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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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April61 Why bother
  • replies: 15

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought... View more

My husband walked away from our marriage in November after nearly 18 years together. I never saw it coming. He said a whole heap of nasty things. I just took it all and never retaliated we have gone through the courts for our settlement and I thought things would get better. In April my daughter and I got an intervention order as he verbally and physically assulted her. He has been verbally abusing me since this all started. I cannot get my head around how someone can change like he has. I went back to court yesterday to have the intervention order changed. He did not turn up but sent a letter. The judge read his letter but I was not allowed to say what he had done. In the last week we discovered he was accessing my daughters emails and then on Tuesday he wiped he phone. She was using his old iPhone The one thing I have discovered is that our court system sucks. I fully understand why people get murdered. It is just not worth all the effort when he walks away from everything he has done with no consequences I just can't get past this I know I need to get on with my life for my daughters sake but it is so hard I can't stop crying it turns out he had some one else who was supposedly my friend as well I have stopped talking to friends as I just get the feeling they all are sick of hearing about it I am trying to keep my home for my daughters sake but he is making it harder and harder everything he does costs me money my daughter is 16 and is just amazing she is so much stronger than me I hold it together while she is around but during the days she is at school and I can't do anything but cry he walked away and is now living with his best friend as he calls her he thinks we are all stupid and don't know what's going on.

JONNO1 Wife's work travels, Trust gone ... explain
  • replies: 5

Hi all , I'm sorry to be here , have know where else to go . Simply , partner is a corporate exec , travels alot , last year she travelled for 8 mnths , came back on weekends . I'm a chef and work 14+ hrs/day ; she spent sat/sun at her horses. I have... View more

Hi all , I'm sorry to be here , have know where else to go . Simply , partner is a corporate exec , travels alot , last year she travelled for 8 mnths , came back on weekends . I'm a chef and work 14+ hrs/day ; she spent sat/sun at her horses. I have Sundays off , not interested in horses. So therefore I'm told I have to fit into her life.(been together for 3.5 years). She comes home then spends 1hour watching Tv , doesn't want to go out, I cook a great meal ,but lucky to get a thanks. Problem , WHEN she's away she'll call me most of the time @ 12-1230+ drunk as ....saying I need to socialise . I look after dogs/cats/horses etc while she's away with no thanks at all. Do all the housework , plus outside. Am I whinging, but wait. THIS TIME .... she sends me a text saying "Going for dinner call you after" .... 1am comes , again drunk as (recorded=cause she always says she wasn't , saying her friend/co-worker looks like he's getting micro-managed out of the workplace. I said who else is travelling , reply , > no one just us (on going for 2 years. I simply said does it take 7 hrs to have dinner. She raises her voice , in background is a voice saying things angrily. I know it seems clear , but I don't want to beleive it. How do I feel now , gutted , why me , the usual (AGAIN THERE IS MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES HERE , AND APOLOGIES). I've done nothing wrong , feel like there is nothing left , battle major depression for along time now , someone help. I'm a good person.

Battlin_Business_Owner Feeling lost, alone and unsupported, despite having an amazing family
  • replies: 7

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my... View more

Well, I'm amazing myself that I'm here, honestly. I'm a bloke in my mid 40's and I don't think I've ever asked for help before, but I'm stuck and well this seems like somewhere you can ask questions. From the outside, I probably look like I've got my life together. I run my own consulting business, my clients love me and the results I get for them, I make decent money from my business, overheads are low. I've got some great business mentors that support me a lot in growing my business, they're so encouraging and give me great feedback and ideas on how to do things better. At home it's a different story. My wife works as well and we have two kids. We both chip in with looking after the kids but let's not kid anyone, she does the lions share and does a great job balancing her work and keeping our home running. So what's my problem? Well generally I really care not at all what people think, the problem is I love my wife and consequently care a lot about what she thinks. My consulting business is only a year old so still has growing pains and there's so much to do, I work most days whether directly (as in with clients) or working on the business planning and systems. Like any business owner, I think they'll all agree, it's a hard slog, if it was easy everyone would be doing it. The one person in my life that I'm close to I want that person to support me and encourage me in what I'm doing, I'm doing it for us, our family. Unfortunately I don't feel I get that. We've been together about 20yrs and it's just not what it was. I don't sleep well. Especially since starting my own business, consequently we rarely sleep in the same bed anymore, it seems as time goes by there's less and less we do together. I try and make time for us to do things together but invariably she doesn't have time (honestly I'm starting to resent the family dog, it gets an hour and a half of her time a day - more than me), or she doesn't feel well. I'm finding more and more I'd rather be alone or with clients as both of those make me happier than being at home. I feel like as the years go by we're strangers who exist in the same space together. I find I get frustrated a lot at home and so I often just get up and leave, before it escalates, I know my wife hates it when that happens but the way I feel at the time, it's for the best for everyone. Sorry for the long post.

