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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight Re-inventing yourself
  • replies: 5

We have many members here that are not happy with themselves, their personality nor their character. Low self esteem is the result, trying hard to be like everyone else around them and accepted as an equal. This leads to desperately wanting change wi... View more

We have many members here that are not happy with themselves, their personality nor their character. Low self esteem is the result, trying hard to be like everyone else around them and accepted as an equal. This leads to desperately wanting change within, such change impossible to fulfill. How do you re-invent yourself? Imagine your car is over heating. You realise you only have water in your radiator so you replace it with proper coolant. It no longer overheats however you haven't changed the car in any other way, it just performs more reliably. Such a subtle change has huge results but the character of the vehicle is the same. If we all changed our character fully then we'd all be sheep, look the same, bah bah the same etc. We should always embrace our uniqueness. Subtle change is achievable but often needs professional guidance by those that can see things more clearer and are trained to help you find the best out of who you are. Like many changes, professional help is one avenue recommended but self help is always a good journey to pursue. Read- the internet has a vast amount of information you can source about human behavior Listen- to friends and family about what behavior is unacceptable or too weird for most people's tolerance Act- put theory into action, theory itself isn't enough. Ask- this is tricky. Making behavioural/reactionary changes then asking others brings along the spotlight. Better to wait for others to give positive comment and just feel good about the response. Continuation- the introduction of subtle changes doesn't have to stop. Over time it can become routine and that makes it a simple task eg "I'm going to stop talking about myself so much and begin asking others about their lives". No longer can others claim you are self centred. Achievability- Sometimes the temptation arrives because we admire a quality in another person. A friend might be capable of being popular and talkative. Find you own niche, you might be more at ease with one or two close friends than having 10 acquaintances that really aren't friends! The grass is greener- When we observe others we admire- it doesn't always mean their situation is ideal. Some people just like us seem happier, no problems etc. Your happiness depends on your ability to enjoy your grass on your own property, even believing its greener than over the fence. Happiness can be an illusion in others. Subtle changes are good, it leads to you becoming a better version of yourself. TonyWK

Talon Am I being overly sensitive
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I’ve been pining over a comment my 17 year old son said to me the other day. I was with he and my 19 year old son, discussing something to do with his plans for end of school celebrations. There was more to it, but again related to ‘friends... View more

Hi there, I’ve been pining over a comment my 17 year old son said to me the other day. I was with he and my 19 year old son, discussing something to do with his plans for end of school celebrations. There was more to it, but again related to ‘friends’ broadly speaking. I don’t think I had much to say as my sons were at each other. But for whatever reason my 17 year old said to me words similar to ‘you don’t have any friends’. I reacted by saying I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have are important to me. Deep down it struck a huge nerve for me. I started to think, gee you really don’t have many people at all you could call friends. I felt an immense sense of emptiness and quite low. I suffer from depression and take meds daily for it. I basically shut down and haven’t been the same with either of my boys since. Sure they have many mates and are always going out, doing things and well liked. I do think I rely heavily on them as mates and we do a lot together. I don’t see it as problem, but does anyone out there relate to my reaction? I’ve given my kids everything I can, not just things, but experiences, laughter and lots of interaction. I pride myself on this but realise that one day they’ll be less likely to want to go somewhere with me (holidays etc) I don’t have many friends at all and generally avoid getting too close to anyone. I know I’m well liked and am asked to do things by people but feel as if I ruin the ‘mood’ amongst groups and therefore don’t get out much at all. I wouldn’t have a friend who would want to do the things I enjoy anyway. My boys would, but they know I haven’t got anyone else to do things I like, so will say yes because it’s free and I will always show them a good time. I think I’m being overly sensitive but still have not come around from my initial feelings towards my son when he said this. I feel weak and worthless to be honest. In a teens lingo, a ‘loser’

Ashkl Break up help
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for half my life. So it’s pretty much all I know. At the moment I am currently struggling with letting go and moving on from a break up. He broke up with me about 3 months ago, I loved him but it ... View more

Hi, I have been suffering with anxiety and depression for half my life. So it’s pretty much all I know. At the moment I am currently struggling with letting go and moving on from a break up. He broke up with me about 3 months ago, I loved him but it was not a healthy relationship. I am struggling to let go, I don’t know if it is because I’m scared to be alone or maybe I’m worried that I won’t be able to find anyone who can handle my mental health issues...any help or advice would be awesome thank you. This break up and previous ones have left me feeling worthless and hard to love and like I am a burden. And it makes me scared that I will ever find someone who will love me and I really would like to find that

insertaname What do you when the strategies and coping mechanisms feel like they are not working and does medication affect your cognition
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone My first question is what do you do when the strategies and coping mechanisms that have been helpful aren't working as well as you'd like? I am asking this question because throughout this hypomanic episode I still have that empty feeling... View more

