Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

A147 Cheating husband
  • replies: 8

Hi, I need to write this somewhere as I am to ashamed of talking to my friends and family. I have become depressed and feel like I may be close to shutdown. it is affecting my work and my ability to do day to day things and I cannot afford to slide. ... View more

Hi, I need to write this somewhere as I am to ashamed of talking to my friends and family. I have become depressed and feel like I may be close to shutdown. it is affecting my work and my ability to do day to day things and I cannot afford to slide. Im after clarity. ill try and be brief. I have a 5 year old daughter. In 2014 while living overseas I found out that my husband had an affair. He had told me it was a one night stand but I found out after reaching out to the other women that it had been going on (on and off) for 3 years. I left him and returned to Melbourne, Australia with my then 2 year old to my family. we separated for 6 months. mid 2015 we decided to try and make a go of it. I said he must cut contact with the women and go to counselling. He agreed. He mad a half hearted attempt at couselling. In early 2016 i discovered text messages from her, they had been corresponding. Fast forward to 2018. We have bought a property (88acre farm) together and sending my daughter to school. I noticed his phone ring with an over seas number which he was quick to decline. it was from the UK it got me thinking so I got onto her blog (she an athlete with sponsors so she blogs on internet) and discovered that she had been in Adelaide around the time my husband had been down there for work. He denied going near her and that she had tried asking him out for drinks. I have been burying my head in the sand due to the rather large financial and emotional sacrifice I have made for this man and the crap I have to put up from him on a daily basis and now I feel like I have to write yet another email to her to find out whether he is telling the truth. I am so ashamed that I had gone against family and friends advice and gone back to him thinking that keeping the family together was the right thing for us and our daughter. My dream was to raise our daughter on a farm and now I feel like I may lose that (his parents have funded half this property) I am so worried about my daughter and her happiness. My question is do I take his word for it given his track record? or do I contact this women given that I know she will tell me the truth? My husband was brought up to believe that he can do no wrong. I feel numb. I find it difficult to perform at work (I am a veterinarian) and I cannot afford to not perform at work. Thanks for listening and I look forward to hearing from someone even if it just to commiserate!

Fighter4life Depressed husband
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months). He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south. One ... View more

Hi everyone, My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have 2 children (4 and 6 months). He was recently made redundant and quickly found a job close to home. We were so grateful for the blessing. However, things quickly turned south. One day he brought up the idea of separation. This has been mentioned in the past after serious fights. Our fights normally lasts 3 days tops. This time it's been 3 weeks. He lists the following reasons for separation: 1. I put everything above him first. He is my last priorty. 2. I always push him away when he tries to get close. I'm unaffectionate. 3. I'm unmotivated to finish the last unit of my course. 4. We are 2 different people, going on different paths. After this discussion, 2 weeks later he said he did a test on depression and got a score of 15. 10 suggests that professional help is required. He went out one night and confided in a friend. After a few drinks after he got back, he apologised, asking for forgiveness in the way he has treated me, said he loves and misses me and we made love. The next morning he says he's still feeling down, and that he is confused about us. I really want to help him and finding it hard to be strong. Are there any tips on how I can help my husband through this tough time? I am trying really hard to not let his words get to me. My husband was once the bubbly person who was always the life of the party. Please help!

emmalauren2 Trouble with my family..
  • replies: 1

Just as i'm writing this tears are streaming down my face as I don't know what to do anymore. My story starts off as.. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, severe depression and OCD last year and I have been beaten up by my 23-year-old sister plenty of time... View more

Just as i'm writing this tears are streaming down my face as I don't know what to do anymore. My story starts off as.. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, severe depression and OCD last year and I have been beaten up by my 23-year-old sister plenty of times and I'm physically scared of her. She is older than me so I would've expected a lot more from her but she just makes me feel worthless, unwanted, fearful and dreadful. She lives with me and my parents and she does abuse a lot of drugs. She steals anything of mine she can find and sneaks into my room to steal stuff she likes even really important things and she'll still do it if she's been told not to. She has even stolen stuff also from my mother, including things she needs for her health. I've always been afraid of her and she says hurtful things all the time like, I should've never been born, been made fun of my mental health, blamed me for drugs that were hers, etc. My dad thinks its all my fault when she turns around and says nasty things to me without saying anything to her, anything about her or anything that has anything to do with her. I hope people see where I'm coming from because she makes me so depressed! I feel like nobody cares about me anymore, nobody sees me as a human and nobody sees me as a person with feelings. I've spoken to both my parent's about this but my dad doesn't care a single bit and never has when it comes to me and I get blamed for it all. I'm so ashamed to say shes my sister, I know I shouldn't say that but shes but me through emotional stress for many many years. I'm so sick and tired of living like this.

