Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Mawney change of scenery
  • replies: 2

My partner and I are planning a move to warmer weather anda better life. But his depression and anxiety is such that can't make a start on the house moving. I work full time so cant do as much at home as he can. He knows the move is good fir him ,but... View more

My partner and I are planning a move to warmer weather anda better life. But his depression and anxiety is such that can't make a start on the house moving. I work full time so cant do as much at home as he can. He knows the move is good fir him ,but its like he is frozen and is stuck talking about how much he hates where we are. I tryto motivate him but get nowhere. any advice.?

Pink-Swirl My Ex & his GF
  • replies: 3

My ex and I have 2 children together. When I was pregnant with them both times he was cheating on me with multiple women (which I had met a few times and even made friends with) from his workplace. While pregnant with my first son he would drop me of... View more

My ex and I have 2 children together. When I was pregnant with them both times he was cheating on me with multiple women (which I had met a few times and even made friends with) from his workplace. While pregnant with my first son he would drop me off an hour away to my parents for the weekend and tell me its so I can get some rest and company as he was working and although I didn't want to go he would find a way to get me to go so he could have his fun with the women in our bed. I had no idea this was happening until after 6months of having my second child. This had gone on for over 2 and a half years without me knowing. I found flirty messages in his phone. I confronted him, he lied and denied everything until I called one of the women who told me EVERYTHING. At this point we had just recently been engaged, we threw an engagement party to celebrate with all our friends and family, one of the women who happened to be a friend actually came to the engagement party, i asked her if she would take photos of the night. She took 2 photos and never sent them to me. After finding out what had been going on I completely lost all emotional control, I could not believe it! I was so hurt and fragile as I was going through post natal depression also and everything felt so heavy. I ended up forgiving him and staying with him for another 10 years. This was very hard as I was always so paranoid, lost a lot of self esteem, but over the years built myself back up and finally worked up the courage to leave. I very quickly started a new relationship and remain very happy after 2 and half years of being with him. However. My ex moved on quickly too and we have a 50/50 care arrangement for the boys. Over the past 2 and half years I have watched my ex sit back and let his Girlfriend take majority of the responsibility for the children when they're in his care. I finally worked up the courage to say something about this as it is so wrong! This backfired because I had made friends with his girlfriend over the past 2 years and now his girlfriend Hates me for speaking up. She has been very abusive and hurtful. I have been called so many awful names by her so much that I had to block her phone as it gave me such trembling anxiety. I never said anything mean or rude to her. Just that the children would be better off in my care more than 50/50.

Vivian2302- Emotionally unavailable
  • replies: 12

I have been with my partner for 8 years. When we first started dating he was kind, romantic, expressed his feelings quite well, and openly. About a year into our relationship he cheated. We worked through it. Over the years however, he’s become very ... View more

I have been with my partner for 8 years. When we first started dating he was kind, romantic, expressed his feelings quite well, and openly. About a year into our relationship he cheated. We worked through it. Over the years however, he’s become very emotionally unavailable. Whenever I bring this up, he gets defensive and will say things like this is how I am if you don’t like it go find someone else. I often feel like I can’t communicate my feelings or insecurities as it just turns into a fight and he gives me the silent treatment.I don’t feel like I’m asking a lot, I just want to feel secure and have reassurance from him. I’m feeling very emotionally exhausted and any advice would help.

FeathersnFluff Christmas & Grandchildren you cannot visit
  • replies: 5

I wondered if there is anybody else on the Forums who have had to cope with not being able to personally hand their Grandchildren their Christmas presents. My son who is currently separated from his wife is still going through the Mediation process t... View more

I wondered if there is anybody else on the Forums who have had to cope with not being able to personally hand their Grandchildren their Christmas presents. My son who is currently separated from his wife is still going through the Mediation process to put a Parental Plan in place. He will probably see his two boys Christmas Day and can certainly pass the gifts on but I am afraid my husband and I won't. Our Grandchildren are two and three years old and we have not seen them for seven weeks. I was thinking of putting a laminated photo of my husband and myself on top of the presents. ....would that be appropriate or should I just hand the presents to my son to pass along with us knowing we had remembered them even if they didn't know who the gift was from.

