Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Pepper, I was wondering how you were going s you give so much to there's on this forum,no wonder your brain is on leave! No put downs allowed here. Hugs gratefully received and reciprocated.

To me you seem like someone who knows who others are as you have great insight and instinct with others, but I wonder how well you can apply those skills to yourself. I suppose I dont know much about you because you dont seem to give a lot away but also I may have missed things as my short term memory is not very reliable.

Sometimes I think I have too many questions but not enough answers.can anyone relate?

I appreciate your contributions to this thread even hen you have a lot on your mind. Many thanks.

Quirky

[lucagabriella]

Quirky and Tony

I agree with that immensely - there is so much pressure to know our authentic self. We are always told to try find out all these things about ourselves so that we can use them to our advantage and know ourselves better, but what if you don't know? What if what you like tomorrow is different from today?
I'm in year 12, and what you say resonates with me because I feel like there is so much pressure to know what kind of person I am in order to succeed when school finishes. I feel like we're just expected to know what we like and don't like, and if you're like me and are unsure, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place because you're left feeling unsure about the future.

There shouldn't be any pressure to know who you are, but I agree with you when you say there is that push for people to define who they are. I personally believe that people are always changing. You ask me about our values changing - and yes, they do change I think. Or better yet, it is entirely possible to remain indecisive on matters and not have a definite answer to certain things.
I think it's about feeling what you feel is right or wrong in situations and trusting your gut instincts, but then again, that is something that may change depending on your mood.
There are some things about people in general I think that don't change - like personally, going with what I said before about valuing kindness, I could never see myself placing that beneath anything else. In saying that, I am very young and am likely to have many more experiences in my life, meaning that there may be things that I place above kindness in the future. But it will always be something I value.

You have definitely given me something to think about, and I am enjoying hearing what others have to say about this. Don't feel like you have to know who you are, I think secretly we all still trying to figure that out.

- lucagabriella

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky,

It looks like you and I are taking it in turns with the tears...don't worry, I have a bottomless tissue box that I will happily share with you 😉 Thanks so much for the hugs- it means a lot- as well as compliments.

You're far too kind...my brain has been on leave for a bit so I'm mostly writing out of instinct these days (for better...or for worse). When I find my brain, I'll let you know 😉

Speaking of insight, you seem like a sensitive soul yourself and probably know more about people and this world than you let on...

As for questions, I think that's a sign of your intelligence and ability to self reflect and analyse. Better to challenge and ask questions than to sit idly by and only accept one version of the truth. The truth...shades of grey in my opinion 😉

You're perceptive...I'm probably better at whatever it is I do with other people's struggles than dealing with my own thoughts and struggles. Too painful...can of worms that I don't wish to re-open any time soon.

Thanks and more hugs coming your way.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[quirkywords]

Luca Gabriella.

Thanks for your detailed thoughtful post . You are very analytic thinker.

I am not sure if you keep a journal but as a much older person tan you, it would be interesting you to write down your thoughts down,even write a letter to yourself then read it in 5 or ten years times , or write in a journal. Just a thought. I think there are values that stay with you all your life and some that change

I really enjoy your contributions and really appreciate them.

Quirky .

[quirkywords]

Tony thanks so much for kind words. I was really touched about your insights.

Howdoyou feel when people say kind things about you on this forum- do you accept it or dismiss it?

I must admit my first response to you saying 'that you are beginning to really like my personality', was does that mean he didn't used to like me!! Not sure what that says about me- but that is me trying to make a joke from a kind remark.

I want to turn your thoughtful words into a question

"If we can see ourselves from the outside ourselves would we like ourselves more? "

What does everyone think about this?

Can we see the talents and qualities others find in us in ourselves?

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Tony (and a wave to Quirky and everyone else of course)...

That was a lovely post. You always have something to say that is worth listening to.

[lucagabriella]

I will definitely keep that in mind Quirky. I enjoy writing from time to time, and writing on this forum, or even reading what others have to say, has kept me occupied and been somewhat therapeutic. Perhaps a journal would be helpful

Thank you for responding 🙂

[Quercus]

That's a good question Quirky!

My answer today would be no. I think of I saw myself as others see me I would feel worse.

People who love us are pretty clued in to our faults they just accept us warts and all. But I don't think I would be so kind to myself if I saw what they see.

[lucagabriella]

"If we can see ourselves from the outside ourselves would we like ourselves more? "

Is it sad to think the answer is yes? When you are in your own shoes I think it is far too easy to over analyze everything because it is easy to become too consumed or worried with your own thoughts.

I remember at a lecture one time, the lecturer said something along the lines of (and I paraphrase) - "if we said to our friends the things we said to ourselves inside, we would be mortified at how harsh and horrible we could really be." I agreed with that.

It is so easy to be our own critique - we may write or draw a picture and notice all the bad parts, but someone else may think it is a work of art. I see things like that happen every day. I remember reading somewhere once that Franz Kafka hated The Metamorphosis, despite it being one of his most acclaimed works. I have friends who hate parts of themselves that I think are the best. Sometimes we get too used to being in our own shoes and we forget the parts of ourselves that are good, or we simply just get too used to looking at ourselves or thinking our own thoughts everyday.

I think if we could meet ourselves we would be more kind to ourselves. But that's just a thought.

- lucagabriella

[quirkywords]

Quercus

That is an interesting answer. Is that because you imagine they would see you as you see yourself. I find others tend to be much kinder to me than I am,but that's me.

Thanks for your answer.

Quirky