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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lexie34 Newbie, burnt out single Mum in need of suggestions and ideas.
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im a newbie. Ive always a strong determined independent person. Life hasn’t been easy but I always managed to get through it and come out on top. I have a good secure job, am a single Mum to a 14 yo with special needs. Now I find myself in this s... View more

Hi, Im a newbie. Ive always a strong determined independent person. Life hasn’t been easy but I always managed to get through it and come out on top. I have a good secure job, am a single Mum to a 14 yo with special needs. Now I find myself in this situation ... burnt out, stressed, anxious and depressed. I’m on anti depressants, after taking 4 weeks off work, have returned on modified duties. I’m angry, frustrated and disappointed that I am in this position. My sons needs intensified over the last 18 months. It has been so stressful juggling his needs with full time work. Work in itself has been stressful. Added to that ... navigating the NDIS!!! My life has consisted of caring for my son and work. His father is not in the picture. I haven’t looked after me unfortunately and now I’m suffering. I need help. I have constant feelings of overwhelm. I’m exhausted. My doc has increased my meds this week so I know it will take time and potentially feel worse before I feel better I moved to a new town 2 years ago to make s fresh start with my son I haven’t been able to make any friends I’ve tried to seek out opportunities to meet other mums but haven’t ‘clicked’ now I feel so exhausted I don’t have any energy or motivation to keep trying I’m looking for ideas/suggestions that will help I need to keep working full time so can’t cut down hours are there any support groups in Ballarat area that anyone knows of? thanjs for listening and allowing me to vent. Lexie34

Asenna Hole in my heart
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone. i thought I’d share my story with you all hoping to get some feedback. I’ve been divorced now since May this year but the marriage ended and we separated over 3 and half years ago. It was not a mutual decision. She left for lots of vario... View more

Hi everyone. i thought I’d share my story with you all hoping to get some feedback. I’ve been divorced now since May this year but the marriage ended and we separated over 3 and half years ago. It was not a mutual decision. She left for lots of various reasons, mainly though that she wasn’t happy and I was still struggling with major depression. Since she left I’ve begged, pleaded, given her space, been an arsehole at times, fine, and around that merry go round again for at least 3 of those years. Come the start of 2018, I saw her on a dating app and my heart dropped. It consumed me for a little while but over time the pain and intensity lessened and I took the big leap and signed the papers to be officially be divorced. My depression just didn’t leave me. So I’ve slowly overtime started to deal with my maior depression and I’ve had the longest stretch of some normality for some while. But today I have found out she is seeing someone since January of this year that she met on the dating app. I don’t think that bothered me so much. That desperation of trying to win her back was non existent, yet I feel a deep sadness. Like the hole in my heart just became massive once more. I feel lonely, sad and feelings of being left behind in life. I’ve struggled with grief but also major depression for over four years and have also changed psychiatrists. But, these feelings I have today are not really depression. They feel like a big loss, that I’m not where she is in life, that I just been stuck because of my depression for so long. I feel like I’ve lost something. A life I once had that is lost to the past. Something that only lives in my memory. I can’t understand why my heart hurts so much. Thank you for listening to me. Fab

RemainTheSame I'm the father of a child I will never meet
  • replies: 13

Hello all and thank you first of all for welcoming me to your forum. As I have only 2500 characters to use, I will keep this as brief as possible. I did not ever believe I would suffer from anxiety or depression (and truly I find it hard to accept no... View more

