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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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kitkat88 The guy I was dating has depression - says he still cares?
  • replies: 3

To cut a long story short, I was dating a guy for four months before he told me he wasn't well. He never used the word depression, he said anxiety and explained he was difficult to date. We spent a good three hours talking about this & crying at my a... View more

To cut a long story short, I was dating a guy for four months before he told me he wasn't well. He never used the word depression, he said anxiety and explained he was difficult to date. We spent a good three hours talking about this & crying at my apartment about his situation and that it was making us both upset. He mainly said he needed space, and that I deserved to know what he was going through because he didn't want to be selfish and only see me when he was feeling good. We decided not to end it and I gave him space. We talked on and off over text for the next four weeks when we saw each other again. When we met up it was great, we had laughs. He said he had missed me. We went back to mine to talk somewhere more quiet and he got really upset when he explained his family situation that was causing him a lot of upset. He was visibly upset and told me he just feels sad all the time and that is not usually him. He mentioned he hadn't really spoken about it with anyone else. He then asked how I was, I told him he really hurt me and asked why he pushed me away. He said he thought he was protecting me, but he didn't know why he did it. He never wanted to hurt me. I asked why he didn't just break up with me, and he said the words couldn't come out of his mouth. I never saw him again after that night, and the past two months have driven me insane. We talked everyday but he just couldn't see me again. I gave him plenty of outs in case he just didn't want to date me - to tell me to go, but he would say I don't want you to go, but then he didn't want me to stay if it hurt me. I finally was able to say lets not talk until you are better, and he got in contact three days later and started the cycle over again. He told me he was a mess and needed time, yet I kept pushing for clarity because I was scared I was being let on. I even asked him this and he said no. He went silent on me when I asked should I move on. I was very upset and let him know. Three weeks later he sent me a large msg, saying he couldn't handle the emotional situation which is why he ignored my messages. He apologized profusely, saying he was fighting depression and that I deserve to be treated better. He said he is an emotional coward which is why he was so difficult. He said it didn't mean he never cared, he did and he still does. I don't know what to do. Do I try again or leave it? He was right, I didn't deserve to be treated like that, but I don't understand the way his mind is working.

asieslavida She stopped loving me
  • replies: 1

Last Thursday she dropped the bomb: ‘I don’t love you any more, I have no feelings for you” and it’s not you, it’s me! You are amazing, I cannot find fault in you, but I just stopped loving you”. I know that after 10 years of marriage and three child... View more

Last Thursday she dropped the bomb: ‘I don’t love you any more, I have no feelings for you” and it’s not you, it’s me! You are amazing, I cannot find fault in you, but I just stopped loving you”. I know that after 10 years of marriage and three children, the spark has gone, but I do still love her and I don’t want to lose her. She was adamant that we should go our own ways, and that there is nothing I can do to make her love me again. She has reassured me that there is no one else in her life. So, I started doing research and I know that even the odds are against us, I will not give up. We are working in China, moved here from QLD 3 months ago and we work together, right next to each other. The move was hectic and the stress enormous, but I Thought we were happy, I was wrong. She said yesterday that she’s been feeling this way for about a year now. We stop sleeping in the same room. Our conversation was mainly about having a trial separation, which she believes it’s the last thing she can try. I’ve read various articles about trial separation, lots of pros and cons. We never had a fight or major argument, we are very efficient and loving parents. She has agreed to see a marriage counsellor next week and she is seeing a clinical psychologist this Friday. We are in open and honest communication now and she asked me not to do cheese things like I used to years ago, ie. Send her flowers or shower her with gifts and chocolates, because it’s only going to push her away further from me. She has agreed to remove her IUD she had implanted 8 months ago, as I believe our love life deteriorated from then on, but she is adamant it’s not the case. So is up to her to remove it or not. She keeps blaming herself, she says that any women would jump at the opportunity to be with a man like me, but she just wants to be parents and friends. I ll stay positive, its bloody hard when you are so far away from home though, and she refuses to talk or tell anyone in the family, as she knows they’ll give her hell and I respect that. I just want to cry, but have no one to talk to. What do I do?

