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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Delilahblue22 First time poster. Marriage is falling apart
  • replies: 7

I’m in love with my husband. And he says he loves me. But the issue is he wants and an open relationship and I can’t handle this. What else can I suggest. His libido is far higher then mine, and our sex life has always been effected. After weight los... View more

I’m in love with my husband. And he says he loves me. But the issue is he wants and an open relationship and I can’t handle this. What else can I suggest. His libido is far higher then mine, and our sex life has always been effected. After weight loss surgery he said he needed to feel lusted needed and wanted. And wanted to get Into bdsm. But told me I couldn’t fulfill this. I need help.

fial Feeling like I have lost everything...
  • replies: 5

Hi I've just had a breakup with my partner of 11 years. Happened a few days after my 50th birthday, so on top of feeling old this came as a complete shock (there was no warning) Although we weren't living together, we spent every moment we could toge... View more

Hi I've just had a breakup with my partner of 11 years. Happened a few days after my 50th birthday, so on top of feeling old this came as a complete shock (there was no warning) Although we weren't living together, we spent every moment we could together when he wasn't working (he works away), and I often flew up to be with him inbetween. Plus all we had together, paperwork and such. The past few years have been difficult. I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis after years battling fatigue and joint pain, and this year I finally felt like I was getting on top of it all. Learning my limitations and dealing with medications. Anyway.... losing my relationship has been a really big kick in the guts. I feel completely deflated these days, no motivation to do anything, no desire for food (have lost almost 9kg in 3 weeks), no eagerness to be around any people. I sit and write endless letters that never get sent. I wait for calls that never come. I feel the loss of him so deeply that I actually ache, somewhere, everywhere. We used to talk every single day. For 11 years, he has been my best, and really my only, friend. So I have lost my best friend and my lover, all in one gigantic hit. I don't want to go speak to my gp about this because he will tell me I need medication to help get me through - and I already take so many other drugs for various conditions that I really don't want more. I know that eventually there is an 'other side' to all this pain; it's just that right now I am struggling to see it ending. After 3 failed relationships in my life - first one cheated, 2nd father of my children cheated also, and now this - I am almost convinced that there is never going to be a special someone who loves me for me. I see people all around me in loving relationships and I have to wonder what is so wrong with me that I can't seem to keep that for myself? Add to this the fact that I have always been a bit of a hermit, plus that I live in a place with very limited scope for socialising anyway, and I see nothing ahead except loneliness. Limited earning capacity so it looks like I am going to stay poor, limited social life so I will be alone and poor, limited ability to deal with my emotions -so depressed, alone and poor. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve by posting this here. In a way, I guess it might help just to get it all out instead of holding it inside. And nobody here knows me, so in another way it feels safe to vent here. Thanks for reading my ramble. Fial

nahkiaius__ Relationships with my family are falling apart
  • replies: 1

Lately, I feel like all I do is make mistakes and do the wrong thing and can never improve my mistakes, even when my parents have told me literally millions of times what I am doing wrong and how I can fix it - I still can't manage to get better. It'... View more

Lately, I feel like all I do is make mistakes and do the wrong thing and can never improve my mistakes, even when my parents have told me literally millions of times what I am doing wrong and how I can fix it - I still can't manage to get better. It's now gotten to the point where my parents don't even want to talk to me anymore. I have had multiple breakdowns which trigger me to be motivated to get better and over the past few days I can see myself improving, but today I messed up hugely and it's back to square one. I feel like I constantly let my parents down and I feel like if I don't improve myself soon, it will be too late. My parents are getting older so this is making me motivated to help them more, I just am filled with regret about not being a better daughter to them growing up and for causing them so much stress and upset by my terrible behavior. I know this situation is entirely up to me to fix, but I'd just like any advice on how to go about fixing the relationships with my parents right now since we're not in a good place, and how to talk to them more if that even makes sense? Thanks in advance