Hello all and thank you first of all for welcoming me to your forum. As I have only 2500 characters to use, I will keep this as brief as possible. I did not ever believe I would suffer from anxiety or depression (and truly I find it hard to accept now that I do, I can be so stubborn) until recently. The long and short of it all is that I have been involuntary made a father-to-be. Some of you might think "that's normal, we all go through that sort of feeling before becoming a new parent". Generally I would agree. I am a very different person however. Not to go into this too much but I am a childfree by choice person and I have always been this way. I recently dated a young lady who fell pregnant to me fairly quickly. These things happen and we talked. It seemed pretty obvious early on that she was really not interested in me anymore and just wanted a baby; I was basically a sperm donor. Now, this was hardly an optimum situation for me, being a somewhat vocal childfree person. She assured me that she would cut all contact, remove me from her life and never needed me to enter it again, financially or otherwise. As there wasn't much option I accepted her terms and moved on. The issue was not raised again until a friend of hers contacted me to reassure me that she did not want me in her life, and never truly had. She had just received a 500k life insurance payout from her deceased ex partner and was happy enough to consider that our brief relationship never happened. Small consolation for me....this whole pregnancy is a horrible cloud over my head causing strange thoughts and constant anxiety...I can't even reminisc on good times past without my brain adding in "but that was before the pReGnAnCy InCiDeNt" and ruining my next ten minutes thinking....wash rinse repeat every half hour or so and you get that that must be awfully tiring to have happen. I have had to accept that there will be a child out there that I will never meet(I don't really want to either....I really don't like children at all) I am curious what anti anxiety methods people may suggest, or memory suppressant excersizes, I do not want to be affected by this thought process for the rest of my life. I equate my situation to genuine sperm donors and wonder if they suffer similar anxiety to myself. I lead an active social life which helps and work a demanding job which also helps. Thankyou again for having me.

Brett_T Separation and broken
  • replies: 1

Hi 1st time here, well ive lived with mental health for the last 15 years, used to get moody and the self verbal abuse, very low self esteem, GP put me on meds and as we all no up and downs well after all this time I broke in April this year, wife wa... View more

Hi 1st time here, well ive lived with mental health for the last 15 years, used to get moody and the self verbal abuse, very low self esteem, GP put me on meds and as we all no up and downs well after all this time I broke in April this year, wife was at her end and I had thought bad ones, cat team got me a hospital admission , my wife and 2 girls drove me , 4 hrs drive, my wife dropped me off .. never came back. I was there for 8 weeks and learnt a lot about depression , anxiety and self esteem and anger control. It’s been the hardest 5 mths of my 49 years of life, my oldest Daughter is not coupling with the illness I have and the breakup of the marriage, she finds it hard to talk to me this just turns the emotions on. Why I’m writing this today , it’s my 19th anniversary, I’ve been an emotional wreck since last night and my mind had been going to places I don’t like, I call it the grey place. I’ll never do anything to my self but the thoughts do came and go then I see my girls that’s more than enough to keep fighting to control the bugger illness. I’ve went back to hospital to help with coupling with daughter emotions, haven’t been back to work this time as I have lost all my will to go on, I have no support were I live thanks to cut in rural Victoria.I have never felt so alone and scared in my life like I do now .

Heartbroken_wife Recently separated
  • replies: 2

After 17 years my husband and I have separated. We have had numerous arguments alot recently where there was physical danger. This was the last straw I swore he would never lay a hand on me again. So I walked out. It was only going to be for a few da... View more

After 17 years my husband and I have separated. We have had numerous arguments alot recently where there was physical danger. This was the last straw I swore he would never lay a hand on me again. So I walked out. It was only going to be for a few days to cool down. The day I was planning to return I found out that he had updated his facebook profile to being a bachelor. So being as stubborn as I am I got my own place seeked counseling hoping that a better head space would help. However after 17 years I found out that within weeks he was already seeing someone. This has completely broken me. I have been getting drunk to numb the pain and I feel like an absolute fool I spent days and days crying cant sleep or close my eyes cos all I see is him with another person. My mind races somtimes I accept that its too late and other times I just dont know how to function. Never pictured my life not being married. We have 3 kids I thought that it would be best for them to temporarily have two happy safe houses rather than one unhappy house. Now it seems two houses will be permanent. Devastated and depressed don't know what to do.

