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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lani86 8 years together and now over
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am hoping people can give me some advice on to help my partner get the help I think he needs. We have been together for 8 years and its been a great 8 years. We celebrated our anniversary just 3 weeks ago and he wrote me a card saying ... View more

Hi everyone, I am hoping people can give me some advice on to help my partner get the help I think he needs. We have been together for 8 years and its been a great 8 years. We celebrated our anniversary just 3 weeks ago and he wrote me a card saying how much he loved me and appreciated the support, and how he cant wait for 8 more years together. Fast forward to last week where he told me he was struggling with anxiety and depression, and he doesn't know how he feels so he has left me. Heart-broken is an understatement. I think this is all his depression and anxiety talking but he said that after a week on medication and one psych visit he is feeling much better but not about me so it must be the end. He is pretty isolated, and his parents have only just found out about his illness because I have told them after he left. He has left to stay at a hotel to clear his head but is adamant that things are over. Please help me help him, and myself.

Liverpoolfan11 Starting over with a partner?
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone Very new to all of this. I’ll try and keep it simple and short but I need some help understanding. My partner recently told me after 2 and a half years that she needed space/break up to sort her self out as she was feeling lost and unsure... View more

Hi Everyone Very new to all of this. I’ll try and keep it simple and short but I need some help understanding. My partner recently told me after 2 and a half years that she needed space/break up to sort her self out as she was feeling lost and unsure about everything including us as a relationship along with uni which includes living an hour and a half away and commuting for both of us weekly. A week later she claims she’s made the wrong decision and wants to start over completely and even start the whole ‘dating’ process again even thought I thought we had already and were still doing this.. i feel that I am only being used for company when she wants while she’s home and when she’s back at uni she’s almost not the same person, being distance and not messaging as often. She is continually doing 180 degrees with saying yes to seeing each other on weekends and then changing her mind the next day. Almost like I am needing to pick the right days to ask to see her. I’m after some advice of what to do next, do I stay and be supporting while feeling I don’t know where I stand or walk away and look after myself? i hope this makes sense

Daytona Am I being played or finding a way to help my partner with depression
  • replies: 2

Hi 7months ago I ended my relationship of 6years with my partner. He moved out 4 months ago. I had been depressed in our relationship for so long and once he left I was able to breath. I realised my share of the issues we had and could see that maybe... View more

Hi 7months ago I ended my relationship of 6years with my partner. He moved out 4 months ago. I had been depressed in our relationship for so long and once he left I was able to breath. I realised my share of the issues we had and could see that maybe if we both worked on the mistakes we made maybe we could work things out. In this time he was falling down the rabbit warren of depression. I was always there for him, but he was consistently telling me that he wanted the impossible. That we would get back together. So I told him that maybe if we could both sort out our issues then the door was open. Since that day 2 months ago he has gotten worse. He went from talking with me to not responding to text message. He no longer tells me how he is feeling. I have told him that I can see the mistakes I made in our relationship, apologised for it, told him that I still care about him, told him I am there for him, that I am fighting for us to work things out ( his story is about everyone leaving him and no one fighting for him), and it seems the more I tell him the more he twists my words against me. I have no idea how to reach him emotionally. We are on 1 month no contact (I am not very good at this but am trying) as I am hoping that maybe if he had some space he might see that I am genuine). His depression and anxiety is very high. He has always suffered from it. He is not communicating with his family, not responding to their calls or messages, and doesn't respond to mine. I have asked on numerous times would he rather I wasn't in his life, not communicate, not share. I have offered to find a counsellor together and get individual sessions, asked how he would like to communicate and what he wants from me or if he even wants to find a way for us work out. He rarely replies, but if he does it is that he doesn't want me to go. Am I being played as he won't tell me what he wants from me, or can someone please help me to know what I am suppose to be doing for him. He has no one to talk to. He has tried to go to 2 different counsellors but didn't like them. A counsellor told me he might want help but not be ready for it. I really just would like some help to know what i am meant to be doing as I feel that what I am doing is totally wrong. Thanks in advance.

