Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Exhausted... finding strength to move forward

replies: 4

I don't expect this post to result in miracle advice that makes everything better, but I hope it finds a community of people with similar pain. I wake up every day full of anxiety/panic and I want to kill myself. A parent committed suicide when I was growing up, and at various low points in life, I've considered suicide. I'm in my 40s and a well-educated professional. But several years ago, my first wife left me. I feel into a deep depression that significantly impacted my work performance (despite therapy and meds). I also remarried into an unhealthy relationship. And I was binge drinking on weekends/holidays. A few years ago, I was fired from my job of many years and my second wife left me. I guess I hit the F-it button and survived a couple years exhausting my savings. Once I ran out of money, I thought I would just kill myself. The primary thing that's held me back is the pain it would cause the few family members I have left. In the past couple years, I've taken some positive steps and am trying to start working again. I'm also living a healthier lifestyle and drink infrequently. But I'm unemployed, in debt, alone, full of regret and my professional confidence is shot. Hence, waking up in anxiety/panic and wanting to just end my own suffering. I just don't know if I have the emotional energy to pull myself out of this hole. So if you've had similar thoughts, know you're not alone. And please let me know if you've found any helpful strategies that keep you moving forward despite all the pain and regret.

Anxiety that has affected my work performance

replies: 2

I have been suspended from work under investigation for poor performance . It has esculated my existing anxiety and feelings of self harm

Been dealing with Depression and self-harm, but am really struggling.

replies: 2

Hi my name is Juliet. I've known for a while that I've been depressed, I just always feel sad and tired and am over everything. That's why I started self-harming, luckily I got out of that phase and started to feel okay again. But since my life is messed up I'm now scared I'm going to start falling back into it. No one really knows about what's been happening, as I haven't talked to any person, my friends etc don't see the signs as I know I'm pretty good at hiding it. The thing that helped me get out of my 'slump' was my cat. He always listened and It's like he knew when I wanted to self-harm because he'd come up and nudge me and distract me. He made me so happy and even though he is was my younger sister's, he helped me so much, he was like a support cat if anything. Two weeks ago he was in an accident and went into cardiac arrest during surgery. I miss him so much and I feel like without him I'm not going to be able to distract myself. I can't pinpoint where the sadness that just hangs over me for the last few months comes from but it's just always there and my cat just helped let the sun peek through sometimes. So now I'm getting self-harm thoughts again and I'm scared because he won't be there to help. My parents don't understand shit and they just yell at me when I do bad at school, and they're relatively good parents but there are just some aspects when it comes to my mental health that they don't understand. For example, they think having a phone is going to make me end my life but It helps me distract myself and I always feel comforted knowing that if I have a breakdown or I hurt myself badly that I can get help. Now they've decided to lock my phone up at night and I'm scared I wont be able to get help. I'm sorry but I don't really know what I wanted to get out of this, I just needed somewhere to talk to people. Has anyone got any tips about any of the things mentioned???

Why it becomes a real option

replies: 3

Don't know why I'm writing this. I just wanted to say that after a suicide attempt in my 20s I am really thinking about it again now in my 50s and basically it boils down to the fact that I have tried for so many years with different therapists, medications, biofeedback, (even venting on BB) and in the end none of it has helped me. I know some people get results from therapy and meds and thats great for them but I think I am far from being alone in finding zero benefit from the thousands of dollars and draining discussions I have had over nearly 2 decades of treatment. I keep looking up local psychologists and wondering if it is worth trying again but I just do not believe there is any point because I have tried so many times before. When your life is getting up early because of chronic pain and/or worry, doing a job that has some good points but plenty of stress, then coming home to my empty flat and empty life that has never ever included love, intimacy or companionship, eat food, watch crap TV then try to go to sleep if my anxiety would just let me and then have the usual array of unpleasant and nightmarish dreams, only to do it all again next day and forever.... well, then the ugly option of suicide starts to look perfectly rational. As I said, I'm not in danger right now but I am so anxious and angry at several issues in my life right now and when I feel like I want to seek help but have nothing but resentful feelings towards the system that has failed to help me in the past I just stop trying and feel stuck again. I have spent my entire life in a miserable rut and my head is so locked up and broken that I just don't believe I can escape it. I just hate myself so much and cannot stand being in my own skin. I hope I never kill myself but I guess at least my complete inability to allow anyone close enough to love me means I won't really end up upsetting too many people. Apologies for the wallowing self pity. I can't sleep so this is what I end up doing. What a stupid pointless thing to do. So sorry for this negative crap, I don't want to drag others down.

Serious Question

replies: 5

Hello everyone. I am a first time poster. My anxiety has been building for months now and my medication does not seem to be working and the past week I have had the overwhelming urge to self harm which happened last night I have not done this for maybe 6yrs! when I did the act it wasnt the pain that eased my anxiety but the end result i.e. seeing the harm. My question is this: Is this why people harm themselves? is it the pain or the end result which eases your anxiety? I remember a Psychologist telling me that it was the pain that usually eased the anxiety. Would love to hear your thoughts. I am safe and under care at the moment but I am also in hotel quarantine which isnt helping.