ChadC2018 Hi Guys - Need Help - Would really appreciate it :)
  • replies: 2

Hello, I have a really nice sweet friend, and we were talking like best friends all the time. And We've been friends for well over 8 years now. I care about her a lot and she does mean a lot to me. Anyway (Keeping it short) this year starting from Fe... View more

Hello, I have a really nice sweet friend, and we were talking like best friends all the time. And We've been friends for well over 8 years now. I care about her a lot and she does mean a lot to me. Anyway (Keeping it short) this year starting from February she stopped replying to my messages. And so I started seeing how she was every 2 weeks / every month. Just little messages. I even checked to see if it was me, and if she wanted me to stop talking to her. I got upset because It might have been me. Or it could be that it might be something to do with her having Bipolar. I'm Confused... Long Story Short a few weeks later I said hi. I didn't get an Answer. I then proceeded to ask if she was okay? And she lashed out at me. And that really did hurt. And I was just so upset for the whole night, and I was trying to do the best I can to calm down, and try not to say anything that I would regret later on. Could you guy's just imagine what It would feel like if your best friend cut you off? No explanation, not even giving you the decency to tell you why. That's how I felt all year. And I honestly believe at the bottom of my heart that its not her Fault, and she couldn't control how she felt. However I'm still human, and I'm not immune from my own emotions, and I'm not immune from being hurt in the process. So I said to her "Maybe its best we don't talk for the rest of the year". I had a feeling that might have upset her. So the next day on a Facebook page (She is an Admin of). I was told that I should stop posting on a Daily Basis. Otherwise I would be banned from the page. And I was extremely offended by that, and I really felt at the time it was unfair. I personally was about to break down at work, and cry because after Months of my own personal challenges I had enough. It may have not been her that Banned me. But still. I felt that it was totally unfair. It was on that day that I Blocked her, unfriended her on Facebook and said How I really felt. I guess I personally didn't know that I wasn't okay at the time. And usually it rarely happens that I would be this furious. Had I've known I probably would have come up with strategies to not say things that I would later on Regret. As I have only just recently learned. Just because of your depressed and upset, What you think or say might not necessarily be true. I'm about to send that very facebook page a letter. Explaining why it was unfair. Should I do it?

Harmony_81 Confused
  • replies: 6

Hi all, it's my first time posting here, just hoping for some support as I'm really confused at the moment. My husband of 19 years is a "Gamer" he calls himself this. Playing online games around his work hours. Recently while replying to our child on... View more

Hi all, it's my first time posting here, just hoping for some support as I'm really confused at the moment. My husband of 19 years is a "Gamer" he calls himself this. Playing online games around his work hours. Recently while replying to our child on his phone a message popped up that was from a lady. I followed into the chat, her message was the only one in the inbox. Anyway long story short they'd been messaging each other for a number of months. My husband suffers from depression and said to me he was talking with her online as they both suffer from depression and could find common ground. Honestly I'd be totally fine with this situation except for the fact he had deleted all messages along the way. I'm feeling really confused and feel I'm at a fork in the road, He has lied to me in the past, to "Not upset me" I feel I need to reach out for some support. His gaming addiction has been a constant in our lives for the past 15 years and I guess I internally hold hope that one day he will stop.

Cate59 Don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

I am 59 my long time boyfriend has asked me to marry him. He knows I suffer from depression. I also care for my daughter who suffers from severe anxiety and finds it extremely difficult to cope with change. I am told by everyone I deserve to be happy... View more

I am 59 my long time boyfriend has asked me to marry him. He knows I suffer from depression. I also care for my daughter who suffers from severe anxiety and finds it extremely difficult to cope with change. I am told by everyone I deserve to be happy but find this difficult to believe as I have always put others first. My daughter does is not happy with my decision to marry and move away. I either give up my plans or send her to live with her father, who said when we separated he did not want her ruling his life. He is remarried, I do think it is time for him to care for her for a while but just don't know how to go about making it happen. I am told to get a thicker skin and do what I want for a change.Only people don't understand what it is like to be depressed and also care for someone you love and don't want to upset. My daughter is 35 and has other problems part from anxiety which are it nearly impossible for her to live by herself. I am not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice. Maybe someone has been in a similar position. I am becoming more and more confused and depressed in trying to work out what to do . I know I can't make everyone happy but what do I do?

