Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Lucagabriella Are you sure you are in year 12? You are very wise beyond your years. Are you interested in studying pyschology?

I find it fascinating that you ponder if we meet ourselves we would be kinder to ourselves. I think if I met myself not as but as a stranger I maybe kinder. I feel I meet myself every day and am not kind.

Yes I often say to friends they would not treat me as harshly as they treat themselves.

Take care

Quirky

[Guest_3712]

Hi Quirky

I never believe what People say about me - the good stuff that is .

Totally believe the bad . Luca Gabriella made some good points that I totally agree with.

I am so used to seeing myself as the ugly useless person I was always told I was . No amount of therapy has yet to convince me otherwise.

I have worn makeup since I was 13 - not to make me pretty but to cover the ugliness.

I think it was Tony who mentioned seeing yourself or hearing your voice on tape. I used to do a fair amount of public speaking and whenever I had to debrief my 'performance ' I would be like, " Who is that up there ?"

It always felt really strange . I've noticed lots of posters have trouble accepting compliments- myself included .

Still working on that whole concept that just maybe, I am not that bad a person - maybe !

Stressless

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

I'll clarify.

Because Ive stated "I'm beginning to like your personality" lets look at some possibilities here of what I could have thought previously before tonight.

- 1/ that I have a bad memory so because I dont see faces I might not recall members here by their names easily?

- 2/ that I hadnt judged you at all as a person up till now as I dont judge others until I get to know them

- 3/ that I could have judged you harshly but kept that to myself

- 4/ that I saw those qualities in you early on but didnt express them until now.

Now, the closest one that you might think was a possibility due to your comment "I wonder what he saw in me before" would be number 3...that I might have previously judged you harsher earlier.

In fact a mixture of 1,2 and 4 are correct.

Assumptions are easy to raise but can be totally incorrect. In that example it is a reflection of some lack of confidence on your part. When these automatic thoughts arrive try to think of the other possibilities. It takes practice over a long period of time.

Here's a quote from my friend 15 years ago "I thought my wife was having an affair. Every Wednesday night when I was at work I found out she wasnt home. On my birthday I got upset, fronted her and asked her why she was never home on Wednesday nights. I was distraught. She produced two tickets to Hawaii she bought for my birthday, money she got from a waitress job on Wednesday nights...happy birthday she said"

Have a good day tomorrow Quirky

Tony WK

[lucagabriella]

Quirky:
I remember wanting to do something related to psychology - the mind always fascinated me so much, and I remember I always wanted to understand why people thought the way they did. I'm doing year 12 psychology at the moment but it has lost my interest a great deal in the past year. I think I'm looking more down an English/Literature based pathway. But thank you for what you have said, that's kind of you!

Stressless:
I remember I once read this quote: "Draw a monster. Why is it a monster?" (Janice Lee)
I read it and thought; well, someone with three eyes and a large nose and warts and I pictured something from Roald Dahl's The Twits. But then I thought about it and wondered "does that make everyone with warts or a large nose a monster?"
In my head I often rearrange that quote to say something like "Draw what is ugly. Why is it ugly?" and for some reason this has always stuck with me, and it has forced me to always reconsider when someone uses the word "ugly."

It is hard for me, a stranger, to convince you you are not ugly. But I can tell you this; beauty is subjective. Everyone is beautiful to someone, but I think that is sometimes beside the point. What matters is that YOU think you are beautiful, not what someone else thinks of you.
It is good to hear that you are beginning to change the way you see yourself. It is a start that is far better than nothing. It is a step forward I'd say.

- lucagabriella

[Guest_3712]

Hi Lucagabriella,

Thanks for your comments . Perhaps I chose the wrong word. When I say ugly I mean bad. When I look at myself I don't see my reflection as such, I see the bad things I've done.

like a picture beneath the reflection. It probably doesn't make sense or sound logical to others but unfortunately that's my reality .

Almost Jekyll and Hyde I guess is the easy explanation.

My psych is working to convince me that what others see is in fact what I need to see - that there is no monster lurking beneath.

One day maybe.

Welcome by the way

Stressless

[lucagabriella]

Hi Stressless

I understand what you mean 100%, I often feel the same way. Do you think people would like us if they saw us the way we saw ourselves? Or maybe would they sympathise?
It is good to hear that you are seeking to stop looking at yourself in such a way - makes me happy 🙂

- lucagabriella

[quirkywords]

Tony K

Thanks for your reply. I put in my comment about what I thought straight away partly to be honest at my thought process and also to show I am aware of how silly my assumptions.

I like the way you went through the possibilities and I always learn from your posts.

Thank you

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Stressless

Thanks for your posts.

All of us on the forum only see the caring person who started an amazing thread that everyone wants to join. I wish you could see what I see. I know it is hard as I too think about the bad things but am working on seeing other things too.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Lucagabriella

I enjoy your posts and the they way you express yourself.

You are kind to others.I am sure what ever you choose to study you will flourish.

Take care

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Everyone

I am going to self indulgent here, I wasn't sure where to post this but would like some feedback, support.

My thread is about who I am and being myself but I find this hard when loved ones want me to go back to the past .

I just had an email from my child who is studying social work.

She has to do a ten minute speech on mental health and parenting and wanted t know if I would help her but warned she would ask confronting questions and she would have a different perspective. I was upset just reading it.

She said she knows I talk and write about bipolar but never about parenting. As she ,my oldest was under 7 when I toook medication I feel I was stable for most of my parenting but know she disagrees. We are in a ok place now in our relationship and rehashing from the past will only bring up past pain for no gain. I felt bad saying no but I must protect myself. I was upset just reading her email so that is a sign saying no is the right thing for me.

I now feel guilty and worry how I can help without affecting my health. Any ideas?

I have seen myself as completely open about my mental health now I wonder if I am being secretive.

Confused Quirky