Hi everyone My first question is what do you do when the strategies and coping mechanisms that have been helpful aren't working as well as you'd like? I am asking this question because throughout this hypomanic episode I still have that empty feeling like something is missing. I have also experienced times when all my coping strategies and activities were not effective - they were not really relaxing me and it was just a distraction. I could breathe in and breathe out and take in the surroundings but I would still find it hard to be mindful. It's like I cannot fill this void. Music was just music it was just something to hear. Cleaning was to to get the body moving rather than sit there and mope. I would have loved to have had someone like a best friend ( I don't have any friends ) to spend time playing video games or going for a walk.I'm not sure if this empty feeling will go away, usually it's replaced with a 'I don't deserved this HD' despite working hard for the university workload. Note: I am relatively stable and usually on the depressed side of the bipolar disorder. I also wanted to ask: Does the medication you are prescribed affect you intellectually, physically or cognitively? I feel it does, sometimes it makes learning new things harder, i had to write out notes, re-read things, and ask a tonne of questions to the vague answering lecturer or tutor. I find that sometimes my brain wont cognitively work as I'd desire. For something that usually takes 20 minutes to do now takes 40 minutes - i became ashamed of it and I do notice it and I start to panick. That's when I notice that I'm not right or just feeling rather flat and lethargic. In reality, i do lack the motivation to go to uni despite being a diligent and hard-working student. I sometimes can't process the length Subject Outlines with assessments and sometimes the language used is rather conflicting. I understand i need my meds but it inhibits the fast processing skills. So in the end i feel like i work hard at uni twice as harder compared to my colleagues. There are days where i couldn't even tell you what the lecture or key words were all about because even if i am looking at the presentation and lecturer I sometimes zone out. I look forward to your responses if you want to share. J

soph33 Chronic fatigue - just need some positivity
  • replies: 2

Hi all, Ive been stuck basically inside for a few weeks now with chronic fatigue. I know that this is a flare up and would really just like to read some positive stories of people who have/had cfs and how it can pass. Just need some hope right now I ... View more

Hi all, Ive been stuck basically inside for a few weeks now with chronic fatigue. I know that this is a flare up and would really just like to read some positive stories of people who have/had cfs and how it can pass. Just need some hope right now I try to stay as positive as possible. I do get myself out for walks or jogs when I can which always helps. Please share your stories with me for hope that this gets better. Anything is appreciated, thank you.

BabySteps Life can be Problematic 2.0 - MISS DIAGNOSIS/UNCERTAINTY
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone thanks for replying to my previous topic I wrote some time ago, This forum is the only place I can talk with out being prescribed Un wanted Medication/Heard. I am here again to talk about a more concerning matter In which I am facing cur... View more

Hey everyone thanks for replying to my previous topic I wrote some time ago, This forum is the only place I can talk with out being prescribed Un wanted Medication/Heard. I am here again to talk about a more concerning matter In which I am facing currently I am 24 y/o and I have "No" History In Payed Work. I have No direction for what Jobs or Career I want. I have no friends and no Independence besides being able to get to two near by shopping complexes. I don't have a Driver's Licence yet and my own Car and no "Friends". I am completely lost and don't get along with my Parents because I'm In different. I have been prescribed Anti Psychotics and diagnosed with Psychosis/Schizophrenia I can write a update as to what lead to my Diagnosis. It was a mess for me from age 17-19 I DON'T have the Illness despite what my family and Psychiatrist/Doctors thinks. I have contracted Pre Diabetes Type 2 and I think about giving up, I hate my reality despite wanting to die. I wouldn't make that decision I just want to live my life desperately

white knight Fortress of suvival part 3 (love)
  • replies: 0

Let's concentrate on what we know, rather than what we don't know. We know that with most things in life can be a snowball, in that once we begin something- it can become a domino to greater things. Every gold medalist starts with the first step. Wit... View more

