My fear of coming out as a gay man.

[Peterjb]

Hi, I'm 42 and have just started coming out as gay. Only a few know at this stage and it does not include my family or people I work with. I work in the construction industry in a blue collar trade which is not very friendly towards gay men, even in 2020. This is the only industry I know, and I love my job, however I fear what it could do to my career and my reputation. All I can envisage is my whole life falling apart once word gets out in my job. I want to become fully open but don't feel ready for the tidal wave that will hit me when I do. People in my industry still talk openly about homosexual people in very derogatory terms. I feel I can come out to my family and certain friends not associated with my work but I believe social media will invariably leak the news out to my work colleges. Thats my biggest fear.

[CalmCat]

Hi Peterjb's,

Congratulations on coming out and sharing your great news with us.

All I can say Peterjb is you have nothing to fear, there are laws in place to protect you and who you are. Be proud of yourself and love yourself, don't worry what your work mate say or do, its their problem if they have any issues with who you are.

Stay strong and good luck with your journey of life ahead!

Regards,

Doran

[Emmen]

Dear Peterjb,

Congrats on coming out. It's great that you're finally (and slowly) able to be open about yourself and your identity.

I understand your fears and it really is a difficult position to be in. I wonder if it'll be easier on you if you give it more time. You've only just started coming out, and perhaps you need to give yourself more time to feel comfortable with people knowing this.

I also wonder if you'd find it useful to connect with others who identify as LGBTI, perhaps by joining an organisation for LGBTI people. It can provide you with a support network and hopefully help you navigate as you slowly come out to more people.

You've taken a huge step but please go easy on yourself. Coming out is a journey and it's different for each person. You don't need to rush into telling people you're uncertain about, try telling those who will support you because it will feel better knowing you have people to support you in your journey.

All the best.

Kindly,
M

[Birdy77]

Hello Peter,

I think it's really great that you are entrusting your personal journey to your close friends (?) and taking it slow.

Unfortunately, the world has a long way to go in acceptance, and your truth is very precious and personal - as wonderful as it might be to be "out" to the universe, it is not an ideal universe to come out to (yet?). This is my experience anyway (43, lesbian).

Trust yourself and your instincts, and only share with those whom you know will treat your truth with the honour it deserves. There is absolutely no hurry, especially if you feel any danger around your workplace.

If you think it might help, check in with QLife.org.au where you can find some supportive people and places.

And keep talking here as well.

We are here for you and are in your corner.