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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Proud_Purple Purple conflict (Trigger warning: sexual abuse)
  • replies: 1

I've been married to my wife for 19 years. Before we got married I had relationships with both sexes. I knew I was Bi from a young age but I decided I wanted a family so gave up part of who I am to have children. A few weeks ago my wife came out to m... View more

I've been married to my wife for 19 years. Before we got married I had relationships with both sexes. I knew I was Bi from a young age but I decided I wanted a family so gave up part of who I am to have children. A few weeks ago my wife came out to me and told me she was Bi sexual and wanted to know if I was open to her exploring her sexuality. At this stage she didn't know my secret but I told her that I support her and she is free to explore her sexuality with other women. Then I told her about my own sexuality. She burst into tears told me it just can't be true and ran from the room. We are now sleeping in separate rooms and our relationship is on the edge. I love my wife and always have I've told her I'm not looking for a hall pass I just owed her the truth. Do I still have desires for men, yes I do. Do I miss intimate male contact, from time to time yes. Can I continue to be monogamous with my wife while she explores her sexuality I believe I can, but she can't seem to get past the fact that I have slept with other men, she's fixated on the fact that I was sexualy abused from the age 9 until I was 12 that I'm not Bi but it's because I was raped as a child ( and yes I do suffer from PTSD due to that experience. ) How do I show her that I really am Bi but I'm content with the life I have chosen, how do I save my marriage and not make my wife feel any guilt for being who she is.

Lisaftmlucas Feeling so alone
  • replies: 5

Hi my name is lucas I'm a ftm transgender and I've been suffering from gender dysforia for along time my twin brother and I have been in and out of hospital for different reasons, my brother has had massive mental health problems and people don't kno... View more

Hi my name is lucas I'm a ftm transgender and I've been suffering from gender dysforia for along time my twin brother and I have been in and out of hospital for different reasons, my brother has had massive mental health problems and people don't know that I have been too.peoplejust look at me like I'm dealing with basically nothing that because I had trouble with opening up to people the last month or so I have this amazing person named alice by myside she makes me feel comfortable talking to her I could tell her anything the last few days I haven't been able to sleep and I've been feeling really unsettled and suicidal i wish i could tell people what's going on please help me regards lucas

DireVi Being forced to hide being trans on my Birthday.
  • replies: 2

This is so messed up. A little while ago I finally came out to my family as trans, but some of my family are putting their own feelings above my own. My dad and my aunt have teamed up and are telling me to not tell my mum because they don't want my m... View more

This is so messed up. A little while ago I finally came out to my family as trans, but some of my family are putting their own feelings above my own. My dad and my aunt have teamed up and are telling me to not tell my mum because they don't want my mum to "stress them out". My mum may be transphobic, but there is genuinely no excuse for this behaviour. The fact that they could think it's okay to make the choice for someone else about whether they come out or not is infuriating me. Today my aunt, dad and mum are coming to my house for a mini birthday gathering. Due to their abhorrent request, I now will have to deal with misgendering, deadnaming, and dysphoria all day. I am not in any way mentally prepared for this, and I suspect that they will thoroughly enjoy not having to respect me based on how they have acted after I came out to them. Them doing this has forced me to have another birthday where I have to pretend to be someone else. This is truly unforgivable behaviour in my eyes.

NJS_1 I'm confused with my sexuality
  • replies: 12

Hi, I've just join and this is my first time doing this. So, here goes nothing. I've been questioning my sexuality on and off for about 1 year and 5 months. It has been frustrating, scary, stressful, confronting and I just don't know anymore. I also ... View more

Hi, I've just join and this is my first time doing this. So, here goes nothing. I've been questioning my sexuality on and off for about 1 year and 5 months. It has been frustrating, scary, stressful, confronting and I just don't know anymore. I also was questioning when I was 16 and it was just as challenging. With Covid-19 happening and causing all the LGBTQ+ groups closing I haven't been able to talk to someone from the community who I could (possibly) relate to, so I thought I'd give this a try. I've come out as bisexual to some family members, including my parent and they're supportive, but I feel like bisexual doesn't suit me. This has lead me to think 'am I a lesbian?'. I've talked to my psychologist about my sexuality as well, but I worry I'm annoying her because I've brought it up a quite a bit and also, I would like to talk to someone who is part of the community. There is someone, a friend, who is bisexual, but she hasn't had this much trouble with figuring out her sexuality and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about this. I bottle this up sometimes and when I have I become awkward, I feel like I can't talk properly and I'm not entirely truthful. I feel incredibly alone, I feel like I'm the only one in the world who feels this way and I can't take this stressful questioning any longer - I need to talk to someone. If there is someone, any advice would be much appreciated.

