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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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misscc lost
  • replies: 1

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether ... View more

Sorry if this is poorly written. My head is all over the place. Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months, prior to this relationship we had been close friends. I have had to deal with a lot of stress throughout our relationship whether it had do with university/study stress, family issues, my personal issues. I only feel comfortable to vent to my boyfriend which has caused me to become dependant on him, and i have been struggling to be happy independently. I also am struggling to find solutions to manage my stress. He has been stressed with his studies as well, so as a result we argue a lot and find our selves unhappy. He also feels responsible for me being sad (ex-if i had a bad day at work he would get frustrated if he couldn't put me in a better mood, frustration turned to anger which would result in a fight).We love each other so much and want it to work, however the fighting has caused my boyfriend to not feel 'in love with e'and doesn't feel as close to me but he still loves me, i understand this. Therefore we have decided to seperate to sort through our personal issues, so we can work things out. We both feel positive that things will work out as we've been so happy together in the past, before the personal issues got out of hand. My family life is a bit unstable and i have always had constant feelings of unhappiness before i met my partner, I'm just not coping and miss him a lot. Im in the process of trying to organise to talk to a councillor when i have the time to, but does anyone have tips to learn how to stop being so dependant and stressed? also how to deal with a separation and feelings of rejection? Thank you in advance

Raghu Compulsive Lying
  • replies: 4

I think I am a compulsive liar. I keep hiding things from my wife with regards to financial matters and my smoking habit. This is affecting our relationship. We have a 18 month old kid. I want to change this habit of mine because I love my wife but m... View more

I think I am a compulsive liar. I keep hiding things from my wife with regards to financial matters and my smoking habit. This is affecting our relationship. We have a 18 month old kid. I want to change this habit of mine because I love my wife but my habit is hurting our relationship alot. I dont know what i need to do in order to fix myself up.

Jaynelauren Need help!? Family/sister trouble
  • replies: 2

I hope this makes sense. I have 4 sisters who we all would seem pretty close but behind everyone’s backs there’s nothing but nasty gossip. its been going on for years but I’ve been in a serious relationship for over a year now and his made me realise... View more

I hope this makes sense. I have 4 sisters who we all would seem pretty close but behind everyone’s backs there’s nothing but nasty gossip. its been going on for years but I’ve been in a serious relationship for over a year now and his made me realise I want to live a different life I want more for my life. So I’ve been going really well losing weight finishing my course etc and my sisters and 1 friend are just going crazy behind my back hating on me. I’m hearing a lot of she said he said and it’s making me feel really depressed. It’s gotten to the point no one is really speaking to me anymore cause they are believing each other’s lies and hating me. All I have is my partner but I feel like I’m taking it out on him. I’m not a confrontational person at all but if I tried to confront no one would admit it. I feel so lonely I have no one to talk to and no one who actually cares about me. I’m always the one going to visit them and seeing what they’re doing and doing everything for them but no one ever just does something for me. I’m over them ignoring me and using me and then when they feel like it or they want something they will talk to me. I need help!? How do I move on in my life cause I know they’re not going to change . Also how do I stop being so emotional to my boyfriend I feel like it’s makinf me moody towards him and finding reasons to cry or be angry at him.

vanilla12 Worried my friend is getting used?
  • replies: 3

Hi there, So I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm really worried about a close friend of mine, who is also 17. Let's call her Rose. Rose is gay (and out to pretty much everyone) but lately she kept saying she's lonely and wants a girlfriend. Tonight, she m... View more

Hi there, So I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm really worried about a close friend of mine, who is also 17. Let's call her Rose. Rose is gay (and out to pretty much everyone) but lately she kept saying she's lonely and wants a girlfriend. Tonight, she messaged me and said she offered to hook up/sleep with a guy who is 20 something and who she doesn't know very well, I think she met him at a party once, because she's lonely and desperate. She's clearly not interested in a relationship with him at all and has suffered severe depression and anxiety in the past, although she's recovering now. At the time she met him, she described this guy flirting with her even though he knew she was gay and a lot younger than him. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with casual sex in general but the age difference bothers me and I talked to a mutual friend who said she thought Rose was being self destructive but that we can't do anything. I tried to tell Rose I was worried about her and to be safe but she just said "I love you and I'll be fine". I don't feel like Rose is that mature and can see this ending badly for her but I have no idea who I should tell or what to do since Rose isn't really listening to my warnings about getting used, even though I tried to be chill and friendly about it. Thanks!