Damian2211 Weary of new girlfriend
  • replies: 6

Hi all. Need some advice please, after a spending a year with a horrible lady who pretty much destroyed my life, i have met a new one which i have been seeing for 6 weeks. Heres the story. Hi guys, need some advice if i have reason to be concerned or... View more

Hi all. Need some advice please, after a spending a year with a horrible lady who pretty much destroyed my life, i have met a new one which i have been seeing for 6 weeks. Heres the story. Hi guys, need some advice if i have reason to be concerned or not. Been dating this chick for 6 weeks, very independant strong busty blonde. Anyway we have been getting on good, she only wants to see me on the weekends so generally stay all weekend. Well yesturday she informed me that shes going out with a girlfriend she hasnt seen for a long time and staying in the city in hotel. I wished her a good night and said dont you look too sexy lol.. she told me what she was going to wear. Then i asked if shes going to share a room. She then got real defensive by saying were not a married couple we are just dating, she doesnt have to explain herself to me. So she imposed a 24hr text ban. So i went to bed early, when i woke up for work i noticed she was online at 2am but no texts.. but she did text about 9am saying goodmorning hun. Hope your having a good day . So it seems she has a issue with me asking questions, i said i asked because we are going to bali and you said u didnt have any money. She said its none of my business.. Advice please?

Broken_2_pieces Journey of hell
  • replies: 3

My husband decided to separate after 18 years together. There are no words to describe the pain. The one person who you trusted most has destroyed you, but then they don't understand why you can no longer take them at their word. We have 3 children a... View more

My husband decided to separate after 18 years together. There are no words to describe the pain. The one person who you trusted most has destroyed you, but then they don't understand why you can no longer take them at their word. We have 3 children and after agreeing to remain amicable for their sake, things are going to hell. We agreed on 50/50 there was never any question on the custody, as children need both parents. However I am now finding that he seems to be less agreeable on custody arrangements and he is now taking me to mediation to resolve parenting plan, but won't tell me what it is that needs to be resolved. He has discussed legal matters with the children, the children don't call all the time when they are in his care or he makes them call half way through an activity so that the call feels like a chore to them as I am keeping them from what they would rather be doing, he doesn't tell me if I am needed to drive children to their activities until the day of or he drops them at my house without notifying me, he tells them the wrong information about when they will be with me so when I arrive to pick them up they are upset because they thought they would be spending longer time with him and now Mum has come to take them away. My youngest is now refusing to come on changeover, that won't let him see his Dad. I get they are hurt, but each thing is another crack into my already broken heart. Today however was the lowest point. It was not my custody day and I arrived to watch my eldest play soccer, (father coaches) & he made the two other children sit in the bench area with him. They saw me there and did not even acknowledge my existence. After the game the children would not come over to see me and I was faced with a choice of going over and potentially making a scene or leaving. I left To feel non existent & ignored by your children is the worst pain imaginable I feel like I have lost them. To see them look at you and look away like you are a stranger to them. I am not coping I feel like I am continuing to freefall & there is no rock bottom as the falling continues. Every time I think I am climbing back, I get knocked back down again by legal issues, the criticism, being ignored and shouted down when I stand up for myself and refuse to be taken advantage of over and over again. I wonder now what I am fighting for. I have no value- I don't mean anything to anyone.

Stormbornn How to cope with break up
  • replies: 1

Hi, My ex and i broke up in mid January. Prior to this, he broke up with me in November because he said i was too demanding. I must admit i must be pretty demanding..he lives in America and we chat every day. I get annoyed when we were in the middle ... View more

