Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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PTSD and Depression: partners and carers

replies: 1

Today iv found, im not sure where a true physical illness begins or what may just be a symptom. My husband has PTSD and depression. He wont evin make himself a coffee, and today he says hes unwell with a stomach thing and dizzyness. I feed him, try to make him eat, but dont forse, do everything you would for a child minus showering etc. The grimpyness mixed with sad mixed with ill is hard work mentally. Issue's with other people's incompatance, "in his mind" are through the roof. Having him get through a conversation with anyone on the phone "or meeting" without a meltdown of some kind is stressing!! Tell me im not alone? Is anyone else trying to cope with these issue's and moor?

Depressed husband and son, feeling worn out

replies: 2

My husband is depressed, and is currently taking antidepressants...my eldest son (I have 3 kids) has Tourette's syndrome, OCD and ADHD. My other son is free of all of these difficulties, and I also have a little baby girl. Sometimes I feel that between my husband and my eldest son I have to give so much, bend so much and tolerate so much, I am absolutely exhausted by the end of the day and while I love my husband, I do sometimes fantasize about life without him. He works and earns the money and I do appreciate that, of course, but he resents helping around the house, doesn't want to ever go anywhere or take the kids anywhere on weekends...his idea of the perfect weekend would be me and the kids going to stay with my mum in Tasmania so he can play the PS3 all day and night. I feel sorry for him, I know I am high energy and he just isn't, but I just feel so worn out from having to be the mum and the dad on weekends that I do wonder if we're better off apart. We sleep in separate rooms, have done since our youngest baby came along, so we barely connect anymore....help, how do I get him to tune back in to this family and help me with our very needy eldest son? My husband "checked out" a long time ago...how can we reconnect? I don't really think he enjoys being a dad most of the time...he would rather be alone with his PS3!!!!

Bipolar or depression

replies: 1

Hi, my husband I and have been married only 8 months & together for 2 years. He is very possessive of me & wants me all to himself. He is jealous of the time I spend with my 15yr old daughter and is alienating me from family & friends. He has no family in Perth or real friends here and no contact with his own kids. When we met he stopped doing the few activities he was doing and doesn't like the fact that I like to have a life outside of him, he thinks if I'm not with him 24/7 that I am not as devoted to him as he is to me. Lately he has severe mood swings, one minute he is happy & loving & the next negative, aggressive and nasty. We have been for counselling which didn't work as he blames everyone else for the problems we are having. I do love him very much but can't cope with the way he is, we have now separated. He blames my daughter for the separation & doesn't think he needs help. He wants to start again but without anyone else in our lives, that is not reality. He is quite nasty in his attitude towards my daughter, says she is bottom of the food chain, he recently lashed out at one of my friends via messaging. He was abusive and threatening, he hardly knows this person and I don't know why he attacked her. What do I do, do I try again or let him go?

Are we moving forward or not...

replies: 1

Hi. I am living with a partner with depression and anxiety. I feel like his condition really impacts on us and that I can never speak to him about issues in our relationship because it's like he has a golden ticket that he can use to be the reason for everything he does. Even small things get blow so out of proportion if I bring them up, our future is constantly put on hold until he is ready to take a tiny step forward and anytime I ask him about the future he says I'm putting pressure on him... I don't know how I can make myself heard in our relationship because I understand his illness stops him from seeing things clearly. I can't get upset about anything ever, I feel like I can't work towards our future in the way we used to talk about and I'm worried it's never going to happen for us because he's too scared to move forward in anyway. Does the support person for someone with depression often need professional help learning how to live and deal with them? Does anyone else feel like their life is constantly put on hold waiting for them to be ok for a while?

Pushed Away

replies: 1

My loved one has pushed me away. He doesn't want me to help him. I don't even no what to say anymore. I feel like giving up and not even bother because am feeling depressed. He doesn't want me coming over he says he hasn't showered or eaten. I am worried about him. I don't know if I should just so up on the doorstep and just say hey I am worried about you. I am at a loss of what to do. He's lost his life long family home with his parents. What should do any advice would be great...