Jacq333 So lonely it's stopping me making friends
  • replies: 9

Hi I've came to the realisation that I am that lonely that I have lost the confidence to make new connections. I have recently moved to a small(ish) country town where I don't know anyone. I am the manager in one of the main facilities in town which ... View more

Hi I've came to the realisation that I am that lonely that I have lost the confidence to make new connections. I have recently moved to a small(ish) country town where I don't know anyone. I am the manager in one of the main facilities in town which has issues I need to fix therefore meaning I feel I can't make friends with colleagues (i'm having to performance manage them). I'm not australian so I didn't grow up with the football/netball culture which is so prevailant in a country vic town so don't have that to fit in. I just don't feel connected to anything and don't know how to make friends. I'm a confident prrson on the outside but my fear of people not liking me is stopping me from trying to make friends in the first place. I just feel so lost

KAL25 What can I do better
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together for nearly 2.5 years and are engaged to be married this August (same-sex relationship). She has trouble telling me when she is upset about things or talking about events that frighten or scare her. Instead she will... View more

My partner and I have been together for nearly 2.5 years and are engaged to be married this August (same-sex relationship). She has trouble telling me when she is upset about things or talking about events that frighten or scare her. Instead she will pick on something else small and explode, in hindsight I know I should just reassure her everthing's okay, and know that she isnt actually mad at me its a previous issue, but the moment she snaps and gets mad I snap back, I have no idea how to just stop and say its okay. Im sorry. And I know saying that will stop her getting worse. Sometime I can brush it off and realise its me, but most of the time i retaliate and basically tell her she shouldnt be mad. I love her, but these small problems happen constantly and are exhausting, I just want to know what I can do to help her. Push my own stubbornness aside. thank you

JackM Help! Mother with dementia and brother with schizophrenia
  • replies: 4

I have a mother with dementia, and a brother with schizophrenia. My mother needs treatment but my brother is dead set against my mother getting treatment, and is riling her up all the time telling her that the rest of her children are trying to harm ... View more

I have a mother with dementia, and a brother with schizophrenia. My mother needs treatment but my brother is dead set against my mother getting treatment, and is riling her up all the time telling her that the rest of her children are trying to harm her in some way. My brother speaks in simple platitudes, promised to buy her a house (a promise that he cannot keep), and is basically the only person that she trusts at this point. This has been going on for about 18 months. Recently our sister and I were given a guardianship order to supervise our mother's health care, housing, and so on. We need our mother to cooperate but it is very hard when he is always on the phone to her telling her that he mean her harm. I've spoken directly to my brother about this, and he seems amenable for the most part when on the phone to me, but as soon as the call ends he is doing the same thing. We had a brief respite for about a week when the police picked him up during an episode, and was sent to the mental hospital. Once he got out he kept on doing the same. My question is what can we do about this? He is making it impossible to go about our duties are guardians as she refuses medical care, refuses relocation (back to her own home), and if this continues she is going to be permanently in a nursing home, something that we would like to avoid for as long as she is able to live semi-independently with in-home care. Are there any options to have my brother stop this behaviour? Negotiating haven't worked.

Bluebird46 Irrational thoughts?
  • replies: 3

I have had a few months where things have been so busy which has taken my mind off things but now my feelings are bubbling to the surface again... My partner who I don’t live with is going through a few things. He suffers from self esteem issues beca... View more

