Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.

[randomxx]

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.

A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.

l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.

Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that.

As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.

Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.

She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.

Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.

There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together.

Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff.

Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.

ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.

l knew it was a gamble though, damn it.

rx

[CMF]

It's out there now. You just need to let whatever is to come to you find it's way 🙏

[randomxx]

Well, at least at the moment anyway l guess but hey l'll take it ha ha.

l'm not one to force these things, l need to let things work through in their own way.

On another note though l also bought my caravan last wk, been a big wk with everything else been going on.

But that's also hugely changed a lot to but kind of separately. so many feelings, anticipations on that one alone now to though. lt felt really bizarre bringing it home, l stopped a few times got out went and hopped inside have a bit more looky around. Nope it's far far from one of those monster 80,000 dollar things, but it's an absolute classic love it. But it's also kind of weird and a little bit scary not really the word but whatever. Thing is what it represents and the big change later on when l move. That came actually after that tingle, they're separate, it's too much for one wk ha ha. l need the water. Monday l hope, by hook or by crook.

The other thing is l've been sad for gf though, why does she do this to herself, she sounded so sad. She couldn't believe l got my new old kayak and was out on the water again at the moment. But now if she knew about the caravan to, she doesn't want me to leave here either, but l've said baby you've known all along if we didn't work out l'd be moving.

For her it's half a sentimental and memory thing, half she likes this place, half what if we got back together, and half she has no clue, half all her stuffs still here.

The caravan was actually her idea. When we're roaming about up at her place she'd say check that spot out, you could bring a caravan put it there and when the unit gets to much go stay in the van for awhile, we can just come and go. Still cracks me up, her and her ideas, solutions.

Wouldn't be bad actually- never know now.

l'm sad for her though , self imposed, her of all people should see it she's studying phycology as we speak.

Thanks for that to cm it helps a lot

rx

[randomxx]

l've said to much . And now l wish l could just delete the last few posts.

l don't like to say much about the sort of things l mentioned there, l just feel it's not good, better to just go on with things, l'm superstitious.

Anyway, no harm done l suppose really, it's just an rx thing.

[CMF]

I understand about not wanting to say too much. It's safe with us. 

How are you? Where are you at these days?

[randomxx]

Thanks for that my friend and yep l know you'd get it.

l've been missing her a lot and kinda wishing we could work things out tbh.

l've asked myself 100 times about the troubles, differences, how l feel about them, should have l just excepted them or what. With all our goods anyone should've been grateful ldk.

Anyway, we talked just a small bit today , not very much she's been upset. there's big troubles back in her half country and some of her family are still there on top of everything else, poor thing.

On us though, l feel all over the place.

l honestly just can't tell if this is doing the right thing, l should feel it but l can't, it's everywhere.

Dk if that's good bad or wth it means.

[randomxx]

l'm hoping in time things and a direction, right or wrongs , become clearer.

This is the longest we've evver been apart, matter of fact l don't think we have ever been apart actually, like as in , just no us at all.

l was having a lot of trouble with some of her ways. l didn;t know if l should've been just excepting them , or she should've been making an effort to change a few things for me , or is that wrong, or what.

l do know another woman would've been happy to especially considering the bonus making the effort would have coming from me back to her with them if she did but they'd just do them naturally anyway, l'd probably never even have to mention it, my ex use to. But gf flat out refused, they weren't big things but did they effect me pretty badly. Not changing herself at all , more just habits you could say but they'd turn me really negative. Don;t think she really understood just how much.

l don't know, hoping time at the moment clears feelings and all that on these things up a bit. Maybe in time l'll just turn around and realize nope, maybe she's just not right for me then.

[CMF]

Not being able to make small changes or compromise is a red flag for me. When M was coming for dinner I would make/groom myself to look nice for him. That last dinner he walked in u shaven. I commented and he said "Nope,  I'm on holidays & I don't shave on holidays". I said " couldn't make the effort?" The first dinner we had he dressed up really nicely. Like a first date. He listens to a radio station I dislike.  One day on one of our long drives i commented & he said "my car, my music" Considering we wrnt out once a week i found this pretty selfish.  I think twice he asked what I'd like to listen to.

Red flag my friend.

[randomxx]

Yeah well see this is it. Especially on your only day but most times really if you hated the station God almighty, l wouldn't think twice hell put it where you want.

And to yeah those physical things really make a lovely difference don't they there were quite a few girlie things she just wouldn't do . You can't make yourself like them or not , you just do and in my book they should give a stuff.

Just got a message from her, 3rd one today, l'm nervous now.

l'll open it later, or maybe tonight, no tellin what she'll come out with atm.

[TheFarSide]

Hi RX - just a curiosity question and apologies if I have got it wrong but were you once on this forum as 'Guest_1584'.  Thanks -- The Far Side

[randomxx]

She was weird like that. She'd preach positivity and compromise but she was that damn negative and wouldn't compromise anything .

Yet l did in many ways , especially with her never ending situations and drama.

l'm no roll over push over but some things you just know as two people not 1, you work in with ea other even if just in small ways.