Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Discovering my gender, what am I?

replies: 11

I dont have the answer yet and would love some help from my trans and genderqueer brothers and sisters. I was assigned boy when I was born. That has never quite been comfortable for me, like I have always been something in the middle or maybe a girl. Being uncomfortably honest confusion, doubt, and fear has gotten me to avoid or lie about this. One day a few years ago I got to that sinking feeling that this was a thing and decided I'd better settle for genderqueer. Mostly that seems fine. I was thinking back on the happiest times in my life. One of them was when I was a little girl, around the age of 10. I had moved town and managed to wear a dress to school most days and enjoyed playing houses with my friends (all girls), at that time I was playing netball as Goal Defence and quite good at it. Most people accepted me as Robin and didn't seem to mind. Then over the next year things started changing. I had my first boyfriend and learned that there were some differences and prejudices I hadn't been aware of before. It was around then I got caught and had to wear the boys uniform again. Its funny that no matter how many times I moved school the kids knew other kids who knew about Robin and bullied with that story. That pushed it deeper and brought out the doubt, confusion, and fear. I liked other boys and whilst it was not made comfortable at least people understood what gay was and accepted that I could be that. Then the damage done by hormones happened, they turned me physically into a man, It's harder to figure this out now that has happened. Can I be comfortable with being a man who has a genderqueer identity and just does man in a different more neutral or feminine way? Perhaps, but that is not what I feel my body is when my eyes are closed. This isn't about a physical transition for me it is more about learning to be comfortable in my own self. I know that so many in my life would dismiss or not believe that this is part of me. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense. Rob.

Gender stereotyping in marketing - is there a place for it anymore?

replies: 10

Hi Folks. Recently I was shopping for a new sewing machine. I did research, visited my helpful local sewing store (the owner is AWESOME) and looked at websites. I happened upon brochures for a range of machines with "Ideal for the beginner or the most advanced seamstress" I felt offended, excluded and precluded from buying that machine (it was rather nice). I decided not to buy from that company because of this nuance in their marketing that caused offence. The reason I felt offended was that they obviously think that it's either only women who sew or they are trying to hit a target market. In both cases there is no need to use gender based wording. Here's my discussion point; I believe that the wording is a reflection of the way the company is thinking and they could be a leader in making it OK for men to take up the hobby of sewing/embroidery. With the right campaign they could shape society. I spoke up and e-mailed them. Keen to hear your thoughts! Paul PS I went with a different brand machine

Uncomfortable about ordinary things

replies: 7

So I was just kissing my partner goodbye on the front porch when a tradie on the building side next door appeared from behind the fence. My partner was just heading home (we live in different houses) and my kids and I were just heading out on food for burgers at Northland. I found myself feeling slightly nervous about our safety going home and whether there could be a brick through the window. All was fine, but the doubt was there. This is what it is like in an environment when homophobia like that from Scott Morrison and Eric Abetz is tolerated. Generally, I'm find holding the hand of my partner in public - most places, though not at Northland. I acknowledge that most [and and increasing number of] people are just fine with, or even encouraging of LGBTI people, and that the anxiety was perhaps not proportional to the real risk. But this was my home. If someone yells "faggots!" at my partner and I holding hands walking down the street, we can retreat to the safety of home. If a homophobe threatens me as I kiss my partner on my porch, I feel somehow that the safety of my home is compromised. Have you felt this discomfort? How do you deal with it? Tom.

Nearly 30, anxious and trying to come out

replies: 3

Hi everyone, in the last two years I've been trying to be true to myself after realising that my whole life I've been pretending to be someone that I'm really not. I'm nearly 30 with an anxiety disorder and trying to come out as bisexual to my family. My sexuality is a subject I've been dealing with for most of my life, but never really understood til after my 25th birthday. I've managed to come out to close friends of mine, who have been more than supportive, but I'm still struggling and anxious to tell my family because I feel like they will disown me or worse. Its also been more apparent that it's something I have to do in light of what's happened in Orlando. does anyone have any advice to offer?

