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My partner's ex wife is super uncooperative

Community Member

Hi, I am 27 years old and from eastern asian country.

I have a partner and he's got divorced a few years ago. He is from Europe and has lived here more than 10 years. He has 6 years old son from previous marriage and his ex wife is from same country with me.

They have been sharing the custody and it was nearly 50/50 and now my partner has been sending his son to school because his ex wife didn't try to organise school. And now she is on her vacation back in her country and not letting my partner know when she would come back and how she wants to organise during the school holiday.

She used to take her son to her country with her for a few months without my partner's consent and after she came back, she insisted sending her son to private school which she doesn't want to participate for the school fee and as a result the poor boy missed his 3 semesters in prep. ( He managed to join the prep from last semester in public school.)

His ex wife doesn't care about court order they have got when they went to court for divorce. She moved to far away suburb for the rent fee.(She is living with her so called male friend there.) She pretends to be a good mum for her son but she moved far away for her new partner or rent fee and isn't participating in his school life.

She calls to her son every 2 days and asks what he had for breakfast, lunch and dinner and accuses my partner for each and everything.

She doesn't even take care of her son and throws her son on my partner and nags about a to z.

She hasn't worked for almost 8-9 years. She doesn't seem like she is willing to work still.

When I met my partner I didn't expect that he would have had this crazy unorganised selfish ex wife.

But we have been together almost 4 years and it is becoming too much for me. I want to spend time with my partner but he is so busy to take care of his son. We can not plan our future together or even the holiday. I feel like it is waste of my time if he needs to deal with this crazy person until his son becomes an adult. I am feeling my brain has been getting damaged and numb from the depression and stress.

His ex wife has been staying overseas for nearly 2 months now and my partner has been asking her when she would come back for 2 months. Whenever he asks she answers she needs to see a specialist. But I know it just takes 20 mins to see a specialist in my country. She has been lying and deceptive to my partner and her own son.

Thanks for reading and Plz give me some advice.

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Pandared~

Welcome here to the Forum, I'm sorry to hear things are so bad.

It is easy to see why your partner divorced this person, unfortunately when children are involved divorce is not the end of the relationship. Cooperation is needed to provide the child with a stable upbringing. This does not appear to be happening here.

I"m sure you did not bargain on this when you met your partner and it must be so upsetting and frustrating that his ex is so intrusive and disruptive and seems to be going part way towards ruling his life.

For a start have you talked to your partner about the effect all this is having on you? It may be that counseling might help. I'd also suggest seeing your GP and explaining how this is affecting you too.

Unfortunately court orders are not always effective, particularly if the person concerned simply ignores them and moves around or is not straightforward. The Family Court does have a help line

Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321

which can assist your partner in finding out what to do if a court order is breached. This is not a straightforward matter and could be expensive and may not have the results you need. I'm sorry to seem a bit negative, I'm just trying to prepare you that this path may not be smooth.

This is a complicated issue that will take time, would you like to come back and say what you think needs to happen, for you personally as well as the relationship as a whole?