Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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rainbowballongirl lonely and struggling with fertility treatment
  • replies: 1

i am feeling very lonely after about 18 months of doing IVF. i have told a few family and friends, all were supportive initially but most seem to be too busy to take much of an interest really. one friend told me last week that she thinks i ought to ... View more

i am feeling very lonely after about 18 months of doing IVF. i have told a few family and friends, all were supportive initially but most seem to be too busy to take much of an interest really. one friend told me last week that she thinks i ought to give up and accept that i will never be a mum. i found this very hurtful and she hasn't apologised so i may have to leave that friendship as i'm continuing to try for a baby. i feel really tired and lonely and i'm worried about becoming depressed as i've been there before. have made an appointment to see my Dr on thursday but that is 5 days away and i'm feeling a little aggitated today. any advice appreciated!

Belle32 Really tough break up
  • replies: 2

Hi all, As I write this I’m sitting alone in my apartment on a beautiful sunny evening. I was meant to be spending this weekend with the love of my life but he broke up with me on Friday night. Sone background: we’ve been together for almost four yea... View more

Hi all, As I write this I’m sitting alone in my apartment on a beautiful sunny evening. I was meant to be spending this weekend with the love of my life but he broke up with me on Friday night. Sone background: we’ve been together for almost four years and we’re due to be married in October. I thought we were really happy but a few months out from the wedding he started having anxiety attacks and crying and having doubts. When he saw a counsellor he came home and broke up with me telling me he couldn’t do it anymore and realised he hadn’t been happy. He moved out. We ended up deciding to take a long break because we loved each other and wanted it to work. About a month later he asked me to go out to dinner and told me he loved me and had been feeling better through counselling, that I wasn’t the cause of his anxiety. So we started seeing each other again, which made me really happy. Slow at first, then up to 5 times a week, sleepovers, spending whole weekends together etc. things seemed back on track. He was telling me he loved me and wanted to get married, that he was happy. Then on Friday out of the blue, after a counselling session, he came over and broke up with me again saying he loves me but he’s messed up, doesn’t know who he is anymore and is dwelling on minor things in the past. i feel so despairing. He won’t respond to any of my messages or calls. I’m feeling really depressed and lonely and don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.

muggins Rocky relationship with my Sister
  • replies: 3

Hi guys, I have a sister who is just 13 months older than me and we are both in our early twenties, we are both still living at home with our Mum. My sister has Asperger's which makes it really hard for me to get along with her and live in the same h... View more

Hi guys, I have a sister who is just 13 months older than me and we are both in our early twenties, we are both still living at home with our Mum. My sister has Asperger's which makes it really hard for me to get along with her and live in the same house as her. Ever since I can remember we have been at odds with each other, and being so close in age, and with her Asperger's I've always felt like the older sister. I always used to tell her what to do and felt like I was responsible for her because of the way she is. Now that we're older, I still feel like the older sister, she's currently unemployed and just hangs around the house a lot and gets money from our parents. I still order her around a bit, and pick on her for leaving messes everywhere that Mum has to clean up, not trying to get a job and being irresponsible with the money that she gets from our parents etc. This has caused her to really dislike me as a person; ever since we were little I've done the same thing, trying to look after her by constantly critiquing her, but this just makes our relationship worse and we get into fights and we can barely stand to be in the same room as each other. I also have anxiety and I think her behaviours because of Asperger's flare up my anxiety and I really want to keep control of the situation. I have really tried to change my behaviour towards her a few times, but I always fail, I think because its been such a long time that our relationship has been like this. So, I wanted to ask for any tips on how I might change my behaviour? If there's any strategies any of you can suggest, please let me know, I really want to change and have a good relationship with her. She's my sister after all, and we love eachother.

Jen18 High functioning, overworked, alcoholic husband now smoking pot & fights becoming more aggressive/physical
  • replies: 3

When I met my husband 13 yrs ago he was fit and enjoyed his scotch. I started to realise that he had a bit of a problem (he managed to hide it very well), now its major. He works very hard and has progressed to a point where he may be promoted to a d... View more

