Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[Croix]

Dear Quirkywords and All~

I'm glad that raised a smile.

You realize I'm going to get into serious trouble with this Mrs Walrus business. My wife has remained 28 since we were married 21 years ago and doesn't think the walrus image really suits her.

(I maintain it's all Later's fault anyway:)

Croix (who gets these funny looks when he mentions his wife's age, I've been meaning to ask her about it)

[blondguy]

Hey Quirky!

Good on you for volunteering...Its always good to 'give back' so to speak 🙂

Ive been on low dose AD's for 21 years and they only take the 'edge' of the super lows that I used to have

More importantly they provide us with a solid platform on which we can heal more effectively using all the coping techniques available to us

You have a great thread here Quirky....:-)

My kind thoughts for you

Paul

[lucagabriella]

Hi Quirky

I understand what you mean. Often people tell me personally to be 'more out there' and 'get out of your comfort zone' by going to parties and being social, but at the end of the day, while it is good I guess to get out of your comfort zone, I feel like I personally just enjoy a nice quite night at home reading a good book. But sometimes I do want to get out of my comfort zone and I can't help but question; who does that make me? How do I stay true to who I am, but become better by doing the things I want to do?

I honestly think that you can be more than one thing. You can be both timid and adventurous, extrovert or introvert. It may depend on your mood to be perfectly honest. I know for me I feel like I am a different person depending on when people talk to me; I can guarantee I am not the same person in the morning in comparison to night.

You raise good questions, and I am sure no one's answers are more right/wrong than anyone elses. But yes, I think that, depending on the situation, it is possible to improve a part of yourself without changing who you are entirely. And yes, you can be yourself even if you do change. Change is an integral part of who we are, we all need to change in our lives at some point or another.

I think being yourself comes down to your own morals and the things you value. For example, I above all value kindness. However, I know that socially I can be awkward and so I tend to avoid these social situations, but I know that in order to overcome my fear of social interactions I need to put myself out there a little more, or at least find a way to change for the better so that I don't feel that way all the time. I would never be cruel or unkind to anyone if it meant making me less fearful in social situations - that would entirely go against what I believe and know to be true.

That example may not be the best, but I still stand by it. Know your morals, know your values. Find what you truly care for in life and stick by that. Seek to change for the better, I reckon, in order to benefit yourself. Don't do things for others, do them because you want to. I think these are some of the most basic focus points when looking at "who am I?"

I hope this helped 🙂

[white knight]

Hi lucagabriella

Great post. It made lots of sense.

Tony WK

[Quercus]

Hi all 😊

Wow Quirky this thread has exploded with comments today isn't that great!

Welcome to the forums Lucagabriella... What a great post to begin with. I'm with Tony... Good points there!

Hi Croix...Thanks! I laughed and laughed at your post about lists. I'm not a snob all lists are equally awesome 😊.

Mrs Walrus sounds sweet actually (but considering my husband calls me Empress Anura... The ruler of the toads... I'm probably not a good judge of these things haha). No that is not a joke. He does call me Empress Anura I think it's the best pet name in the world.

Have a question for you Quirky to consider I'd like to know what you think...

Why are we so worried about defining who we are? Is it ok to be unsure? To change and fluxuate?

[Guest_128]

I didn't know there was a Mrs Walrus 😱

[quirkywords]

Lucagabriella, Thanks for your wonderful thoughtful and insight post.

Welcome to this thread. You have answered many questions and raised more points.

Your points are sensible and practical.

Know your values, know your morals. That is a great start to finding out who one is but Maybe my values change or do they? I tend to be indecisive.

Thanks for your contribution which is much appreciated. I hope you will continue to add to this thread with your valued ideas.

Quirky

Thanks Paul, your support is appreciated.

[quirkywords]

Quercus, I have only just seen the thread now and it is great,

Quercus, great question, I think that's why I started this thread as there is so much pressure from books, counsellors, workshops, blogs etc for us to find out core and our authentic self.

That's what I wrote on my first post I am flexible and how I see myself changes my self.

Why are we now pushed to define ourselves find our true self when we may not know who we are.

What do you think Quercus ? what do other think about whether it is not necessary to define ourselves or find our authentic selves. can we change how we see ourselves?

Quirky

Thanks Tony, I agree Lucagbriella made lots of sense.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Quirky,

Thanks for the earlier thoughtful message here. I sometimes wonder about how you're travelling...how you're really going. Anyway, I'm sending you well wishes and virtual hugs (only if you want to accept) regardless...

Fantastic questions as always...alas Pepper's itty bitty brain is still on leave so am pretty useless at answering lol. Luckily there are loads of other BB members who can contribute 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[white knight]

Hi Quirky

A few things

First, Im beginning to really like your personality. You are a listener, you ask why, ask what others think, you are interested and you are a kind soul. You are the opposite of arrogant.

When it comes to the latest question in this thread by Quercus

"Why are we so worried about defining who we are? Is it ok to be unsure? To change and fluxuate"

I think we gauge ourselves on observing others, their level of confidence, their seemingly love of themselves and their aura of happiness. Then we see ourselves...and much of that seems absent. Why?

Have you ever taped your own voice? It seems nothing like you. Ever watched a film of yourself? ... seen yourself as just another person? This is, in my view, because we are semi detached from reality of who we are, that we cannot see ourselves like other people because we are not observing ourselves from their viewpoint.

Without having met you in person I've still formed the view on what I like about Quirky. Yet have you liked yourself for those qualities?. Are those qualities apparent to you?. If they were then this thread would not exist.

So if we could observe ourselves from outide ourselves we would likely like that person more. Instead we have self doubt in the place of self living, criticism instead of admiration, perhaps ugliness instead of attractiveness. ..mentally unstable instead of someone thats kind and forgiving. If only we could orbit ourselves for a day to see what there is to like about us, we'd see it all more clear why we are not that far from....

Everyone else on the planet...imperfect which is normal.

Quirky...lovably, imperfectly normal..as her own unique self....like no one else in the world...wow! Thats special.

Tony WK