TheWayfarer I may have made a really big mistake
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I might have made a really big mistake. It all started when I fell in love with a friend (same gender) a little over a year ago. It was such a whirlwind rush - we got along so easily and well, chatted every day and saw each other around 4 tim... View more

Hi all, I might have made a really big mistake. It all started when I fell in love with a friend (same gender) a little over a year ago. It was such a whirlwind rush - we got along so easily and well, chatted every day and saw each other around 4 times a week. We did a lot of activities together and I quickly fell for him. He was so sweet, and despite the fact that I shared my history of mental health struggles - he was always really supportive and didn't run away (like a lot of people do). It wasn't always smooth sailing - we did have our fights and one in particular was really bad where we didn't talk for over 4 months this year. Initially, I was so apprehensive to tell my feelings, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn't. I was so scared he was going to reject me - but he didn't - initially he was really cool about it. But that fight - he threw it back in my face and it made me feel ashamed of my own feelings. I couldn't help but think about him every day, missing him and wondering if he was okay - despite the fact that he hurt me really badly. Then out of the blue - he contacts me again and explained he had a lot of things going on - and that he didn't want to come back until he was better. I was still very hurt, but honestly, it brightens up my day when i get to see him and talk to him again. Corona hit him pretty hard, and he was pretty much isolated from a lot of people, so I jumped at the opportunity that he had elected me to be his social bubble. And very much like a whirlwind - when he said he wanted a housemate - I leapt at that opportunity too. But now that he's seeing other people, I keep having constant thoughts of him abandoning me again. Our usual moments together seem less special because he's constantly on his phone with the person he's currently dating with. I feel like I'm slowly losing him again and it really hurts. And the kicker? I still have major feelings for him. I worked really hard trying to focus on myself and my own development - I was so fortunate to still be working and finding days meaningful again in the four months without him. But every day I missed him, despite piling on work and activities to try and get away from thoughts of him. Now we're under the same roof (and I don't have much money) - I can't escape the predicament I'm in. That I'm in love with my friend who's slowly drifting apart from me. After everything he's been through, I feel so bad for burdening him with my feelings. I'm so lost.

DireVi In a position where I have to finally tell my dad I'm trans.
  • replies: 2

I've known I was trans for about 4 years, but have never had the guts to tell my dad. He's a very strange mix of ignorantly transphobic and loving. With my mum it's really simple, because she's just purely transphobic and hateful so I don't even care... View more

I've known I was trans for about 4 years, but have never had the guts to tell my dad. He's a very strange mix of ignorantly transphobic and loving. With my mum it's really simple, because she's just purely transphobic and hateful so I don't even care about her reaction as it won't affect me. I live out of home so I'm safe from any of their reactions, but it's still extremely hard. I've been writing a letter for weeks now, trying to get it perfect before I send it to my dad. How am I meant to even do something like this? I don't think I've ever done something that had such potential to completely change my life. Because I know that if he treats me poorly, I will probably not speak to him for a very long time, and I also know that there's a chance that he will disown me (just based on things he's said in the past). So in my mind it's an extremely intense situation to be put in. I've always seen my dad as loving, and he's the only family member I trust - but this might change all of that. All of this has come to a head due to the fact that I need to tell him now, or else things are going to become very confusing for him, as this Friday I'm sending off my legal name change forms and am beginning voice training. Sorry for all the text. This is just a super intense time for me.

Wizz_Fizz I'm having trouble figuring out who I am...
  • replies: 5

Hi! I'm going to get right into this... I am having trouble figuring out what gender I am. For the longest time I've always pushed these thoughts to the back of my head but now that my friends have been figuring out their identity, these thoughts hav... View more

Hi! I'm going to get right into this... I am having trouble figuring out what gender I am. For the longest time I've always pushed these thoughts to the back of my head but now that my friends have been figuring out their identity, these thoughts have resurfaced. I've been given the label of female at birth. I don't identify as trans as I don't think I'm a man. I'm shifting between just female or non-binary, but I don't know what I feel comfortable with or what I should do to find out what I am. I'm also worried to settle with non-binary as two of my friends have come out as non-binary and I don't want to seem like I'm copying them... On social media, I'm having people refer to me as Wizz, and I feel happy when people call me that but I also don't care when people call me by my birth name either. I have even put She/They in my social media bios so people can call me whichever. I have no idea what I am and I'd like a helpful push in any direction or just some tips to help figure out what I am in a much less roundabout and confusing way. I'm just so confused...

