Staying well

Advice on how to understand room-mate who is chronic complainer

replies: 2

Hi everyone; This is easier with a bit of backstory. I have been living here for 3 years with a roomie that I've known from high school. He was in a major car accident where he had died for 2 minutes. This had happened 13 years ago but he is still de... View more

Hi everyone; This is easier with a bit of backstory. I have been living here for 3 years with a roomie that I've known from high school. He was in a major car accident where he had died for 2 minutes. This had happened 13 years ago but he is still dealing with constant pain (Had a knee recon 2 years ago which seems to slowly be helping now) but the rest of his body is stuffed. He has recently been told from a doctor that he will start to lose brain capacity very soon and struggle to remember things. Now the title of the post I understand is extremely selfish since the traumatic event that he has had to go through - but for anyone who thinks they have helpful advice please feel free to respond - I may need to reinvigorate my sympathy well so to speak. I moved away for a little bit in the middle but we've remained good mates - and I've moved in with him for the last 3 years. Currently he is on a plethora of pain medication which almost seems like a competition to him as to how many he needs to take. In his own words he's sick of being used as a guinea pig but suggest taking some away slowly and watch it crumble. He seems to be telling anybody who will listen to his daily complaints and seems to wonder why he's losing friends. It's his birthday on Monday and he's having a small get together on Saturday - but we're not even sure if anyone is going to show. His family and I (we're not related) have tried suggesting that maybe he needs to get into therapy again but he doesn't want to. In some appointments (even with doctors) he becomes violent. I do try to get him out of the house a couple of times a week - even if it just means helping me with some grocery shopping. He does seem receptive to that although it is a bit of a task. He does his own shopping with his mum every 2nd Wednesday which is good - but he will make his mum drive here with smokes + milk everyday after that. He doesn't hold a drivers licence (which is fair enough) but he knows I will help him out and take him if he needs but he must come with me. Overall; I realise this post is extremely selfish but I would like to request help on how to continue dealing with this. I understand that he's been through and still going through a traumatic event - however the constant complaining is really wearing me down. Even a question as simple as "How did you sleep last night" was met with a smart alleck response by me as I knew he was only asking so he could tell me how he slept.

Thankyou!

replies: 7

I just want to say a massive thankyou to all you wonderfull people on here helping each other

Anxiety and depression stopping me from working which causes more anxiety

replies: 8

Hi I’ve been calling in sick heaps the past few months due to not having the energy, and an overall exhaustion from my anxiety and depression. Even though I take these mental health days for myself, most of the time it causes more anxiety about how i... View more

Hi I’ve been calling in sick heaps the past few months due to not having the energy, and an overall exhaustion from my anxiety and depression. Even though I take these mental health days for myself, most of the time it causes more anxiety about how it will look and what people will think. I couldn’t bear the thought of going in to work today and I told my boss. And now I’m lying in bed my anxiety is heightened cause I just took a day off on Monday due to a severe tension headache. It’s like a vicious cycle and I know I’ll be bad on Monday morning when I have to go back to work. How could I manage taking the days I need without it causing further anxiety? Does anyone have any tips that have worked for them or am I alone in this cycle?

How to know/do what you want?

replies: 2

I notice in myself that I have the tendency to do what people tell me or suggest I should do before even thinking about if it's something I want to do. I think I have always been this way...my dad is great but quite controlling, and I think in a way ... View more

I notice in myself that I have the tendency to do what people tell me or suggest I should do before even thinking about if it's something I want to do. I think I have always been this way...my dad is great but quite controlling, and I think in a way it's a sort of defence mechanism to prevent me from disappointing or upsetting people. If I do what they want they will be happy and won't reject me. It's how I've always tended to be with friends and acquaintances. Someone very close to me got quite irritated with that and pulled me up on it. It honestly made me feel terrible and like the most annoying person on the face of the earth. I don't know if anyone else has this sort of thing going on in them, but if so, how do you manage it? How do you even KNOW what you want? I think I have been so used to just doing what everyone tells me to do that I don't even think about my wants, hopes, dreams, etc.