Gracie_Lee Back on the horse?
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone, I've always struggled with making friends. I taught myself how to make "friends" but years on it still takes a huge amount of energy and all I seem to achieve is coffee and light chat (on my side, I quite often listen to other's concerns... View more

Hi Everyone, I've always struggled with making friends. I taught myself how to make "friends" but years on it still takes a huge amount of energy and all I seem to achieve is coffee and light chat (on my side, I quite often listen to other's concerns). I thought I'd made real progress and formed a lovely three way friendship. But recently one of them invited the other lady, pal B back to hers. Her enthusiastic persuading of pal B while ignoring me went on so long it was embarrassing. Eventually pal B turned to me and asked did I want to come too. I was so grateful to her because as this was going on I'd confidently thought, A will invite me in a minute then when that didn't happen I rationally thought, she wants to be one on one with B, fair enough and in a minute she'll realize how insensitive she's being and stop then when that didn't happen I just slid right in to my high school coping mechanism of blanking my face and sitting still and pretending this was all ok. When pal B invited me A immediately said I should come too and the next time I saw her she apologized but the time after that, same thing! So I analysed (of course). How did we get to this place? Oh my, that was a horrible couple of weeks and I realized there had been a lead up but I'd wanted to believe we were all on the level and had doubted and ignored my own instincts. So basically it's another big fat friendship fail. I'm so gutted, I really thought I'd made some progress in my life. I know I can learn from this. I know now I need to pay more attention to my instincts but how that would have helped I'm not actually sure. I'm not sure I have the energy to get back on the horse and start over trying to find new friends. Maybe I'd be happier if I stopped trying? I'd love to hear from others who've struggled with friendships for a lifetime. Did you work out how to make real friends eventually? Did you want to? What did you get out of it? Is it worth it? Is it less painful to be on your own? (I do have a family so not totally on my own) but sometimes I think I was happier when I had no friends and therefore no relationships to deal with but also no one to judge me for having no friends.

Struggle_street When is enough enough?
  • replies: 1

I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough. I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match. We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason i... View more

I am so torn on when my heart and head will agree on when enough is enough. I am in my late 20s and thought after a number of failed relationships I had finally met my match. We have been together for just over a year and a half and for some reason if I ever get this far this is where the bump happens and always stops. My partner has no previous relationship experiences and now looking back our relationship may have progressed too quickly for someone on their first rodeo. After a month of knowing him I just knew I Diddnt want him seeing or meeting someone else and asked him to be my boyfriend, a little unconventional but I knew what I wanted. After about 9months we were living together as we were back a forwarding from one place to another. 2 months ago he started to act strange, I had noticed for about 3 weeks that something had changed or was wrong. However, when ever I asked he always said everything was ok which made me think I was going crazy! Then he finally came out and told me “I don’t want kids” I Diddnt know what to say or do as I know I want kids and really cannot imagine my life without the family dynamic. Obviously my first question was why? Even now he can’t give me a reason on this and it baffles me. This is something we have discussed including hypothetical names etc so I was a little shocked. I suggested we go and speak to someone about it as I thought this would be the best course of action. we are happy in love, this has been by far the best and easiest relationship I have been in so I was never prepared to just let it go. to this day I have still not compromised as I strongly agree this is something that cannot be compromised on. However, as there is no why to it I believe in the short run that this could be a phase. we went to a couples counsellor and we were told to focus on our relationship and the good parts and deal with the why when it becomes relevant. A month on he says “maybe he should be single” but can’t give reasons for it. He says he needs space and freedom but he doesn’t want to see other people nor has he ended the relationship. On multiple occasions I have thought I could end it but never express this to him but it never lasts more tha 24hours as I love him and believe you should fight for what you believe in. I have decided to move out in the hope that he can experience the step we have missed when we were in the honeymoon phase. I’m just worried that the clock is ticking!

AM01 Second Level Stigma ... Spiritual Stigma
  • replies: 1

Does anyone else find that they not only battle the regular stigmas held against mental illness, but then also have to deal with the stigma the church has of mental illness as well? How do you handle it?

Does anyone else find that they not only battle the regular stigmas held against mental illness, but then also have to deal with the stigma the church has of mental illness as well? How do you handle it?

Jaz99 I’m alone for the first time
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m 18 and am for the first time ever alone and I hate it. I’ve always had school and therefore friendships with the people you saw everyday and just before graduation I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were together for our first year out of ... View more

Hi, I’m 18 and am for the first time ever alone and I hate it. I’ve always had school and therefore friendships with the people you saw everyday and just before graduation I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were together for our first year out of school so I had him by my side for all the new experiences. We then broke up right as I moved out of home and started a new degree and was so caught in the whirlwind I didn’t have time to process everything. Now it’s holidays, I’m back home and finding myself very alone. I have 2 friends but they are so busy with their lives and my family are all preoccupied (my Mum just had surgery so we are all busy supporting her). Now I sit alone and my friends are busy, my family are busy and I have no one else. My sister and I use to be very close but she now has a boyfriend. My dad works overseas and is always gone and my mum is ill and recovering so she can’t be there for me as I’m caring for her. My phone use to blow up with messages or my partner would be there to chat at any time and was just around the corner. I suddenly don’t know what to do, I go days without getting a message from anyone and my family are too busy to do anything with me. I struggle a lot with anxiety so going out and meeting people isn’t really something I can do. i tried messaging people I use to be close with in school but so much has changed since then nothing really stuck with anyone. I just don’t know what to do, I’ve never been alone and I really don’t like it. With how stressful life is I need someone to bounce things off and talk to about anything and I just don’t have that person right now. thanks to anyone who responds, Jaz

