Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section

replies: 0

Hi there, Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm section of the Beyond Blue Forums. Life gets pretty hard sometimes, and many people here on the Forums have had times where they have thought about harming themselves or ending their life. This can be a deeply distressing experience, and this section is here to support members who have had these experiences. This section is not a crisis support service. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these Forums. Please call: Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (24/7) Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7) If it is an emergency, contact emergency services on 000. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for support and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of the Forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. If after a period of time you no longer wish others to engage in the discussion you have started, please use the 'Report Post' button and request the discussion be locked to prevent any further replies. Thank you for being here, we're glad you're here. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

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Posted in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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a week ago

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

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Want To Leave This Place

replies: 6

Two nights ago I was dropped off at the hospital by my friend. I was having a very unhappy night (which has been a regular occurrence for months now). I had been at home by myself for three nights, and I was very distressed and lonely. I ended up drinking half a bottle of vodka... I also self-harmed. I ended up messaging my friend, telling her I wanted to go to the hospital. She got one of our friend's to come round and pick me up. When they arrived, I was lying down on the floor in the lounge room. My friend drove me to the hospital. After waiting for four hours, I needed to rush to the toilet, as I started feeling like I needed to throw up all of a sudden. I knelt over the toilet, needing to vomit, but nothing was coming out, and I couldn't regurgitate or anything.... so I sat down on the toilet, then after a few moments, I started to rapidly overheat. I was so hot that I started to quickly strip off my clothes (my two jumpers). I wanted to take my t-shirt and pants off too, because I was so hot, but I couldn't because I was in hospital. At this point, I was excessively sweating and felt really faint and dizzy. All of a sudden, I could feel this intense feeling, I could feel my ears losing their hearing (fading away), and it felt like my entire body and nervous system was fading away/about to shut down. Three nurses rushed in to help me... The exact same thing happened to me again after I was finally taken through into the hospital... After having blood test taken, I felt the same thing and started rapidly overheating, but this time it was 10 times more intense. I had to get back onto the floor and sit up against the wall. I felt so sick that I was making physical noises of pain and discomfort. Since that night, I have self harmed, and had urges to admit myself back into hospital.

BPD

replies: 3

Hi there, I don't like doing this but its about time I did. I've going through this since I was young. To be honest I have so much I want to achieve but terrible flash backs comes into my head when I try something new. Either ends being in the ED, ward or dropping out on the first day. I'm currently working but my hours has been drastically reduce. Part of the blame is me, so company is made these decision upon my safety and others. Looking for another to make more income and pay for my bills and but I'm a workaholic. If I don't work I'm my mood is constant battle. I don't have much going on right now. Currently my partner is away, its been a few months so everything has changed and its back to my old habits. He understand my conditions but I feel guilty because he doesn't deserve this or keep taking care of me. Needs to live his life and achieve his goals without me stopping. I'm absolutely grateful for the day we met till now. No one stay by my side because I know for the fact is was intense and scary for them. My first love now my ex bf his mom took him away from me because she didn't approve I was suffering from mental health. I understand she lost her son years ago, but I would never hurt him and I promised her and tried to prove to her I care for him with all my heart. The day I was released from the ward and came back from holiday he instantly broke up with him. He shattered my heart and I became depress and made bad decision. I spent in the ward for a month while he was on holiday. My family visited me everyday but I wasn't myself that time. Over the years I've posted disturbing post on social media so I can make people feel the my pain but it was pleasure for me. I know it's wrong but it made me happy. I know I'm an attention seeker , I know my moods are bad. I try to change but same time I don't want too. My older sister suffers from a disability so over the years I keep thinking what the future will hold. I know I scared my little sister over the years as she grows and watch me struggle. I'm trying to be a better role model. But I keep going back and up. I'm constantly feeling lonely, depress, weird, ok, happy. My thoughts are horrible and I start to laugh at it. I have 2 dogs their my best friends but sometimes I don't care at all. I know there's a lot that I'm saying here, but I just want myself back. Overall I'm financially struggling, depress, suicide thoughts, self harm, destructive and selfish. Thank you for listening and reading this

I hate myself and really can’t see a point

replies: 10

Everyone always says the same crap. It’s all lies and I honestly do not see any future…but I won’t kill myself, it causes people too much upheaval dealing with that and that’s not fair. I feel like I have failed everything and have nope I can truly rely on. I am a loathe-some overly serious person that eventually everyone gets tired of. I wasn’t always like this but now it’s layer upon layer so I think this is how I will always be. I don’t trust medication so I don’t see that as an option either. so I will wait out my days.