This question is a bit confronting...however considering you're here: How long did it take you to accept your diagnosis/illness?

replies: 4

I am asking this as person who was in complete denial. I didn't like the medication it made me not want to even bat an eye. I was so upset with how i was diagnosed with this. At the time i felt like nobody would stay with me if i told them what i had... View more

I am asking this as person who was in complete denial. I didn't like the medication it made me not want to even bat an eye. I was so upset with how i was diagnosed with this. At the time i felt like nobody would stay with me if i told them what i had and I did get treated that way by former friends. I still dislike it - but i've become pretty stable and i have to work with it. It took me about 2-3 years... but even then i still sort of was in denial but took the meds. Mental illness is a serious thing. If you feel that you might have something go consult a s GP - I'd rather know than find out that way. It took me until I was 19 to "accept" this illness but I wrote stuff in a diary - negatives and positives of life and i felt that this was my "turning point". Here are a few snippets from when i was 19: Home is what you want it to be, a place of ease and comfort that lovingly welcomes you regardless of your circumstances. Not everyone knows where and when and what they want to do, see, learn and live happily with. People are still figuring that out. Stop worrying about the past, the ifs and the hypotheticals. You will waste all that precious time – where you could be doing something you love whatever that may be. If you have dreams and you want them, what is stopping you? Reach for it! Listen to your heart, mind and soul. If you can convince yourself why you want to accomplish that dream, you are bound to find someone see that straight away. Be happy with what you have got – even if it does not sound impressive with yourself. Make the most if it. Stop worrying about yesterday’s worries. It is a new day today and the next day will be tomorrow. I have problems, feelings and thoughts just like everyone else why can I not have them privileges. Why must everything be what YOU see, think and believe? I do not want to be like you and change for you. If you cannot accept me for who I am that is fine. I WILL find out and search elsewhere to see if someone else can. I don't think any of my negative anecdotes are useful here. But that was my (+) thoughts.

I don't know how too

replies: 4

Hello everyone...i am so nervous..i am currently in an alcohol..drug..anxiety..downward spiral and i know what i have to do but can't. I work full-time..but am frequently having Mondays off work as i binge from Friday..till Sunday. Then wake with ter... View more

Hello everyone...i am so nervous..i am currently in an alcohol..drug..anxiety..downward spiral and i know what i have to do but can't. I work full-time..but am frequently having Mondays off work as i binge from Friday..till Sunday. Then wake with terrible anxiety and can't leave the house. I have always worked..always paid my bills..is this what you call a functioning addict? I know i have to stop but Friday comes and i look forward to just locking myself away and doing what i am doing. I am embarrassed!

Something I want to share

replies: 4

Good morning legends! I’ve been thinking about this ever since I spent a few days in Singapore last year and I just want to get it off my mind and share it. More so growing up, I’ve always felt like an outcast, invisible, no one really knew I was the... View more

Good morning legends! I’ve been thinking about this ever since I spent a few days in Singapore last year and I just want to get it off my mind and share it. More so growing up, I’ve always felt like an outcast, invisible, no one really knew I was there - those kind of feelings. Despite having great family and friends. My brother spent about a year trying to convince me to join the local taekwondo club. I caved and 7 years on I haven’t looked back. Despite being super self conscious I quickly grew confident because the people were so amazing, great and so so supportive. I almost quit in the middle of my black belt grading - the voices in my head were telling me I wasn’t good enough and that I didn’t belong or even deserve a black belt. I told those voices to F off because I remembered the people testing me were actually supporting me! I passed black belt grading! A few in my club invited to Singapore for a seminar in another martial art and my mind went into overdrive - ‘what if I’m not good enough’ ‘what if I fail?’ Etc etc again my mind was quickly put at ease because the people were amazing and willing to help and show you. I learnt that no matter what martial art you do there’s a real mateship in the community, a universal language? Martial arts is a big part of my life and a plays a big role in my staying well strategy. It has taught me that you either win or you learn - there’s no such thing as failure. when I’m not feeling the best or having an off day - I remember what martial arts has taught me. thanks for reading and I hope you all have a great day!

