode where he disassociated from his emotions completely, and he told me I should "leave him alone forever" when I pushed a little to have him seek professional help. It has been 3 weeks since he cut things off completely, telling me he has too much work to do on himself and doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. He thanked me ... I still don't know why ... and he sounded on the edge of tears (I've never seen him cry). I tried reaching out the next day to try and work things out, but he just told me he doesn't want a relationship right now, that I should move on and stop wasting my time with him. I've sent him a supportive message ("You can beat this, and I still care for you") and a link to a blog on depression that I thought could help, but he hasn't answered either of my messages. I deeply love this man, and we clicked on pretty much everything before this. I guess I'm asking, what can I do to support him and show him I'm still here for him. I feel like the breakup had little to do with our relationship and came entirely from his struggle with his mental health recently. He doesn't have any friends or family that he's close to that I could contact .... I'm at a loss for what I could do. I haven't forced a face-to-face meetup since I'm worried it would just push him further away. Help! >,<

Relationships in your 30’s post covid

replies: 1

During 2020 I still held my job, while others did not, which is something to be thankful for however, the workload I put in was in excess to any amounts I did before. I often left my weeks mentally and emotionally drained and when my ‘friends’ did their Friday night catch ups I didn’t have the energy to actively join. When I did I was quite quiet. More observing. I didn’t understand the shows they’d all been watching all the memes they’d all seen or the remote exercise classes they did together. I felt out of the loop. It seems to be something I have not managed to slip back into. I would have rather had no job and still kept up with my friends. I don’t know how to get back where we were and finding myself more and more lonely since last year. Has anyone else experienced the same thing? It’s almost as if friendship circles reduced and some got closer and some are gone forever. Definitely feeling like the latter.

PTSD resources and advice

replies: 1

please help me help my husband Share your most helpful resources and advice please

I'm worried for my friend

replies: 4

Hi everyone. As of someone who has a friend that has harmed themselves multiple times recently, I'm obviously very worried for them and I want to be the best of help that I can be for them. I don't feel like I know what I'm doing a lot of the time and I've always tried to listen to them whenever they want to talk about something as I know it can be good to have someone to talk to in hard times. They have been diagnosed with a few different things like severe depression and OCD and I just wanted to know if anyone knows the best way to help them get through this. I've visited their place but I can't do that with this snap lockdown unfortunately. Would appreciate the advice hugely. Thank you

First trimester extreme anxiety

replies: 2

Hi everyone, I’m almost 10 weeks pregnant and I’ve had a lot going on with life ever since I found out I was pregnant, I had a really stressful year last year and this year was supposed to be my stress free year! But for the past 2 weeks I have been knees deep in sourcing evidence and putting together a huge NCAT submission. Long story short I had a lot of issues arise and damages occur at my last rental and the agent has frozen the bond. I’ve been eating like crap, staying up till 5am trying to get this stuff done. My husband has been a major trigger for me having anxiety attacks because he has a major problem with listening and I’m finding myself wasting more time fixing up his mistakes in the tribunal application rather than getting the work done! I suffer from anxiety and ocd. But since being pregnant my mental health has been so bad, obviously there is the rise in hormones but I’m too the point where I have multiple rage/anger or anxiety attacks a day, I’ve been under a lot of stress for so long and I’m just so so so worried that it will impact my baby, this is my first pregnancy and it’s been so awful I hate not being able to control my emotions but i can’t help but think I am making my baby suffer. I made the mistake of googling “how does stress affect pregnancy” and ever since then I can not stop thinking about weather or not my baby will have behavioural issues or something wrong with it due to my stress and anxiety. In an attack my heart rate rises, I will start to yell or scream end get the urge to throw things I just get so angry my adrenaline is up and I’m just so worried I am hurting the baby, I havnt announced my pregnancy to my family or friends yet because I wanted to wait until the safe zone but I just want to get some advice and speak to someone who’s maybe experienced the same thing? We’re you under chronic stress and anxiety during the first trimester/pregnancy Is your baby okay now? I just need some reassurance. my husband and I do plan to go see a psychologist once the tribunal stuff is done and I hope we can work through the issues we have (he does not listen, or will ignore me and than when I get upset about something all he does is make excuses and defers the blame and that is what triggers me to get so upset and angry) other than that we do have a great relationship is an amazing person! Just need these issues to stop before baby comes

16 year old daughter has depression. Parents need counselling advice.

replies: 4

I am 24 years old and the daughter of this family who is currently seeking help for my youngest sister but my parents need counselling advice. Last week, my dad has taken my youngest daughter to see the GP who has diagnosed her with psychosis, depression and anxiety and need to consult the psychiatrist or councillor soon. After the appointment, my youngest ran away from my dad to consult my dad's friend to contact the police. The police came and negotiated with my dad, me and my sisters and my youngest herself. They came to the conclusion that my youngest also needs help and we should consult mental health services soon. I have called around these services that could help my youngest which all ended with results that were not beneficial for this situation (phone, text and video calls). What my youngest needs right now is home visits from counsellors or nurses to assess the situation. My parents also need advice on what to do for my youngest because they are waiting for her to recover and decide these things on her own but she plans on doing nothing. I need a professional to consult my parents to the right direction and possibly help my little sister with arranging home visits. My youngest is clearly not in the state of mind right now to go out. She has left school for a week and a few days now. My parents are strongly for the decision in pulling her out of school. She does not go anywhere besides coop up at home in her room on her bed just staring at the wall. She has isolated herself from technology completely (her phone is dead and laptop kept away.) To whoever's available out there, I need your help right now. Thank you and yours sincerely, SG

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Year 12 daughter saved her friend from an attempt and now she has PTSD and can't go to school *Trigger warning: suicide attempt* replies: 2

Desperate Mum replies: 5

Helping a friend replies: 1

Preparing my husband for inpatient treatment replies: 19

supporting from a distance replies: 21

Relationships in your 30’s post covid replies: 1

PTSD resources and advice replies: 1

I'm worried for my friend replies: 4

First trimester extreme anxiety replies: 2

16 year old daughter has depression. Parents need counselling advice. replies: 4