Find_the_way My wife says she has feelings for another married man.
  • replies: 11

My wife & I have been together 13 years married for 6. Have 3 children together. She has been a stay home mum for the the past 8 years and has within the last 6 months gone back into the work force and loves it. I was and am happy she has found some ... View more

My wife & I have been together 13 years married for 6. Have 3 children together. She has been a stay home mum for the the past 8 years and has within the last 6 months gone back into the work force and loves it. I was and am happy she has found some purpose for her personally after staying home for so many years with the kids. She, as expected, has found new friends at work, found a new level of respect from her peers there and socially blossomed. Maybe a little too much. She goes out with her friends almost every weekend of late, all night to bars, house parties, crashes there for the night and I rarely see her. She does night shift so we only cross paths for an hour or so a day during the week. She has told me about her supervisor at work, we’ll call him “J”. 31, married with children. They seemed like they hit it off as friends and shared similar interests. At first I thought nothing of it And was happy for her. She started going to gym together after work as it is a shared interest between them, which at first I must admit was a little odd but I never wanted to be insecure partner and say anything so I let it go. We have always had an enormous amount of trust between us and loyalty was never an issue. But then I noticed her making little comments that made me feel uneasy, comments like “J” said not to wear shorts at the gym because he didn’t want any distractions” and he would confide in her about his own relationship troubles and envied myself for having a woman like her. He’d drop her home after a work basketball game. It just made me feel uneasy. We finally had a sit down discussion. She seemed vague and distant. She eventually came clean and said she has feelings for him but insisted she doesn’t love him and that it was all one way and the he had no idea about how she felt. She mentioned the words “having a break” etc. I have tried to break down these walls she puts up (loves the drama, wants to just give it up) And get out of her how she truly feels about me. She says she loves me but when I asked her but are you “in love” with me? she couldn’t answer. I don’t know where I stand exactly and it’s killing me. I feel as though this can be fixed. I just don’t know if she’s going thru a phase from all this new found excitement of change in her life. I just want her to say I still love you, ur the one for me. I can’t get her to talk and say it. I’m shattered I may have lost my wife, my best friends heart. She wants a break then we make love. Confused.

lil_lila_x I really need some advice
  • replies: 6

So I'm an 18 year old female I live alone I was kicked out of home when I was 17, I am diagnosed with BPD and my grandparents couldn't handle my mood swings anymore, and I moved in with a very close friend of mine and her family and this girl then be... View more

So I'm an 18 year old female I live alone I was kicked out of home when I was 17, I am diagnosed with BPD and my grandparents couldn't handle my mood swings anymore, and I moved in with a very close friend of mine and her family and this girl then became my girlfriend shortly after. She also struggles with depression, anxiety and cpstd and substance abuse. After living together for a couple months things started to get a bit rocky.. we were struggling financially and I wasn't coping with being forced into adulthood, and I think my girlfriend regretted leaving her family but she didn't want to see me struggle alone.. we fought a lot and I would yell and get really emotional and threaten to hurt myself, and she would get really angry and nasty and start gaslighting me saying I'm being dramatic or lazy when I was depressed etc.. after 8 months of fighting and making up and driving eachother insane she broke up with me, then after a few weeks we sorted it out and got back together, and then it went to shit again and I started to move on and get better and then she came back into my life AGAIN saying I'm all she wants and I feel so right to her and I let myself get my hopes up and now she's gone again and only wants to be friends again.. I know she's confused, and she said her mental health is at a crisis point, and I want to help her I love her more than anything but she keeps pushing me away and breaking my heart and I dont know what to do.. should I just stop talking to her? should I still try and offer her my support or am I just hurting myself? I love her and she really is my favourite person in this whole world but I cant keep putting myself through this but i really dont want to give up on us

GooGooDolls Partner with porn addiction - I'm exhuasted
  • replies: 4

Hi Guys I'm not expecting any "fix it" answers, I've tried so much I'm exhausted trying anymore. In fact all my ideas start off positive and I think they will work but realising that my solutions however good they are... nothing changes. I have been ... View more

