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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Supportrequired Struggling with loss
  • replies: 5

Hi All, Struggling after the man I was seeing decided to end everything due to his current mental state. I kept pushing the topic on where our "relationship" was going. As we have been seeing each other for 7 months - from a distance. It was hurting ... View more

Hi All, Struggling after the man I was seeing decided to end everything due to his current mental state. I kept pushing the topic on where our "relationship" was going. As we have been seeing each other for 7 months - from a distance. It was hurting me to know he still had single on his Facebook and didn't want to make it official. He is suffering from depression and anger issues and is seeing a GP - which in my opinion should be referring him to a specialist to treat him adequately, rather than changing antidepressants because they haven't eased the condition. I have found the breakup very hard as he said he can't give me what I need and there is distance involved. His ex has caused many trust issues for him and he can't wipe her out of his mind as they still share children together. I have tried to be there for him - as a support person. As he too tried to commit suicide twice last year. As much as my heart is breaking I wanted to be there for him. But the on and off communication and mixed vibes has caused my mental health to deteriorate. My anxiety has gone through the roof and I too have had to seek help from my GP. I'm feeling guilt and very lost on what I should do. I think I have ruined any chance we had of being together. The worst thing I did was giving an ultimatum about our "relationship". It's pushed him away. Any advice will be appreciated.

BenD Still thinking about my ex
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, Still thinking about my ex even though we broke up almost 4 months ago. We weren’t even together for that long (about 8 months). But in my mind it seems like it was such an enjoyable time together and I’m disappointed it ended. Maybe I’m ju... View more

Hey guys, Still thinking about my ex even though we broke up almost 4 months ago. We weren’t even together for that long (about 8 months). But in my mind it seems like it was such an enjoyable time together and I’m disappointed it ended. Maybe I’m just hurt from how it ended - one Friday she told me she was staying home for the evening. I then saw her while I was out. She didn’t pick up her phone when I called...then I walked up to her and told her it was best we end things because clearly she didn’t want to see me. The problem for me is the way I’m feeling, not thinking. I am actually pretty rational about it all and realise we had some underlying differences that couldn’t be tolerated and that we value different things in life. But I still feel like I’m missing something. As always, any advice is much appreciated. BenD

j66 Expectation vs reality
  • replies: 6

After reading some of the posts here I know I am one of many who is going through profound grief and that it is a process I will have to accept. My husband travels a lot for work in very demanding role. I work full-time and am also bringing up two te... View more

After reading some of the posts here I know I am one of many who is going through profound grief and that it is a process I will have to accept. My husband travels a lot for work in very demanding role. I work full-time and am also bringing up two teenagers so of course I felt like I was doing the majority of the 'work' at home which in turn, breeds resentment, and I longed for the day when we could go our separate ways however that looked. So about two months ago, after he had been away for four weeks away for work, we had 'the chat' and decided to part ways amicably. He was amazed that I was okay with it. And I was. For a week. Then the bombshell came out. He'd met someone while he was away that last trip and to top it all off, they have planned an overseas trip in July this year. Even writing this now my heart is racing with grief? anxiety? You can imagine the shock to me and the kids. I coined it SAGA (Shock, Anger, Grief, Acceptance) so I could make sense of my world. For the sake of the kids and our finances and because he works away so often, we've decided to keep our house until the youngest finishes high school in 3 years, and stays in another room when he's not working away. I thought I was getting along okay until yesterday morning when I woke and remembered a little thing, that he would always give me a little kiss on the cheek before leaving for work even if I was asleep. That thought set me off and I pretty much was a mess all day. Today is a work day however I just can't face it and am still a weeping willow. I never thought that I'd feel this strongly about a man who I knew wasn't going to be in my future. I keep thinking about the betrayal and deceit and have mentioned to him he should have been honest with me from the initial chat. He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings. I feel more hurt that he didn't tell me the truth at the outset and that he did not consider his kids when making a decision to travel with her before he moves out of the house at the end of the year. I feel she's pulling the strings and he's happy to go along for the ride. Emotionally I feel drained and it's going to be extremely hard for me and the kids to move on until he's moved out. I could sell now but financially it will be difficult. Is there anyone else here that may be in similar circumstances that could provide advice. Thank you.

