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Giving my Partner space and finding it hard

Community Member


So I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We met online - know a lot of the same people and common interests. We really hit it off, fell in love pretty quickly. Like nothing I’ve felt with anybody else!
Something very special about this one.

yet about 3 weeks ago there was an accident outside her house. We saw this poor man die after flying off from a motor cycle collision. Pretty distressing.

i guess as a way I coping it threw me back a few years. I became someone I’m not usually. Co dependant and clingy - irritable, short fused. In the midst of this we were getting intimate and I freaked out - couldn’t perform and self harmed myself with slapping and punching and screaming into a pillow.

this hasn’t happened in about 5 years - needless to say it’s triggered her from her previous interpersonal relationship. I’m ashamed of how she saw that but I’ve come to terms with it. It’s giving me something to work on - a wake up call if you will.

yet a month later and she said she need to take a few days of space - to reconnect and that. Now it’s turned into a few weeks.

specially with the pandemic going on I need her the most, miss her the most.

she has made is clear when she goes through shit she pushes people away. Which is what’s happening .

im struggling to deal with the fact I can’t engage with her.

many tips on how long I should leave it? I’ve decided to leave her alone and balls in her court. I feel like it’s not going to work out.

should I be prepared for the worst? The whole of it is driving me nuts. She’s someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just hope it’s our time

3 Replies 3

Hey Frontsideslappy,

Thanks for sharing your story here with us on the forums. We're so sorry to hear what you've been going through lately. It must have been awful to witness such an incident and we can imagine it would've taken a signifcant emotional toll on you. Please know that our community is here to work through this difficult time with you. We also want to let you know that we are checking in with you via email. Keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Frontsideslappy

I just wanted to grab onto this post, in case I couldn't find it later (as I want to really get back to you). I'm about to run out the door so I'll chat asap. Til then...

take care 🙂

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi again

You sound like an incredibly conscious person. When you think about it, most people don't explore self-understanding, a lot of the time they'll simply say 'That's just me!' or shrug things off. It's a gift, to be full of wonder (aka wonderful) because this is an aspect of self which facilitates our evolution, especially when we reach a lot of those 'Aha!' moments that come through questioning.

I thrive on exploring 'energy' related topics, which relates to suggested possibilities in regard to what you're currently facing. Whether it's the energy systems of the body or the energy of the mind (aka psychology related stuff), the 2 definitely tie in with each other in numerous ways. While medicine labels our physical energy systems in various different ways (nervous system, endocrine, vascular and so on plus the different energetic chemical compositions within), I find it pays to simplify things sometimes:

Say, you're having an intimate experience with your partner and things are going really well (you're feeling the energy or vibe/buzz that comes with this sort of excitement) and all that excitement is coming to a monumental climax. Suddenly you might begin thinking 'I can't lose this feeling'. Well, you can pretty much expect to start having some trouble. During what is literally a purely sensational experience, where it's about feeling, you've started thinking. Nothing quite like thinking to kill a vibe. If the natural energy that comes with such an experience is channeled toward the head (the brain), it's not going to be free to channel toward any other head (if you catch my drift). With the horrific accident you witnessed on top of the pressures to 'perform', you're understandably way too much in your head (up there). Sometimes we gotta 'work things out' (mentally) in order to 'get worked up' (naturally). Certain sayings can offer great insight: 'I feel like my head's going to explode', 'Slap some sense into someone' (wake up call), 'I feel like I could scream'. So much mental energy happening up there!

Chances are your gf is as surprised as you are, regarding the intimacy episode. Chances are she's questioning it as much as you are. Chances are you look to her to help you make sense of life and enjoy it and you love her for it. Perhaps these 3 points are worth mentioning to her. Telling her you're someone who longs to excite her as opposed to stressing her might also help make some difference.