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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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EMT stuck in a identity rut discussed for the first time
  • replies: 13

Hello everyone. I have a story to tell and its a long one. For insight I'm a single parent, no true emotional support and no legitimate friends. Yesterday I spend 6 hours driving around to all the known beats in brisbane looking for sex. When I FINAL... View more

Hello everyone. I have a story to tell and its a long one. For insight I'm a single parent, no true emotional support and no legitimate friends. Yesterday I spend 6 hours driving around to all the known beats in brisbane looking for sex. When I FINALLY gave up and drove home I found myself in a state of depression, again. As usual my emotions were in conflict with my logic and my core values were scrutinized like I was sifting through rubble and ash looking for anything salvageable or of value to me to hold onto, to identity with. I work hard each day to at least feel "normal" and I know full well with each action, thought, behavior and words what I'm trying to find is authentic self.I'm tired, bored, alone, afraid and most certainly lost and for the first time ever I've realize how precious and short life is not to be true to yourself. Question is I feel marooned alone on a desolate island surrounded by shark infested water thinking I have the potential to find a way off but I can't figure out how. I'm in need of guidance to shift my thinking out of this rut, this wasted rut. thanks for reading.

Alec Am I transgender? confusion with gender? FTM? Non-binary?
  • replies: 4

I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, i get dysphoria but i don't always have dysphoria but the... View more

I really want to be a boy, im not sure if this makes me trans it just seems so farfetched how could i be transgender.I want to be a boy and be seen as one but iv always known myself as female, i get dysphoria but i don't always have dysphoria but then i feel worried about where the dysphoria went and im afraid im making myself feel or think this? It has been on my mind 24/7 for months and im still confused. I see my school councillor and she said she sees no signs that this is the wrong path for me I have wanted to be a boy for years, it started as a casual 'i wish i was a guy' and the older i have gotten the more instant the thought has become, now im jealous of guys FTMs and all other male identifying individuals i have dysphoria about my chest i always saw my boobs as useless lumps of fat and the older i get and the more i think about me being trans the more uncomfortable i become with them sometimes i cant touch them without feeling nauseous, if i can feel them there i dont like it. the thought of having sex as female makes me uncomfortable and disappointed and i hate being 'girly' there is nothing feminine about me besides my body, i never fit in as girl, i hate dresses they just seem 'wrong' when i see myself in them. i have experimented with my gender since questioning i have bound my chest, packed, been more masculine, none of this seems wrong the more i do it more i want to do it more and all the time, i hate being called lady and woman and i hate when people say you will make a good wife, and the thought of being pregnant and giving birth to a kid makes me feel wrong and uncomfortable. since i have started thinking i might be trans my dysphoria has gotten so much worse i didn't used to get genital dysphoria but now i do i realise that i will never actually be fully male i will never be 100% biologically male i dont want to be trans i just want to be a cis guy.i used to be fine with people saying she/ her but now it just pisses me off and i like getting mistaken as a boy or if some says u look like a boy i feel happy and proud. every time i start to think of myself as male or think maybe i am trans and maybe i am a boy i think about my body and the way people see me and i realise that im a girl, i feel like im just faking it in some way like i have somehow convinced myself to feel a certain way iv even told some family some accept it some dont and im considering transisting at school but im afraid of being wrong.

Reaperbird Gender Questions
  • replies: 20

Okay so I'm 25 and identify as agender (genderqueer/non gender/non binary). Instead of going in to detail I just want to post some questions and if any you have any answers I'd really appreciate it. So uh, here goes: 1) Who do I talk to about gender ... View more

Okay so I'm 25 and identify as agender (genderqueer/non gender/non binary). Instead of going in to detail I just want to post some questions and if any you have any answers I'd really appreciate it. So uh, here goes: 1) Who do I talk to about gender transitioning? Things like hormones, surgery, etc. (I already asked my doctor, but she was no help.) 2) How do I 'come out' when I have such high social anxiety? I don't need to tell everyone I'm trans or anything, but even asking people to use my preferred name is really embarrassing. I feel scared people will judge me or ask why. Does anyone else get nervous about this stuff? 3) Is it hard to get your name legally changed? Will I be accepted? 4) I don't identify as male or female, and have mixed emotions about who I am and who I want to be. Are there any support services I can talk to about it? (I might add, I'm from a small rural town.) 5) I often feel like a "fake" because I'm never certain about my gender, is this normal? Thanks for reading!

