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My boyfriend broke me

Community Member

Hi. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. We lost our sex life and we both weren’t happy in general. He said he needed to be single and if it wasn’t going to work with me then it’s not going to work with anyone. I still love him and he said he wasn’t breaking up with me because he didn’t love or care about me. Suddenly a few days later he said he came to realise he had fallen out of love with me ages ago and only just realised. This hurt. But I only found out that he had slept with someone the night before he told me that. He has been in a musical duo with this girl for 6 months. They spent lots of time together because their music became a part-time job. I was hesitant and had a bad feeling about her so kept my distance. She was constantly messaging him and wanting to hang out with him and generally said she didn’t want me around. I couldn’t go to his gigs because I work all weekend nights and that’s when they were on. 4 days after we broke up she confessed his feelings for her and she confessed hers to him. They slept together. Now he’s saying he might want to date her. Even though I KNOW he’s still hurting from our break up because me and him were best friends and partners for nearly 3 years. All my friends and his think that she is shady and has been gunning for him from the start. Is it silly of me to think he’s just lost and thinking this friendship is love?

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi dvdn and welcome to the forums,

Perhaps it sounds heartless to say but right now what matters is you not him. He's an adult and not your responsibility. If he gets hurt that is on him.

Yes you care. Yes you may still want and love him. But he chose to leave. What happens with this woman is his problem to deal with not yours.

Time to focus on your own needs and care for yourself. I believe it is a good idea to set a few boundaries with your ex too.

Yes you are still friends but it isn't fair for him to offload on you about a new girl. He needs to find another person to discuss his relationship with. It is cruel for him to expect you to act as his support at the very least until you have moved on too. Being friends after being lovers is an adjustment. Sometimes space and distance is needed.

Time to care for YOU and do what you enjoy. Perhaps time for a new hobby/class/activity to meet some new people.


Community Member
I have to agree with Nat. Space and distance might be needed for you. It’ll be hard but you need to do it for your own self-preservation. You’ll end up spiralling if you continue involving yourself with him and finding out more and more.

Community Member

Hi dvdn,

I can exactly relate to your feelings about your ex as I m currently going through the same thing. It is so painful that you do not know what to do and it really is just an emotional mess.

But now is the time to truly heal yourself. For me, I had to go to a psychologist and vent to my friends and hang out with them to remind myself that despite all this going on that they are there to support me and guide when I feel lost. Usually I'm a logical person but the breakup definitely clouded my senses and it is good to have input from someone who has a much clearer judgement.

I agree with Querus and leeA18 with their content as right now is not a good time to reconnect with your ex.

Please stay well,