Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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barrenandbroken Feeling so low after a horrible year
  • replies: 2

Hi aĺl I'm really struggling, I feel so low, I have no motivation and I can't stop crying. This year started with my husband telling me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore and moving into the spare room. This actually gave me the space and strength to... View more

Hi aĺl I'm really struggling, I feel so low, I have no motivation and I can't stop crying. This year started with my husband telling me he wasn't sure he loved me anymore and moving into the spare room. This actually gave me the space and strength to start being open with him about the things that were wrong with our relationship. That being that I suspect he has paranoid personality disorder with occasional delusions. He agreed he has this problem but will not address it despite the effects it has on his ability to hold down a job, have friends and the effect on me. For a couple of years now I've been accused of lying, colluding with others who are 'out to get him' and cheating on him. I finally told him I would no longer put up with this and our marriage was over. He accepted this but because of our financial situation we are stuck in the same house for the foreseeable future so I can't move on, there is space that is just mine. Ending the relationship felt like a betrayal, like I failed as a wife and didn't uphold my oath of 'in sickness and in health'. I know that my happiness and safety are important but I can't get past this feeling of guilt and abandonment. This time of year is always hard for me. We tried for years to have a baby but I am infertile. Every mothers day and fathers day I struggle with not being able to celebrate these days, and (again with the guilt) I feel the loss of my parents not being able to celebrate these days as grandparents. Recently my mum was diagnosed with and beat cancer. I feel like I'm in shock or maybe having some form of PTSD around this. I can't quite comprehend the magnitude of this. I got some idea of this when my aunty died a couple of weeks ago, also from cancer. The pressure of trying and failing to have a child put me in a deep depression. During this time I cut ties with all my friends and in dealing with my husband's illness I just never picked my friendships up again nor made any new friends so now I'm alone most of the time. I work and have 2 volunteer roles but I never seem to be able to make friends. I just feel alone and lonely and can't see a way forward.

CamD Girlfriend who suffers from anxiety and depression has left me.
  • replies: 11

New to hear and personally I am not a sufferer of anxiety or depression but that is the reason I am here. I'll explain the situation first, my girlfriend of nearly 2 years has broken off our relationship. She has suffered anxiety and depression for a... View more

New to hear and personally I am not a sufferer of anxiety or depression but that is the reason I am here. I'll explain the situation first, my girlfriend of nearly 2 years has broken off our relationship. She has suffered anxiety and depression for a fair period of time now, that said it only came as news to me over the last 8-9 months when she told me as it had become very bad due to stress from university and life in general. Over the past 8 months since then we still had a very happy relationship despite some bumps as all relationships do but over the last month her condition has drastically worsened. This partly due to my fault as I tried to understand her condition and help but I could not help in the way I or she needed. This was worsened by myself stupidly telling a very close friend of ours that she did have a anxiety as I was looking for help and assistance to aid my girl friend and the close friend was also a sufferer. My girlfriend found out about this and due to the fact I was specifically told not to tell anyone and i lied first time around about telling the friend she has decided to end the relationship. I apologised continuously for 3 days but was told she no longer could be with me and needed time to go figure herself out. I totally understand this decision and want nothing but happiness for her but I still have very strong feelings for her and would love a second chance. She has changed all her social media to single but all the photos of us still remain. My questions are 1. Could this be the depression talking and she still does love me ? 2. Is there anyway I can get her back and would you have any advice on how with a person with such a condition 3. How do you help a partner, I offered to go to her counselling and psychiatrist bookings with her but she did not want to pursue the relationship. I love this girl to bits and know if I got a second chance I would never make this mistake again. There is more minor details to the scenario but I'll explain them a bit later after a reply is left. Thanks in advance. Cam

D_Paint Lonely
  • replies: 1

Hi. I am 48 single I feel lost. I saw that my ex (on Facebook)from 15 years ago has a child now and it's brought up so much anxiety for me. I actually felt suicidsl such is the depth of it. It's like every little thing that isn't right in my life has... View more

Hi. I am 48 single I feel lost. I saw that my ex (on Facebook)from 15 years ago has a child now and it's brought up so much anxiety for me. I actually felt suicidsl such is the depth of it. It's like every little thing that isn't right in my life has come up all at once and I have this incredible urge to contact her and make out that I'm great and in some way get back into a relationship eventually. It's sounds crazy but it's what's happening in my mind. I have OCD it's hard to tell what is happening is it my OCD making me dwell or loneliness looking for renewal of the relationship She is the only girl to ever say she loved me and I've been single ever since our breakup I just want this stuff to end to see a bright future can anyone help

Dora27 Feeling alone
  • replies: 3

Hi. I'm new here. Married with 3 boys all at home (23, 21, 18). My husband has cancer, it has made him, understandably, moody and self absorbed and very short fused. We are stepping on eggshells all the time. He's quite proud and a black and white th... View more