chels26 Losses of this year.
  • replies: 2

So my year started off as a new slate. I had my family my job and my friends, everything was going great. I eventually met my to be ex boyfriend and I of course again rushed into this realationship too quickly. So with my past relationship before my ... View more

So my year started off as a new slate. I had my family my job and my friends, everything was going great. I eventually met my to be ex boyfriend and I of course again rushed into this realationship too quickly. So with my past relationship before my recent I had learnt that not all people are who they seem, I learnt the pain of been mentally and physically abused, I also learnt that talking is a big part of relationships. So here I was again falling madly in love with this guy that I thought was perfect, I met his family went on holidays spent many birthdays with them, thought I was family until one day out of the blue I ask if he was okay because he was becoming distant, he then replied that he needed to talk. Right them and there I knew he was about to break up with me. So my thoughts go dark real quick. He wanted to meet up and I said no he asked if he could ring me he tried but ignored it and I messaged him it's okay I know it done, were over you don't to say anything let me just get my stuff tomorrow. I was trying to act so brave but on the inside I felt this pain I've never felt before. I've had breakups before but this felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. So weeks have passed by I've decided to drink every single weekend put on a happy face and pretend like everything is normal. Later on this year I lost my job and then my friends. I developed this habit if sleep long enough I won't have to deal with anything or think about anything. The sad part is that it's been two and a half months and I'm still crippled by the pain of the breakup. I still love him even though h doesn't give a damn about me. His on my thoughts all the time and I feel like a crazy stalker. I hate this year and wish I never tried anything new. I hate boys I hate work I hate being alone all the god damn time. I miss having a companion and sharing day to day stuff. Being alone scares me the most but being so self concious and suspicious I push everyone away. I don't know how to get my shit together when I don't want to do anything.

Justsomebloke Ended up in a bit of a pickle
  • replies: 1

Hi here ,my first post here. I'm in a bit of a pickle. Mid 50s bloke. Married with 3 grown up kids, 1 still at home. IT since the 80s. Made good money most of the time, over 100k often 175k. We're shocking with $. Gets frittered away. We rent a nice ... View more

Hi here ,my first post here. I'm in a bit of a pickle. Mid 50s bloke. Married with 3 grown up kids, 1 still at home. IT since the 80s. Made good money most of the time, over 100k often 175k. We're shocking with $. Gets frittered away. We rent a nice house near the water in QLD. I last drove a car worth than 6k in 2003. She went back to study as a counselor a decade ago, works in the field (now earning 90K +) We have personal loans which were are a problem. I've lied to her about how much money was coming in, due to panic about not having enough & blind hope things would work out. Not proud of it. Given up hope of being secure financially but would do anything to not having to panic about it constantly. I've been with her since we fell pregnant when we were 24. The only time I ever looked at another woman was 4 years ago with someone who was actually fairly famous 'back in the day". My wife found our e-mail - including the ones were we decided that we'd stay loyal to our spouses. I'm the "baddie" for lying to her about money and for having looked at another woman. Our living conditions are are atrocious. Sadly my wife isn't a great housekeeper. I help where I can but I've almost given up. We live in a chaotic clutter that I panic & despair at. The house often looks like it's been ransacked and all the bedrooms have piles of washing & clutter The response about this is "you should be doing more." I have bad asthma and suffered a heart attack when I was 45 which has left me with heart rhythm problems. (Family has no history of cardiac problems aside from me.) Beta blockers and meds for blood pressure, and now medication for the stress. I've been to two counselors. Basically told get the hell out of the situation for me own sake, but I love my wife who is a lovely woman and don't want to do this. I'm suffering from near constant anxiety about money with panic attacks and feel a failure despite having what most people would call a successful career, live in a beautiful house that I dread coming home to because of the mess AND I get to be the villain. I'm not a bad bloke. I feel like I've willingly given my life to be a good husband and father but am now worn to a nub. I used to be able to get relief from things when I traveled for work and was away from home but the dread of coming back home is following me around. So much for the sob story and I openly admit that the situation is entirely of my own doing. I'm really at a loss at to what's next.