Hi, My ex and i broke up in mid January. Prior to this, he broke up with me in November because he said i was too demanding. I must admit i must be pretty demanding..he lives in America and we chat every day. I get annoyed when we were in the middle of conversation and he would disappear somewhere without telling. He would never let me know the reasons, he would tell me to use my common sense. Nonetheless, i feel like i wasnt respected and that hes being rude whenever he does that. from November to mid January, we were still talking every day and still acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. The only thing that i didnt like when we were in this gray period was, he always pull the "this is why we are not together" or "you are not my gf" whenever i asked him to reflect on our relationship or whenever i get clingy. In mid January, i decided that i had enough being put in this position. I tried everything i can to improve myself but i dont see him doing the same. So one day in January, i decided to tell him that its over and blocked him from all social media. In March, guilt ate me. I felt bad ending the relationship that way, and of course, because i still love him. I decided to reach out to him and i wad over the moon when i received a positive response. I am glad that i can talk to him again..eventhough as a friend. That i guess, is when the trouble started. First couple of weeks, he seemed ok with me messaging him every other day and we would talk about personal daily issues. Until one day, he kept ignoring me. I tried to be patient and texted him less. After one week without text, i decided to check up on him. His response was aggresive, he said he doesnt want to talk to me and that hes very frustrated. He also said hes not interested in listening to my problems (i was telling him my issue that i escaped from my abusive household and going to sleep in the car for the night). He said he wanted to relax and he wanted me to leave him alone. It hurts but i still love him. I decided to contact him another day. after i sorted out my abusive household issue, i reached out to him. I asked him about his new job and how life is going in general. Hes not too happy with my questions. He asked me why does it matter to me about his job and his life. He accused me of trying to get back together. I told him i care about him and that hes a part of me for 3 years and i thought we could continue being best friends eventhough we are not together. He ignored my replies.

Jess90 Is it my anxiety or a genuine concern?
  • replies: 1

I have suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for around 5 years. My partner and I have been together for around 18 months now. Things just aren’t adding up. He has previously cheated on me with his ex partner which resulted in her physicall... View more

I have suffered from anxiety and depression on and off for around 5 years. My partner and I have been together for around 18 months now. Things just aren’t adding up. He has previously cheated on me with his ex partner which resulted in her physically assulting me when I caught her at his house. He claims she was only there for his sons birthday (not her child) but she claims otherwise and this was August last year. I walked away and called our relationship off at that point. He came back claiming he was sorry and never wanted her there and would do anything to make it better to which I’ll admit he really did try. I struggled to move on for a while and then the phone calls started again, hiding his phone and kept getting caught with little lies. Until a few months ago when all this shit behaviour just stopped. He claims to this day he hasn’t had anything to do with her since the assult in August but would never explain the suds behaviour. Things have been going great lately until this last week. The phone started getting hiden away again and I found a Valentines Day card from her that he received this year. Doesn’t make sense to me if he hasn’t had anything to do with her and I’m to afraid to bring it up because every time I do he get annoyed and angry and thinks I just can’t move on from the past. I know since the cheating my anxiety and depression has come back into my life and has played a part in preventing our relationship from healing because I’m constantly thinking the worst, constantly on edge and over thinking things but at what point can I tell the difference between a genuine concern and my over thinking and anxiety affecting my relationship? I’m struggling to deal with it at this point.

Hailsm Don't enjoy going places anymore
  • replies: 2

Being a mum has killed my buzz I don't even like going to parties or gatherings any more because it's all about my husband enjoying himself. I'm a stay at home mum and I don't get alot of adult interaction. He suffers depression and anxiety and is me... View more