When I met my husband 13 yrs ago he was fit and enjoyed his scotch. I started to realise that he had a bit of a problem (he managed to hide it very well), now its major. He works very hard and has progressed to a point where he may be promoted to a directors role. We have a 5 yo and a 18 from my previous relationship (with a person who was a daily pot user). Some very big cracks have appeared over the years and im feeling like ive failed everyone. Credit card statements showed he was visiting bottle shop every 2nd day, now he visits every day & spends around $40 + (full bottle of scotch). Arguments have been escalating and i cant help but call him out sometimes calling him a drunk during our arguments. He has this way of justifying why he deserves to be angry for instance .."you said this earlier or you had a melt down yesterday and now its my turn, or you started a fight this morning" (despite everything being fine or settled for hours in between). Fights snowball, instead of just discussing the disagreement, he brings all sorts of hurtful things into it. Lately if he has to go away for work or has a big meeting, the w'end is ruined because he starts dreading from Sat or Sun. Its "do you have to get on a flight tomorrow...or do you have a meeting with the boss tomorrow...who do you have to report to?"). Ive been starting my own business up over the last year and while my income is not as high as his, i do most of the house work, finances and running kids around. He's been threatening me a lot with cutting off finances and evertime i try to leave the house during an argument he tries to stop me taking our 5 yo then becomes really distraught. He now smokes cigarettes and pot (everytime i am preoccupied he runs out and smokes, its like he gets a thrill out of sneaking around). He says his wage covers his spending yet gets depressed and jealous of others who appear to be well off financially. He has had an anxiety problem which is just getting worse. I've tried to ask his family for help. His sister has bipolar and his brother had alcohol & gambling problems. They lost their dad 18 yrs ago and my husband has always been seen as the most together. I drove to them on the w'end after an outburst, asking the brother to check on my husband (he was throwing things from the garage when i left). Instead my brother in law begged me to leave my son with him & tried to make out i was insane...he was like "are you really ok ...one minute you are laughing etc"

Sykes_78 Failed
  • replies: 3

Just turned 40 and have 3 foster kids to take care of. Working nearly 7 days a week trying to make ends meet. Wife wants time just for us. But i just want to be by myself for a while when i get home, coz getting up at 5am and leaving by 6, only to ge... View more

Just turned 40 and have 3 foster kids to take care of. Working nearly 7 days a week trying to make ends meet. Wife wants time just for us. But i just want to be by myself for a while when i get home, coz getting up at 5am and leaving by 6, only to get home at 5ish takes its toll every day. Recently ive been told how bad i am at this father thing, and how she regrets everything. Everyone is fed, clothed, healthy and has everything they need. Why do i feel like a failure. Money is tight but iwealways have just enough to pull through for everyone except me. I make sacrifices, and plan to make more, for the good of my family. Being told iv pretty much failed hasnt sat well with me and is constantly nawing in my head. Why am i here, what am i doing wrong, what am i doing right. Ive grown up with a lot of childhood trauma that was never treated, my brother was killed in an accidental shooting by another brother. Pain, animosity, hate, rage, disgust were the emotions i had as a 13 yyr old kid. The way i see it is i failed to be there for my deceased brother, then only to fail for not being the brother i needed to be for my living brother, how has he not killed him self yet, he had just as much treatment as me, not much. Now im in my last set of failures. Times are tough. Im new to this, i dont even know if iv layed everything out on the table, i feel badt, i look around and i see happiness. But what is happiness if my wife regrets everything. All the pain and suffering in my life only to pass it on. Rather not be here, there or anywhere

April2328 Being away from family is hard
  • replies: 3

All my I have been depending on my parents. My decisions are made depends on what they tell me. I have been away with my family three times but now will be the longest that I will be away with them. Being an independent person in a foreign country is... View more

All my I have been depending on my parents. My decisions are made depends on what they tell me. I have been away with my family three times but now will be the longest that I will be away with them. Being an independent person in a foreign country is hard, I sometimes feel a sudden sadness within my heart. Yes, I do have friends here but it is really different when you come home and your parents are there to greet you. I sometimes feel like going home but thinking about my future scares me. My parents will not be there always for me so I have to act now. I always call them on social sites so I won't really feel sadness and longing for them will. For people like me whose been away from their family how do you cope up with the longing for them?

BOC64 Scared of dating and putting myself out there
  • replies: 5

Hi I think I would like to meet someone but I am scared to get out there again as it has been about 7 years I dated last and 14 years since I had a long term relationship. I am fairly aware of the things I should do but I find online dating so subjec... View more

Hi I think I would like to meet someone but I am scared to get out there again as it has been about 7 years I dated last and 14 years since I had a long term relationship. I am fairly aware of the things I should do but I find online dating so subjective and often demoralising particularly now I am mid 50's. I have very few friends that live in the same city and my other friends live far away so my social circle is limited. My best mate is 24 years younger so although we have many things in common the women he knows are far to young. I do find it hard to connect with other people and due to the medications I take that helps but my desires are almost none existent now. That and the fear of rejection is holding me back. I unfortunately I also find myself rarely physically attracted to women of the same age and I just do not understand why. What to do I often ask myself. JC