DonPiano Considering Separating.
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been married for nine years. My wife has PTSD/depression/anxiety, and I was diagnosed with depression last year. I haven't told her that as she has made it clear in the past that any health problems that I have she cannot deal with... View more

My wife and I have been married for nine years. My wife has PTSD/depression/anxiety, and I was diagnosed with depression last year. I haven't told her that as she has made it clear in the past that any health problems that I have she cannot deal with. For the past three/four years, we've slept in separate beds. I don't remember the last time she said she loved me. I do love her, but I find myself lately getting exhausted quicker and struggling to deal with her mental health. Anything I say or do is seen as an attack, or a negative thing about her, even though I try and frame things in the way she says to say them and try and be positive. I've gotten to a point where I need to start putting myself first and looking after my health as I find myself taking extra days off from work just because the stress of day to day life is becoming too much. But, if I do that, then it means that we'll likely separate, and I'm afraid that that would be devastating for her. She has said in the past that if I want to leave, she won't stop me, but I fear that she's just saying that. I don't know the path to helping her get to a comfortable place anymore. We don't have much of a life together outside of going out every so often. She never attends family events, and always cancels going on social outings at the last minute, so it means we've got no friends. I understand this is all part of her mental health, but it's come to the point where it affects me and that makes it even more difficult to manage. I'm just not sure whether we're already separated, or how to even bring it up as something that we should possibly do?

lvgd Depression and insecurity issues affecting relationship.
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, In December I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and commenced therapy after making the personal choice that I didn't want to be put on medication yet. I began therapy however felt like I just couldn't connect with my therapist an... View more

Hey guys, In December I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and commenced therapy after making the personal choice that I didn't want to be put on medication yet. I began therapy however felt like I just couldn't connect with my therapist and subsequently held back from expressing how I was feeling. Since then I have gotten significantly worse (am going back to the doctor tomorrow), and in the past couple of months it has severely affected my relationship. As a couple we now have more bad moments than we do good. We are constantly fighting and I get the feeling my boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with me anymore as I am making him miserable and stressing him out. Suddenly I am extremely insecure and have massive trust issues, and it's causing a lot of arguments and I spend most of my days crying and not wanting to get out of bed. My boyfriend doesn't communicate with me as well as he probably should, but the other day he told me I am "too clingy and overly affectionate" and openly told me that I "stress him out" which obviously hurt my self esteem and made me very upset, but I can see where he is coming from. Lately, if he goes out with the boys I spend the night panicking and desperately trying to contact him because I'm worried about him being with another girl or something like that. I have never been like this before in the 2 years we've been dating and I have absolutely no reason not to trust him, and it's really hurting me that I don't know what has come over me. I'm genuinely scared that he's going to lose interest in me or find someone better, so I'm constantly asking him for reassurance that he loves me and can tell he's annoyed by it. Basically these sudden insecurity issues are causing huge issues and I fear the worst for our relationship if I don't sort it out. I don't really have anyone to turn to so I'm basically looking for advice from people who have been in this situation on how I can fix this before it gets even worse

Gracie_Lee Hullo, trying to know who I am and to feel better
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, I'm feeling like a fraud for being on here. So many brave people facing real difficulties and I feel like maybe I need to just suck it up because there are no traumatic events in my past. But I've been feeling like life trundles along al... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm feeling like a fraud for being on here. So many brave people facing real difficulties and I feel like maybe I need to just suck it up because there are no traumatic events in my past. But I've been feeling like life trundles along alternating between really crap and ok, there's never any feeling of happiness or excitement. So I went to the doc (my anxiety through the roof, asking for help isn't my forte), he was really understanding and referred me to a psycologist but she didn't read his notes. She referred me back to GP for blood test. Again GP didn't access the notes. Got the blood test and thought I could call for the results but they didn't call back yesterday and today say I need to go in. They all asked me was there domestic violence. There isn't but I feel anxious they won't believe me or it'll be frowned on that I'm asking for help when I should get on with things myself. I asked for a referral to help me with my child too, again was asked was there domestic violence. (It would really affect my work if it was thought there was) I'm feeling myself slipping back in to the mode of acceptance and trundle along and don't expect anything better and avoid the anguish and anxiety of telling people how I feel. It's all starting to feel like it's too hard to ask for help.