violethoney why does my family treat me so poorly?
  • replies: 5

Honestly, I don't know how to feel and if my family is treating me very poorly and abnormally. i know my family love me but as dramatic as this sounds sometimes i feel like they hate me, i would say that i'm pretty kind and nice and similar to my fat... View more

Honestly, I don't know how to feel and if my family is treating me very poorly and abnormally. i know my family love me but as dramatic as this sounds sometimes i feel like they hate me, i would say that i'm pretty kind and nice and similar to my father but i feel like my mother and brother always just feel the need to either yell at me or complain to me. my mother is always yelling at me for instance when i go into priceline to buy makeup she starts yelling full on at me or one time i fell and twisted my ankle and instead of helping me she started screaming at me and asking why i was on the floor. they both scream at me my brother uses the excuse that oh i'm older and together they complain about one another to me and to top that off they also start talking about me to each other and when i confront them they just start saying im dramatic. addition to this my mother always complains to me about how she can't afford anything and how she has a headache and lastly i deal with depression and they all just don't get it. whenever i'm crying or just not talking i'm getting yelled at, i tell them idk why i'm sad because i don't know but i still am being bombarded with why are you crying huh? (note that my mother wanted to be a therapist)

jason600 Two and a half months after break up and still feel terrible.
  • replies: 16

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't ... View more

Hi my partner walked out on me two and a half months ago saying she wants a six month break.Well I hung on for day after day hoping we would get Back together, sometimes she would send me some positive messages other times she was very cold.Couldn't believe the change in her behaviour we had been together for 12 years and now it seemed she didn't care. My emotions were riding a roller coaster always thinking we would find a way.I then went away on a course for men getting in touch with there feelings , never done anything like this before but managed to connect with quite a few other men going through emotional problems. When I left the course I felt quite positive about things and sent my ex partner explaining what I had learnt on the course and how I thought we could sort our problems out.She replied that she didn't want to get back with me and only wants to be friends.Well I am absolutely gutted and almost back to where I was 11weeks ago , feel sick all the time , anxious and carnt seem to see any future ,feels all so overwhelming. Lost my appetite and don't really go surfing anymore.Just want to know when these feelings will ease up. .I have managed not to contact her for three days and it feels terrible .I am always checking phone and have anxiety and just want to text. God I just wish these feelings would ease up .I realise they won't go away just find them so overwhelming .Managed to have some time of work just worried when I return I will crack up and message her. Any help is welcome. Jason

Jessrose27 Not being good enough
  • replies: 2

What do you do when you can't fix your mental health fast enough for your partner? He wants to save for a house and move forward with his life and wants me to get a job but I can't leave my house alone, I can't function like a normal human. I feel so... View more

What do you do when you can't fix your mental health fast enough for your partner? He wants to save for a house and move forward with his life and wants me to get a job but I can't leave my house alone, I can't function like a normal human. I feel so lost on what to do. I've been trying to take steps to get better but nothing ever seems good enough. I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him.

Becsworld1974 Loneliness and Disconnection
  • replies: 4

Hello. I am looking for some ideas to change a crippling loneliness and depression that has followed me all my life. Sigh. I grew in a single parent home as an only child with a mother who worked full-time (often nights and weekends). I always felt l... View more