Guest2000 Unloved
  • replies: 5

Recently was told by my long term partner that he doesnt love me and hasnt for a long time. Definitley has me feeling pretty worthless and down, but trying to put some perspective on things. I guess everything happens for a reason. Life was great unt... View more

Recently was told by my long term partner that he doesnt love me and hasnt for a long time. Definitley has me feeling pretty worthless and down, but trying to put some perspective on things. I guess everything happens for a reason. Life was great until a few months ago when he started becoming distant. Just not sure what the next step will be. How will i move from this? Feels like im never going to come out of it.

Lady_Bug Loosing my mind
  • replies: 9

This is my first time doing this. About a month or so ago my partner of 3 years and father to our 1 year old daughter decided he wasn't in love with me anymore and left. Our relationship wasn't perfect (arguments, fights) but I thought that while eve... View more

This is my first time doing this. About a month or so ago my partner of 3 years and father to our 1 year old daughter decided he wasn't in love with me anymore and left. Our relationship wasn't perfect (arguments, fights) but I thought that while ever we were together we could work it out. He doesn't communicate well and has held a lot of things in. My dad had an accident at Xmas last year so we have been staying with him to help him heal (not an ideal situation I know) dad has mostly healed and I know we should have left months ago but I panicked everytime I thought we would, since then I have been diagnosed with ptsd. He tells me that he feels anxiety around me and has for some time. I am absolutely devastated and just don't know what to do anymore. I desperately want to work things out with him. But since he left he has been nothing but hostile and mean. Is there any hope for us? Is there any hope for me? I cry all the time (not like me) the pain is unbearable. I don't know what to do. I love him so much.

Sunflower2017 Guilt about moving
  • replies: 6

I'm currently middle aged living at home with my mum and stepdad. Laat year he was diagnosed with cancer. I was taking care of both of them and mums depression and anxiety become worse from stepdads cancer. After many fights and being exhausted i dec... View more

I'm currently middle aged living at home with my mum and stepdad. Laat year he was diagnosed with cancer. I was taking care of both of them and mums depression and anxiety become worse from stepdads cancer. After many fights and being exhausted i decided it was time to move out of town and build a life for myself knowing my stepdad was cancer free after treatment and surgery. Ive already got a job lined up and a moving date but my stepdad in the past week has been told the cancer is back and now I'm consumed with guilt and anxiety for still wanting to move. I need some advice please.

Daniela2017 My partner doesn’t understand mental illness
  • replies: 2

Hi, my partner and I have been together for 9years and have a 7 yr old son together. i have been recently diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar. Ive been in meds and they are helping but I still have downers and stay in bed for days on end a... View more

Hi, my partner and I have been together for 9years and have a 7 yr old son together. i have been recently diagnosed with anxiety, depression and bipolar. Ive been in meds and they are helping but I still have downers and stay in bed for days on end and he does not understand at all.. i don’t blame him but I get frustrated when I ask for help because he thinks I should be taking my son to school and cleaning and cooking.. now usually I do when I’m feeling ok and I enjoy it !! But the days that I feel horrible I just can’t function to even go to the toilet let alone everything else. He used every word under the sun.. your lazy, you only have one thing to do and you can’t do it, why would you want another child.. the list goes on. I’m not no angel here when he starts on me I do get overwhelmed and anxious and very very angry and nasty. I was supposed to start new meds for my bipolar and my gp said you need to have someone around you to help you and I told my partner and he was not there at all and now I don’t take the tablets. I don’t have any family and have a couple of friends but don’t want to burden them. its only his family that’s around. i just want to know if people have experienced the same thing as me in their home and how did they overcome it. Any advice will be great !! I do love him so much and I just want help.

wanderlust95 Long-time ROCD
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first post on a forum like this, and its very stressful for me, but I have had this issue for a really long time now and just want to talk to people that can really relate with me on it. I've been with my partner for two years, and for... View more