Hi Guys I'm not expecting any "fix it" answers, I've tried so much I'm exhausted trying anymore. In fact all my ideas start off positive and I think they will work but realising that my solutions however good they are... nothing changes. I have been dealing with a partner who has an addictive personality for 25years. The first 10years we had no problems even though our first child has a disability. But now that we are older our resilence is fading. My husband works night shift which doesnt help and his last addiction for the past 8 years is porn... I find it so gross that we no longer have sex... to much of a betrayal, particularly when he has been on dating websites trying to hook up with other women. It would make sense to leave particularly as our youngest child is 18, but I'm exhausted and I don't really want to be lonely. I just needed a space to vent this life I lead. Thanks for listening

Princessa I have to act normal in my marriage but burning inside ....
  • replies: 4

I am married women(20 years ) with 2 kids .I have noticed my husband is seeking sex outside our marriage . When I found out first I felt torn apart.I confronted him and he cried and was very sorry . he promised me never do it again, but of course it ... View more

I am married women(20 years ) with 2 kids .I have noticed my husband is seeking sex outside our marriage . When I found out first I felt torn apart.I confronted him and he cried and was very sorry . he promised me never do it again, but of course it happened so many times .every time he promised and promised ....since last 4-5 years , when I I have told him about his secret sex life , he started getting very angry with me and accused me of bridging his privacy .He was said to me if I again check on him , he will leave me with 2 kids , he said that I have to trust him !.I am still checking on him and I know he visits brothel every week .He is always has sex with me too ,and says that he is enjoying it . He loves me I am sure of that. I have to act normal and pretend I don't know anything about his paid sex life. I am burning from inside but I can't tell him . We have a loving home, my kids love their dad , I am not planning to divorce .sometimes I feel very heavy inside . I cry a lot but there is nothing I can do , I am stuck .He wont' come to counselling ( I suggested that ) . I have to sleep with him otherwise he would know that I know what he is doing.I am like an actress who is always acting .I know there isn't anything for me to do other than hoping for a miracle for him to change. till this date, I didn't talk to anyone about my problem .no one knows how miserable I am inside as I act happy in my marriage .all my family are overseas and even if there were here they couldn't be any supportive.thank you for reading my post . I know there is nothing I can do other than suffering from inside and smiling ....

lonelyglassesgirl Feel down about never having been in a relationship (mid-twenties) and not really having close friends
  • replies: 6

I left evangelical religion about three years ago, and with it, most of my friends at that time. I moved to get away from my family/certain people/the environment, which also meant leaving behind my couple of actual friends. We remain in contact, but... View more

I left evangelical religion about three years ago, and with it, most of my friends at that time. I moved to get away from my family/certain people/the environment, which also meant leaving behind my couple of actual friends. We remain in contact, but it's difficult being in another city because I don't have anyone to do stuff with, not that I had much of a social life before anyway. I'm 25 now and it's kind of difficult to make friends at this life stage; also, I often feel engulfed with studies (and also down about the fact that I'm "still" in undergrad) so I spend all of my time either at work, studying, sleeping, or, stupidly, wasting time due to feeling anxious and down, and then beating myself up about that. I still have another year of studies to go, and I'm pushing myself so hard to get a career started. I feel like it's stupid that I'll probably be 27 before I can even contemplate a relationship. I feel like people will judge me for it and I'll never find anyone nice. This feeling was unfortunately exacerbated by my one successful attempt to actually end up dating someone, which ended with him turning out to be really scary, and my being scared of him for the following 6+ months. I just keep thinking I am really dysfunctional and that nobody will respect me (and therefore I'll never find love) due to: Never having been in a relationship; I mean let's be honest, if someone else my age said they'd never been in a relationship, I'd be reluctant to date them due to wondering if something was wrong with them Graduating aged 26.5 years old Probably being unemployed due to the upcoming recession Basically from when it turned out that that guy was mean (he revealed he believes in misogynistic and racist alt-right stuff), as well as being angry at him, I've become even more angry/bitter at myself, thinking stuff like, "How could I have believed that anyone nice/normal would actually like me, of course anyone who seems to like me has something wrong with them?" And that was over a year ago and I've only been on one date, from a dating site and it didn't work out, since, which in itself is adding to my belief that I am wasting lots of time and getting more and more behind due to my inability to get over stuff properly.