I Don't know what to do to help my daughter .. any suggestions?

replies: 4

Ever since my daughter was a teenager my husband and I knew she had mental health issues. We took her to many doctors but back in the eighties and nineties Dr's didn't seem to want to acknowledge this problem back then. Our daughter is now 38 and is still suffering. She is a lovely person and a loving Mum but she has more down days than good days and right now her world is falling apart and I do not know how to help. Her marriage is breaking up and she is not handling this at all well. Her house is in chaos, it looks like a bomb has his it and I feel so sick about it. I have tried to talk to her about seeing someone but she sort of shuns off my suggestions. My husband and I work full time and are in our sixties. We do help as much as we can but I was wondering if anyone can please give me some ideas of how we can all cope during this tough time. Thank you for reading

Just not getting through

replies: 3

I suffer with depression and have for many years now. The problem is my daughter is showing all the signs of Depressions, including refusing to accept it and she refuses to see or talk with anyone about it. She is 15yo. i am concerned, her school is concerned and she is becoming impossible to deal with. She knows all the tricks to not do things including refusing to talk with a Pdoc. she now is virtually not doing any school work and they are (this is really bright) considering suspending her, an option that she likes the sound of. Her mother is not in the picture and we have no support around us. To get her to school is a matter of an hour of argument, which is wearing me out. Hellllp anyone? I need to find some way to deal with this. She needs help, but have run out ideas.

12 yr old with anxiety

replies: 4

my 12 yr old son has generalised anxiety, particularly (emitophobia, fear of vomitting), since he was very unwell in hospital with a vomitting virus & dehydrated. he worries about food hygiene & checks use by dates consistantly, & asks re food quality. he doesnt like to be in a big crowd at school in case he gets sick. his psychologist has suggested medication (antidepressent) . Has anyone else experienced a child with anxiety mainly around becoming sick & vomitting?

Bi-polar boyfriend, no danger to me but I need help

replies: 1

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months now, and I knew very early on about his aggressive history of violence due to his bi-polar. He assured me that he has much better control and is no longer a risk to people, and that he'd never physically hurt me. I believed this, and I still do. He has never tried to be controlling or aggressive towards me, and has shown nothing but love and affection. I have endured my own serious mental illnesses, and we've gone through a lot together in such a short time and I'm so grateful for his unconditional love and support. However, he has been under a serious amount of stress lately that's just blind-sided him and is causing him to start cracking a bit. We were having an argument the other day (not uncommon at the moment as I can't always listen to reason), and I began yelling. He responded also with yelling and I obviously just went off and cried. He couldn't stop apologizing, saying he should never have yelled, that I didn't deserve it. We moved on and it was fine, until today (I was mostly in his room until otherwise mentioned). He and his mother have a horrid past together, and they were having a particularly bad argument today. She was mostly over-reacting about small things and was making attacks at him, his sister and me indirectly. Brandon is very protective of us, and will not take negative comments about us or himself well. So he snapped and they were just screaming at each other. I felt it would be awkward if I tried to intervene, but that left my mind when I heard his mother yell about a knife. I raced out of his room to see him standing over his mother with a large knife, to which I told him to stop. He eventually came to, and put it back. I felt so frightened to see someone I love do something like that. We had brief conversation about it today, and the gist is that he just wanted to 'intimidate' her, and had absolutely no intention of hurting her (he's a shit liar so I'd know if that was incorrect). He also said in no circumstance would he ever do that to me, and that it was brought on by whatever emotional abuse his mother gave him when he was young. I need advice because I want to stay with him, but is that stupid? I trust him to not hurt me but how do I help?

Child with anxiety

replies: 2

Hi I have a 12 year old daughter who has anxiety. It started in May when she had some medical issues and missed a lot of school. Those issues were resolved and we've had trouble getting her back to school since. She has been seeing a psychologist for the past 6 weeks but I can't see a much improvement if any. Some days (usually weekends or afternoons) she is in a really good mood and other days she's screaming at me that she doesn't want to live. The psychologist she is seeing doesn't usually work with children but at the time all the child psychologists were booked up for weeks. Should she being seeing a child psychologist? It's starting to affect everyone. She does say she likes the psychologist she's seeing but I want to get her the best help. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

PTSD and Depression: partners and carers replies: 1

Depressed husband and son, feeling worn out replies: 2

Bipolar or depression replies: 1

Are we moving forward or not... replies: 1

Pushed Away replies: 1

I Don't know what to do to help my daughter .. any suggestions? replies: 4

Just not getting through replies: 3

12 yr old with anxiety replies: 4

Bi-polar boyfriend, no danger to me but I need help replies: 1

Child with anxiety replies: 2