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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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PlainJane01 Helping my transgender brother be more positive
  • replies: 2

My younger brother is affected daily by his gender dysphoria. He is only 16 and hasn’t had top surgery. despises his chests. Spends up to half an hour looking in the mirror hating himself. He is self harming. I hate seeing him so against himself. He ... View more

My younger brother is affected daily by his gender dysphoria. He is only 16 and hasn’t had top surgery. despises his chests. Spends up to half an hour looking in the mirror hating himself. He is self harming. I hate seeing him so against himself. He has started taking anti depressants and talks to a councillor. But struggles to seek the actual help himself and consult a professional in this matter. I have given him all the resources and support, but he refuses to get help. He expresses deep emotions, then gives me the cold shoulder as if he’s ashamed he’s said too much. I hope to know your views. Is there something I should be doing different? When you were transitioning what support would you have liked to have from your family? Or those experiencing a similar situation currently. Advice would be much appreciated.

EW224 I'm in love with my best friend (same gender) and don't know what to do
  • replies: 5

Hi, My best friend and I have known each other and been super close for more than 6 years. And only recently (the last year or so) have I began to realise that I am actually in love with her. She knows I'm bisexual (which I'm still struggling with, s... View more

Hi, My best friend and I have known each other and been super close for more than 6 years. And only recently (the last year or so) have I began to realise that I am actually in love with her. She knows I'm bisexual (which I'm still struggling with, she's the only person who knows), when I first told her a few years ago she had a negative reaction, but now we're all good and she supports me and loves and accepts me. But it's getting so painful to be around her, because I like her so much. We hang out all the time and call and text, any time she messages I drop whatever I'm doing to respond, I'm just so happy when I'm with her, and it's never like this with other people. We're very open and honest, and she tells me things she doesn't tell other people, and we touch and hug a lot. She's had 3 boyfriends, but always broken up with them for vague reasons. A few months ago when discussing her recent breakup she said 'Am I even straight' in a joking kind of way though. Bottom line is, her friendship means the world to me and I don't want things to get weird, I don't know if I should tell her how I feel because of her dating history and when she talks about marriage and kids and stuff it's heterosexual. But we're always holding hands and we're just different together than when we're with other people. I'm scared that if I tell her she will reject me and things will get weird, and that every time we hug or have a sleepover or something, it'll be uncomfortable and that our friendship will never be the same again. Sometimes I consider ending our friendship because I can't deal with this, but I need her in my life and vice versa. I don't want to jeopardise our friendship because its the best thing I have but at the same time, I feel like I'm about to explode keeping it all inside. Please any advice would be helpful! Thanks so much

el-d I don't know what's wrong with me
  • replies: 2

Ok, so I know I'm a lesbian. I keep dropping small hints to my friends so when I do eventually come out (maybe in a year or two) it won't be a big shock. (I'm kind of hoping for that "we already knew" response). Anyway, anytime I try to mention somet... View more

Ok, so I know I'm a lesbian. I keep dropping small hints to my friends so when I do eventually come out (maybe in a year or two) it won't be a big shock. (I'm kind of hoping for that "we already knew" response). Anyway, anytime I try to mention something about the LGBTQIAP+ community I uncontrollably shake. Today it was the worst. We were in health and the teacher was talking about the LGBTQIAP+ community and I couldn't stop shaking. I don't think anyone noticed (I was trying my hardest to stop but I couldn't). I was also sitting down, but I kept shaking while I left the classroom, went to my locker and went out for a break. It didn't stop until I went to my next class (so it lasted for about 45-60 minutes). I came out to my mum at the start of the year (it was kind of like forced out in a way, she asked me stuff because she could see that I was upset and stuff) and she said that I was "too young to know" and that "I shouldn't worry about it" then about a month or two later she told me "you know I wouldn't love you any less, I would prefer you weren't gay but if you are I will still love you." I wasn't really ready to tell anyone, it was humiliating. Anyway, has this happened to anyone else? I googled it and all it came up with was this study on Homosexuality Anxiety (HOCD) and I definitely know that isn't it.

Elle84 Needing to talk to someone
  • replies: 2

Hi, im 36 and I think I’ve just realised that I’m bisexual, I’m feeling confused and overwhelmed with thoughts, such as things I’ve thought of in the past that now make sense, and that I’m physically attracted to women, and I think I’m looking to con... View more

Hi, im 36 and I think I’ve just realised that I’m bisexual, I’m feeling confused and overwhelmed with thoughts, such as things I’ve thought of in the past that now make sense, and that I’m physically attracted to women, and I think I’m looking to connect with someone who understands and can help me through this, as it is very new to me.

