Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

MayItShine I feel betrayed by my own family
  • replies: 2

Hello. This is my first time on here, and I'm a little nervous sharing online but I'd like to reach out for support. I'm about to turn 18. I have had pretty severe anxiety since age 14, and for the last year have had depression. I've been through a h... View more

Hello. This is my first time on here, and I'm a little nervous sharing online but I'd like to reach out for support. I'm about to turn 18. I have had pretty severe anxiety since age 14, and for the last year have had depression. I've been through a heck of a lot of issues with my mental health and paternal parent, but my older sister, older brother and mum have ALWAYS been there for me. They are my biggest support network. Recently I have had my mental health take a deep dive for the worse, and on the weekend my family told me that they were going to withdraw. So mum had been off work with me at home, to basically take care of me. But she said she was going to work. I understand that she has to work, and I'm not trying to sound selfish at all. But since then, she has stopped her support altogether. When she gets home and I try and tell her that I had a bad day and need a hug, she tells me about all the other things that she could be doing with her time. I have had many long talks with her about the way she makes me feel, and every time she says that she is listening to me, but makes an excuse. My sister and brother are the same. I feel really betrayed by them, and as a result my health is literally rock bottom. I have no friends, and without there support I feel so lost. I should probably mention that I have a private psychologist who is trying to help, but he's currently on holidays. I guess I'm just really looking for some people to talk to who might understand how hard it is to talk about mental health.

Kakapo Don't know how to go on with life without my boyfriend (26f)
  • replies: 14

He has been trying the last 2 months to get better, had his first session with psychologist on Thursday (he did work with her 2 years ago too). He's been feeling lost, low self-esteem (can't love himself), and like our relationship is a pressure to h... View more

He has been trying the last 2 months to get better, had his first session with psychologist on Thursday (he did work with her 2 years ago too). He's been feeling lost, low self-esteem (can't love himself), and like our relationship is a pressure to him because he can't meet the expectations of being in a relationship. Thinks I would be better with someone else - even if it hurts him a bit. He's trying to be realistic. Our lease ends in November and he wants to go separate ways to recover and sort his life out (he just lost his job also). He doesn't know if he will be the same or if he will get better by the time he comes through the other side of this. To say I am heartbroken doesn't describe the agony I am in. The pain is worse than when my dad died. My boyfriend was the kindest man I had ever met, driven and funny. He was very intimate. And then he just started slipping away from me. I was emotional and hurt, which pushed him further away. I started seeing a psychologist and taking prescribed anti-depressants to try cope. I have plans to study next year (so does he). That helped initially to know I had something to focus on. But now I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to work. I'm trying not to cry at work. The pain while crying has been so bad I'm having trouble breathing. I moved countries for him and I have no family here. No really close friends. I am so scared and alone, all I want is to be loved again. To have everything you wanted and lose it all, while still in love, is the most excruciating emotional pain I think we can experience. What do I do? I'm crying so hard and am in so much agony, I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare. He's not who he was. I wish he would get better, and would love himself and me again.

TJ1624 After almost 15 years of marriage and 2 amazing children I had a breakdown and pleaded for help only to be told my wife wants to seperate...
  • replies: 8

I have been married for almost 15 years to the women of my dreams, we have had our ups and downs and have always managed to get through anything we have faced, I genuinely adore my wife and would give up almost anything to be able to spend my life by... View more

I have been married for almost 15 years to the women of my dreams, we have had our ups and downs and have always managed to get through anything we have faced, I genuinely adore my wife and would give up almost anything to be able to spend my life by her side but yesterday I hit a real low point which various factors contributed to, (stress at work, lack of sleep, viral issues over almost a month) and I was in a terrible mental state and in tears asked my wife for help, her reaction has really crippled me, she told me she wanted out of our relationship and that she has been angry at me for a long time and doesn't like the person she has become because of me.... I am far from perfect I know that for sure but I do adore my wife and try find ways each day to try to make hers better than the day before, i am a very active father and husband and do majority of the housework, taking kids to sport etc and have never begrudged my wife for this, like i said I adore her... I am so far beyond being lost, I really dont know how I move forward, I know I have to for my Beautiful Kids but just can't imagine a life where I dont get to hold my wife each day......

