will I ?

[hope_64]

I am 52 and scared that I will never meet anyone special to share my life with. I continue to push people away scared to let them into my world I have depression and know how hard it is for me sometimes so can only imagine how hard it is for someone else to live with so feel it is not a fair thing to do to someone else any ideas to help break down the brick wall i have built myself.

[geoff]

hi Hope, don't push yourself and expect that you need to live with someone, because that is what you are worried about, just start off slowly, meet someone then go out for dinner or lunch, go for a walk, or just go for a coffee, because as soon as you expect that the two of you will live together then the panic sets in.
When you meet someone tell them that you like your freedom and independence and at the moment don't want to live together, this will gain your confidence, and build up a relationship.
You seem to believe that the person you meet is the one who you will live with, try and not think that way, because it does take time to form a relationship and then feel as though you would like to live together, but that takes time, and enjoy your freedom but also have someone if you want to the movies.
Don't create unnecessary problems, just take your time and enjoy some company, besides they may not want to live together anyway. Geoff.

[hope_64]

Thanks Geoff

[Starwolf]

Good to meet you Hope 64,

Social isolation often comes with the depression territory. I believe we sometimes all need to retreat to our private head space, particularly if a mental condition compels us to do so. There are plenty potential partners who feel the way you do, brick wall and all...

I know of quite a few people who are in committed, long term relationships but choose to live separately. This way, they get together when they really feel up to it. It does away with having to accommodate someone else when we can barely cope with ourselves. There's always a lot to catch up with when each has a separate life so things tend to stay more exciting. It is a valid option, particularly when no children are involved.

I don't see why entering a committed relationship automatically entails sharing living quarters and the tedium of everyday life. As long as those involved are clear about this option from the beginning, all will be well. Perhaps both people will choose later to start living under the same roof. Perhaps not. Taking pressure to cohabit away from the equation will give it better chance of success...while leaving the door open to change.

[Just Sara]

Welcome Hope 64;

So glad you had the courage to join us on BB.

I'm a 56 y/o woman and have spent so many years living on my own, I completely understand where you're coming from. It's not just the company and hugs in bed; it's the idea of having someone else to grow old with, someone to help with stuff around the house and sharing responsibilities/accountability with life.

The thing I've realised though, is the person I look at in the mirror is much more important. Since joining BB in October last year, I've gone from desperate and anxious, to fun-loving being 'me'. I had to find out what that was and it wasn't easy. But I'm on my way to finding love again because I'm learning to focus on me instead of wondering how I can change for others to accept me. It's a personal journey and I'm too old to let fear of being alone keep me down.

One of the things I've done is give myself permission to explore my sexuality and admit I would like a same-sex relationship. Yes...it's been a long time, but it's never too late to come out. Once I accepted this, the anxiety and depression took a back seat to freedom. Let's face it...at our age we have so much wisdom to give everyone else, but sometimes fail to take that advice ourselves.

If you remember a time you felt good about yourself, it can happen again only better! We have the gift of experience. When I told my psychologist about motivational problems, she said; "Just get up and move ok?" So I did. A simple pleasure to re-connect to my body instead of constantly being in my head.

I wish you well Hope, nobody can do it better than you...please stay in touch...Dizzy x

[geoff]

thanks Hope for your reply and thanks to Starwolf and Dizzy for your contribution, I should have explained that I'm 61 and if I do happen to meet someone then it would only be a relationship where we didn't live together, sure we can meet when we want to, go out for lunch or go to a movie, but after my 25 year marriage I certainly don't want to live with anyone again, those would be my rules and if it didn't satisfy my friend, then there's no point continuing our friendship, we have to do what suits us, because our health is more important than anything else. Geoff.

[hope_64]

Hi Geoff I just reread your message just setting the record straight I don't want anyone to move in

[hope_64]

Thank you everyone for your help and advice i have taken a lot of advice from all of you on board and it's been very helpful but most of all it was reassuring that I am not alone . I found comfort in your thoughts and ideas.