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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Gruffudd So what is your cultural background? How does sexuality fit?
  • replies: 2

Just some curiosity on my part. When I was a teenager in the Phillipines my sexuality wasn't acknowledged and didn't exist, except for the night out ten pin bowling when I ditched the sunrise methodist church youth group for the Manila fairy queens. ... View more

Just some curiosity on my part. When I was a teenager in the Phillipines my sexuality wasn't acknowledged and didn't exist, except for the night out ten pin bowling when I ditched the sunrise methodist church youth group for the Manila fairy queens. oops. I would do it again though. My father is Welsh and at times is most unhappy that I am not fulfilling what he sees as my life purpose - breeding. Shame. My brother said I am probably out of the will. On the other hand I found France to be heaven when I passed through there...

Embracing_Tiger Not man/woman enough ... and finding "me"
  • replies: 5

Sometimes, the thought "I'm not man enough" grates through my mind. It happened a lot more in my teenage years when I was discovering that my sexuality wasn't straight, but it still happens. It probably didn't help that I went to an all boys school. ... View more

Sometimes, the thought "I'm not man enough" grates through my mind. It happened a lot more in my teenage years when I was discovering that my sexuality wasn't straight, but it still happens. It probably didn't help that I went to an all boys school. Boys weren't supposed to be attract to other boys, only girls. Boys/men are supposed to like footy. Men are supposed to be strong, stoic ... never show weakness or emotions (unless you won the grand final, but even then ...). I used to agonise over why I couldn't be like everyone else. I hated myself. I plunged into the deep black hole that is depression. But I couldn't let anyone know that I was drowning on dry land, real men don't do that. Why couldn't I just be normal? It would so much easier! After nearly 15 years, when I was at one my darkest times, did I admit I needed help. The fear of violating this idea of masculinity stopped me from getting help for so long. I am me. It has been a hard journey, one that I am still on. I've had to redefine what masculinity/femininity is to me, but in moments of doubt that negative thought rattles it's cage. Sadly, sometimes I feel other gay cis-men think that I'm not man enough. I am me, and that's okay. Sexual, gender and intersex diverse people often find it hard to conform to the binary gender norms. How have gender norms impacted you and your mental health?

Paul Summer's Coming and Body Image.
  • replies: 5

Summer is on its way. That usually means beach or swimming, wearing cooler and perhaps more revealing clothing (than slippers and trakkie daks). Body image is the way we see ourselves and the thoughts/feelings that go along with it. How do you feel a... View more

Summer is on its way. That usually means beach or swimming, wearing cooler and perhaps more revealing clothing (than slippers and trakkie daks). Body image is the way we see ourselves and the thoughts/feelings that go along with it. How do you feel about your body? What's the part you like the most? What's the part you dislike the most? How does body image impact on your emotional health? Paul

M6100S Had sex with my (strait) best friend
  • replies: 4

I have had the worst anxiety the past week because me and my best friend were really drunk and slept together (both girls). We have been close for about 6 years and I have felt attracted to her in the past but never thought it would go anywhere becau... View more

I have had the worst anxiety the past week because me and my best friend were really drunk and slept together (both girls). We have been close for about 6 years and I have felt attracted to her in the past but never thought it would go anywhere because she insisted on being 100% hetro. The morning after when I woke up I just felt terrible, like what have I done, then 3 days later after having the worst sadness/ anxiety I went over to her house and told her how I felt. I said that I wished she wasn't strait and that I had romantic feelings for her. She said that she was drunk and it was a stupid mistake and it meant nothing to her. I feel awful, heartbroken and rejected. Now we are not really friends, we don't talk and it's awkward. Any advice on how to get through this would be great. Thanks

SwansFan Coming out
  • replies: 9

Hi guys, Basically I've been struggling ever since I realised I was gay -- a couple years ago. At first all I could think of was that my life wasn't worth living, no one would accept me, I didn't want to be this way etc...My whole perception of mysel... View more

Hi guys, Basically I've been struggling ever since I realised I was gay -- a couple years ago. At first all I could think of was that my life wasn't worth living, no one would accept me, I didn't want to be this way etc...My whole perception of myself underwent a radical transformation. Thankfully, I'm in a much better place now. I've sought help from my GP and psych, and the meds I've been on have helped immensely. I went from having daily panic attacks to being able to now effectively control them, or at least keep them at bay. My friends and family (those who I've told) have been extremely supportive. For some reason I'm still so hesitant to open up to others, especially people I've known for many years. I feel that they have this idea of me in their head and that telling them would shatter that image of me. Kind of self-absorbed I know haha. Most days I'm good. But I do feel every now and then inferior to a lot of my friends. (I just attended a wedding, and while I was so happy for the couple, I also felt incredibly sad, because I felt I'd never experience that feeling). Society's come a loooong way in recent years I know, but you still can't help but feel somewhat of an outsider. And the thing is, I've never been someone who's craved relationships or who's needed the intimacy or anything. I just fear that I'll never fully accept myself and won't allow myself to explore what, and who, is out there for me. I tend to take a very defeatist, dismissive stance regarding my own potential love life, because I feel I'd be be doing everyone a favour by being alone. Anyway. Thanks for listening. Appreciate hearing from anyone. Take care

Lanno Unsupportive Family
  • replies: 10

More and more recently, my girlfriend has been bullied by her parents. The are very religious, and very homophobic. We are lesbians, and have decided that the best thing for her to do is to move out to get away from them, and instead live with me and... View more

More and more recently, my girlfriend has been bullied by her parents. The are very religious, and very homophobic. We are lesbians, and have decided that the best thing for her to do is to move out to get away from them, and instead live with me and my housemates, who are my old high school friends. My girlfriend has intense anxiety, and is on medication but hasn't been able to find a psychologist that is the right fit for her. Our relationship is good, and her moving in will be a great improvement for her mental health. The problem is that her parents have a strong Greek background, meaning they really don't want her to leave them. Her parents have been emotionally manipulative, and it's really damaging. She hasn't been able to come out to them, so she has to say she's moving in with friends. She doesn't know how to tell her mum that she is moving out, and knows that once she leaves her parents, they will divorce. I guess what I'm asking is for some advice to make her transition as easy as possible because I know she's really anxious about the impact this will have on her family and herself), and for suggestions on how she can tell her mum. Maybe even for support organisations? I can't find any that seem to offer the right services. Thanks in advance.