Earth Girl Someone thought something I said was aimed at them
  • replies: 7

Several years ago, I was annoyed at some people I went to school with because I didn't like the way they were treating me and I said something online about them that wasn't nice. Another woman thought it was about her and was really hurt by it. I tri... View more

Several years ago, I was annoyed at some people I went to school with because I didn't like the way they were treating me and I said something online about them that wasn't nice. Another woman thought it was about her and was really hurt by it. I tried to apologize twice. The first time it wasn't received well and she thought what I said was still aimed at her and I'm not sure what happened after the second time I apologized. Have you ever had something like this happen to you and what did you do about it? I found out this woman has a Youtube channel, but I don't know if it would be wise to contact her from there and try to explain things and apologize again.

aprilmay three years into relationship and no sex
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together for upcoming up to 3 years (both mid twenties), and we have never had sex. I have tried to speak about them about this but they have always responded with there has never been a right time and how it is too much pr... View more

My partner and I have been together for upcoming up to 3 years (both mid twenties), and we have never had sex. I have tried to speak about them about this but they have always responded with there has never been a right time and how it is too much pressure in the moment of it and tends to blame work for stress (but it has been 3 years). I have tried to initiate but get turned away - I am respectful of their wishes. They also suggest the idea of being more intimate when cuddling, but then they get freaked out and scared. I was thinking they may have no desire to be intimate, but then again they say they want to. I love them dearly, but this feels more like a best friendship than a relationship. I just don't know what to do, because it is important in a romantic relationship, and I have tried so many times to understand their concerns but seen to be getting nowhere. They sometimes even blame me saying it's my fault with being too tired after starting a new job. Just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation, and what to do

G.P Is breaking things in an argument normal in a relationship?
  • replies: 9

About a week ago my partner and I argued about a comment that he’d made about our wedding plans that we had disagreed on. The argument escalated and neither of us could contain our emotions. For him that was punching a hole in the wall. While for me ... View more

About a week ago my partner and I argued about a comment that he’d made about our wedding plans that we had disagreed on. The argument escalated and neither of us could contain our emotions. For him that was punching a hole in the wall. While for me it was howling and crying. We both later realised that it got really out of hand when it didn’t need to. A few months prior to that, we were in an argument as I was in a sour mood and my negative energy, wallowing and self-pity got him frustrated. Similarly the argument escalated quickly and he broke the glass of the dining table. I’m scared to be judged, but is this normal? Both of us are at fault here – me for being overly anxious and pessimistic and not seeing beyond myself, which then means he absorbs my energy and doesn’t know what to do with it. And I guess him for not being able to have a handle on his emotions or outlet to let go of the frustration and anger easily. I find that his temper builds up quickly and it can be unnerving. I don't know how we can manage this better, what I should take from these arguments and how to avoid this again. G.P.

Llv I'm very lonley..
  • replies: 34

My girlfriend and I drifted apart over a series of months. At the beginning we were very close. Always together or if we weren't she would call several times a day message each other back and forth constantly. After living alone for so many years I a... View more