Jacked92 Need help, not sure if I’m being insecure
  • replies: 3

Hi I’m fairly new to sharing how I am feeling. I have been battling depression and anxiety for around 12 months now. Me and my wife have been together for 10 years and have 3 beautiful kids. 8 years ago when my oldest son was 1 year old, we were sepe... View more

Hi I’m fairly new to sharing how I am feeling. I have been battling depression and anxiety for around 12 months now. Me and my wife have been together for 10 years and have 3 beautiful kids. 8 years ago when my oldest son was 1 year old, we were seperated for about 2 months, in that time I was a mess and attempted suicide. I had always suspected she had slept with someone else during this time which she has constantly denied. Until a few days days ago when I found out my suspicions were true, the sex bothers me a a little but not as much as the fact that she lied to me about it for so long. am I being stupid? how do I overcome the sense of dread, I feel like I can’t trust anything she says anymore. I put on a brace face at home and pretend everything is ok. But I am spiraling any advice will help

bimmadude101 Broke up with girlfriend but now have intense feelings of missing her
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Hi peoples, I broke up with my ex around 5 weeks ago but we still talk almost every day, however over the last couple of days i had proposed that we stop talking for a few months. I knew it was going to be tough as i spent almost a year with the girl... View more

Hi peoples, I broke up with my ex around 5 weeks ago but we still talk almost every day, however over the last couple of days i had proposed that we stop talking for a few months. I knew it was going to be tough as i spent almost a year with the girl but i thought i needed to do this to distance myself from her. The reason i am trying to distance myself is that i have been feeling really jealous and clingy especially when i know she's out partying. I guess i feel bad for being so up and down with her... one minute i don't need to be in contact with her but some days i just can't stop messaging her and being very clingy. Its been 3 days since we stopped talking and i am feeling intense feelings of missing her and wondering if i made a big mistake. Everything reminds me of her and i have never felt like i have missed someone this much before. This confuses me because in the relationship my feelings were not very strong for her and the reason i broke it off was that i was worried my feelings wouldn't develop. I guess i regret this as i did not give myself a chance to think about the situation and i guess i just made an impulse decision to break it off one night. I have been asking to catch up with her because i would like to discover if my feelings have changed around her and maybe that my feels are stronger towards her but she does not seem to interested in seeing me. In all honesty, she tells me she is happy and i want her to be happy so im not sure whether i give myself time to be distant from her aor if i should act on my feelings as it might be too late in the future. Any advice is welcome.

Yenny I found my boyfriend is addicted to pornography in social media
  • replies: 4

My partner is 34 years old and I am 23, we lived together a few months ago, our relationship has been perfect! We have 1 year together, We met by tinder, and from there we fell in love. I always knew that there were many messages from women on his sn... View more

My partner is 34 years old and I am 23, we lived together a few months ago, our relationship has been perfect! We have 1 year together, We met by tinder, and from there we fell in love. I always knew that there were many messages from women on his snapchat and after a while I asked him because I also found pictures of girls, but he kept doing it. I had a lot of mistrust after that, so after a few months I checked his cell phone and found he harassed women asking for nude photos and he also sent nude photos, it was very disappointing for me and after that he apologized and we had a week reflecting on that and he said he would not do it again. Months later we went to live together and I thought that he was going to change until I found videos on his cell phone with unknown women, although I do not know if that was before we met or it was recent, I had them deleted and I told him to be careful with what he had on his cell phone and that he respect me. unfortunately just the day of our anniversary a few weeks ago I found again looking for girls unknown on Instagram, screenshots of their profiles where their snapchats appeared and then added them to talk to them and sexting and exchange all kinds of pornography among them . He has too many girls in his snapchat. After that I made him delete his snapchat so that we would not have any more problems in the relationship, this really is tiring me. The next day I was cleaning a bit in the spare room and I found another cell phone with lots of videos of teenagers talking to him and sending him all kinds of nude photos and videos , I even saw that they were recent because I got to see our New Apartment. This has me very disappointed, I do not know what to do about it, I went to the psychologist, this is affecting my mental and emotional health, I keep thinking about it all the time, I do not trust him, I cry often and I'm even afraid, I have come to feel alone because he is the only person I have here in Australia since I am from South America, and the truth is that we have many dreams and many goals to accomplish and do but this is really changing my way of seeing him. I do not want to leave it not only because I love him but because we are so committed to our house, our plans to me to stay in this country. He says he loves me and shows me with some actions, but behind my back he cheats me on his social networks. I pity too much. Help please, advices