Being a mum has killed my buzz I don't even like going to parties or gatherings any more because it's all about my husband enjoying himself. I'm a stay at home mum and I don't get alot of adult interaction. He suffers depression and anxiety and is medicated. Everytime we go to someone's house my husband finds somewhere he can chill out with a mate away from me and our 2 and 4 year old like he doesn't even notice where there. He works only 4 days a week in a pretty cruisey job minutes from home where he is offered beers every day after work. He asked me to come to a mates place this afternoon to watch the football, I asked "why do you want me there? Last time we were there you didnt talk to me the whole time, zoned out and all I did was sit in a sand pit way down the back yard and in a play room playing baby sitter." Then when it comes time to leave or I've had enough of playing baby sitter, hes begging for one more drink which turns out to be 2 or 3 more and after that hes begging for me to leave him there and pick him up later, after I've been waiting for over an hour for him to come home with the family. His mates wife doesn't even talk to me and goes off to another room doing stuff. When I'm fed up and want to leave he tells me to sit down and relax, yeah right we have 2 kids, I never get to relax because I'm a mum remember, everytime I express how I feel about being the only responsible parent and having so much to do he says "well you are their mum and they should want to go to you for stuff" I get so angry because he is their father and should be more supportive of me, feel like his wiping his hands of his duties and doesnt get I deserve to enjoy myself too. The other week he got hung over and did absolutely nothing on a Sat morning until 1pm would even get up to get the kids a drink. After I put my daughter down for her nap at 1pm he asked me to go and get him Maccas because he felt sick, i said no because i had the flu and did everything for the kids all week and all that day and hes hung over and looking for sympathy, get your own mcdonalds. It's to a point now where I dread going places because it's all on me to watch the kids and I'm not allowed to enjoy myself, I'd rather stay home in our kid proof house so I can be happy doing my own thing and I don't have to stop kids getting into people's cupboards etc, but I feel hurt he doesn't care or get how I feel, just thinks I'm a mum so it should be all on me, we used to do everything together.

alwaystoblame Angry partner is ruining what we have
  • replies: 5

My partner and I have been together for 6 months and for the first month everything was normal. Until he started to get very angry at me over small things, or perhaps things that shouldn’t be of an angry reaction. He knew right from the start that I ... View more

My partner and I have been together for 6 months and for the first month everything was normal. Until he started to get very angry at me over small things, or perhaps things that shouldn’t be of an angry reaction. He knew right from the start that I suffer from Anxiety, OCD and depression, but he would start to get extremely angry every time I was anxious or sad. He would tell me “stop being sad you’re so annoying” or “stop stressing there’s nothing to even worry about you’re being so dramatic”. It causes a physical pain in my chest every time he says these things. One night he called me a “stupid bitch” (over something I cannot remember now but I remember that I was having a crap day) and I ended up being physically ill because of how hurt I was. Ive been in CBT since we met and he confuses me because one day he’ll say he’s happy to see me “trying to change” then another day he’ll turn around and say “you’re not even trying you’re just a princess you don’t even care”. It really confuses and hurts me. A big factor about these outbursts is that I am ALWAYS the one apologising. Even when I know I’m not in the wrong, if I don’t apologise he completely shuts me off or stays angry until I do. Sometimes because of my depression I’m more to myself, and when he asks what’s wrong and I explain he gets mad. I feel as though my emotions are not valid at all. Just today, I was stressing over money issues (I am what some could say sitting on the ‘poverty line’, and he has had a good life with relatively no money issues) and I was getting quite sad and he said “I’m sick of this I’m pissed off, you’re so dramatic” and hung up the phone. That was an hour ago, he hasn’t messaged or called back. Perhaps if I apologise to him it’ll be good again. I’m sick of saying sorry all the time, but of course when I know I’m in the wrong I will apologise. It happens. But majority of my sorry’s are from his outbursts. He gets so angry and I don’t know what to do. He’s admitted he has anger problems but followed it with “its just who I am”. He makes my anxiety and depression worse, but I still love him. He’s good to me when he’s not angry. But he’s draining me so much, I feel physically and mentally exhausted around him always walking on eggshells. Not to mention he constantly embarrasses me in front of his friends (yells at me, starts fights with me). I feel like he doesn’t care at all. I’m so exhausted. I feel worthless. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.

Policeex Not coping
  • replies: 2

Hi, my ex is a police officer and I am really struggling to cope. I know things I shouldn’t know that make me feel sad about the world. When I lost my Mum he told me he hates me, he likes nothing about me, I’m nothing but a low life piece of scum and... View more

Hi, my ex is a police officer and I am really struggling to cope. I know things I shouldn’t know that make me feel sad about the world. When I lost my Mum he told me he hates me, he likes nothing about me, I’m nothing but a low life piece of scum and garbage. I’m a wretched.. I used to see him supporting everyone but me. I am trying so hard to find help or someone I can reach out to but it’s so hard to find someone who understands.