I think my Mum is getting depressed and giving up

[LeopardLilly]

Hi,

My mum has always been a very strong person, she's been through three miscarriages before having my sister and I and has had to deal with my grandparents and dad for 22 years. She was always a very strong-minded and strict person, but she is weak physically and has a lot of medical issues. In recent years she was also diagnosed as Severely Celiac, and it's changed the whole family's lifestyle.

The thing is, she has never gotten the support she wants from dad, even when it comes to talking to my grandparents. She simply wants him to spend time with her and love her by being there rather than give her flowers and take her to fancy places to eat. Unfortunately, my father doesn't understand this at all.

Recently I was in the car with her and she littered so I made a joke about being disappointed in her, she began crying saying she is a disappointment. I tried to console her but didn't know what to say. Then she talked about how she wished she was just appreciated but knew she never would be, and then she said, "I hope I die before your grandparents so that your dad will finally realise how much I mean to him." It broke my heart that she thought that.

Lately she looks sadder and sadder, I try to help in the house as much as I can and get everyone to do things together but nothing seems to work. Mum doesn't believe in divorce but I do think her and dad need a break. How do I stop everything from falling apart?

[PamelaR]

Hi LeopardLilly and warm welcome to Beyond Blue

I'm pleased you've found your way here. You are such a wonderfully caring person. My heart goes out to you.

It's hard to know what to say when someone is upset and crying isn't it? I've found often, just letting the person cry is good. No need to stop them. It helps to get out the emotions you're feeling. I often just go 'Awwwww. Is there anything you want to talk about?' I generally don't try to help 'fix' people's problems. They sometimes just want a sounding board. Someone to listen to them and feel okay with, that they can cry in front of without being judged. You sound someone like that and that's why she did.

Does she see anyone, e.g. a health professional for her depression? Maybe that might be a suggestion you could make? The process is generally to go to your doctor and get a referral via a mental health plan. This can give you 10 bulk billed visits (by a health professional that bulk bills). If she is willing to do this, then get her to ask for an extended appointment with the gp.

Feel free to browse and to join in discussions on our forums Lilly. You're not alone.

It's always good to look after yourself too. So think about doing a search in our search field at the top of the page for Supporting someone with depression or anxiety. You are a great inspiration for others Lilly.

Kind regards

PamelaR