I have had a few months where things have been so busy which has taken my mind off things but now my feelings are bubbling to the surface again... My partner who I don’t live with is going through a few things. He suffers from self esteem issues because of his weight, which preceded our relationship by years. His weight is definitely not an issue for me, but his self consciousness about his weight definitely is, he says he hates being overweight and wants to do something about it, he has tried half heartedly but is not committed, and as a result is still miserable about it which is consequently rubbing off on our relationship. He has some family issues and is not happy with his job, whereas when we met he loved his job. He also has some family worries which I very much empathise with as I often feel homesick for my own family. When we met over 2 years ago he had been separated for a few years, but was not divorced. I was divorced before we met, and I did feel like he was close to being divorced. He has always been keen to move our relationship forward, but is still not divorced. He says it is monetary but he earns more than me, and has options available re his budget but he hasn’t taken them. Almost a year ago, he was suffering medical issues which were very much stress induced, and we were due to travel imminently. He was finalising his financial separation and due to his illness had missed the ball re a legal deadline. As a result we were faced with cancelling/ruining the holiday (which was also a visit to my family) or me lending him a significant sum which I did. This hasn’t been an issue for him because he is paying interest and is now looking at remortgaging but I am renting and feel like I am stuck until the loan is repaid. His kids are younger than mine, and I have been having issues with my youngest who is horrendously moody (oldest has flown the nest). We were wanting to live together but I am feeling less inclined as am feeling so unloved by my own kids, why would I want to prolong the agony by living with my partners kids? If I am struggling coping with my own kids where there is a biological bond how will I cope when there is no biological bond? Thoughts would be appreciated. I should say that I have no doubts as to his integrity at all, and he is an absolute gentleman at all times, but our circumstances have robbed us of the romance we had and I don’t know what to do thanks for reading

carer1 grief is mind bending
  • replies: 2

after years of caring for family and yesterday mum died I was there at the time so now there is just me and autistic daughter left I cant stand it the grief n ..................thought I had friends ....... I don't. neighbourhood isn't friendly very ... View more

after years of caring for family and yesterday mum died I was there at the time so now there is just me and autistic daughter left I cant stand it the grief n ..................thought I had friends ....... I don't. neighbourhood isn't friendly very clicky young childen /teenagers mine is an autistic 34 yo going no where.dont know what to do the pain is incredible to say the least the grief is making me feel sick , the fear of the future where do I go where do we live how do we live its such a hateful town /world cant get help to bury her cos she is the war widow of my dad who is already dead and only the spouse can claim bereavement benefit he was a british veteran , cant claim it there either I cant stand it any more

Topgunferrari I need help with my relationship and an agreement.
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. My girlfriend and i have a difficult situation. We had a bit of a rough time due to her anxiety and she made an agreement with me where I can only talk to her on certain days of the week (tuesday, friday and sunday) and im not allowed to... View more

Hi everyone. My girlfriend and i have a difficult situation. We had a bit of a rough time due to her anxiety and she made an agreement with me where I can only talk to her on certain days of the week (tuesday, friday and sunday) and im not allowed to see her unless she says so. This agreement will last until the end of the month when she comes back from a holiday in Bali and then she will make a decision if she wants to continue with the relationship or call it a day. To set the picture..She has some very bad anxiety and she had been sent a message by a coworker of mine accusing me of cheating with some fake facebook messages showing some a conversation between myself and the coworker. The conversation, although fabricated did a lot of damage to my girlfriends trust since I had not told her that I was helping a fellow coworker with a troublesome situation at work considering im a manager and her anxiety at the time was getting pretty bad. My reasoning for not telling her about what was happening was that I felt as if I couldnt talk to her without her over-reacting about the situation and her brain having a meltdown. In the past she has though she has had a few people say to her that I was only with her because I was rebounding (I certainly was not I really love this girl a lot) and that has affected her thought patterns on me as well. This agreement has also caused a lot of anxiety for me as well since she still tells me that she loves me and that she wants things to be better but at the same time I receive a lot of mixed signals from her in the sense that one day she can say one thing and then the next she will say the complete opposite. I dont know if she has spoken to her psychologist about the agreement but I have spoken to my friends and my family and they all suggested that I run for the hills as quick as what I can...Although i cant just give up on her because my love for her is so overwhelming that I will feel like I have failed her if I did that. I dont pretend when I tell her that I love her unconditionally and i honestly do want to spend the rest of my life with her but I honestly need all the help I can get with this. Tomorrow her and I are going to play some Mini Golf and do some bowling and shes already worried that her anxiety isnt going to let up and let her enjoy her day. I honestly just want her to enjoy her day and see how much I love her and come back from this mess. Thank you for the help in advance. I appreciate it