Mandeth My sons an Ice Addict and is now in Remand 😕
  • replies: 38

I’m broken....so many emotions ! I’m so angry at my son, but I’m so worried about him. I’ve raised him and he’s become a monster. He’s only 21. But I still love him He’s done some really awful things to some innocent people. There was a police search... View more

I’m broken....so many emotions ! I’m so angry at my son, but I’m so worried about him. I’ve raised him and he’s become a monster. He’s only 21. But I still love him He’s done some really awful things to some innocent people. There was a police search for 3 days and now he’s in remand. It’s where he should be, but it’s breaking my heart. Drugs, Anything he can get his hands on or smoke. Thinks he’s invincible. Raised in a normal (whatever that is) family home. Happy married parents, 3 siblings that function well in life, good education incouraged, but rebelled again it, rebelled against everything. Always loved and offerd support for his obvious struggles, with trying to function in adolescent life. I feel like we missed something, I don’t understand why he’s so angry and needs to block everything out with drugs and inturn has lead him to a life of crime and violence. He has a 8 month old daughter, our granddaughter, that he’s never met My baby boy is going to jail and I can’t do anything about it, I can’t protect him, I know he’d be scared and I can’t help him, it’s killing me

Katydidx ROCD new relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, i have had OCD since I was a teenager but it had only started to affect my relationships in the past 2 years. Originally my intrusive thoughts surrounded being worried about throwing up outside of the house, eating too much food outside of the ho... View more

Hi, i have had OCD since I was a teenager but it had only started to affect my relationships in the past 2 years. Originally my intrusive thoughts surrounded being worried about throwing up outside of the house, eating too much food outside of the house, needing to go to the bathroom multiple times at home in case I needed to go in the car, worried about getting to hot etc these have settled over the years but can flare up if I become stressed. In 2016 I had been with my then partner for a few years and woke up one day with the sudden thought of ‘what if I don’t love them anymore’. This caused huge anxiety and I went downhill quite quickly. I was struggling to sleep, eat and do anything that required myself to be alone with my thoughts such as showering or driving. I was constantly looking at photos of us, checking my feelings, googling ‘what if’ questions and just in general searching for reassurance. Luckily the googling lead me into articles about ROCD and I started to see a psychologist and got everything back under control. I was still having panic attacks and was very up and down but I was functional. This partner and I broke up eventually and I have been single for a little over a year. This was a good year and I was able to bring my mental health back under control. In January of this year I met a new partner. He is a very lovely guy and I have a good connection with him. But my old ROCD stuff is starting to flare up again. I feel like a wall is built up in front of me and he is beyond the wall. Sometimes I feel so disconnected and awkward. I’m always worried we have nothing to talk about even though we do! Sometimes I feel very excited but sometimes I feel numb. When people ask me how it’s going I say good and that I like him but then I feel like I’m lying to everyone including myself. I’m worried I’m only with him because I want to be in a relationship and that I’m forcing something that is not there even though I’m fine without being single. In fact being single sounds more relaxing knowing I don’t have to worry about any of this I don’t know what to do.

nogo17 Drinking husband
  • replies: 7

I posted about a year ago - I kicked my husband out due to his excessive drinking, hiding alcohol and isolating me in the kids. He would drink and sit outside from the time he got home from work untill bed time. I went to al-anon, lost my family (par... View more

I posted about a year ago - I kicked my husband out due to his excessive drinking, hiding alcohol and isolating me in the kids. He would drink and sit outside from the time he got home from work untill bed time. I went to al-anon, lost my family (parents sisters) they didn’t believe me he had a problem as he was so good at hiding it. Anyway long story short- he agreed to give it away - he got sick Withdrawls- then it was he would only have a few beers on a Friday and sat night, now he is isolating himself out side again and I noticed a beer in front of him (thur night)! I’m stressing it’s going tostart again. He sits outside by himself watching TV that didn’t really change even when he came back. I told him how it makes me and kids feel- yet he said he likes sitting out there. Im thinking I may have just wasted another year of my life hoping things would change. I’m ready to end this once and for all. Last time I had a nervous breakdown.. He is depressed, snappy, angry. If I mention alcohol he snaps at me.. is the drinking going to increase again? Last time it was 5 cartons in 10 days and spirits on top of that..

