Staying well

30 minutes can change your life

replies: 11

I think there is a good percentage of members here that overall need stimulation, perhaps you are a negative thinker? From a negative family? I was a negative guy until I hit 23yo. Then an event occured where it changed my life forever- it was a moti... View more

I think there is a good percentage of members here that overall need stimulation, perhaps you are a negative thinker? From a negative family? I was a negative guy until I hit 23yo. Then an event occured where it changed my life forever- it was a motivation lecture. This might interest you. I'll try to be brief. I sold insurance for a short time. I was doing ok. I went to this lecture as part of my training. The guy talking was "Bill" and he opened up telling us how, at 42yo he started selling insurance. But after 6 months not one policy was sold. With the stress he had a heart attack and lying in hospital his wife came for a visit and asked Bill what he wanted to do when he was discharged from hospital. "I'm going to be a millionaire selling insurance" Bill blurted. His wife laughed at him and it was that laugh that sealed Bill's future. For he no longer cared for anything else. His wife seemed to ridicule him with "that laugh". Bill started to put plans in place. For motivation he decided to stop his car at 11am everyday where ever he was, and knock on every door of that street until he finished every house. If the street was really long he would return the next day and continue. He started selling a few small policies. Then one day he was in the centre of Melbourne and looked at his clock and saw it was 11am. He was in a major street in the heart of the city. But...good to his promise he started knocking on doors, every door of every tall building. Two weeks later he is still knocking. He arrived at a building owned by a major mining company. He made an appointment and the guy said "bring along a superannuation expert with you". The next day he was riding the elevator up to that office and the expert told him "introduce me Bill then keep quiet...leave it to me" Well Bill actually fell asleep during the discussions. Then forms were signed. On the way down the elevator the expert asked Bill "do you know what just happened"? "No" said Bill. "We just sold Australia's biggest mining company an extra 1.5% superannuation for their 60,000 employees" said the expert. "That means I get nothing because I'm on a wage, but your commission is just over one million dollars". Bill returned home, put his slippers on and relaxed. His wife came home and asked "how did you go Bill"? "I made one million dollars today....AND DONT EVER LAUGH AT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN !!!!! By this time he was yelling at us. Never ever give up...! Try motivation. Tony WK

I belong... here?

replies: 4

Wouldn't you agree that our brains are just some sort of hoarder - years of gathering info on how to act, think, behave (why do knives always go to the right of the dinner plate??); what 'makes' our lives complete; what 'defines' us; how our job/poss... View more

Wouldn't you agree that our brains are just some sort of hoarder - years of gathering info on how to act, think, behave (why do knives always go to the right of the dinner plate??); what 'makes' our lives complete; what 'defines' us; how our job/possessions represent achievement; friends vs enemies vs frenemies!; and classifying ourselves by what we do and not who we are in essence (as opposed to how we wish to be portrayed)? We seem to live a life of comparison to some unrealistic ideal lodged firmly in our heads from our very first breath - emulating and measuring expectations (and biases) of parents, peers, social circles, and anything that we fear may pass judgement on the 'correctness' of our presence. Even those who buck the system are merely creating a predictable stereotype to the same end. My advice: LET IT GO! We belong for no other reason than that we are here. If not so, then it would not be so. In most cases the issue can be looking too much back at ourselves - critically running events through this rather clogged filter of behavioural appropriateness to soothe/satisfy the conniptions of others (who are no doubt doing exactly the same thing). We are only ever this moment in time and the one constant is change - erosion, degradation, subsidence, climate, evolution, and the very cells in our bodies - we live in a state of flux on a planet in perpetual motion. The one assurance being that everything that is, although undergoing several transformations (and abominations), is as it should be, and accepting our association to this natural order can help us to understand it is not really our business to meddle, control, or take ownership of what is provided - so far, despite patting ourselves firmly on the back with our inventions, interventions, and aspirations, we have made quite a hash of it on the whole. Mindfulness may be more about releasing ourselves from our thoughts - the ability to let things pass through instead of taking up residence only to veil reality or find ulterior motives. Has no one observed how absurd the construct of life is? Surely you have felt it every day as you strive to find inner peace and synergy within existence and your place in it. What thoughts/beliefs have you held so long and so dear that you can't even remember why? What can you dispose of in your mind that is just taking up valuable space, diminishing awareness, and bogging you down?