Let's concentrate on what we know, rather than what we don't know. We know that with most things in life can be a snowball, in that once we begin something- it can become a domino to greater things. Every gold medalist starts with the first step. With our mind struggles we usually do not have the capacity to do anything but wait it out. Our abilities seem to fall by the wayside like employment, tolerance, day to day tasks and sadly ..giving love to others. We seem to be at their mercy and during this period we do not realise that they, our closest support...are hurting also as they struggle without any capability to "fix" the problem. All animals care for each other. The parents of the 3 newborn ducklings waddling around out home at the moment are no different to us, protecting, loving and teaching, one of the most potent assets we can harness is love. Love comes in so many divisions under that one word, affection, support, availability, care, kind words, providing, expression of appreciation, acts of kindness and so on. As I've grown older (63yo) I've found that giving love has to be the most effective act in any recovery. Why? My father (dec) was "the salt of the land" and he always said "walk in another's shoes to know truly how they feel". That however, isn't as automatic among humans as we'd wish. Toxicity will always occur with relationships so we should develop a "revolving door" to friendships for the toxic to create separation of our goodwill to be served to those that are of similar mind. We often do not have methods of safe screening, we invite all and sundry into our inner circle which causes us harm. Here is part one and two of the Fortress of survival that cover that. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/fortress-of-survival#qlnNPnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/fortress-of-survival-part-2#qr3mhnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A So to reach out to our carer that endure our illness is the best reward you can give them. A hand emerging from under your doona to touch them needs no words, a stroke of their hair when you walk past wont slow your tasks, a "thankyou, I love you" takes but 5 seconds that creates a smile lasting a minute maybe 5 times during that day. Love is part of your survival strategy that will be returned because you are emitting kindness. Love is a powerful tool, a deep and wonderful gift...exploit it, cradle it and give it away. TonyWK

insertaname Advice wanted: Stabilisingp
  • replies: 1

I am not that far from recovering. But I am starting to feel downhearted. I feel it is a harsh that I have gotten a fail for my Prac despite the university stating that *mental health comes first* if so why could they have put an asterisk to symbolis... View more

I am not that far from recovering. But I am starting to feel downhearted. I feel it is a harsh that I have gotten a fail for my Prac despite the university stating that *mental health comes first* if so why could they have put an asterisk to symbolise that under special reasons. I know it’s standard procedure but still. has anyone else experienced this? I have a meeting with the lady in charge of Prac’s and from what I gather she’s a by the books person. I am upset. i guess what I am trying to say is how you do resume your normal life after suffering an episode or panic attack or whatever illness affects your daily life? I feel there aren’t enough people responding. Maybe I’m scaring people. I just feel lonelier coming here. J

Missintense BPD and coping strategies 
  • replies: 1

Hi, I don't have a supportive family and I don't have any friends. I was wondering if anyone in the same boat wants to share coping strategies and also others who go past this post. It may not work for me or for others, but it's good to know just in ... View more

Hi, I don't have a supportive family and I don't have any friends. I was wondering if anyone in the same boat wants to share coping strategies and also others who go past this post. It may not work for me or for others, but it's good to know just in case something works. I have strategies, but when that intense pain hits. Sometimes those don't work. I don't know if this has been already posted. I know we have our dbt and psychologists for support but more often than not we are by ourselves.

Feya Overwhelmed and struggling to cope
  • replies: 1

This is my first post so I apologise in advance if I use this feature wrong. These last 2 years have been the hardest time of my life. I moved to the other side of the country to be with my partner. I left my job, my family and all of my friends behi... View more

This is my first post so I apologise in advance if I use this feature wrong. These last 2 years have been the hardest time of my life. I moved to the other side of the country to be with my partner. I left my job, my family and all of my friends behind and moved in with my S.O and his parents. I have a long history of PTSD and anxiety disorders and over the last 2 years, the move has brought it all to the surface. I have been unemployed this whole time, not made a single friend and also lost all of my old ones. My family has basically just forgotten about me and the house I'm living in triggers my PTSD daily. I just finished up 10 sessions with a therapist and I'm a lot better now. The thing is that now that I'm getting better, all of my emotions that have been numbed away are coming to the surface and I feel like I'm drowning. 2 years worth of pain just sits in my mind trying to be healed and released but it is SO overwhelming. My mental health consumes my every moment and sometimes I just pray for a break for even 5 minutes. I have no one to talk to - my boyfriend tries but he can never fully understand. I don't have anyone else. I feel like the last 2 year's have broken me so much that now that I'm in the space where I'm healthier, im stuck trying to pick up the pieces. But there's so much. And it's all hard. I feel overwhelmed. I'm struggling to deal with all of this on my own and I just don't know how to help myself anymore