Hello. I am looking for some ideas to change a crippling loneliness and depression that has followed me all my life. Sigh. I grew in a single parent home as an only child with a mother who worked full-time (often nights and weekends). I always felt lonely and different. I went to a Catholic school, my mother said so I would not repeat the mistakes she made (which I suspected was getting pregnant at 16, resulting in me, the mistake). All the other kids had big Italian and Greek family, mum, dad, 5 siblings and 74 cousins. I spent a lot of my childhood at my grandparents alone amusing myself. I was SA by an older cousin and one of the key things I walked away thinking was that if my dad was here that would never have happened. I hadn't even met my dad, he was never spoken about, it was like he never existed but I missed him so much. I did meet my father at 17 and he was very shy as was I and there really wasn't any conversation. He had my details but didn't reach out to me. When I was 23 and had a 2 year daughter I reached out again and we connected, not as a father daughter, but I wanted my daughter to have a grandpa. We stayed in touch for about a year and I was invited to family things. It is worth noting that within two years of my birth he met a women with two children from a previous relationship and he was an active dad to them. I appreciate that my grandparents on both sides felt it was better he wasn't part of my life, but I wish at some point he would have wanted to know me. (He wasn't into drugs or anything bad just at 17 and 19 they thoughts my parents were too young). Anyway after a year we fell out of touch and it was 6 months later than 12 than 3 years and no further contact. I didn't want to initiate or chase him again, I left it to him and it just never happened. I feel rejected by him, especially because he was a great dad to these other children and two more of his own. In the 20 years since I have had a few relationships but just struggle to feel accepted enough. I want to be with someone who wants to commit, marriage, not long-term boyfriend/girlfriend. I struggle to make friends, I struggle to maintain relationships with loved ones. My daughter for example I don't contact more than once a month because I don't think she wants more than that. I live alone 400km away from her and other family and my best and only friend. I just feel really invisible and lost.

Kaiza81 Marriage, sex and depression.
  • replies: 6

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and af... View more

Ok, so. Finally found the courage to make a post. i am 35y.o male, married, 2 beautiful kids (1,5). I am over weight, depressed, lonely, felling like my marriage is doomed to failure. my wife and I have always been pretty well connected sexual and affectionate. Until the last few months. I know my weight is a issue for her,but due to injury exercise has been difficult for me (knee surgerys). Our sex life has dried up, she won't touch me, hug me, kiss me. Sex has just gone bye bye. This has lead me to a lot of depression, I feel inadequate, insecure, I hate myself. I feel like I'm the only one in my world and I don't even like me. i have tried to talk with her but she just always gets angry and says it's all me. I have to change, she will not support me with my depression or be open to finding a way to rekindle our sex life which would help me with my confidence, and maybe help me.

InaPickle Have I fallen out of love with my current partner and regret leaving my ex? Or am I consumed by guilt for having feelings before leaving my ex?
  • replies: 1

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the des... View more

I suddenly ended a long term (5-10yr) relationship with my ex. Whilst we had a lot of good times together, there were many aspects that made me feel trapped/frustrated/unhappy, or question whether it was for me. We also had differing views on the desire for children, work options and future goals. There were many times over the years that I considered ending it, but didn't as it didn't 'feel right'. At times I do believe I was in love with him, but these feelings were not consistent over the years, as much as I tried to pretend they were. In the late stages of our relationship, I connected with a colleague at work. Whilst we had worked together for some time and were friends, it was not until an alcohol fueled staff dinner that an attraction presented. We hung out after the event and became flirty over the next week (talking, sexting), it was purely a physical attraction and ego boost, with no physical contact until a single hug on the way home one day. This unleashed a tidal wave of feelings and at this point feelings went from being superficial and flirty, to a strong emotional connection. Although I had previously thought about ending my relationship, these thoughts had not been overly recent and I had certainly not planned on doing it then, but within days of the 'hug' I had told my partner that I felt things had changed (he also felt this over the last few months, longer than me in fact) and that I could not go along with his views on kids and a whole raft of reasons. Within weeks we ended the relationship, absolutely destroying him in the process. I then started seeing my colleague and developed an amazing relationship in which we were both madly in love. However, recently I have begun to question my decision and feelings, I feel constantly anxious, unsure, confused and cry daily (extremely unlike me). The questions that run through my mind: a) do I regret leaving my ex, OR b) just miss the life we created (home, pets etc), OR c) am I consumed by guilt for how it ended - I denied having feelings for someone else but he suspects it and I am strongly against any kind of infidelity, AND d) have I suddenly fallen out of love with my current partner, or are my feelings masked by guilt, anxiety etc?I enjoy talking and spending time with him, the lovely things he does make me smile, but my feelings are unreadable. How can I work through my guilt/anxiety/confusion to clearly understand what it is that I feel/want? Without causing more hurt to others.