Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

HumbleBumble Should I hold on to or let go of my partner with depression?
  • replies: 5

I’m a nineteen-year-old female with a boyfriend I haven’t seen for two whole months since he fell into another episode of his previously diagnosed clinical depression. I thought it wouldn’t last for long because now he’s got me – someone who loves hi... View more

I’m a nineteen-year-old female with a boyfriend I haven’t seen for two whole months since he fell into another episode of his previously diagnosed clinical depression. I thought it wouldn’t last for long because now he’s got me – someone who loves him to infinity and who has treated him better than anyone else in his life has – but boy was I wrong. I’ve dealt with having a friend in school who had depression, and the only thing I could do for myself in the end was stop being friends with them because they were constantly bringing me down along with them and I couldn’t handle it anymore. However, my current situation is different because I’m actually in a relationship with this person and I’d do absolutely anything to keep what we used to have a possibility for the near future, although I know there’s a certain time I won’t be able to stand it anymore, and I can feel it getting closer now that we’re at the two month mark. My boyfriend has told me that he hates and is embarrassed of himself, isn’t worth it, doesn’t want to be around people at all, isn’t passionate about anything and doesn’t see what the point of life is. Hearing this constantly is destroying me, but I’m trying my hardest to hold on for him because he’s expressed that he doesn’t want to break up with me by saying things such as “People I have yet to meet...” [talking about my family and friends], but I just don’t know what to do anymore. He isn’t seeking help and doesn’t want to, so what am I supposed to do? I miss how we used to be so badly. All the sweet words, spending time together, cuddles, kisses and intimate times are only some of the things I really crave in life, and not receiving any of it for two whole months has driven me insane. I believe that this boy deserves the entire world after what he’s been through in life, and I want to be the one who can give that to him because I’m so in love with this gentle human. He’s everything I could ever want in a significant other, but the universe is really testing me. I’m so lost. Someone please help me by letting me know what actions to take in regards to this situation. I love him so much, but should I focus more on myself and what I need in a healthy relationship?

MuM-of-Boys Covid pushing us over the edge...
  • replies: 2

Three of the 4 ppl in our family are on medication for mental health...we are al in isolation and myself and husband are super sick with covid at the moment. Everyone is soooo on edge and getting on each other's nerves . Sooo much yelling and screami... View more

Three of the 4 ppl in our family are on medication for mental health...we are al in isolation and myself and husband are super sick with covid at the moment. Everyone is soooo on edge and getting on each other's nerves . Sooo much yelling and screaming... I can't take it anymore I just want to not be here no more. Got in my car tonight and just drove away... not good thought going through my mind. I'm no sure how we going to make it through this week. I just wanted to get it out. I'm struggling and have been for a while.. this is just pushing me over that edge. Thinking of others struggling. Xx

Devil Separation,rejection, troubled mind
  • replies: 1

I am going through a separation at the moment and with that, anxiety and scariness of what the future holds has taken a grip. Coming from a society where leaving ones’ marriage is still regarded as a taboo and given the history of my mother who had 3... View more

I am going through a separation at the moment and with that, anxiety and scariness of what the future holds has taken a grip. Coming from a society where leaving ones’ marriage is still regarded as a taboo and given the history of my mother who had 3 failed marriages, I kept clinging unto this marriage for this long has only created more pain to me. Years of contemplation, adjustments and compromise made me think that I could continue with this although my feelings for my husband had died a natural death a long time back, still I kept going because of the comfort of a family life and a child. My husband is a genuine nice human being, a good father to our 4 year old and maybe a good husband in many ways but me being an emotional being, my marriage always lacked that emotional need that stirred up my mind almost everyday. I kept going with this marriage thinking that maybe this was my fate until recently I met somebody who gave me that emotional support and I fell hard in love with somebody else, so hard that I felt like this was the revelation of my actual feelings towards this marriage. I came clean with my feelings to my husband and proposed separation because I believed that living with my husband whilst I was in love with someone else would be lying to him and to myself. Everybody tells me that I cheated on my husband but I dont feel it that ways because I was never in this marriage emotionally and mentally and was here only physically because of what “people will think” and also I didnt want to hurt my husband and his family. He tried his best to save the marriage even after knowing this for the sake of our 9 years together and obviously for our child too. I too no doubt gave it a thought but then I simply could not keep doing this given the fact that I could never live a loveless life with nil intimacy. So there are many things going on at the moment. Living miles away from close friends and family, a full time health care worker and a full time student, I am scared to death for what this would bring me. The home that we built lovingly is on sale now, hunting for a place to call home for me and my child, everybody around me judging me and my choices of life, no physical support is only making me more anxious each day. However the irony is that the guy I fell in love with cannot be with me for many reasons. And I feel guilty because nothing hurts me more than this fact that he cannot be with me, not even my failed marriage. Why do I feel this?