Feeling alone and made a big mistake moving here

replies: 3

Hi, I'm new here. I've just moved interstate and feeling alone more than ever. Not supported and feel as though I've made a huge mistake. Thoughts of taking my life keep swirling around my head. I'm doing and trying my best but just not good enough. View more

I feel so alone

replies: 7

Not really sure how to write this or how to explain how I feel so I apologise in advance. I'm a 22 year old uni student who is struggling with some of the worst stress and anxiety I have ever experienced. I'm not a very emotional person, I have always struggled with my mental health and have had prior diagnoses of depression and social anxiety that I heavily internalise. But as of recent I just feel so helpless and alone, like I have hit my lowest, I can't sleep properly, I am not eating, and just don't feel like I want to be here any longer. I am not sure what's wrong with me, I struggle to maintain relationships with people which makes me feel so alone. I don't think I am a bad guy, I try my hardest for everyone who means anything to me and it just never feels good enough, I just want to feel like people care about me. I lack friendships or circles where I feel welcomed and I really wonder sometimes if people would even notice if one day I just disappeared. I have recently tried to seek help through the campus doctor and have booked myself into see a counsellor but I am just not sure talking is going to help. I could yell and feel like no one would hear me, I have overwhelming thoughts of suicide and feel like a prisoner in my own mind, trapped my by own self doubt and like nothing will ever work out. I worry about university, I worry about the people around me leaving me and I worry about being in this state forever, it's unbearable and I am kinda at the end of my rope. Recently I started seeing a girl at university and as much as I care about her I just don't feel it's going to work, we both care but the age gap for her (31) is too much and no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I care it just wont be enough and it eats me alive. I keep asking is it worth being so upset over this girl, but no matter what I can't get her off my mind. But I feel like this has been a major blow to any self esteem I had left, I care about her so much and once again it's just not good enough... I worry so much about my university marks in this bridging program and failing to achieve the degree I am after too.. I just can't focus, I try so hard to achieve the best I can and I feel like everything on my mind is stopping me from being the best I can be. If I don't make it then I think it might just be the final straw. I'm sorry to whoever reads this.. this is kind of all over the place and probably just seems like nonsense, im not good at this.

Venting, i guess?

replies: 4

I'm really struggling at the moment and I don't know how to tell my parents I've been having some thoughts of suicide and self-harm. I struggle from social anxiety and depression, and it gets worse at specific times of the year. It's coming up to the 3-year anniversary of my best friends' death. he died from a suicide attempt when I was in year 9, I'm in year 12 now. He died a week before my birthday. I hadn't seen him since we were 6, and now I can't ever see him apart from my nightmares. I hate him so much for doing this to me but at the same time I miss him so much and wish he would message me one day saying it was all just a joke. Just a horrible, twisted joke. I still lay awake at night, wondering whether it was my fault. I could have stopped him, or done something more to help him. I blame myself every day and I hate myself more and more for it. I don't know what to do any more and I don't know whether I'll make it to my graduation. The medications aren't working and I just want to die. I hate everything about me and I wish I was never born. I know I won't do anything because I'm too scared to leave my parents. But I need someone to talk to. Someone who understands me, because my parents don't. I'm losing interest in everything I once loved; hockey, cooking, writing, singing, knitting. My parents don't even recognize me any more and it's killing them. They want their daughter back, but I just want to die.

Life is really really hard 😃🗿

replies: 5

Lol. Life is hard. And school is hard. And sexuality is hard. And my parents are mean. And I haven’t spoken to my friends really in 3 months. And I haven’t spoken to my sister in 6 montys lol My therapist want to put me on depression meds. My mum doesn’t even think my therapy is working. I can’t talk to anyone. I hate my school. I just relapse after being clean for 12 days. life is really hard you guys.