Greg4 Married and gay tendancy
  • replies: 12

Just hoping for some advice. I've been married nearly 30 years and just 6 months ago my wife discovered my secret. I believe I'm happily married, but the hurt I've caused my wife is tearing me apart. I've got three adult children who are unaware. My ... View more

Just hoping for some advice. I've been married nearly 30 years and just 6 months ago my wife discovered my secret. I believe I'm happily married, but the hurt I've caused my wife is tearing me apart. I've got three adult children who are unaware. My wife has told a few friends on the quiet and I'm glad she has as she has needed their support. I want to remain with my wife and no longer have any extra activities. I just have trouble coping with her 'down days'. Her days being caused by my previous activities. I've had depression as long as I can remember, no longer taking any medication. Do other people live like this? Has anyone any hints for coping?

Dommy A soul destroying combination - homosexuality, loneliness and depression
  • replies: 9

I am almost 50, unmarried, gay and single. I've known since I was about 12 that I was this way but have only "come out of the closet" over the last year and only to a few people - my parents included - and they have been comfortable with it. I've nev... View more

I am almost 50, unmarried, gay and single. I've known since I was about 12 that I was this way but have only "come out of the closet" over the last year and only to a few people - my parents included - and they have been comfortable with it. I've never had a gay relationship but have had relationships with women. I have to admit that on a couple of occasions I did so in the hope that it would spark some sort of chemical reaction and "make me straight." Needless to say, that was pretty ignorant. A number of people on here have said how they have their own families, despite their sexual orientation, and that the relationship they still have with their children is good. The one thing I have always wanted in my life was to have a family - kids of my own - and to have the joy of watching them grow up and onward. I see my straight friends with their families, I see the joy in their faces, I see the happiness between the parents, I see them go through the ups and downs of family life and through it all I anguish inside. I am guttered by the fact that I'll not experience this the way my friends do. I know that gay people have families - I have seen some and a number of people here have said they've experienced it. The problem for me is that being gay has filled me with so much self hatred / anger, it depresses me to know that there is nothing I can do to change my sexuality. I've never been in a homosexual relationship although I have gone online to try and find someone to chat with about a common situation. Unfortunately I've had no such luck in that area. So many people on these sites are after discussions on explicit sexual activities and not so much about companionship. At the end of the day I suppose I just want someone to talk to, someone to be able to come home to at the end of the day to share a life with - not to have sex with. More and more as time progresses I realise it is becoming less likely that this will ever happen for me. Living in a small country town doesn't help much either when you're a single person living on your own. I can so relate to the lyrics from the Eagles song; "Desparado" when it says; "you're prison is walking through this world all alone." I don't know where to go from here, I see myself over half way through life without ever experiencing true happiness. When you come home to an empty house, the sounds of loneliness are deafening and soul destroying.

Grazee YOUNG AND GAY
  • replies: 4

I was talking to my doctor about the difficulties of being gay and he commented that, in his inner city practice he had many young gay patients who presumably didn't have any problems being gay. I was going to be cheeky and ask 'then why are they a p... View more

I was talking to my doctor about the difficulties of being gay and he commented that, in his inner city practice he had many young gay patients who presumably didn't have any problems being gay. I was going to be cheeky and ask 'then why are they a patient?' but I shut my gob before I asked such a question. But I became curious about his comment and thought I'd ask young gay guys if being gay has become easier. I'm talking about how the outside hetro world treats young gay guys these days. Is it easier fellas?

Gruffudd Heterosexual Privilege
  • replies: 12

There are certain things that I as a queer person have to think about, face up to, confront, suffer, that heterosexual people can live with as some kind of privilege and take for granted. Lucky them, so I thought I'd make a list of some of those thin... View more

There are certain things that I as a queer person have to think about, face up to, confront, suffer, that heterosexual people can live with as some kind of privilege and take for granted. Lucky them, so I thought I'd make a list of some of those things from my experience and the brains trust on the internet, just to say to other LGBTI people, you are not alone. Expressing affection in most social situations and not expecting hostile or violent reactions from others. Expecting to be around others of your sexuality most of the time. Not worrying about being the only one of your sexuality in a class, on a job, or in a social situation. Living with your partner and doing so openly. Expressing pain when a relationship ends from death or separation and receiving support from others. Learning about romance and relationships from fiction movies and television. Raise, adopt, and teach children without people believing that you will molest them or force them into your sexuality. Not having to hide or lie about women/men only social activities. Acting, dressing, or talking as you choose without it being a reflection on people of your sexuality. Joint child custody or being recognised as the other parent on a birth certificate. Going wherever you wish and know that you will not be harassed, beaten, or killed because of your sexuality. Not worrying about being mistreated by the police or victimized by the criminal justice system because of your sexuality. Legal marriage to the person you love. Knowing that your basic civil rights will not be denied or outlawed because some people disapprove of your sexuality. Expect that your children will be given texts in school that support your kind of family unit and they will not be taught that your sexuality is a “perversion.” Belonging to the religious denomination of your choice and know that your sexuality will not be denounced by its religious leaders. Knowing that you will not be fired from a job or denied a promotion based on your sexuality. Talking openly about your relationship, holidays, and family planning you and your lover/partner are doing. Immediate access to your loved one in case of accident or emergency. Having positive and accurate media images of people with whom you can identify. Having role models of your gender and sexual orientation. ​and I know there are more things that could be on the list... add them if you like.