The reality of ill directed positivity

replies: 5

Many readers here will recall the turning point in my life in 1983, when I attended a motivation speech that instantly changed my negative life to a positive one. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-cha... View more

Many readers here will recall the turning point in my life in 1983, when I attended a motivation speech that instantly changed my negative life to a positive one. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life In the following 28 years I've utilised that new found strength to enhance my life. Most situations that confront me I can overcome. However, it has a few drawbacks and I'd like to share them with you. Being positive is not always a solution. Eg we can approach a situation that makes us anxious, like family or relationship conflict however being motivated will not replace counselling. We can be anxious about the invoice we'll receive from a mechanic about our broken down car, positive frame of mind cannot lower the amount to pay. (Positivity is best directed at what can be achieved like overtime or a second job) Positivity can be a means to sugar coat. The best example I can recall is a salesman I know. When he broke his record for cars sold in one month he was determined to break that record the next month. The pandemic caused him to not achieve that goal. He told himself he failed and wasnt positive enough. (Positivity is best used in a realistic way that's within your control) Positivity in some isnt obvious. When motivated some of us can ooze it, display it. Others are calm achievers that dont mention it. For them action speaks louder than words. (Positivity can be hidden) Charity begins at home. Some people, eager to help others in their community, neglect their own welfare at home. While helping the down and out is a good thing that doesnt mean we should prioritize our objectives. (Fulfil home needs first) Mental illness needs measured effort. For some of us depression can be debilitating. Using motivation at a time when you cannot be motivated can be more damaging as you feel more of a failure when you dont succeed. (timing of motivation can be beneficial) https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation Being positive is great, it transforms you and makes you feel worthwhile and happier. Using it for some challenges can be a waste of time as it is glossing over the solutions. Use it wisely, realistically and never give up....it can be an amazing tool. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/being-positive-what's-the-secret- TonyWK

Can we share our strategies to cope with Christmas and the New Years?

replies: 13

Hello! I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I know I'm not alone in it, but Christmas isn't the 'greatest time of the year' for me. I tend to struggle a bit because all the tv ads make me feel like I should be really happy and making a gi... View more

Hello! I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I know I'm not alone in it, but Christmas isn't the 'greatest time of the year' for me. I tend to struggle a bit because all the tv ads make me feel like I should be really happy and making a giant roast for my adorable and loving family and that's just not the case at all So I thought, if maybe Christmas isn't great for others either, maybe you can share ways that you get through it? One of the things that I've been doing is a lot of journalling and gaming to distract me, and I've also made up a few code words so that when I'm away I can try and sneak out for 5 minutes. I also bought myself a Christmas present as well (Majorly into jigsaws lately) which feels really nice. Looking forward to seeing all of your ideas. rt

coronavirus

replies: 1

hi just have a small concern about high coronavirus as am living in a small house thats not big enough to quarantine separate or not be affected because of a house member if either they or you come into close contact with a positive case or someone g... View more