Hi, this is my first post on a forum like this, and its very stressful for me, but I have had this issue for a really long time now and just want to talk to people that can really relate with me on it. I've been with my partner for two years, and for about a year now I have had intense worries, which I think I have finally identified to be ROCD. For a year now I've been obsessing over what is wrong with me, or what was wrong with my partner, or what was wrong with our relationship. I really, really love this person - but there are always thoughts coming back to me, such as; "what if you don't really", "what if your lying to yourself", "what if he isn't who your 'supposed' to be with" and so on. I have worried that maybe I'm just too young for a relationship (I'm 22), what if we are just totally wrong for each other (which utterly crushes me) and what if I'm messing up both of our lives. Through all of this, I just cannot let him or it go. When I reflect on the relationship it is actually so easy, we barely ever argue, we have a lot of fun together - but there are always these nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. It leaves me feeling so empty and like I just want to quit everything and just sit at home and do nothing for as long as possible. Its really difficult. Because this has gone on for so long without anyone to relate to, I have kind of had to learn how to just get on with it. So in saying that, some days are quite good, and I feel happy and super in love and all the rest. But theres always worries and that thought of "when will this happy period end?", and it goes back downhill. I also regularly find myself taking out all my anger on him because Im just so stressed and worried about us, I just want to know that this is the right thing to do and that we are going to last. I'm so worried that we will break up or we wont, we will get married and Ill be constantly worried that we will be divorced. My parents are divorced that its a nightmare to go through that when your young and I don't want that to all happen again. So i get very stressed about everything these days and I take it out on him. I don't mean to but it just happens, I get so frustrated and scared and I just can't help it. I just want someone to related to, to know that its not just my relationship thats wrong, its just ROCD and that I'm not the only one thats experienced this.

Rain501 Just separated from an alcoholic after 12 years
  • replies: 7

Hi. I am going through a separation and have very few friends or family here to talk to and thought this might help. My ex and me have 2 children and have been together for 12 years. Our relationship was over about a year ago after I realised he was ... View more

Hi. I am going through a separation and have very few friends or family here to talk to and thought this might help. My ex and me have 2 children and have been together for 12 years. Our relationship was over about a year ago after I realised he was starting to get drunk every night, drunk around the kids,and not coming home after work ,he works in the restaurant industry so drinking and staying out is quite normal but not even telling me he wasn't home, he pretty much left me to take care of a baby and a 6 year old solo even while I was working and spending weekends alone. Not having family I was very depressed. We mutually decided to end things but as our lease didn't run out for another 6 months we decided to stay under the same roof until I moved back to NZ. It was tense but ok until I found out he had already started seeing other girls. Even though I knew it was over and know I am better off, I was so furious and kicked him out then realised he'd been taking money out of my savings to take girls on dates and go out drinking though this I can't proof. I am more than ready to move on, he suddenly wants to spend time with the kids after moving out which I don't completely trust him with his drinking. I just don't understand how a person could behave like this and feel so sad and angry and want him to get help but he doesn't see he has a problem. I want to cut him out of my life completely but it's very hard with the kids as they love their dad. So far I have thrown away his ring, removed his photos and taken him off Facebook but I just want to stop thinking about what he's done and focus on the kids.

The_lost_one Need help
  • replies: 4

feeling crazy I can't eat or sleep properly i have no one to talk to what should I do.

feeling crazy I can't eat or sleep properly i have no one to talk to what should I do.

Nico2 Father's affair
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, I just want to talk about my dad's affair which I found out about around 3 months ago. So this isn't my dad's first time having an affair and when he did last time I was very young and the first thing I did was I told my mum and I caused a d... View more

Hi guys, I just want to talk about my dad's affair which I found out about around 3 months ago. So this isn't my dad's first time having an affair and when he did last time I was very young and the first thing I did was I told my mum and I caused a divorce and blamed myself for it. My dad also blamed me calling me stupid and a family breaker. I was traumatized ever since however they remarried and things went okay until I found out again. Currently both my parents are unemployed meaning my dad is like 80% of the time overseas as he says that he feels lonely here due to not having friends and being unable to speak english. I was okay with not seeing him much as I knew my mother and him didn't get along very well. When I overheard his conversation on the phone I was angry and wanting to cry. I then had major depression issues and things were really bad for me for a while. I knew that I wasn't going to tell my mum this time as it only caused her to breakdown last time. The thought that my dad is enjoying himself overseas while my mum takes care of the family makes me so guilty that I am not telling her about my dad and it makes me feel no better than my father. I love both my parents but I'm at this point where I push myself away from both of them as I don't want to have anything to do with this. Should I keep it like this and keep the secret forever? Talking about it with my dad is not going to work. I know why he cheats. He tells the family all the time. "your mum doesn't have sex with me ever, she isn't a woman. You kids will understand when you grow older. You guys wanna know why I drink and gamble its all because of your mum". Everytime I think about what my dad says I feel sad and lonely and I'm unable to be close with my mum due to guilt. So guys what should I do?