BlueArt Really struggling to identify my sexuality
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, this might be a long one cause I'm super confused. I just really can't pinpoint my sexuality and it is starting to really frustrate me and interfere with life. I'm a 24 year old female and I've only had one relationship that could be conside... View more

Hi guys, this might be a long one cause I'm super confused. I just really can't pinpoint my sexuality and it is starting to really frustrate me and interfere with life. I'm a 24 year old female and I've only had one relationship that could be considered serious. I am still a virgin and honestly just don't know what I want. I'm wondering if I'm asexual. When I look at people I don't feel that rush of sexual attraction or any kind of sexual thoughts towards them, but when I see things on TV or in movies like two characters flirting or being dominant or similar then I feel something. I'm not really sure what the something is. It happens with both male and female characters. But when it comes to people in real life I feel nothing. I can see beauty and recognise it, it feels nice if someone flirts with me, but I just don't seem to feel anything but panic in return. Whenever someone seems remotely interested in me I get this feeling of absolute panic and cut it off. I don't even know why! It's like I feel trapped and i'll end up hurting them by leaving later so I just leave immediately. It is just so confusing. I want to fall in love and meet my person, but everytime someone gets close to me i panic. Not to mention the no idea on if i want sex bit but I want sex when it's not involving me. I just have no idea what's going on with me and what to do. Some friends have said I should just have sex to see what happens but I just never feel attracted enough to anyone to do it. Does anyone else feel this? Or have any advice? I feel so dumb that at 24 not only am I still a virgin, that I don't have a clue what I am.

AnotherOasis Am I a trans trender or really trans?
  • replies: 1

Hi y'all, So I think i'm trans but I never showed significant signs in my childhood. One of the few times i remember thinking about my gender was thinking about why i use the female bathroom if i don't feel like one. As a kid I also had some trauma r... View more

Hi y'all, So I think i'm trans but I never showed significant signs in my childhood. One of the few times i remember thinking about my gender was thinking about why i use the female bathroom if i don't feel like one. As a kid I also had some trauma relating to my father and men in general, idk if this important or not. I first heard of being transgender in 8th grade and the video seemed to describe everything about me and how i felt about my gender. I couldn't come out at school or to my parents so, online i was a guy and went by male pronouns and a male sounding name. Everything that i said kinda sounds like i am trans but from here I felt like a fake. I had come out to my parents during 9th grade and we saw a new paediatrician and my gp. On the first appointment they both said i wasn't trans because as a kid I didn't show enough signs and this was a phase to fit in at school, the all girls religious school, yeah ik. These doctors had spoken to my mother alone and me but only with my mother in the room as well. I cant stop thinking about what they said, they had only said anything to my mother and not to me, and i feel like a fake. All of my feelings are real and it causes me pain but the doctors refused to offer me any help besides social skills to fit in more with the girls. They didnt believe a word i had to say and treated me like a little kid, i was 15. What should i do? Am i a fake and creating some bs scheme to have more friends( im happy with my small group? Also how can i get help with my parents and on a tight budget? Thanks guys, Eli

Belle014 My Biological male partner identifies a s female.
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I am 32 and he is 26. I recently told my partner that I am bisexual, but that this does not effect my loyalty or love for him in any way and that it does not mean that I will cheat or that I want t... View more

Hi, My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I am 32 and he is 26. I recently told my partner that I am bisexual, but that this does not effect my loyalty or love for him in any way and that it does not mean that I will cheat or that I want threesomes. My first intimate experience ever, was with a girl and it left me very confused for a long time as I grew up in a very religious family, and this was seen as wrong. I had told my partner about this experience ages ago and when he asked if I was Bi I denied it. But I finally came to terms with it. My partner was very understanding and said that it doesn't change anything about us. My partner then came out to me a few months later, explaining that he has always identified as female and that he (I'll call my partner she/her now), - she , thought she could hide it until I disclosed that I was Bi. My partner realised that I might love her regardless of what gender she was and she finally came out, after a few months of her being depressed and anxious- and being too scared to open up. I am completely fine with this as I will be attracted to her and still love her for who she is no matter what, but it will be an adjustment. We are both talking to Psychologists and my Psychologist actually suggested finding a community to talk to as well (hence why I am here) My partner will start HRT soon and I am excited for her. I just want to be prepared for any possibility, can anyone give me advice on what to expect from others and what I can do to help with her transition? I also want to know what the best way of coming out will be. My sister, partner and a few friends know that I am Bi, but I am the only one who knows about my partner (except for his psychologist and doctor). I think most of our friends and family will be supportive, but I also know that some of them wont be. My dad is very religious and would be sad at knowing that I don't want kids either. He actually voted against gay marriage in Australia a few years ago and it made me really sad. I am scared about what his reaction might be. Thanks for reading, I appreciate any feedback and tips Cheers! From Belle