Hi. I'm new here. Married with 3 boys all at home (23, 21, 18). My husband has cancer, it has made him, understandably, moody and self absorbed and very short fused. We are stepping on eggshells all the time. He's quite proud and a black and white thinker and won't consider counselling or medication. Basically im really struggling and feeling like I'm holding everyone up. I'm fairly anxious at the best of times and not very good at asking for help because I've got low self esteem and have always thought you had to put on a happy face or your friends won't like you or want to be around you. i don't know whether I'm depressed or whether it's just part of motherhood to be constantly worrying about your kids, whether they're happy, whether they have enough friends, whether I should have done more as a mother to make them happy. im at a bit of a loss. We don't know my husband's prognosis because the doctors never say much, he's grumpy and unhappy, I'm worried about him and my kids, especially my youngest who's in year 12, and really feeling quite bad myself.

WritingDamsel How to get space from my friend
  • replies: 1

I don't really know where to begin this, but I keep thinking I need to "break up" with one of my best friends. About a month ago I found out that she had spent six months lying to me, and asked another one of our friends to do the same, however the w... View more

I don't really know where to begin this, but I keep thinking I need to "break up" with one of my best friends. About a month ago I found out that she had spent six months lying to me, and asked another one of our friends to do the same, however the week after she split with her boyfriend (another one of my good friends) so I felt I had no choice but to forgive her. After the break up I asked her if it was okay to stay friends with both of them, and as she said yes I have made an effort to stay in touch with them both. He hasn't said anything nasty about her, but she keeps trying to upset my friendship with her ex and then saying she wants us (her ex and I) to be friends. I feel like I'm being used as a way to "get back" at him. She's also started constantly giving me backhanded compliments and saying that it's okay for her to treat people badly because she's just broken up with her boyfriend. Whenever I get back home from being around her I either feel numb or want to cry. I just want my space, even if it's just a couple of weeks, but I have no idea how to ask for it because we've been friends most of our lives.

maxbel ex moving on so soon
  • replies: 2

Hi over the past couple of years, life seems to be constantly throwing blows at me....my dad died suddenly and i didn't get to see him to say goodbye due to it being my now ex's mothers surprise birthday party which he said he had to attend, rather t... View more

Hi over the past couple of years, life seems to be constantly throwing blows at me....my dad died suddenly and i didn't get to see him to say goodbye due to it being my now ex's mothers surprise birthday party which he said he had to attend, rather than supporting me in my difficult time. My family fighting over my dad's will....My closest brother who always was there for me, was diagnosed with terminal cancer 6 months later...we nursed him and he passed 5 months after diagnosis....2 weeks after his diagnosis, my then ex's father passed suddenly....and 6 months ago, my relationship of 12 years broke down....and smaller hits keep coming until the point where now, I have no strength to get back up but I know I have to for my kids....today my ex, who moved in elsewhere next door to a girl who he has been continually spending more and more time with, and who most assumed he was with, confirmed that they have recently got together. Now I don't want him back but for me, the thought of moving on is far too early....even his family have told him that it is too soon but he is true narcissist without any care or conscious for anyone else....I can't fight anymore...I am so sad and tired and just want this pain to end....thank you for listening

Gmqn I rang a sex line...now my marriage is on the rocks
  • replies: 4

Ive been laying awake since 2am searching the Internet for answers...1st time posting so bear with me. The title says it all,i have been married 8 year's been together 11 years have 2 beautiful daughter's which are my world.A couple weeks ago we were... View more

Ive been laying awake since 2am searching the Internet for answers...1st time posting so bear with me. The title says it all,i have been married 8 year's been together 11 years have 2 beautiful daughter's which are my world.A couple weeks ago we were having drinks at home with mates the night ended we came to bed things got frisky but my wife got sick(from to much alcohol and a tummy bug) so im laying there horny and drunk i decided to watch some porn,next thing a come accross sex chatline number for some stupid reason i ring it and hang up as soon as the "operator" picks up,i continue to porn but thats not enough and ring the number again for about 5min.I feel so bad next day and try tell my wife but i can't so like a loaded shot gun i leave it for her to find out when we get the bill at the end of the month.Her response is our marriage over and wants out she said its the same as sleeping with someone else,she is really hurt and her heart is broken...a couple days pass we dont really talk and she messages me this "thinking as much as I love you I dont see how we can work.Right now I can't stand to even look at you and dont even want you touching me Im so disgusted.Im so heart broken all i think of is some women talking dirty to you while you wank yourself.I dont want a broken family but I do deserve to be happy.I dont want to take the girls away from you but I dont want to live up here.So I want you to actually think about me for a change and tell me what must I do?" We live in a rural mining town which she hates,she has been sleeping in the spare room since(1 week),also during all this she told me she doesn't find sex pleasurable anymore we thought her low sex drive was the IUD but after taking it out 9months ago it hasn't come back anyway thats another story. So I've spoken to a counselor over the phone and we booked in to see her next week.My wife said she will try that before she leaves but doesn't see how we going to work.She also said if we didn't have children she would have left me.Ive told her I'm sorry and I want to make things better Im broken the thought of divorce my life without her I don't know how I can go on...Today's fathers day so im going to put on my happy face for my kids and enjoy the day. Its 6am im going to try get some sleep any help will do. Thanks

