Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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BELLE11 Supporting a boyfriend suffering depression long distance
  • replies: 7

Hi Everyone I have just joined and am hoping you can all help me. My boyfriend and I live 1000km apart. We see each other monthly but may only be for a couple of days or a week at the most. We have only been dating for 5 months. We spent an amazing C... View more

Hi Everyone I have just joined and am hoping you can all help me. My boyfriend and I live 1000km apart. We see each other monthly but may only be for a couple of days or a week at the most. We have only been dating for 5 months. We spent an amazing Christmas together and then bang the day after I left he went off the radar for four days. When he eventually returned my calls and texts he said he was depressed and that he is getting help. I am very pleased as I had picked up on some signs and we had spoken about him needing to see a dr. My problem is because we are so far apart it is difficult to gauge how he is feeling. I'm uncertain as to when I should message or call. I have grown up with a mother that suffers from depression and she knows her signals as I do but as he has just been diagnosed and I can't physically see him it makes it so much more difficult. I know sometimes space is needed, I just need to know what I do from so far away.

Time Helping my Husband with Depression
  • replies: 4

Hi Four months ago my husband came to me suffering server anxiety attacks and said that he was struggling with them. I helped him to our GP and he was prescribed medication for this and depression and given a prescription to see a psychologist. This ... View more

Hi Four months ago my husband came to me suffering server anxiety attacks and said that he was struggling with them. I helped him to our GP and he was prescribed medication for this and depression and given a prescription to see a psychologist. This was the beginning of our journey so far. Since then he has made 1 suicide attempt and I'm certain thought about it a lot. He was taking an antidepressant that wasn't working for him then suddenly stopped which resulted in him fainting and feeling awful and he really took a kick with his mental state during this time. It all came to an end when he left home and no one could find him for hours, we ended up calling the police and when we found him he was taken to hospital only to be sent home after being assessed by a psychologist, I feel like the system let him down that night as he came home and told me they did nothing, but tell him to continue taking the AD that he was struggling with. I've since taken him back to our GP and he has agreed to go on another antidepressant however he has decided that in 2 weeks if his symptoms persist he will stop taking them again (getting him back to the GP proves to be difficult). I don't know what to do to help now I don't believe he tells his psychologist the whole story and I feel that we will be back in the same place as the other night before long if he doesn't get the help he needs. I'm struggling with this at the moment however I have a strong network of family and friends (who are also there for him) that have been amazing so far. I just don't know what else I can do I don't want to loose him, for me and our daughter, I can see him screaming for help but so far everything seems lacking.If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

AD91 Advice Needed
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone, New to all this and a first time poster hoping to get some help from anyone who has experienced similar. My girlfriend has recently told me she is suffering from depression. We have been together 2 years and she says she has tried everyt... View more

Hi Everyone, New to all this and a first time poster hoping to get some help from anyone who has experienced similar. My girlfriend has recently told me she is suffering from depression. We have been together 2 years and she says she has tried everything to beat her depression and her only choice now is to break things off with me. She suffered depression a few years before we met but I don't know a great deal about it (we only briefly touched on it). I know when we are together I can see her happiness and I know that we both leave each other very much. I don't know what do, she wants to do this without telling anyone but I do not want her to do this alone. Am I being selfish by trying to keep things going? Is she making this choice because it is the right decision for her? Please help

LisaT Mum of a 16yr old with mental health issues. Hoping to connect with other Mums<object type="cosymantecnisbfw" cotype="cs" id="SILOBFWOBJECTID" style="width: 0px; height: 0px; display: block;"></object>
  • replies: 2

I have a 16 yr old daughter who was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with an eating disorder known as EDNOS, she has self harmed and has excessive scarring on her arms and upper thighs. Her psych is pretty certain that she has borderline personality disorder but ... View more

I have a 16 yr old daughter who was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with an eating disorder known as EDNOS, she has self harmed and has excessive scarring on her arms and upper thighs. Her psych is pretty certain that she has borderline personality disorder but is reluctant to officially diagnose her until she is 18. Five months ago she tried to OD and ended up in hospital for 3 days. It has been very difficult for me to come to terms with what she tried to do. Can anybody relate? I don't know anyone who's teen has mental health issues and there are times when I just wish I could talk to someone who can relate. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU JA X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Blank123 Struggling family -- need advice.
  • replies: 3

800x600 800x600 Hello,I am the youngest member of my family and am seeking some advice on what to do to help my family who are all struggling with my sister's depression. My older sister has been living with anxiety and depression for a little over t... View more

800x600 800x600 Hello,I am the youngest member of my family and am seeking some advice on what to do to help my family who are all struggling with my sister's depression. My older sister has been living with anxiety and depression for a little over three years however she only sought help a few months ago. She has gone through three different doctors and has now been put on medication. She doesn't get up anymore out of bed, despite everyone's best efforts and she rarely speaks to anyone anymore as she finds conversations 'pointless' - much like she has now decided life is.I am a teenager myself and I am seriously struggling. I have no idea how to help her or how to handle this situation as I have tried many different things to help her and encourage her. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";} 800x600 I am seeking advice as I am completely out of my depth and do not know how to help my family who are currently falling apart. My mother and father have both suffered from depression earlier in their lives and I worry for them now too. My mother is so stressed, she is going out of her mind trying to do every possible thing to help my sister, however, she is forgetting to look after herself and is not sleeping and cries a lot of the time. My father has taken a liking to sitting on a computer and not engaging with the family anymore. My sister has maintained a job doing over night shifts and so whenever she is out the house there is a big fight behind her back as we tip toe around her. The nights in my household now consist of screaming fights and tears that occur from the smallest thing. My older sister (the middle child) has become resentful and constantly argues and tells my parents they no longer care for her and that has been forgotten. My family never used to be like this. We are so broken at the moment, we are all trying to cope best we can but it seems impossible at this moment.Everyone is tiptoeing around my sister and her condition because we are afraid of what will happen. I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. I feel like my family is drowning. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif";}