The inVISIBLE illness

replies: 4

My hands are shaking and my chest is tying itself into a knot - I'm not sure if this is because I'm in yet another episode or I feel like a shift is coming being welcomed in to this world. A world I thought I was alone in. It's tragically beautiful - seeing so many likeminded souls. I don't know why I have always been so apprehensive of this sort of thing. (forums/groups etc). I have a wonderful supportive fiancé, a dachshund and an Irish wolfhound, an amazing (slightly dysfunctional) family. I am caring, loving, a good listener and very positive, friendly person in my social world. I am currently at the end stage of building a first home with my partner in a beautiful neighbourhood. I have suffered depression since the age of 12. A car accident that damaged my shoulder, leaving me with chronic pain and migraines and PTSD. Anxiety was new at 22. Drug and Alcohol abuse at it's peak at 25. Diagnosis of ME/CFS (Chronic fatigue syndrome) and IBS at 27. I am freshly 28. I'm in a depressive/CFS episode - who knows, sometimes i cannot distinguish the two. I haven't worked in two years - unable to control my physical and mental health long enough to keep a job. Before I left my job of 6 years, I attempted my life. I have been hospitalised 3 times for this. Once last year, once in 2018 and once at 16. I am an incredibly lucky soul to have not been successful in these attempts. This reminds me to add this to my gratitude list later. I regularly see my GP, Psychologist and Psychiatrist but outside of this i try to manage a very unsuccessful routine of sleeping well, meditation, yoga, eating well and journalling. This comes crashing down in an episode and becomes too heartbreaking to start the process again. But i will. Because that is this weird and wonderful journey we have been given, isn't it? I am struggling coming to terms with this not so 'invisible' illness. Coming to terms with having this for the rest of my life. Lacking quality of life it feels like. Worrying if I'll be well enough to work again, have a child, be part of a friends group. Do you ever get like that? Frankie the dashie is looking at me like I am the centre of his Universe. Today is feeling better then yesterday, maybe tomorrow might just be that bit better again?!

Everything feels insurmountable

replies: 2

Hello, Everything feels insurmountable. I'm really not sure how to adult and be responsible. I used to be, I think? As I was growing up, I coulda sworn I was driven and determined and wanted to succeed in life. Then I got 2020'd as did most, but prior to that, since 2017, I had really been struggling. And I wasn't alone. I shared these struggles with my closest, best friend of a girlfriend. She eventually became the mother to my current 3 month old son. Now, I'm not sure if post-natal depression is playing some big role in all of this, but what I had in mind going into all of this, for months and months, was that I would be a loving, nurturing dad 24/7 for my son. Instead, I live trapped in this rather ridiculous situation where I must visit my son as though he were like a library check-out system or as though I were visiting someone in prison. While I am not directly blaming the mother for these issues, I cannot deny that it is rough for me, personally. I am really not dealing with this situation well and it is badly effecting me in more ways than one. Currently I am in debt to Centrelink, because apparently they paid me too much? Idk how that's my fault/problem? On top of that, my bank is in the negative and I've missed 3 weeks of work due to basically everything feeling completely overwhelming and bullshit and unfair and my god why should I even bother posting this... Did I bring all of this on myself? Do I deserve this? Did I kick a puppy in my past life or something? I feel useless and trash at life... How and why do I let so many other people control my life? Yeah I probably sound crazy at this point with the minimal amount of context... Sorry. Honestly, I don't really know what to do and have seriously lacked guidance after high school so many years ago. I don't know what I'm doing and I have no idea how to get myself out of this hole that I basically dug myself. Please help.

I feel worthless no matter what I do

replies: 5

I've tried therapy and medication. I'm at a loss at what to do with myself. I work on projects or hobbies to try and distract myself but even then I feel nothing. I don't enjoy anything. I can spend hours working on something and can't feel proud about it. Even at work, it feels like I don't deserve the money I receive. Every morning I wake up wishing I was dead. When I look in the mirror I want to smash it. I hate that ugly person looking back at me. I hate everything about my appearance and who I am. The only time I feel okay is when I'm living vicariously through others. I socialise to distract myself. The second I'm alone it all comes back. I wonder why people even put up with me. Is it out of pity? Is it because they don't know any better? Half the time I'm counting down how soon it'll be before they finally realise how worthless I am and leave me. Sometimes I wish they would. That way it'd be easier for me to off myself. And no one knows this is how I feel. I keep up a happy façade and act like I'm okay. I'm too scared to tell anyone how I actually feel, I don't want them to leave me. I tried telling my mum - she told me I was ungrateful, an attention seeker. A loser. She said I'm unfixable and it's pointless trying to get better. I don't want to live anymore but I'm too scared to try again. But I'm so tired of being alive and feeling awful all the time. What do I do? I've tried everything I can. I've asked for help, I've gotten on medication. What else is there to do? I really don't know what to do anymore.

All consuming.... so tired, so drained, so empty.....

replies: 5

I'm so tired of fighting this darkness. I've been on medication for depression for over 20 years - I've had my flare ups but always managed to live a relatively "normal" and happy life. The last few years have been a different story though, it's the other way round. I'm tired, I'm drained, I'm empty - I've had enough. I have had therapy, been to group therapy sessions (CBT), had 2 stints in a mental health clinic but these are just bandaids. I want out.... I want peace.

Suicidal idealation

replies: 78

The suicidal thoughts are non stop. I have come close to death several times, which was scary but not scary enough to stop me from doing it again. I self harm because I think that's a better alternative than another attempt. I've been stuck in this p... View more

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Exhausted... finding strength to move forward replies: 4

Anxiety that has affected my work performance replies: 2

Been dealing with Depression and self-harm, but am really struggling. replies: 2

Why it becomes a real option replies: 3

Serious Question replies: 5

The inVISIBLE illness replies: 4

Everything feels insurmountable replies: 2

I feel worthless no matter what I do replies: 5

All consuming.... so tired, so drained, so empty..... replies: 5

Suicidal idealation replies: 78