hi just have a small concern about high coronavirus as am living in a small house thats not big enough to quarantine separate or not be affected because of a house member if either they or you come into close contact with a positive case or someone gets sick and goes to get a test and has to isolate. reason for feeling that the current home even though am happy living there isnt suitable for me to either not suffer because of a house member if they get sick or come into close contact and have to isolate or for me to isolate separate from members because either coming into close contact or getting sick which is unlikely without facing extended quarantine all because you couldnt isolate seperate because of house not being setup properly is because am at a age and point in life where am wanting own space and independence and to be able to isolate separate from other house members if coming into close contact so you dont have to take chance and face extension because you couldnt isolate separate or not suffer because of a household member because you would have another building wether it was on same property or had your own part time place to start with and wouldnt be living in same building as the others plus itd have a kitchen and bathroom. you probably already know that if someone in your house has to isolate the rest are supposed to (thats how it used to work) unless you can separate even if on same property wether the isolator separates or you separate so you either dont have to do it as well or dont have to take chance and face extension because you werent able to separate. you probably already know also that if someone in your house quarantines and isolates at home that the isolator or others should try stay elsewhere for duration or be prepared to do it as well and possibly face more than required time if you cant separate. also get concerned because of living with a person thats known to get sick and you never know if or when they have to get a test and because you live there particularly because you share the same amenities with that person and dont have your own self contained space it affects you and youre also at a point where youre wanting your own self contained space and somewhere to quarantine separate in event you need to without facing extension. am in no hurry to get out current home just want to get shed space sorted and somewhere to have own space and to have people over

Literature- using your mind

replies: 4

You dont even have to know how to spell nowadays to write! Spellcheck takes care of that. So I'm suggesting that writing be it poetry, novels or fantasy, thriller or crime, give it a go. It's distracting, research can be amazing and it can be persona... View more

You dont even have to know how to spell nowadays to write! Spellcheck takes care of that. So I'm suggesting that writing be it poetry, novels or fantasy, thriller or crime, give it a go. It's distracting, research can be amazing and it can be personal. Here is two of my 300 or so poems that might inspire you. SOCIETY OF SAND I'm sitting on a desert upon sand of friend and foe Cant find a piece of turf where I cannot stand on toes. I collect a handful of grain Then watch as it escapes Just like some friendships a barren temporary landscape. I create my own oasis by weeping on a weed but the sand around me laughs because it doesnt have a need. Till lately it be my friends that helped me walk the land they holding me up under my feet -supportive grains of sand. I begin to sink so slowly as a few gather my precious hide the quick sand laughing so loud a proud man says goodbye. And as I become one of 'them' my heart now granulled and dry I try to weep to water the weed but sand has no means to cry. Damn it ! I struggle so be damned if I be like them I crawl out of the society of sand - to remain the man I am.... TonyWK LEGS OF SPOKE How can I let them know? When the dark exceeds the glow When the sun hides behind the clouds Silence they hear...but I scream so loud. Some stand beside a 6 foot hole Shake their heads and see its toll They ask how he could have dropped Out of the circle -a forget me knot Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope When they sight a person with legs of spoke A crippled girl pushing her chair A man be manic- there's no one there. "Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad Like the cyber crow who remains so glad Keeps flying and in full flight Achieves his art...in the middle of the night For some in power see it their way Even at the side of a 6 foot grave Shake their head and call out "why" "Why on earth- he didnt have to die". So kind some be they reach out so true Smile away "we want to meet you" Bring along your vintage car and your smile" But leave - what's behind your dial. So we laugh and dine and all's ok Leave at home come what may If I be saddled with legs of spoke They'd lift me around- bloody good bloke. But as my mind hurts so bad Cannot hide my feelings- mad? Can no longer be bloody good bloke Sometimes I wish..... I had legs of spoke...... Have you considered literature? TonyWK

Can't seem to work normally and now I'm studying

replies: 5

Hey all, I've been working for a while but I've been having panic attacks from stress especially since starting uni. I've always had trouble staying in a job long term, I do qualify for a disability payment because of my diagnoses that I assume is th... View more

Hey all, I've been working for a while but I've been having panic attacks from stress especially since starting uni. I've always had trouble staying in a job long term, I do qualify for a disability payment because of my diagnoses that I assume is the cause of all the panic attacks I've been having. But I feel like I would just be being lazy and not really worth that sort of support. Any advice?