Gruffudd What have you done today to make you feel proud?
  • replies: 5

There are moments when being my gay genderqueer self is the best feeling I have ever had. Often they are little things, some are big. They are good to remember on days when others make me feel bad for being who I am. What have you done today to make ... View more

There are moments when being my gay genderqueer self is the best feeling I have ever had. Often they are little things, some are big. They are good to remember on days when others make me feel bad for being who I am. What have you done today to make you feel proud? Tonight I came across a photo of me from when I was 15. In it I am in Wales and with my great uncle. It reminded me of a day when he, who was then in his 70's, took me for a walk along the old disused rail line that leads up towards Nantgarw. As we walked he said that he had seen me looking at the boy over the road and he knew that look. He then told me his story, how when he was a teenager he began working on the trains and fell in love with an engine driver. It turned out that the driver felt the same way. The story ended in tragedy during the war. My uncle wanted to tell me that it didn't matter that I was different and that I belonged somewhere and that he wanted me to be happy. Even now the memory in that photo makes me feel good about being gay and so proud of my great uncle.

Clare1 Gender diversity...is it a personal choice? And if so, would it be selfish?
  • replies: 5

The most frequent question I was asked when I started my transition from Anthony towards Clare was "Why are you choosing to do this weird thing?"And because I had felt weird and different and ashamed for most of my life, I didn't know what to say. I ... View more

The most frequent question I was asked when I started my transition from Anthony towards Clare was "Why are you choosing to do this weird thing?"And because I had felt weird and different and ashamed for most of my life, I didn't know what to say. I just felt more deeply ashamed, depressed and alone. Why was I doing this strange thing, scaring my kids, irritating my wife, puzzling my workmates? Why was I being so selfish, embarrassing my children, attracting abuse and ridicule? How could I be putting my fantasies ahead of my concern for my family? I was putting my family, my job, my reputation and my life at risk!So I decided to do some research. Everything is available online, and Mr Google knows how to find it. Of course, there are a million opinions about everything, and it takes a while to sort out the facts from the crap. But eventually it became clear that gender and sexuality is determined by the action of hormones WHILE WE ARE IN THE WOMB!!When we are born, we are already programmed to be either hetero or homosexual, trans or cisgendered. We don't choose these things, they're chosen for us way before we're able to choose anything! The only choice we make is either to accept who we are and live an authentic life of honesty and openness, or to stay in some kind of closet and risk the inner conflict of being at war with yourself.I believe that one of the most common causes of depression and self-harm is the fear of opening yourself to the wonderful world of gender diversity. And if it's selfish to do whatever it takes to find happiness, then ok let's be selfish!What do you think?

Gruffudd Letters to Matthew
  • replies: 2

Risking oversharing, but it is the time of year when I write to Matthew Shepard. Matt and I are the same age, live out west far away from any big city, and have had to deal with a fair bit of harassment over the years. Matt has taught me that I can o... View more

Risking oversharing, but it is the time of year when I write to Matthew Shepard. Matt and I are the same age, live out west far away from any big city, and have had to deal with a fair bit of harassment over the years. Matt has taught me that I can overcome it by finding joy in being what/who I am and in celebrating others as they are. I never sent any of the letters, and it makes me cry to think that I only know of him because of what happened. I think I write because I want him to know that he is not alone out there. Back in 1998 there was no internet where I lived, the phone line was shared with the neighbours, no point having a mobile because you had to travel into town to use it, and the only way to meet other gay and lesbian people was to risk going out to a run down pub on the last Wednesday of the month where in the main bar there were cowboys and in the ladies lounge us queers. The only thing we had in common was the Congo line when Tina Turner belted out the nutbush. It was fine until closing time and then just a bit scary in the car park or the long walk home. I've been reading through some of those old letters. I would love to tell the kid writing them that it will be OK and some of great things that were to happen, and of course to not let Sebastian go. So I'm wondering about something. Matt is one of the queer milestones of my life. What or who has been a milestone for you?

Clare1 Do gender diverse people (LGBTI or Q) have the right to seek their own happiness without considering the effects on their families or friends?
  • replies: 6

I believe the correct term for someone who has no consideration for the feelings of others is sociopath! And I guess there are one or two LGBTIQ gender variant sociopaths out there, but I haven't met one yet (and I hope I don't). So even though we ma... View more

I believe the correct term for someone who has no consideration for the feelings of others is sociopath! And I guess there are one or two LGBTIQ gender variant sociopaths out there, but I haven't met one yet (and I hope I don't). So even though we may have the right to treat other people any way we like, I can't imagine any of us being so callous and self-centred. I have always thought that we gender diverse people, having been through the years of teasing and shame, tend to be more sensitive, rather than less. I would much prefer to hang with gay, lesbian and trans people than "normal" ones...we seem to be better listeners, easier companions, more able to show empathy. So we are probably more likely to be gentle and sensitive about our own pursuit of happiness than others. And those of us who have enough self love to take the risk of seeking our own happiness might have enough of that love to have some left over for the people in our lives.