My girlfriend and I drifted apart over a series of months. At the beginning we were very close. Always together or if we weren't she would call several times a day message each other back and forth constantly. After living alone for so many years I appreciated that she wanted to be there for me constantly and wanted my attention. But while she was around me her phone would ring constantly and it would be her other 'guy' friends calling. She would sit there right in front of me and let them flirt with her she made no aptempt to stop them you could hear their sleezy voices on the other end of the phone. Sometimes they would call while we were in bed. Soon enough she was spending time alone with these friends instead of me. I tried to confront her about it and tell her how worried I was how obvious what was going on and I was not going to stand for it. It would always cause an argument and the answer back always was how special her friends were to her and nothing was going to get in the way of it. I never felt so low in my life. She told me these guys were telling her to leave me. I could not understand how you could say these things back to somebody that is your partner. It was gut wrenching to hear. I allowed this behaviour to continue and stayed in the relationship for several months feeling humiliated ashamed all the way. Naturally our intermate life does right off we spent less and less time together spoke less and less. In the end I fell asleep after work exhausted one Friday night. We were supposed to spend the night together. I awoke at 2am in a panic realising she wasent there. She would only come to see me weekends by that stage sometimes once a week. I missed her terribly everyday. Put my head in the sand ignored what I thought was going on but we bickered constantly about it which only drove us further apart. The last Friday I fell asleep after work we were supposed to be spending the night together. When I awoke I panicked and messaged her. There was no reply. I had to work the next Saturday morning we had planned to go Christmas shopping that day. I spoke to her when I finally was allowed to go at 1pm after having an argument with my boss to get out. By this stage I was feeling very uneasy and stressed I was really wrapped in this girl and was so worried I did not sleep at all after I woke up without her.

HisMum 20yr drain with toxic MIL
  • replies: 5

My husband is from Canada where his mother still lives. He chose to come here to live in Australia when we married. Obviously she was not happy. We did say that maybe down the track we might move back to Canada but financially that’s not been possibl... View more

My husband is from Canada where his mother still lives. He chose to come here to live in Australia when we married. Obviously she was not happy. We did say that maybe down the track we might move back to Canada but financially that’s not been possible. We’ve made countless trips back where we’ve gone out of our way to buy nice things, take her on a holiday etc etc & we’ve also paid for her to come her as well. Every single time she’s ruined it by accusing my husband of lying when he said we may move over there, accusing everyone of things that just didn’t happen, bringing up past issues from years back way back to his childhood which was horrific because ofdecisions she made. Her other son was dying & she still caused a huge argument about things from the past. I could write a book! it’s obviously easy for me to step away from her toxicity as she lives on the other side of the world, but she’s my husband’s mother & despite all she does he loves her & tolerates her outbursts until he can’t.Over the past years of covid we obviously couldn’t visit but the the several times a week FaceTime continued where she made sure she made him feel even more guilty by making up stories about her health. It was decide he would go over by himself (we couldn’t afford for us both to go) to see for himself her apparently declining health. When he arrived it was apparent she had once again lied & within 24hrs had started with the accusations of things that never happened. He lost his temper & yelled at her but took himself away from the situation going back some time later to a calm mother. 2 days later she starts again, this time accusing him of assaulting her when they previously argued! He knew he had to this time leave & not go back. He didn’t feel safe with his own mother because she’d done this sort of thing to her other son & had him arrested on one occasion. After considerably more expense changing his tickets he’s now safe at home but she calls & says she doesn’t remember anything & didn’t even know him when he arrived as she’d had 5 strokes in the past few years, all lies! I can so easily walk away but my husband is guilt ridden & I just don’t know how to help him. He can’t just go see her for a visit every Sunday, he’s a world away. Any advice would be so much appreciated.

AL_98 difficulty in forming deep relationships
  • replies: 2

Hello since I was born, I was bullied in school and hated. I never felt welcomed or loved. so now as an adult I feel like everyone just wants to avoid me and no one wants to hangout with me. I find it really difficult to form a relationship and maint... View more

Hello since I was born, I was bullied in school and hated. I never felt welcomed or loved. so now as an adult I feel like everyone just wants to avoid me and no one wants to hangout with me. I find it really difficult to form a relationship and maintain it. (Friendship or love or any form of relationship)I always feel like I am not myself and everyone just keeps rejecting me. they always refuse to hangout or talk. they don't laugh at my joke or sometimes don't care.sometimes I go out with my friends and I end up feeling more isolated and lonely. I dont know how to feel connected to others. i dont know how to form relationships with women or people in general. people just keep ignoring me. sometimes when i talk with someone people keep interrupting me. I always wish that I can scream at them and tell them to shut up and hear me because I was talking first. I dont feel myself around others.