On the way up?

replies: 5

I feel like things are finally on the way up for me. I had my weight loss surgery last week. Was successful in my two week pre op diet, have been great since surgery and really sticking to my postop diet which is basically just cottage cheese, yoghur... View more

I feel like things are finally on the way up for me. I had my weight loss surgery last week. Was successful in my two week pre op diet, have been great since surgery and really sticking to my postop diet which is basically just cottage cheese, yoghurt and soup! Ive really surprised myself on how disciplined ive been with this process. Im also surprised that despite having 80% of my stomach cut away, my medication for bipolar is still having its effect! I was told that the medication may need altering and that weight loss might be slower but i feel like things are going well so far. Ive had so much motivation since the surgery. Motivation to get back to working, earning income again, to get healthy. I even loved my time at the private hospital so much that im actually considering going private for my next baby! This weight loss surgery, it wasnt just to lose the weight. It was to resolve other issues too, mainly to do with fertility. So im hoping that in 12-18 months ill be set to start trying for that baby ive been longing for for so many years now. Its my next biggest step in life! Its exciting that things are getting back on track. But it also makes me worry, what if these feelings are bipolar related and ill just come crashing down at any moment? That thought freaks me out!

Mental illness ruining your life?

replies: 2

Having any type of mental illness is initially daunting. The journey begins with either astonishment or relief. The steep learning curve is a challenge, some expectations of others for support is needed but there never seems to be enough explanation ... View more

Having any type of mental illness is initially daunting. The journey begins with either astonishment or relief. The steep learning curve is a challenge, some expectations of others for support is needed but there never seems to be enough explanation nor contentment to keep us happy. I found that realisation came a year or two after diagnosis. From then on my mental illness became an obsession, after all, this was a major life event, something I couldn't visualise and loved ones quickly lost interest. I needed a reality check, some self assessment of sorts. Apart from all of these steps one challenge was over and above all others- to get my life back by not allowing my illnesses to dominate my thinking. Being a talker doesn't help. I'm torn between wanting to limit myself from human contact, clubs etc but needing human company. Nevertheless, I had to accept that many things I'd previously focussed on like hobbies and sports... had drifted away, essentially they had been replaced with an obsession. Major changes were made. We purchased a motortrike, a camper trailer. We ventured to beautiful places where in tranquility I'd write poetry, began following my footy team and channelled a lot of my thoughts on mental illness towards Beyondblue rather than sharing them with loved ones. In my experience all obsessions are destructive in some form. Getting an obsession into perspective allows you to focus more on living life. It might not be possible at this time for some people that suffer greatly with their condition disabling them. For those souls be patient and wait for your mind to mend, an opportunity might well come along, then grab it and re-enter the beautiful world we occupy...there's a lot of living to do. TonyWK

I'm new here. My wifes an alcoholic

replies: 10

I'm heartbroken. My beautiful wife who i love very much is an alcoholic. I'm angry at myself because i never saw it coming. We used to socially drink together but she was always more keen than me. This has come like a freight train. Thinking back, th... View more

I'm heartbroken. My beautiful wife who i love very much is an alcoholic. I'm angry at myself because i never saw it coming. We used to socially drink together but she was always more keen than me. This has come like a freight train. Thinking back, there was a change in her behaviour towards me. She appeared emotionally disconnected. We've always been so close but lately she's been distant. I noticed 3 evenings running she would come back from work drunk. I thought she was drinking at home but there were no bottles. I secretly took her office keys and and my world fell apart when i found a 4 tier filing cabinet full of empty wine bottles, cans, beer bottle and a stash of new bottles. I just sat in her office and cried. I worked out she was finishing work at about 3.30 and drinking until about 430 The next day i deliberately paid her an impromptu visit at work during these times. She acted pleased to see me but was clearly rattled. She tried to hide the pint of wine on her desk by leaning to one side hoping i wouldn't see it. I don't know why i needed anymore validation. Tonight she came back from the pub with a friend and she could barely walk. She tried to pick something off the floor and went headfirst into the wall. She was angry with me when i tried to help. She went to bed but when i checked on her she had a bottle of wine next to her bed. Anyway enough waffling from me, I'm just venting. I don't know how to handle it. I have been in touch with alanon and have been advised to simply love and support. I'm utterly broken. She's beautiful inside and out and a great mum to our 4 kids.

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A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members

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