Beharris Feeling alone in my marriage
  • replies: 4

My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing ... View more

My husband is the most amazing person normally but i feel as though he always hates being around me he never likes to do activities with me he was so much more happier when we were engaged but once we married he never seems to look forward to seeing me anymore always says he doesnt have time or his too busy or has too much stress on him .. He claims he has anxiety and always finds excuses to be around other people he's also always so bubbly around others but when we're together he seems bored and unhappy i dont know what to do or how to make our love grow back this is putting a huge strain on me and my son who is an infant as i cant give him my all waking up everyday feeling unhappy. Im also pregnant with baby number 2 am i just over reacting ? Or what should i do ? Because as of now im loosing myself!

freedom2018 Help with moving on
  • replies: 5

A few months ago, I left my husband, who I had been with for 9 years. We were originally having problems because he no longer wanted children anymore, and he knew that that was a deal-breaker for me. He thought our marriage was going to end, so he we... View more

A few months ago, I left my husband, who I had been with for 9 years. We were originally having problems because he no longer wanted children anymore, and he knew that that was a deal-breaker for me. He thought our marriage was going to end, so he went and found himself an online girlfriend to cope with our break-up. This all happened while we were still living together, and I believed, still working on our marriage. We have now officially split, although we are still under the same roof. Looking back at our relationship, and doing some research, I now believe I was married to an emotional abuser. I have recently started seeing someone new, who is wonderful and sweet, and so very kind. He knows everything about my previous relationship and is happy to go slow for me. However, I feel like I am sabotaging the relationship now. He is very busy at work so is unable to message me very often during the day. I stress if I don't hear from him for hours on end, and start messaging him constantly. I even am constantly doubting him, asking if we're okay, or if he's busy talking to other girls. I don't believe I am good enough for this wonderful new man, and I feel like I am ruining any chance I have of a successful relationship due to my doubts and self esteem issues from my previous relationship. I feel like I am apologising constantly for my behaviour, and he says he understands and I don't need to worry. But surely he will tire of it eventually?? To be doubted constantly and to have to offer reassurance constantly must be exhausting. I'm not worth the hassle! But I want to move on. I don't want to be like this. I don't want my ex-husband to have a hold over my life anymore. Can anyone provide advice on how I can start to move on, and not be such a naggy cow to the new guy. He does nothing to deserve my doubt.

manoody92 More marriage issues.
  • replies: 11

Well here I am again. Its quite a personal topic this time. I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, eve... View more

Well here I am again. Its quite a personal topic this time. I have been mentally unwell the past few months and have been trialling different medications to see what helps. It’s been quite a difficult time. My husband has been supportive of this, even though he does get frustrated with me quite easily. Things haven’t been great and I’m finding it more and more difficult to connect with him. Tonight I decided to be intimate with my husband. I was trying to enjoy it, but I just couldn’t. I came to the realisation that I just wasn’t finding it appealing or my husband attractive. I cried immediately after wondering what’s wrong with me. I’m taking this as the last sign that my marriage might be over, or I at least need a separation to sort myself out. The only thing making me stay is our daughter. I feel so lost. I see my counsellor Monday, but I just wondered what your opinions are?

Livedivine Can anyone identity these behaviours
  • replies: 8

Hi I just I suppose wanted some advice on what these behaviours are. I've learned to just accept them and I suppose the wanting to have them named is a way of making sense of things for ourselves. But they baffle me in some ways. If I had a bit more ... View more

Hi I just I suppose wanted some advice on what these behaviours are. I've learned to just accept them and I suppose the wanting to have them named is a way of making sense of things for ourselves. But they baffle me in some ways. If I had a bit more understanding about them I might be able to be more understanding. NOTE: My husband does have PTSD, not the debilitating part of it which he endured 2006 but the residual part of it as stated by Psychs last year when our marriage came crashing down. His moods have been steadily been getting worse again, I feel over last 6 months. But he claims he doesn't know about them, or aware of them. Scenario - My husband gets into a car with his daughter and her friend, his daughter is driving. Because my husband is diabetic and I was aware of how little he'd eaten I grabbed a trail mix and walked outside to give to him. So I stand at the door expecting him to wind down the window, he doesn't. I wait a few seconds then open the door myself and say "normally when someone is standing at the door it means they want to talk to you". (yes I was a bit annoyed). His response is "ohhh, but I couldn't give into you". Scenario - My husband will say something of general interest and if I indicate that I already knew he'll say "you didn't know that, I just told you" or "don't 'yeah' like you already knew, you didn't know". This happens quite often. Scenario - Random times, when he's more sullen, he just gives me a look of disdain. Scenario - A few crumbs (literally) are on kitchen bench. He says "you girls are so disgusting". Meaning daughter and myself Scenario - He is now retired and I work part-time. So I'm cleaning up after dinner he'll say "no you don't do that, you're the one working now I do the dishes". This is him in his more up mood. Since he's been down a little, he hasn't done the dishes in weeks. Scenario - Im sick , it took him 4 days before he was free enough to say "how are you today babe". He is not an empathetic person or very compassionate but tends to show things with money. He shows his kindness this way. Such as when I was sick, day 3 he said "you should stay home from work tomorrow". That's his way I suppose of saying I care. What I've found extremely challenging is the difference or changes in opinions and values depending on which person I get. His response to one thing will be one way, but if he's in his down mood, his opinion will be different. ????

