Help

[Waxer]

Hi, I've been married for 36 years, I absolutely worship my wife. 3 years ago we allowed a other man I to our lives. We had a relationship that I found it exciting to watch my wife pleasured etc. Well at first it was all fun. After a while I noticed my wife changing. She started getting frustrated and shirt with me. I was too stupid to realise she had fallen in love with this other man. One day we were driving up north and she told me a big list of things I did wrong. I still didnt get it. Once we arrived we had an argument and she told me she wssnt in love with me any more but was in love with this other man. I begged her to stay with me and she did. She told me she would try in our marriage but refused to give him up. In short over the next few years she told me another 4 times she was in love with him. She also told me a number of times she would choose him over me if I made her choose. These days she tells me she loves me and isbt in love with him and it's just friendship. She cant understand why I cant just forgive and move on. Ive got depression and something like ptsd. I cant live without her, but I can see shes getting to the point of bot wanting me to stay because she cant deal with my meltdowns when I get bouts of depression. I dont know what to do. I seriously wish I would just have a heart attack and die, trouble is I believe in afterlife and csnt bear the thought of going thru eternity without her love. She tells me she loves me yet Katy night said if I have one more meltdown that will be it. I'm seriously thinking of committing suicide but if i fail she will lose all her li e for me and I'll be alive without her love, if i succeed i gotta go through eternity without her. I love her so much, I'm totally in love with her , every time I hear her voice or see her I melt. I dont know what to do

[Waxer]

I'm alone tonight I stay one night per week in Sydney o haven't been working since November, so its scary tonight as even though my angel promised not to, I'm worried he might stay the night, I caught them once before. I'm really done cause i was going to buy her a little sports car we had our eye on, I rang to tell the owner but they sold it today, I'm so down cause I wanted to surprise her, she will be fine about it, she's not materialistic but she will be disappointed and I really wanted to do this for her, I'm going to take an extra medication tonight (dr said I could) cause I'm really depressed about it, ever since this started the slightest setback sends me into a deep hole

[Croix]

Dear Waxer~

Yes being alone with worry and disappointment can be very hard. The mind keeps circling back to the worst possibilities, I guess that is the nature of anxiety.

I know you plan on taking extra meds as your doctor said, however is there anything else you can do to take you mind off things? A movie on TV perhaps or a audio book on the internet??

Croix

[Waxer]

Thanks croix, I managed to get to sleep without extra meds I'm hoping for a better day. It's been a huge help being able to vent here as I can't talk to anybody else

[Croix]

Dear Waxer~

We are glad to be here for you, even if only to listen.

Getting to sleep without extra meds sounds like a bit of a win!

Croix

[Waxer]

The dark feelings are getting better. Being able to chat here possibly saved my life. Things are still good with my angel, I hope to one day become the strong happy person I was

[Waxer]

Struggling again, but not feeling suicidal so I guess its progress. My daughter has a new son. And my beautiful granddaughter is really giving my daughter a hard time. She got post natal last time and now she has it again. My wife is travelling down to stay a while to help her, and her old anger snaps with me are back. I'm handling it ok I guess, but I know I'm not well still. The good news is she's telling me she doesnt mean it she's just stressed which at least she knows she's doing it, before she was gaslighting me. I thought I was getting better , but now with this new stress I'm shaking and jump through the roof at any tiny unexpected sounds more again Am I always going to have mental illness now? Is it something can be cured or an I doomed to not being able to handle stress anymore, I don't know how I'm going to handle when my dad goes,

[smallwolf]

Hi Waxer,

Mental illness and stress... Can I ask you what tools or techniques you have for dealing with stress? Before I started to see a psychologist I literally had none. When I came to the forums here I found threads on grounding and mindfulness - things to take our minds from the negative thoughts and get back to the present moment. And that can also help with the mental illness. Your question about how long... I wish I could answer that for myself. These days I think if it as a never ending journey. It may go at some point. Better than feeling like I will reset when things go bad. I now use analogies of the story of Monkey, and a journey up a mountain. If you are interested I can tell you about these.

Tim

[Waxer]

Sure, I'd like to hear. Thing is, just as I start feeling better cause my angel is starting to love me again, I realise I'm still not mentally well as I fall apart in my head under any stress. That's really bad as she told me I'm on my last meltdown chance and I'm terrified that I might meltdown. In answer to your question, I've had counselling sessions, marriage counsellor and a session with a psychiatrist that was a waste of time. Croix had some great ideas but so much has been happening with my father in law dying, funeral etc., my dad close to dying as well, my cousin in law fighting a losing battle with cancer , my daughter struggling with post natal depression, my sisters being total B's with no allowances or understanding, I'm struggling with friends and family dying , I just haven't had time to try other stuff while I hang on to the love of my life by a thread

[Croix]

Dear Waxer~

I'm glad Tim is here and can offer some techniques, he gives good advice and his techniques can be a help.

You wondered if you were always going to be this way, very prone to react to poor situations. The best answer I can give you is I have improved out of sight, and now while there are some occasions that cause me difficulties I'm OK most of the time.

While I can understand your not feeling there is time to do things to improve your ability to cope, if you cast your mind around, is there anything small you can think of that you can do? A little bit of time for somethng you can enjoy and look forward to mages a difference.

Croix

[smallwolf]

In the 80s there was a TV show called Monkey. It is based on the book called (I think) Journey to the West. Anyway Monkey, Pigsy, Sandy would accompany a monk to undertake a pilgrimage from China to India to fetch holy scriptures. In each show, they would get to some village along the way, help the people, typically fighting some sort of demon and the then moving. There would typically be some sort of lesson in the show as well. To me it was a never ending story (I never got to see the end of the show to know how they went or whether they made it to the end. There were ups and down, happy moment and sad. etc. And perhaps in the end it all worked out (at least in each episode).

What has any of this got to do with me (or you)?

I see my life as a similar journey - there will be good days and bad days, days when you are happy, days that seem to go on forever. Rather than looking at how far you are from your goal, to look at how far you have come, what you have conquered, made it through.

In relation to what is happening to friends and family - you sounds like a caring and compassionate person, looking after parents, daughter, and friends.TThere is also the other stuff from your initial posts. So if I said it sounds as though you are going through a lot at the moment, no wonder you would be feeling overwhelmed.

If you permit me, I could ask you some questions -

1. have you been able to talk to anyone about your relationship with you dad and father-in-law? how about your friend with cancer?

2. your daughter's partner? is he able to help your daughter with things around the home?

3. has your daughter spoken to PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression (PANDA) Helpline on 1300 726 306?

Like other mental illnesses, PND is not so uncommon and not talked about. Yet talking to someone can be helpful. Or joining a support group. Make sure you look after yourself also. You can also call the PANDA National Helpline on 1300 726 306.

Tim