Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

hailsbells Feeling like I've lost myself
  • replies: 6

Hi all, first time on the site so please bear with me. January of last year my relationship ended with someone who I thought may have been the person I would spend the rest of my life with. It was not a pleasant break up nor was it simple in any way.... View more

Hi all, first time on the site so please bear with me. January of last year my relationship ended with someone who I thought may have been the person I would spend the rest of my life with. It was not a pleasant break up nor was it simple in any way. I didn't think I would meet anyone again, nor want to, but in March of this year I did. She has her faults, like everyone, but for the most part she is amazing and treats me better than I've ever been treated. In the beginning I tried my hardest to be the person that I used to be, loving, caring, romantic and considerate. I realise now that it wasn't the right thing to do because I can't seem to sustain it. I feel drained and exhausted by it. I do love her but I can't seem to 'love' like I once did. I used to be able to do all of that, but now the most I can muster is a few nights here and there where I can hug and kiss and show that affection that she needs. And it isn't isolated to just her, any display of affection to anyone has to be forced. I don't know what to do, we've had many arguments over this already and she just thinks that I don't love her which is completely understandable. We had another argument last night about it and I think she's fed up with it this time which I really can't blame her for. Am I just so beaten and broken that this is who I am now? If anyone has experienced this before or has any advice at all, it would be greatly appreciated as I'm at a loss. Thanks

Mim Parent supporting child
  • replies: 3

Hi, my daughter is currently coming to terms with her gender and the possibility that she is transgender or lesbian. She is very depressed and is receiving treatment from many health professionals to help her feel good about herself. She is a wonderf... View more

Hi, my daughter is currently coming to terms with her gender and the possibility that she is transgender or lesbian. She is very depressed and is receiving treatment from many health professionals to help her feel good about herself. She is a wonderful person. She is only 17. Any tips from people whose parents got things right when supporting them as they navigated through this process would be appreciated. I want to see her smiling again. Thanks

zatromitos ...Here I go again
  • replies: 6

Hi people. I just finished registering. I have so much to say its silly really. Let me start by saying. I feel alone. I have no job. I am 25. And all the crao in my life is starting to get a bit heavy. I have a wife in america but she has been acting... View more

Hi people. I just finished registering. I have so much to say its silly really. Let me start by saying. I feel alone. I have no job. I am 25. And all the crao in my life is starting to get a bit heavy. I have a wife in america but she has been acting....off... Andi have abandonment issues on top of that. I have a family but I don't trust them they have hurt me enough in the past. I don't trust anymore. Been broken too much. My ex, who I still love as a friend is sick and I am worried. She is quiet. I have no friends, except for my ex who isn't talking to me. And a Muslim man that has been a good friend but.... Yha. I have been getting quietlately. I have shut out people in my life. I don't want to be lonely. But every time I trusted, I got a kick in the face. Jobless... Economy or me? I am smart. Handy. Funny. But yes. No job. I am looking. I'm getting tired. I knoiw this is going to sound wrong.But i wish there would come a woman into my life who has a ton of love to offer me. Someone who wants to take care of me. Because I am broken now. You know how you would wonder off into or own mind and just picture her... Walking up, she doesn't have to be perfect. And telling you she won't leave. She accepts u for or mistakes and she's going to love you............. Where is she? I feel angry. Upset. Confused.......... I just need someone close to me. Not for sex. Just....... To be there. Who won't mind that I don't have money or a career now... I write, but I am a rookie and seems no one wants poetry. Tired.Just, tired people. I need a lifeline here.

gibby3794 confused and hurt
  • replies: 5

I am inlove with my best friends boyfriend, I live with them and her family, I finally got the courage to tell her after two years on Saturday night and he overheard, I had already come to the conclusion that nothing was going to happen ever but sinc... View more

I am inlove with my best friends boyfriend, I live with them and her family, I finally got the courage to tell her after two years on Saturday night and he overheard, I had already come to the conclusion that nothing was going to happen ever but since his found out my chest hurts and my head has been spinning, I completely broke down last night when I was told he found out, I don't know what to do, I seriously don't know why I always do this to myself. I feel really broken right now... and when I got home my friends mum told me im not allowed to drink anymore, ive been using it to numb myself.. what do I do??

in_love im inlove :(
  • replies: 10

Im inlove with my best friends boyfriend, I am a guy and he is straight so nothing could ever happen, I have been for a couple years, at first I thought it was just a crush but after this long it cant be, it makes it hard seeing him every day as I li... View more

Im inlove with my best friends boyfriend, I am a guy and he is straight so nothing could ever happen, I have been for a couple years, at first I thought it was just a crush but after this long it cant be, it makes it hard seeing him every day as I live with them.I dont know what to do, I just want to get over it but I dont think thats going to happenWhat do I do?By the way I am on here already with a different username but to make sure nobody figures out who I am I have made this account

Joe_Black1 I think its time I outed myself...
  • replies: 8

Hi All,i have come to a realisation today, after reading an article about Gender reassignment surgery that my self-hatred stems from my wish that I was a woman. From as early in my life as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a female and now I'm... View more