OUTCASTS

replies: 32

I've had a long life and I'd say . . . only a few regrets. One thing that does upset me is that for a large part of my life I've been an outcast. Early on Society wanted to punish and transform me but as the years have progressed I guess being gay got a little easier; but I'm still an outcast. As I watch TV I'm confronted with a hetro world that is continually in my face. I get angry when I'm forced to view straight love scenes and sex encounters. I have feelings of love and desire that are wholesome and natural but the straight media simply ignores my needs. I find it further insulting that straight society portrays lesbian encounters and I'm led to believe, get turned on by them. Weird? But create a scene where two men kiss each other, this is deemed unacceptable. I believe that the Libs, if they win the election, will conduct a plebiscite on gay marriage. That's ridiculous! If two people of either sex want to make a commitment to each other, they don't need anyone's approval. My journey is coming to an end and I sincerely hope that younger generations will rebel at being outcasts. We gays are wonderful, caring intelligent and resourceful people who very rarely indulge in violence. We should be welcomed unconditionally into all aspects of life in this wonderful world.

Orlando

replies: 22

OK so I've really struggling after the weekend and Orlando. Not just the event itself, which is unimaginably horrible, but what it represents. Clubs like Pulse were the only place I could find sanctuary when I was younger, where I could be myself and not be afraid. For someone to come into that safe place and violently murder people like me... and then to read that he was supposedly set off because he had seen two men kissing public a few weeks earlier. I just don't know what the world is coming to some days. Some of the comments online from people saying 'great that they're attacking perverts now instead of innocent people' was just the icing on the cake. It's been a horrible weekend.

LONELINESS

replies: 10

My story really starts in the 1950's when, as a teenager, I realized I was gay. Of course the term gay wasn't used then; homosexuals were demeaned with such adjectives as 'poofter', 'queer' or 'faggot'. For some reason, my parents were strongly homophobic so any discussion of my situation was out of the question. It was a bitter time to be gay; to the police we were criminals, to the church we were both evil and sinners, and to the general population we were collectively despised. In fact being gay was tantamount to a death wish; gay bashing was universally encouraged. Whether to be cured or to hide, I decided to get married; I had three kids. I managed to suppress my urges for some time but eventually the pressures grew too great and I had a complete breakdown. I tried to punch a hole through concrete. I was hospitalized, and was given aversion therapy in the form of drugs and electric shock treatments. Of course nothing worked; I ended up with an identity crisis that will follow me to the grave. I have been in the care of 4 psychiatrists and 3 psychologists. I divorced after 15 years but have never turned my back on my family nor my family responsibilities; my children know I'm gay. I made many gay friends but had to attend funeral after funeral as these young people succumbed to that dreadful disease. In my late 70's now I have few friends; both gay people and straight people are uncomfortable with a gay married man. My Identity crisis has inhibited my ability to reach out and seek friendship. I joined the local men's shed but realized I had nothing in common with my fellow members. The men's shed is all about making wooden toys and not about relieving loneliness. Increasingly, I feel the need to talk to someone . . . just to talk to someone. I don't mean to moan about my lot in life but . . . just to talk with someone. I take pills for depression, anxiety, mood disorder and arthritic pain; but there's no pill available that is a cure for loneliness.

Scared To Express Love

replies: 2

I'm bisexual, and have a girlfriend, we've been dating for over a month, but we haven't done anything in FRONT of people ( kiss, hug ). It's mainly because I choose not too, I'm scared of the judgement that will come with this type of relationship. I can tell my girlfriend is getting sick of it. I love her, and I want to show the world, but how do I do that if I'm scared to be judged ? Please help....

Liberation - no more online apps and websites

replies: 11

Hi everyone, It's taken me about 10 cycles of installing apps to try and find someone nice, then getting really upset and "pushing my big red trigger button". Painful lessons driven by the need to find someone to cuddle up to and talk. Of course there are other ways to meet people, but as we all know it's difficult to leave the house sometimes so online dating etc makes some sense. I got sick of being ignored (3% hit rate on returned greetings) I got sick of people lying when I challenge them on why they didn't say hello back I got sick, it became almost obsessive and a big fat trigger for me. I'm sure sites and apps work for some people - awesome, just not me. What have your experiences been? Paul

HOCD

replies: 2

I have been having homosexual OCD ever since taking LSD. I know I am not gay and I am in love with my beautiful wife. But my brain will find anything to latch onto to convince myself that I am. I have tried looking at gay porn and am not interested. ... View more

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Discovering my gender, what am I? replies: 11

Gender stereotyping in marketing - is there a place for it anymore? replies: 10

Uncomfortable about ordinary things replies: 7

Nearly 30, anxious and trying to come out replies: 3

OUTCASTS replies: 32

Orlando replies: 22

LONELINESS replies: 10

Scared To Express Love replies: 2

Liberation - no more online apps and websites replies: 11

HOCD replies: 2