Gruffudd Ways we destroy relationships.
  • replies: 6

I came across this article (with a little help) that went through different ways that gay men destroy their relationships. Reflecting on it I think what is described in it applies across the LGBTI spectrum. There isn't the same structure given to us ... View more

I came across this article (with a little help) that went through different ways that gay men destroy their relationships. Reflecting on it I think what is described in it applies across the LGBTI spectrum. There isn't the same structure given to us for relationships as the rest of society (although I feel like with the whole marriage thing we are buying into that straight model more then in the past). So we have made our own models, there is a lot that works and there are some patterns that don't. Here is the list from that article: Having unrealistic expectations Clingy codependency Passive aggressive game playing Selfish behaviors Letting disagreements turn into major blowouts Ongoing use of drugs and alcohol Not regularly making time for one another Thinking something “better” will come along Being too quick to open up the relationship Not having shared goals So I have been with all those 10, and combinations of them. I probably do one or two myself (like 7 and 10). Rob.

Hamlet_24 Asexuality
  • replies: 26

I was just wondering if anyone here identifies as asexual? I've been writing a book with an asexual protaganist and I've slowly come to realise that his story is my story. All my life I've thought I was gay and for all intents and purposes I am but I... View more

I was just wondering if anyone here identifies as asexual? I've been writing a book with an asexual protaganist and I've slowly come to realise that his story is my story. All my life I've thought I was gay and for all intents and purposes I am but I've slowly come to realise that the relationships I want with men aren't necessarily centred around sex. In the past I've justified my feelings about sex as being a bi product of my illness (Borderline, Depression, anxiety-fun times) and my problems with intimacy but I've realised that sex isn't a very high priority for me. I've been doing a lot of reading and I think I might be gray-asexual or demi sexual. The other night I actually got really upset because this revalation has actually caused me to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about myself; I've had to fight so hard to be gay and I don't think I can come out again, I don't think people will take me seriously and most of all I don't know how I can pursue a meaningful relationship. Nobody ever talks about asexuality or people with a low, non existent sex drive and we are just surrounded by sex and I've over compensated by talking about it a lot and having many sexual partners but I've just felt nothing, it's always been an ego trip or power thing never about the sex itself. The other night I realised that what I want is companionship and I got really sad because I realised that I have friends who I want more from without really wanting to go to bed with them, I'm ok if they want to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere but I'd want them to come home to me. It breaks my heart because I never feel like I'll ever get that. Sorry this has been so incoherent, it's much easier to write about it from a fictional standpoint.

Alex_86 Sexuality
  • replies: 17

Hi, I'm sorry if this is a taboo topic; I promise it's all clean and PC. I'm suffering from bad anxiety, have been for a long while, and one of the looming dreads is related to sexuality. Ever since I was a teen I've been waiting for sex to interest ... View more

Hi, I'm sorry if this is a taboo topic; I promise it's all clean and PC. I'm suffering from bad anxiety, have been for a long while, and one of the looming dreads is related to sexuality. Ever since I was a teen I've been waiting for sex to interest me, to have a crush on someone, to get what all the fuss is about. I never bothered to date in highschool and towards the end started to think that maybe something was wrong. In time I started to frantically hope that perhaps I was homosexual, perhaps I hadn't noticed any attraction because I'd been looking at the wrong people, you know? But nothing. Back in the mid 2000s I found out about asexuality and I still don't know what to think. If it's real it fits what I am; and I hate that. I feel like a broken person to not, and to never have, felt this huge drive that media tells us is integral to the human experience. I want to fix it. I've had my hormones checked (all in working order), I grew up in a happy home that didn't demonise nor lionise sex so it's not like I grew up with strange notions. I don't have anything to pin this problem on, I don't know what to do, and it's crushing.

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