LeeA18 A tad confused
  • replies: 50

My boyfriends depression/anxiety returned about 2 months ago. He stepped back from our relationship. I have been keeping in contact with him every few days as I haven’t wanted to bombard him when he is going through this but I also wanted him to know... View more

My boyfriends depression/anxiety returned about 2 months ago. He stepped back from our relationship. I have been keeping in contact with him every few days as I haven’t wanted to bombard him when he is going through this but I also wanted him to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. He slowly opened up to me about a few things. Over the last week he has shown signs of being his old self. I am quite confused as to whether he wants to move forward again or if he still needs space to sort himself out. Without sounding like I am presurring him, but for my own sanity, how should I approach him about it or should I just see how it plays out over the next few weeks?

snakes_on_a_plane My dad called me just now [trigger warning: sexual abuse]
  • replies: 1

We have a long history of abuse within the family. I cut all of my family out of my life several years ago. My mother, in particular, has been cruel to me my entire life. My brother was allowed to beat me every single day and has molested and even ra... View more

We have a long history of abuse within the family. I cut all of my family out of my life several years ago. My mother, in particular, has been cruel to me my entire life. My brother was allowed to beat me every single day and has molested and even raped my sisters. I have these images of being molested as a child, I don't remember anything but just these images. My mum and dad allowed this stuff to happen and even blamed me. Well I was really angry at my dad last week after my cousin emailed me from abroad and told me that she and her sisters were getting really odd emails from my brother and that they're concerned that he's an alcoholic. My dad blocked me from facebook over it and I emailed him blasting him and my mum for being abusive of him and denying time and time again that he's an alcoholic. They insist there is nothing wrong, that he doesn't have an addiction even though my brother lived with me for 6 months and was drinking from sun-up until sun-down the entire time and was drunk 24/7. Well I also have panic attacks, I had one just this morning, having been woken up by the panic attack I was having in my sleep due to a nightmare. The panic attacks I have are all from my family. I visited my sister last year for a week - in that week she was already calling me a fat and lazy. She was screaming and yelling at me, demeaning and dehumanising me and my kids. We had to flee her house without any money or place to go, needing to fly home from Brisbane to Melbourne. It was a nightmare. This is what my family are like though - all of them. For some reason they're fine with each other but as soon as I'm around they just torture me. They treat me like Im less than nothing.

Livedivine Drained from the spouse's moods
  • replies: 9

Hi all, I've just joined this site. I decided to just post something as I do feel I would benefit from hearing from others. After my loveless marriage of 19 yrs ended I was single for abou 4 yrs then reconnected with an old friend. We got together, d... View more

Hi all, I've just joined this site. I decided to just post something as I do feel I would benefit from hearing from others. After my loveless marriage of 19 yrs ended I was single for abou 4 yrs then reconnected with an old friend. We got together, dated for about a year and a half and now married for 3.5 yrs. He was my Mr Wonderful. A month into marriage I was completely caught unawares. I saw another side, a dark side, a mean side. Our vows, principles that we had agreed on before in regards to relationships all went out the door. I knew he had had PTSD but the following 2 yrs took its toll. I won't go into all that. He really had an epiphany of his own last year after he asked me to leave that maybe his thinking wasn't correct. He contacted a psych and psych confirmed he still had PTSD plus his heavy alcohol consumption were not a good mix. Anyways about a year ago he threw the alcohol away and started to seek counselling, again. ( had seen 2 psychs previous in the first 2 yrs) plus we started seeing marriage counsellor earlier this year but haven't been in a while. I noticed more recently he has returned to a more consistent place of being in bad moods. If I ask him how he is or if he is in one, he gets defensive. the first couple of years were really difficult with his emotional/verbal abuse (stonewalling and passive/aggresive behaviour) but I forgave him and we moved on. But I'm tired of bearing the brunt of his moods. He's not as bad cause he's not drinking but the angst is still there. If I just try to move towards him, I get coldness and he speaks rudely to me. We haven't quarelled or anything I just get the bad end of the stick and it's happening more regularly. The other week he called my daughter a name and I told him to not speak about my daughter like that, his response was to call her something worse. He has acknowledged pain/resentment that he has, unfortunately, we wear it. You can't talk to him when he's in it, there is no point and when he's out of it and in a good place, I don't want to bring it up cause he's like "what are you talking about" as if it never happened. His values change when he's in a mood. I'm a spiritual person who thinks on and reads spiritual type stuff, I seek kindness, compassion, goodness. It's taxing on my self cause he's just a bundle of negative energy. I've tried to show kindness and I don't react but I don't want to be looked at with disdain for no reason and spoken to rudely.