Irishcailin Alone and confused
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm a first time poster. I am married with 2 kids (6 and 2). Im a stay at home mum, as hubby landed a really well paid job 3 years ago, which meant I didn't have to work. This suited us well, as I was looking to retrain (couldn't face teaching an... View more

Hi, I'm a first time poster. I am married with 2 kids (6 and 2). Im a stay at home mum, as hubby landed a really well paid job 3 years ago, which meant I didn't have to work. This suited us well, as I was looking to retrain (couldn't face teaching any more). Hubbys job is quite stressful. For the first 2 years he worked away all week, coming home on Fridays. The past year, hes been home every night. He's developed type 2 diabetes, and has been hospitalised for stress related issues twice. He wont talk to me. He says hes stressed at work, and comes home to the kids being noisy, to a messy play room, to me wanting to talk to him, expecting him to pitch in with the kids showers, bed time, etc. He's been shutting himself in his workshop for hours after work each day, only seeing the kids at meals and to say good night. We don't talk any more, about anything, we have had no sex life for 18 months. I am constantly in tears over the way he puts me down, expects me to pick up after him - theres 5 days worth of laudry and wet towels at the end of the bed - and I'm expected to pick it up. I have so little self esteem left, but I REFUSE to pick up after a grown man. I don't think I'm expecting too much for my husband to respect me enough to not leave his dirty socks on the loungeroom floor for 2 days. I've asked him to tell me what to do to help his stress, his response: leave me alone. I'm really struggling here to know what to do. I love this man and my kids adore him, despite his short temper and the fact he never plays with them any more. His idea of parenting is putting on the TV. I live in Australia, my family are in Europe, and I've only a few friends. I guess what I'm wondering is, do I stay in this loveless marriage for the sake of my kids, or do I leave for the sake of my own mental health, which is suffering? Is there a way around this? He got up this morning and acted like everything was fine - after telling me his ill health was all my fault - and refusing to acknowledge that my (diagnosed) depression is partily a result of him shutting me out, and leaving me to deal with our enitre life. I would really appreciate some advice. Sorry I was so long winded.

Lpo12 Is it me or is what he did a red flag.
  • replies: 5

I've been married to my husband for 8 months, together 7 years in total. He has been perfect, supportive, loving and understanding, where as I feel over the past year I have angry out bursts at him when he goes out with his mates and drinks. The late... View more

I've been married to my husband for 8 months, together 7 years in total. He has been perfect, supportive, loving and understanding, where as I feel over the past year I have angry out bursts at him when he goes out with his mates and drinks. The latest he came home and i screamed and yelled at him. He fired back but this time with harsh words saying im physco etc. I got extremely fired up and punched his chest, but for the 1st time ever he went to grab me. He let go immediately and tried to turn away but i hit back. He grabbed me again. I knew that time I needed to get out of there. I have been told that by my family I can be unreasonable at times and angry unecessarily. My husband was also victim to abuse by his mother's partner as a child. I feel like this may come from me and i need to seek help. I don't want this to end our marriage. I think I've got a point where I need to see someone about my anger. Am I the abuser and he has finally had enough? I'm confused as he has never touched me. I wish I could say the same about me to him.

Leigh94 What do I do???
  • replies: 1

Me and my bf have been together for 10 months and we live together (started as a house mate), Anyways due to my past I have trust issues which he knew from day one. However, he betrayed my trust on a number of occasions including lying to me and flir... View more

Me and my bf have been together for 10 months and we live together (started as a house mate), Anyways due to my past I have trust issues which he knew from day one. However, he betrayed my trust on a number of occasions including lying to me and flirting with any female that moves. He knows I not approve and am not happy about it, but he doesn't see the issue. I found numerous things he lied to me about on his phone and I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and had very much planned a future with him, but he's terrible at communicating. He unfortunantly is a trigger and is a weakness. He's never physically cheated on me, but I just can't seem trust him. What do I do?

Mal99 Long-term friendship turned toxic?
  • replies: 7

I’m in second year university and I feel like one of my good friendships of 7 years is becoming toxic. We are kind of different people now compared to when we met in high school and don’t have that much in common but we still have a nice time togethe... View more

I’m in second year university and I feel like one of my good friendships of 7 years is becoming toxic. We are kind of different people now compared to when we met in high school and don’t have that much in common but we still have a nice time together. However, she has a lot of issues (abusive parents and partners & other mental health) and nowdays the only times I hear from her are when she needs me for emotional support. She won’t message me for 3 months (she went overseas for a few weeks and I didn’t even know until she got back!) but when she’s having an emotional crisis at 1am I’m the one she reaches out to. Because she deals with so many issues and I’m really the only friend she talks about these things with I of course want to be there for her but it does take an emotional toll on me especially considering I deal with depression myself. It always takes her a few days to reply to any of my messages and it’s starting to get on my nerves that we barely have a friendship anymore but she still relies on me for emotional support. Whenever we catch up she always talks about how she loves that we have the kind of friendship where we can go months without talking but still catch up like nothing’s changed. She’s even stopped being friends with people all together who told her they needed more than that in a friendship, so I don’t know how to confront her about this without loosing her as a friend? I feel myself starting to resent her for it and I know that friendships require as much work an effort as romantic relationships so it annoys me that she doesn’t realize that but I don’t want to loose her all together, and I still want to be there for her if she needs me - what should I do??