JR333 Fiance wants to leave
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I am new here and need help. My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years, since we were teenagers in high school. We moved out of home together to a completely new town 3 years ago, we worked hard for everything together and were heading f... View more

Hi all, I am new here and need help. My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years, since we were teenagers in high school. We moved out of home together to a completely new town 3 years ago, we worked hard for everything together and were heading for both of our dreams. We always told each other we wanted to marry and have kids. My partner had a very hard childhood, she was severely sick for 2 years which led to the breakdown of her family, her dad suffering from borderline personality, attempting suicide twice, her sister also attempting suicide, her mother caused her nothing but hurt and pain. My family became her family, and have done more for her in the past seven years, than her family has ever done for her. My fiancé was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 6 months ago. She started medication and speaking to a counsellor - for a couple of sessions and then stopped. In hindsight, I didn't take it as seriously as I should have because I didn't understand what it was. A couple months passed, my partner seemed to be getting better. She seemed happier and we were getting along very well. We had a few bumps along the way but that's normal. Until 4 weeks ago, there was a minor disagreement and I pushed her a bit too hard - which I now know was not the right thing to do. But that was it, she told me she doesn't know what she wants anymore, she’s not in love with me, she doesn't want kids or to get married and that we are on different paths now. She's sick of having to worry about how I feel and that she only wants to worry and care about herself. She wanted a break, so she went back to our hometown for a week and after some back and forth, she decided that if i am willing to fight so hard, maybe she isn't making the right decision. So over the past 3 weeks, I took more control, she started on new medication, she has just started to go to a new psychologist. I have done everything for her to be supportive and get her better. But last night, she tells we’re done, that she is sick of trying, it's over, she’s not in love anymore and that we are on different paths now. I am so hurt by this as I know it's not what my 'real' fiancé would want and feel as if it is the depression talking. Nothing I say gets through to her, she has made up her mind. I'm not sure what to do, has anyone else gone through this and have any advice. I love her way too much to let it be thrown all away just because of this sickness. I feel like it doesn't have to be this way... Thanks

MMari Seeking support and advice for a desperate mother who's son is facing jail time - new to this so a bit nervous as to how much to say
  • replies: 1

Hi. I'm new to this. I'm seeking support and encouragement from mother's and families who are facing or have been in the same situation as myself. My son 23, is facing jail time this month and I'm beyond desperation. I don't sleep, I cry all the time... View more

Hi. I'm new to this. I'm seeking support and encouragement from mother's and families who are facing or have been in the same situation as myself. My son 23, is facing jail time this month and I'm beyond desperation. I don't sleep, I cry all the time, afraid of losing my job and just two weeks ago my son was placed under suicide watch as he's made several attempts on his life and has made further attempts in the last 12 months leading up to his sentencing. He'll be sentenced a very long way to where I live which will make it even harder for me to visit if the case be that he gets sent to prison. It is his first time offences (that which I cannot discuss), and I'm just so desperate, lonely and heartbroken. I'm afraid of what will happen to him with other prisoners as he's not strong at all. Please help. Desperate mum. :(:(

Dale25 So sad and hurt
  • replies: 1

Hi there,i wanted to share my story as I am so so sad and lonely.i was happily married with 2 children.abiut 18 months ago I had an affair with someone younger and fell in love.i left my wife and kids and moved in with my new partner.we were so in lo... View more

Hi there,i wanted to share my story as I am so so sad and lonely.i was happily married with 2 children.abiut 18 months ago I had an affair with someone younger and fell in love.i left my wife and kids and moved in with my new partner.we were so in love and had amazing times.things were going well however the guilt of leaving my wife and kids was overwhelming.about 20 weeks ago I had dinner with my x wife.my new partner totally list it and moved out.our relationship went from so happy to anger and became so nasty.i ve tried for 10 weeks to apologise and ask for forgiveness.dhe had now disappeared and I sm unable to contCt her or find her.i have been to the doctor several times who prescribed anti depressants which I have not taken.ive tried several counselling sessions, even ended up in hospital one night.i drink a lot.I have never felt so hurt and list in my life.i cry everyday.My x wife has been so kind and trying to help me through.it feels like I'll never be happy again and I'm never going to see my partner again.i live get so much but she's gone.im finding it so hard to move firward.i feel so hurt that I left my family to be with my new partner and now she's left me.