Ahappierlife How to best help my husband
  • replies: 1

Hi, Would like to know how to best approach my husband who I believe is depressed. I would love him to seek some help but how do I tell him this? Many Thanks

Hi, Would like to know how to best approach my husband who I believe is depressed. I would love him to seek some help but how do I tell him this? Many Thanks

SadWifeConcerned So Tired - Anxiety Depressed Hubby
  • replies: 2

For the last 2.5 years I have been doing everything that I can to help my Husband . ..I just feel like he is constantly taking one step forward and two back, I have a 1yo and 4yo and everything is getting harder, it is like I have 3 children and no s... View more

For the last 2.5 years I have been doing everything that I can to help my Husband . ..I just feel like he is constantly taking one step forward and two back, I have a 1yo and 4yo and everything is getting harder, it is like I have 3 children and no support, his Psych (psychologist and psychiatrist) just keep telling me that it will all take time . . .What do I do? If I leave I know that he will self harm again and staying is becoming more and more soul destroying - he is an amazing man and our kids adore him, what right do I have to take him away from them. We are happy some times but then there are the times that I just get so frustrated with him. He only works 3 days a week and cannot on his off days seem to do anything without me nagging him . . .most days he does not get out of bed and on the weekend when he comes to the kids play area hefalls asleep and then I get a look of disappointment when they make noise or scream . . . I just tell him to go back to bed most of the time just to make it easy. The hard thing is that I love him, I want him to be well but his anger is starting to take its toll . . .what do I do?

Jacmac58 Depressed/anxious partner seems to be getting worse.
  • replies: 13

I've posted before, though I feel that my situation hasn't improved, it's gotten worse and I just don't know what to do. Long story short, my partner asked me to move out of our home after a particularly bad fight/breakdown (on his part) about 3 mont... View more

I've posted before, though I feel that my situation hasn't improved, it's gotten worse and I just don't know what to do. Long story short, my partner asked me to move out of our home after a particularly bad fight/breakdown (on his part) about 3 months ago. I did and we are living separately. This isn't what I want, but it wasn't an option. Since moving out he has sort help for depression/anxiety/self esteem issues which is great. Over the last couple of weeks I thought he had been making progress. I haven't seen him much though. He wants to be on his own a lot. I'm trying to come to terms with this. He texted me yesterday morning and let me know he was feeling pretty bad but had made an appointment to see his psychologist that evening. Again, I thought great, he is identifying when he needs support and seeking it. It seemed like a good sign. Later on that night, I texted him, just to say hello, I never ask about his appointments. He didn't respond. A couple of hours later, I texted again to say goodnight and he didn't respond. As he has self harmed before, I was worried, I tried to call him but he had blocked my number. Several hours later he texted back saying he had a bad night with his psychologist and needed to be alone. He said he had been drinking, which he doesn't usually do. We had a short conversation following, which consisted of him telling me he isn't worthy, he is sorry for who he is and that I deserve better. My responses were only to say that I was there for him, I loved him and I believed in him. I wanted to see him tonight but he refuses, he says he can't be around people. I don't know if that is just limited to me Or everyone but it hurts a lot. I know better than to respond negatively as all that achieves is making him feel ashamed and guilty. He's pushing me away. We have gone from seeing each other 1-2 times per week to none. Though he says he loves me, doesn't want to break up etc. having a partner who doesn't want to see you is hard hard work. Are these signs he is worse? Will he getting better? Is he just going to keep pushing me away? What can I do?

Tweedles mum needs advice
  • replies: 4

Hi I have a 16 year old daughter with severe social anxiety, school refusal. We have been to Headspace they sent us on to Mental Health. then 3 weeks in child/adolescent mental health unit , more appointments then they do an assessment on her underst... View more

Hi I have a 16 year old daughter with severe social anxiety, school refusal. We have been to Headspace they sent us on to Mental Health. then 3 weeks in child/adolescent mental health unit , more appointments then they do an assessment on her understanding etc and say there is nothing they can do . She will only talk to me. no friends, no interest in anything, won't leave the house, sleeps to avoid contact, hates being touched or looked at. please, there must be something out there that can help . She sees no one atm .

Lily15 Mum of teenager with depression...need advice
  • replies: 5

Hi, this is the first time I've been involved in any forum. I have a 14 year old son with mild depression. He has seen a councilor and psychiatrist but is no longer seeing either of these. He is a typical teenage boy that doesn't talk much - although... View more

Hi, this is the first time I've been involved in any forum. I have a 14 year old son with mild depression. He has seen a councilor and psychiatrist but is no longer seeing either of these. He is a typical teenage boy that doesn't talk much - although every now and then he does open up. I don't want to be on his back and always ask him how he is, I have made it clear that we - his mum, dad and older brother are always here for him. Day to day life seems to be fine but every now and then he comes home from school and says his day was a bad one and that's all he'll say. I guess I just want to know how other mums handle this? On the one hand, I want to give him his space and let him come to me when he needs to, but that never seems to happen until I ask...and on the other hand I don't want to nag him. After all, we all need our own space. It just gets me down when I see he is unhappy :-(. Thanks for reading...