Where To Turn?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, I was just wanting suggestions. As I am out raged about Beyond Blue, It's Incredible a complicated Website trying to figure out how to post and find your post responses. It's even more en infuriating that this Website is designed to hel... View more

Hey everyone, I was just wanting suggestions. As I am out raged about Beyond Blue, It's Incredible a complicated Website trying to figure out how to post and find your post responses. It's even more en infuriating that this Website is designed to help people and they put a word limit on how much your allowed to discuss regarding your situation. Is there Anywhere else I could turn to that's online that's similar to a site like this, that's based in Australia?

Re-inventing yourself

replies: 5

We have many members here that are not happy with themselves, their personality nor their character. Low self esteem is the result, trying hard to be like everyone else around them and accepted as an equal. This leads to desperately wanting change wi... View more

We have many members here that are not happy with themselves, their personality nor their character. Low self esteem is the result, trying hard to be like everyone else around them and accepted as an equal. This leads to desperately wanting change within, such change impossible to fulfill. How do you re-invent yourself? Imagine your car is over heating. You realise you only have water in your radiator so you replace it with proper coolant. It no longer overheats however you haven't changed the car in any other way, it just performs more reliably. Such a subtle change has huge results but the character of the vehicle is the same. If we all changed our character fully then we'd all be sheep, look the same, bah bah the same etc. We should always embrace our uniqueness. Subtle change is achievable but often needs professional guidance by those that can see things more clearer and are trained to help you find the best out of who you are. Like many changes, professional help is one avenue recommended but self help is always a good journey to pursue. Read- the internet has a vast amount of information you can source about human behavior Listen- to friends and family about what behavior is unacceptable or too weird for most people's tolerance Act- put theory into action, theory itself isn't enough. Ask- this is tricky. Making behavioural/reactionary changes then asking others brings along the spotlight. Better to wait for others to give positive comment and just feel good about the response. Continuation- the introduction of subtle changes doesn't have to stop. Over time it can become routine and that makes it a simple task eg "I'm going to stop talking about myself so much and begin asking others about their lives". No longer can others claim you are self centred. Achievability- Sometimes the temptation arrives because we admire a quality in another person. A friend might be capable of being popular and talkative. Find you own niche, you might be more at ease with one or two close friends than having 10 acquaintances that really aren't friends! The grass is greener- When we observe others we admire- it doesn't always mean their situation is ideal. Some people just like us seem happier, no problems etc. Your happiness depends on your ability to enjoy your grass on your own property, even believing its greener than over the fence. Happiness can be an illusion in others. Subtle changes are good, it leads to you becoming a better version of yourself. TonyWK

Am I being overly sensitive

replies: 2

Hi there, I’ve been pining over a comment my 17 year old son said to me the other day. I was with he and my 19 year old son, discussing something to do with his plans for end of school celebrations. There was more to it, but again related to ‘friends... View more

Hi there, I’ve been pining over a comment my 17 year old son said to me the other day. I was with he and my 19 year old son, discussing something to do with his plans for end of school celebrations. There was more to it, but again related to ‘friends’ broadly speaking. I don’t think I had much to say as my sons were at each other. But for whatever reason my 17 year old said to me words similar to ‘you don’t have any friends’. I reacted by saying I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do have are important to me. Deep down it struck a huge nerve for me. I started to think, gee you really don’t have many people at all you could call friends. I felt an immense sense of emptiness and quite low. I suffer from depression and take meds daily for it. I basically shut down and haven’t been the same with either of my boys since. Sure they have many mates and are always going out, doing things and well liked. I do think I rely heavily on them as mates and we do a lot together. I don’t see it as problem, but does anyone out there relate to my reaction? I’ve given my kids everything I can, not just things, but experiences, laughter and lots of interaction. I pride myself on this but realise that one day they’ll be less likely to want to go somewhere with me (holidays etc) I don’t have many friends at all and generally avoid getting too close to anyone. I know I’m well liked and am asked to do things by people but feel as if I ruin the ‘mood’ amongst groups and therefore don’t get out much at all. I wouldn’t have a friend who would want to do the things I enjoy anyway. My boys would, but they know I haven’t got anyone else to do things I like, so will say yes because it’s free and I will always show them a good time. I think I’m being overly sensitive but still have not come around from my initial feelings towards my son when he said this. I feel weak and worthless to be honest. In a teens lingo, a ‘loser’

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