team_nobody Stuck
  • replies: 2

Hi and thanks for reading. I have been in a relationship now for about 5 months, with someone 15 years older than me. He's so into me he watches everything I do and often exhibits disturbingly smothering behaviors and anger issues. He demanded I quit... View more

Hi and thanks for reading. I have been in a relationship now for about 5 months, with someone 15 years older than me. He's so into me he watches everything I do and often exhibits disturbingly smothering behaviors and anger issues. He demanded I quit my job and that I move in with him (as if i didn't it would prove i wasn't committed to him) It 11pm and he is asleep, mad at me for not hugging or kissing him today. I feel this awfulness in the pit of my stomach and cant get my mind off my vulnerability. I don't think he would be violent but I am unhappy and have tried to go home before and he has become obsessive. I need some advice. I still kept my apartment, and I want to leave him because I don't feel happy. but I am afraid he simply WONT let me. I feel if i leave him, he will harass me and perhaps cause issues for me to get my thing's returned. I would need some help moving my things back to my apartment, perhaps i should just put my things in storage? I feel horrible inside, this whole thing is twisting me apart, the relationship is really weighing on my personal health. Please some advice on how to handle this.

Burdy Struggle with husbands drinking and smoking
  • replies: 3

Hi All, My husband is a wonderful, loving and supportive partner and father with one little flaw - his drinking. He is by no means an alcoholic (at least I dont think so?) but does drink every day. Not to excess, most days 2 to 4 beers and some days ... View more

Hi All, My husband is a wonderful, loving and supportive partner and father with one little flaw - his drinking. He is by no means an alcoholic (at least I dont think so?) but does drink every day. Not to excess, most days 2 to 4 beers and some days 6 or 7. I have several issues with this: 1. 2 yrs ago he suffered and miraculously survived a cardiac arrest (39 yrs old), he was with out a heart beat for over 30 minutes and Drs say he is a walking miracle. Rehab put a great emphasis on cutting out alcohol or limiting to 2 maybe 3 light beers, 2 to 3 times a week. 2. Saving money. We are comfortable but I would like to see us save and do more with our money. 3. Due to his cardiac condition, the blood thinners he is on and very slight ABI he can no longer handle alcohol like he used to and becomes dopey after about the 3rd beer. I don't want to talk to him when he is like that as any conversation had he either cant keep up or isn't really listening. I have spoken to him about this on so many occasions and explained to him my concerns (I had a bit of PTSD after his cardiac arrest, it was the most horrendous day of my life) and that I worry. I explain that it's not that I want him to quit altogether just not drink during the week and only socially and it would be healthy for both of us (I like a wine with my meal and usually only do it coz the old saying if you can't beat them join them). He generally agrees and won't drink that night but then the next night he will walk in with a can in his hand again? He is old school aussie footy playing tradie and that's how we were brought up I guess, come home from a good days work to a nice cold beer. And I never used to have a problem with it as he's not a problem drinker, just the last 2yrs it's become a problem - or is it just me that has the problem with it? I love him with all my heart and it scares me to death something will happen to him again. I understand he just wants to be "normal" again but I wish he would understand my concern (not just say he understands but act like it). I also know he sneaks the odd smoke from people. Sometimes 1 or 2 a week, sometimes 1 a month. Obvious why I have this issue. What makes it worse is that he sneaks and lies about it. I know it is super hard to quit but Dr said it's the number thing he HAS to stop. Am I the one with the issue, is it still residual PTSD? Or how can I help him to cut down the drinking and stop smoking? Thanks in advance Burdy