Positive_vibes89 Struggling with fertility
  • replies: 5

This is a really deep issue that I have been struggling with for almost 3 years. And the struggle has been massively worse. My husband and I were trying to start a family for a year with no success. This brought us to IVF. Then I was told I had a cys... View more

This is a really deep issue that I have been struggling with for almost 3 years. And the struggle has been massively worse. My husband and I were trying to start a family for a year with no success. This brought us to IVF. Then I was told I had a cyst on my ovary that required surgery. Then post surgery I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I recently found out that my brother got his girlfriend pregnant. My heart sank. They both are horrible people. They were horrible to me and my mum. They didn't come to our wedding. My husband and I had no idea what we had done to them to deserve such treatment even my mum. They called mum to tell her that they were expecting and the girlfriend could be heard in the background saying dont tell anyone. Next minute she's posted it all over her social media with a video of surprising her kid sisters with aunty and her mum with a grandma card. Even the woman that dad left my mum for got a dear stepmother you're going to be a grandma card. Mum and I got nothing. It's just simply terrible that we have been treated this way without even knowing what we have done. I abused them both on social media for being so horrible towards mum and myself. It so upsetting that people like those two who are immature are going to have a child. Where my husband and I have a stable marriage and home for a child. It's hurtful that they have included the homewrecker woman who destroyed my family dynamic as grandma but not my mum. I really feel for my mum. How can I cope with all of this mentally knowing that she's pregnant and I'm not as well.

CathyC Escape or survive a loveless marriage?
  • replies: 53

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no rea... View more

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no real issues.) Over the years I have tried to address this many times. My husband was diagnosed with depression and low testosterone, but stopped taking his medication as he insisted it didn’t work. I’m not sure if he is still depressed - he seems content to live in this loveless and sexless marriage. I begged him to try counselling, which he did for a few sessions about 2 years ago. Then I joined for 2 sessions - before he refused to go back. He didn't tell me - he just didn’t go back, despite me asking him to go several times. In the sessions I attended, he asked me not to nag him about our relationship and give him space. I did this and nothing happened. He has never once in all these years instigated a discussion of these issues. At least on three occasions, having lost patience, I told him I wanted a divorce. He just says ok, then jumps into action, looking for somewhere to rent, etc. After me venting, he agrees to couples counselling - but never goes through with it. He just carries on as usual until the next time I get angry or upset. Apart from this, he has not lifted a finger to save our marriage. He just says we should stay together ‘for the kids’. I really don’t matter to him at all. In my darkest moments I feel he also wants to stay together because I brought a lot more into the marriage financially (he had nothing). I can barely stand to be in the same room as him now and avoid conversation. It’s hard to describe just how humiliating and lonely it’s been. He knows I’m very unhappy, but never asks me about it. Instead, he commonly treats me with disdain, rolling his eyes or dismissing anything I say. The therapist even pulled him up on this, but he doesn’t get it. If I raise I’m unhappy in any way whatsoever, he’ll turn away, raise his hand up to motion me to stop speaking and yell, ‘Get a divorce then.’ I'm being forced to accept this loveless, sexless marriage - or else. I’m heartbroken because I really wanted my kids to have a stable, ‘normal’ family life. I never wanted a divorce, but what choice do I have? How do people stay married just ‘for the kids’? I’m so very lonely and tired of keeping up appearances. I’ve kept all of this to myself all these years and it has truly become unbearable.

Kirua Only person I want help from cannot be here for me
  • replies: 9

I have a bad habit of venting without leaving much room for advice. I want to share how I feel and what I am going through, but don't really expect help -- though I always enjoy hearing others perspectives and advice if they do have any, or even just... View more

I have a bad habit of venting without leaving much room for advice. I want to share how I feel and what I am going through, but don't really expect help -- though I always enjoy hearing others perspectives and advice if they do have any, or even just sympathetic or empathetic comments. Sometimes I think it is impossible for me to have friends. While I do have severe social anxiety, I don't find it that hard to make friends. But maintaining friendships is a huge task for me. I can go through days, weeks, or even months of ignoring my friends. Basically, I am genuinely a terrible friend a lot of the time. My therapist recently brought up autism and I'm starting to think this is related to that. My ex is also autistic and says they haven't been speaking to most of their friends for weeks, including me. I was going through a really bad time with my mental health; so bad my mother is spending hundreds to fly here to clean my place and take care of me. I'm most likely going to try getting admitted into a mental hospital. I went back on antidepressants. I wasn't eating at all. I skipped all my classes and gave up on university. I have been ignoring most friends since January. The only person I spoke to about this, aside from my therapist, was my ex. I was really clear (in fact, my therapist brought up autism because of how direct I was in my messages to my ex) about how I felt and what I was going through, and what I wanted them to do to help (see them 1 day that month because I was very isolated). They replied immediately to these messages and originally they gave days they were free to see me. They said we'll meet up this week and it'll be really fun, we'll go to the museum, etc. But they would always end up being busy on the day. And they never texted to check up on me, despite knowing the horrible state I was in. I know they're going through their own issues right now and I have been very vocal about being there for them, but they have never once come to me for help. And I'm realising that the things I offer (e.g. helping them clean, bringing them food, listening, giving advice, going over assignments, calling, hugs, etc.) are all things I want them to do for me. But they do not help me, nor do they allow me to help them. I have felt so abandoned by them for almost our entire relationship. I keep wanting them to be someone they will never be and it's painful. I want to be closer -- not romantically, but as friends.