Val_da_man Don't feel like a 'valid' trans person (trans masc)
  • replies: 6

Heavy topic. So, it's been one whole year since I've come out to my parents. Neither of them made an effort to use my pronouns or name all this time, so I've been thrown back into the hellhole that is questioning my identity. I'm not sure exactly whe... View more

Heavy topic. So, it's been one whole year since I've come out to my parents. Neither of them made an effort to use my pronouns or name all this time, so I've been thrown back into the hellhole that is questioning my identity. I'm not sure exactly when or why I realised that my body didn't match my identity. I feel pressured to say that I've always been like this, but I fit into my assigned identity 'well' when I was a child. Sure, I was very, VERY adamant on being boyish, but... I don't know anymore. All these trans people I see have a story of how long they've felt their body didn't match them, but I can't remember anything about my life and have no confirmation of this being... well, me. I want to feel like I'm me. But the constant need to validate my identity, to myself and to others, is driving me insane. It's made worse by the fact that I barely made my friends switch to a name. The pronouns are still in the trash. Even if I wanted to try out different names, see what fits, I wouldn't be able to. I've only settled for Valery because that was the first name I thought of. Even things like dysphoria confuse me. Is what I feel really dysphoria? I feel like vomiting when even thinking on the subject of my appearance, and regrettably snapped at people when they brought it up jokingly. Is that it? But I can shower fine. Sort of. I don't know. tl;dr : I feel as if my story of how I realised I was trans is not good enough and that I'm not valid. I'm pre-everything.

bug_l I don't know how to talk to my parents about therapy for my gender
  • replies: 3

I came out to my parents a bit over three months ago, and while they said they accepted me and all that they don't really call me the proper pronouns, name, etc. Of course I've tried to correct them and I brought it back up recently but nothing seems... View more

I came out to my parents a bit over three months ago, and while they said they accepted me and all that they don't really call me the proper pronouns, name, etc. Of course I've tried to correct them and I brought it back up recently but nothing seems to work. My parents (mostly my dad) continue to call me stuff like their "daughter", "good girl", or "little girl" and whenever I hear it I want to cry so I feel as if I need someone to talk to that isn't someone I have a strong connection to. I'm scared about bringing it up since they seem like they can be a bit on the transphobic side and I don't know how they'll act once I bring up therapy; I feel as if they'll ask me or many questions and it'll just be too much for me to handle. How do I ask?

Guest_3256 Parner with Gender Dysphoria/ Biplor Disorder has left me confused.
  • replies: 3

Hi. I am currently feeling highly confused and overwhelmed. My partner (m26) and I (m32) have been together for a little over 18 months. He experiences untreated Bipolar Disorder and Gender Dysphoria, which causes him a lot difficulties managing his ... View more

Hi. I am currently feeling highly confused and overwhelmed. My partner (m26) and I (m32) have been together for a little over 18 months. He experiences untreated Bipolar Disorder and Gender Dysphoria, which causes him a lot difficulties managing his emotions and heavily splicing (daily/ weekly), which has impacted our relationship quite dramatically. His main concerns are insecurities, low self-esteem, moodiness, irritable behavior and lack of trust. He did tell me just after we met, that he decided not to transition and now has brought it up saying that he wants to do it again, however, has decided to force it on me rather than sitting down and having an open and honest discussion. Because of the spicing (splitting) he is not happy with who he is and he will not accept responsibility for his abusive behavior. I have had to ask for time away from him due to the constant cheating accusations and push/pull cycle. I has literally exhausted me mentally and physically so I am now focusing on my health. I started doing some research to gain a prospective on how others have dealt with similar situations and seems that for me to do this, I will need to go through the journey with him and see a psychologist. I do love him and I'd like to see what I can do, however, I am finding it very difficult for him to understand that I cannot just flick a switch and do what he wants me to do. I too need to be involved but I just cannot get him to understand that this is not just about him transitioning to make him feel better but for me too. Has anyone experienced a partner transition, what did you do to support yourself and what were your own stories. Cheers.