PlainJane01 Helping my transgender brother be more positive
  • replies: 2

My younger brother is affected daily by his gender dysphoria. He is only 16 and hasn’t had top surgery. despises his chests. Spends up to half an hour looking in the mirror hating himself. He is self harming. I hate seeing him so against himself. He ... View more

My younger brother is affected daily by his gender dysphoria. He is only 16 and hasn’t had top surgery. despises his chests. Spends up to half an hour looking in the mirror hating himself. He is self harming. I hate seeing him so against himself. He has started taking anti depressants and talks to a councillor. But struggles to seek the actual help himself and consult a professional in this matter. I have given him all the resources and support, but he refuses to get help. He expresses deep emotions, then gives me the cold shoulder as if he’s ashamed he’s said too much. I hope to know your views. Is there something I should be doing different? When you were transitioning what support would you have liked to have from your family? Or those experiencing a similar situation currently. Advice would be much appreciated.

EW224 I'm in love with my best friend (same gender) and don't know what to do
  • replies: 5

Hi, My best friend and I have known each other and been super close for more than 6 years. And only recently (the last year or so) have I began to realise that I am actually in love with her. She knows I'm bisexual (which I'm still struggling with, s... View more

Hi, My best friend and I have known each other and been super close for more than 6 years. And only recently (the last year or so) have I began to realise that I am actually in love with her. She knows I'm bisexual (which I'm still struggling with, she's the only person who knows), when I first told her a few years ago she had a negative reaction, but now we're all good and she supports me and loves and accepts me. But it's getting so painful to be around her, because I like her so much. We hang out all the time and call and text, any time she messages I drop whatever I'm doing to respond, I'm just so happy when I'm with her, and it's never like this with other people. We're very open and honest, and she tells me things she doesn't tell other people, and we touch and hug a lot. She's had 3 boyfriends, but always broken up with them for vague reasons. A few months ago when discussing her recent breakup she said 'Am I even straight' in a joking kind of way though. Bottom line is, her friendship means the world to me and I don't want things to get weird, I don't know if I should tell her how I feel because of her dating history and when she talks about marriage and kids and stuff it's heterosexual. But we're always holding hands and we're just different together than when we're with other people. I'm scared that if I tell her she will reject me and things will get weird, and that every time we hug or have a sleepover or something, it'll be uncomfortable and that our friendship will never be the same again. Sometimes I consider ending our friendship because I can't deal with this, but I need her in my life and vice versa. I don't want to jeopardise our friendship because its the best thing I have but at the same time, I feel like I'm about to explode keeping it all inside. Please any advice would be helpful! Thanks so much

el-d I don't know what's wrong with me
  • replies: 2

Ok, so I know I'm a lesbian. I keep dropping small hints to my friends so when I do eventually come out (maybe in a year or two) it won't be a big shock. (I'm kind of hoping for that "we already knew" response). Anyway, anytime I try to mention somet... View more

Ok, so I know I'm a lesbian. I keep dropping small hints to my friends so when I do eventually come out (maybe in a year or two) it won't be a big shock. (I'm kind of hoping for that "we already knew" response). Anyway, anytime I try to mention something about the LGBTQIAP+ community I uncontrollably shake. Today it was the worst. We were in health and the teacher was talking about the LGBTQIAP+ community and I couldn't stop shaking. I don't think anyone noticed (I was trying my hardest to stop but I couldn't). I was also sitting down, but I kept shaking while I left the classroom, went to my locker and went out for a break. It didn't stop until I went to my next class (so it lasted for about 45-60 minutes). I came out to my mum at the start of the year (it was kind of like forced out in a way, she asked me stuff because she could see that I was upset and stuff) and she said that I was "too young to know" and that "I shouldn't worry about it" then about a month or two later she told me "you know I wouldn't love you any less, I would prefer you weren't gay but if you are I will still love you." I wasn't really ready to tell anyone, it was humiliating. Anyway, has this happened to anyone else? I googled it and all it came up with was this study on Homosexuality Anxiety (HOCD) and I definitely know that isn't it.