Donnatella Getting back with ex. ?
  • replies: 9

I have just recently broken up with my ex. We used to live together and when I found out he was chatting to another girl I kicked him out. It’s still fresh and we all know that grey area of still talking to their exes and intimacy with their exes. Th... View more

I have just recently broken up with my ex. We used to live together and when I found out he was chatting to another girl I kicked him out. It’s still fresh and we all know that grey area of still talking to their exes and intimacy with their exes. This is where I’m at, except that ; now he’s living on his own and things not the same. We would get intimate but then he would go home n I’m left feeling less of value. I love him so much, I’m so confused. Messages getting less, he seems to be enjoying his freedom but still have access to me. He did say to give it another try but with what he’s done n my trust issues I feel like he’s having the best of both worlds. please give me advice on how to deal with this?

Pysis Depression and divorce
  • replies: 2

Hi I've been on these forums before when I was 18 I'm now 23 years old I've been married and have a 1 year old son. I work in disability and recently I let it get to me and Ive had a mental break down. My main client I work with is very violent at ti... View more

Hi I've been on these forums before when I was 18 I'm now 23 years old I've been married and have a 1 year old son. I work in disability and recently I let it get to me and Ive had a mental break down. My main client I work with is very violent at time and cab be difficult to cope with my wife hasn't understood and when I've tried to talk to her she makes me feel like I'm a monster for "alloweing" my client to get to the point where she losses control, I have no control over my clients actions as much as I try and help her she has had a very nasty past and as a result she lashes out. Recently I haven't felt connected to my wife at all and feel like nothing I do is good enough a few months ago she threatened to take my son and leave unless I moved to where her mother lives 12 hours away we went through the qhile loan process and couldnt afford it though about 3 days ago I asked for a break for a couple days to clear my head she lost it and kicked me out and became very nasty, I stayed at my friends for a night and a day before I headed home because she was begging me to, when I got home it felt like a personal attack she told me everything o was doing wrong but wouldn't recognise that she had faults as well. The next day she told me her list of things she needed me to do for her to stay with me one of these was to not talk to one of my best friends who is female and she is threatened by and not to talk about what was going on with any of my friends, I ended up having a panic attack and said I didn't think I could do that she lost it and told me to get out and that she would file for divorce the next day. I ended up going to work but about an hour into my shift it all became to much and I had to ask my boss to find someone to cover me he wasn't happy with me at all. My wife started to become quite nasty and has hacked my Snapchats and has been printing out any messages I send to my friends weather it's about her or not. She has said I will amount to nothing and I will never find another person to share my life with, she thinks I'm incredibly selfish and that I won't be able to survive by myself. I just feel so broken at the moment I feel like o can't talk to my friends because I don't know what she has and hasn't hacked and I feel like an absolute failure I miss my son and I don't know how to be a person with out her any more I've changed a lot of who I am and what I do to make her happy and I think I've forgotten who I am.

vivgun How to be part of the treatment when my son is 18 yo and has BPD and refuse to talk to me.
  • replies: 2

it was a huge shock to know my son checked himself into hospital for BPD and I had no idea. What’s more frustrating is that because he turned 18 in that week all the hospital staff cannot receive me if he doesn’t give consent. After he came home we a... View more

it was a huge shock to know my son checked himself into hospital for BPD and I had no idea. What’s more frustrating is that because he turned 18 in that week all the hospital staff cannot receive me if he doesn’t give consent. After he came home we arranged Psychologist started DBT but me and my husband cannot even enquire about any progress or event talk to the psychologist wo my son’s written consent. Watching him continue to struggle and taking meds that we can only pay for but not knowing what they are the helplessness and confusions are unbearable. How can we establish connections with his GP and theropist so that we can be part of the support. After all we are the people who care about him the most! Advices and help pls. Viv.

mickl4420 What to do if a narcissistic ex has lied on her affidavit to the South Aus police
  • replies: 5

I already asked a heap of questions, but looks like this site is the same the police ,courts and government. yoiu look at a notification and you lose half a hours typing. well I give up

I already asked a heap of questions, but looks like this site is the same the police ,courts and government. yoiu look at a notification and you lose half a hours typing. well I give up