Hi All,i have come to a realisation today, after reading an article about Gender reassignment surgery that my self-hatred stems from my wish that I was a woman. From as early in my life as I can remember, I've always wanted to be a female and now I'm 41.... I'm so caught up in family/ career/ mortgage that I am trapped. I can't destroy my family just to serve my own self-interests, can I? I've realised i am bisexual, loving the person/ personality rather than the sex of the person. I'm scared, and this forum is the first time I've ever mentioned my feminine orientation. I've never spoken to anyone about it before. I believe being trapped in a mans body is what has caused all jay depression and anxiety over the part 30 years. What to do???My depression is gaining strength, but I cannot destroy my family. I have had very dark thoughts of self harm for the past few weeks and I cannot afford psychological help anymore. please help, thank youbeyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Tash1995 Lesbian Thoughts After Hetrosexual Rape
  • replies: 4

18 months ago I was raped by an older male, ever since then the thought of having a relationship with a man has absolutely frightened me. I have also noticed a strong attraction to other women, to the point where I am sure I am a lesbian. This is so ... View more

18 months ago I was raped by an older male, ever since then the thought of having a relationship with a man has absolutely frightened me. I have also noticed a strong attraction to other women, to the point where I am sure I am a lesbian. This is so confusing for me as I never noticed this before the rape and am really unsure on how to proceed. I'm not sure if the rape brought out these feelings due to me not being able to be around men or if this has always been the case and I have just never noticed it before. Thoughts and advice? (19 yrs old, female)

AGrace Disappointing Discussion on Gay & Lesbian Marriage
  • replies: 1

Ok, so although I'm straight, I have a lot of gay friends and I feel quite passionately about this, so I wanted to comment. I'd be interested to hear your views... So I was driving in the car yesterday. listening to the news on the radio (something I... View more

Ok, so although I'm straight, I have a lot of gay friends and I feel quite passionately about this, so I wanted to comment. I'd be interested to hear your views... So I was driving in the car yesterday. listening to the news on the radio (something I usually ignore). I hear Tony Abbott talking about hosting a "Vote Of Confidence" in parliament about legalising gay and lesbian marriage. The slogan was "This is not about asking for approval of gay and lesbian marriage, it's about asking for tolerance." ...Seriously Mr Abbott, the rest of the country is already tolerant on this issue. It seems like our government is a few steps behind. AGrace

3TreeFrogs Fetish sexuality and mental health
  • replies: 3

I'm in a situation where I have no-one to talk to. A dear friend has confided in me some of their desires some of which are taboo. Before we could talk about it fully we argued via IM and I said some regrettable things, now they have blocked me and a... View more

I'm in a situation where I have no-one to talk to. A dear friend has confided in me some of their desires some of which are taboo. Before we could talk about it fully we argued via IM and I said some regrettable things, now they have blocked me and are largely ignoring me in common social circles. I'm also struggling with my own desires and self loathing. This person was the only person I fully confide in. I'm so sick with guilt. This is on top of 15~ years of poorly treated depression and anxiety that has only recently been looked at as bi-polar. I also suffer ADD that has followed me into adulthood. As a result, I am reasonably emotionally intelligent and articulate. But I am also prone to being emotionally fragile, immature and naive. By immature I mean lacking a fully adult mentality. I have no idea if its safe to talk to my Psychiatrist about this, I don't want anyone to get in trouble. Id rather talk it out with my friend because it would be good for both of us. I have had a chance to apologize in person but the response was something like 'This isnt the place for that, its a party'. Sadly if he remains silent to me for much longer I will have to find a someone to talk to about it because since that event I've barely left the house and have been an emotional wreck. I can't imagine what would have happened had I not started medication a few months before all this. How to get access to a mental health professional that is sex positive regarding fetishes?

minionstu84 Finding Me
  • replies: 3

I'm 30 years old and I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years. I've never been happier. I found my soul mate, the love of my life very early and we're inseparable but up until this moment I've struggled with finding the real me. I've never been a... View more

I'm 30 years old and I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years. I've never been happier. I found my soul mate, the love of my life very early and we're inseparable but up until this moment I've struggled with finding the real me. I've never been a massive fan of labeling people or peoples preferences like gay, bi, straight - we're all human and we all deserve to love and be loved. I honestly think my personal acceptance of being gay was a lie all those years ago. I told myself I was to feel better but I think it's only now I am truthfully accepting it. For so long I have disliked the word "gay" when people used it to describe me, I closed up and shut down. Felt embarrassed and my body temperature would rise through the roof! Over the past few weeks I've begun to really surprise myself. I suffer from anxiety and my emotions and mood can turn faster than a cake lover running towards a bakery. I've always been a little hermit crab. Staying in, messing around on the computer but lately I've taken a real positive approach to who I am. I'm actively trying to make like minded new gay friends (it's very difficult), going out a little more and have started to feel strongly towards helping those who are struggling to accept they are gay or in need of guidance. The real challenge for me and where I feel I need help is that my job prevents me from really being me. I sometimes feel like I'm an actor. I act the part of 1 person 90% of the day and the other 10% I'm hiding who I really am and boxing away my emotions, feelings, relationship to protect myself. I worry how others will judge me if they really know me and worry how they will look at me. I shouldn't worry about the things I can't control but I do and it's a downfall. I have considered attending a town LGBT get together but back out when I think of how I would be judged or looked down upon by those who have no fears in the world. I feel I'm revealing and finding the real me but there's still work to be done and I would love any feedback, help or guidance. I don't want to proudly walk the streets wrapped in a rainbow flag (that's just not me) but I want to do my part to help my community become more accepted, become a role model for people wanting advice but I find all this so challenging when I can't fully find myself to start with.