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Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

randomxx
Community Member

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

 

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

 

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

 

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

 

rx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

614 Replies 614

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Sometimes that's all we know. What we've been brought up with. 

randomxx
Community Member

Yeah God l dunno , don't get it.

Yaknow, as much as l loved and admired my parents it wasn't stupidly . There were also big things that no way l wanted for myself.

lf he mother was my mother l'd be damn sure that wasn't gonna be me.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

I know what you mean. I was the same but I think it can be hard when it is all you've seen & known. It takes a real concious effort to not be like that.  I think if it's behaviours it's easier but if it's emotions & being in a sad environment it may be harder.  It sounds like sh tries though with being positive for others.

randomxx
Community Member

yEAH, well she does if we're together but as soon as we're apart again , even after beautiful ph calls when we are apart, few days later, boom, she slips back. Next minute it's she's just to sick again and bla bla bla.

meanwhile, if l'd just gotten home say , only a few days before she was walking 15k or dancing 3 or 4x a wk or we're out kayaking together or she's exercising all over the house and she was as fit as a fiddle.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hmmmm...that's odd. Could it be attention seeking? Wanting you to feel bad for her?

randomxx
Community Member

yAKnow, that one has crossed my mind to , a little reverse phycology maybe, l've often thought out some things she does and wondered.

Been a strange wk .

Feelings, our last messages, l've been busy with work and a few other things, couple of long drives, but those last messages.

She really did sound just resigned, miserable and resigned, just like her mum , she got her wish.

 

At any rate, there's also been some weird feelings, my cards have changed to, first time in 5yrs.

Anyway, say down for a rest and think at work the other day and a poem came so l started writing it out.

lt was a strange subject only in that just considering the situation, the cards, the fact that l've said right through l can't feel anyone else, ldk.

But the strangest thing , as l was writing , l felt a tingle, something, like l felt when l met my ex w, and gf this time , only in the very very early stages, much earlier than a knowing , still at the tingle.

But l do know someone will be coming now, it hasn't left me since Wed and that moment.

l don't know if it's gf and l working it out, l can't tell anything yet, but it's someone, something.

lf it isn't gf and l then it will be a long long way of yet , at least 12 prob 18mths, that l can tell at this stage, which is a good thing, bc l couldn't go there again in anything new for a long while yet.

 

Point is though , something is going on and at least l can feel something, which is a really good thing atm , and something that's been just lifting the spirit and thank the Gods bc that really needed some lifting.

Mind over matter, l don't think so, but l can't tell yet for sure. Either way though that doesn't matter if l'm feeling some nice for whatever the reason then l'll take it right now.

 

rx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

That's great to hear rx. Things are shifting & the stars will align ☺️

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Quote:

'There is so much power in believing everything will work out'

randomxx
Community Member

Thanks for that my friend.

And you know what, you described it to a T.  A shift, that's it.

lt doesn't really matter what it is, it doesn't even matter if it's a false alarm,  good vibes start going out again and that's what matters.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

True. I'm really happy to hear you are feeling different about things. It takes time but then I guess it all clicks & we see things with fresh eyes & a new sense of purpose & understanding.