I'm New here, could someone please help me?

replies: 3

Hi, I'm new here. Just over a year ago I tried to end my life, I went in the mental health ward, and earlier this year I ran away from home. I'm back and safe now, although I've had lots of things happen in the past 18 months. I've ended up here because I want support but to also not burden those around me and I don't even know if I'm doing this right but yeah. I suffered from lots of depressive episodes, general anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Recently I was properly diagnosed as being autistic. I have high functioning autism - asperger's, and struggle a lot with social cues and interaction and relationships with other people my age. I'm sorta just here to find people I can talk to who might know what I'm going through. I really need some people just as like anonymous friends I can talk to.

I dont want to be here

replies: 6

I don't really know if what I'm feeling is actually an issue or if I'm just overdramatic but I feel the need to say something. Lately I've felt really useless and like a burden to my friends and family. I feel like no matter what I do, it's never enough and I can't motivate myself to do anything to fix myself. I keep getting frustrated and mad at my friends and family for such small things and I feel really bad about it but I can't seem to stop myself. I feel really burnt out, I know I've got school work to do but I can't do it, I feel constantly tired and it takes me ages to fall asleep because I keep thinking about how I'm such a bad person. I feel like a failure but as much as I try I can't seem to fix anything. I can't stop myself from feeling like everyone would be so much better off without me. I shouldn't be thinking this because I have a relatively good life and other people have had to go through so much worse than I have. Usually I feel completely fine in the day time when I'm around my friends, but when I'm alone I can't stop myself from thinking these thoughts again. I feel like I'm being dramatic but I also feel like I have a genuine issue? I've harmed myself a few times and immediately afterwards I feel like I have no right to have been doing those things - like I'm seeking attention but at the same time I feel like I deserve it, I deserve to be punished. It's pretty much a loop where I feel disgusted with myself and feel as if life isn't worth living, and then I feel guilty for thinking these things. Also, I feel like no matter what I do to try to change myself, no one's ever happy with me. It's a stupid way of thinking, I know that I'm overreacting and that no one hates me but I can't shake the feeling that I'm just useless. I just don't want to be here anymore. I've struggled with these feelings for years and I want to tell someone but I have no idea who to tell. Whenever I try to bring up these subjects to my parents they act like mental health doesn't exist.

I feel selfish for having self harm thoughts

replies: 5

I’d probobly regret posting about this in the morning, but I just really needed to talk to someone, for someone to understand. I’m a 15yearold who struggles with depression and anxiety. I can not afford going to a medical professional nor does my family have the time to take me, they do not think it’s a great deal of an issue so I’m really stuck here with invalidating my own thoughts, and wondering if I’m doing this for attention or if it’s not a big deal. latley, I have been feeling like I can’t talk to anyone. All my friends have their own problems and I don’t want the burden of my nonsense to be on their plate aswell. Recently everytime I feel like I’ve failed or disappointed someone, I have an urge to harm my self. Ive struggled with self harm in the past when I was 12, I only did it once or twice. I do not know why. I haven’t told anyone about this and I haven’t told anyone about the constant build up of having the urge to do it again. am I bad person for wanting a break? All my friends do is tell me about their problems, and I love helping them I really do. I listen to them and I support them the way I can. For example my friend is struggling through the start of developing Ed. I went through something similar to what she is going through in the past, and still are. I listened and understood, I supported her and helped her. But I felt bad, for some reason I felt selfish for wanting her to ask if I’m okay. Because during these conversations I’d think about my self harm and intrusive thoughts. And recently she told me she wasn't doing well whilst we were on a call. And I felt like a failed. I felt like a horrible person and I felt like I couldn’t help her. everything piled up over and over again and my head started ringing. why do I feel selfish for wanting to be asked if I’m okay. I don’t have the confidence to end my life, and that’s not why I do self-harm. I do it to my self for punishment. I feel stupid

Welcome to the Suicide and Self-Harm Section replies: 0

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

Want To Leave This Place replies: 6

BPD replies: 3

I hate myself and really can’t see a point replies: 10

Feeling alone and made a big mistake moving here replies: 3

I feel so alone replies: 7

Venting, i guess? replies: 4

Life is really really hard 😃🗿 replies: 5

I'm New here, could someone please help me? replies: 3

I dont want to be here replies: 6

I feel selfish for having self harm thoughts replies: 5