Bad experience with police/reporting rape?

TimTams · ‎14-04-2019

Hi,

I am hoping to hear from other rape survivors in hope someone has been through what I have. When I reported my rape an officer encouraged me not to report 2 other assaults by this person because it sounded like "risky sex". This really hurt, because each time I was badly assaulted.

I am wondering is anyone else who has reported rape in Australia has had bad experiences with police like me? I am finding it really hard to understand why not all victims are given the chance to go to court due to 'not enough evidence' as well. Of course rapists will deny it and I just cannot understand how this is all the system does before closing a case.

Has anyone else struggled with not having 'enough evidence' to get a conviction and bad remarks from police officers?

This has really deeply affected my trust in society. It just feels hard to understand the world when you are raised to believe these things are wrong, yet police support the rapist.

Thank you for any insights.

I have felt very alone in this and was wondering if there are others out there who have had similar bad experiences when reporting their rape?

Doolhof · ‎15-04-2019

Hi Tim Tams,

Sorry to read you have been through such an horrific experience, being raped, then not having enough evidence to go to court. That must be very hard for you to deal with.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been able to receive assistance to deal with the emotions and after effects of being raped?

It may be beneficial to call Legal Aid to see if they have any advice for you.

A sexual health support line may be able to support you in some way.

I do not know how much evidence police need to be able to prove any crime has been committed in any case. It seems in some instances, there is so much evidence but a conviction still does not happen.

Do you feel as though this person needs to be convicted so you can find a sense of closure and move on with your life somehow?

If that does not happen, do you have ideas for how you will cope?

Hope you find the help and support you need right now.

Regards from Dools

Croix · ‎15-04-2019

Dear Tim Tams~

First I'd like to welcome you and ask as Mrs Dools has done, are you having professional medical help for your experiences with a psychologist or psychiatrist that specializes in treating sexual assault?

Also do you have someone in your life to lean on, who believes you unquestioningly and with whom you can speak frankly? It makes a huge difference.

You have been though very harrowing, possibly life-changing harm by the perpetrator and for nothing to happen can seem incredible.

You would like the person who did this be stopped for the future, to pay for the crime, to be bought to justice. That is very reasonable.

If I seem negative I'm sorry.

Where sexual assault is concerned the law is not good, and the legal system is not a justice system anyway. To give you some idea of the overall picture, firstly nobody knows how many assaults go unreported. According to figures issued by the Australian Institute of Criminology, an estimated 70 per cent of sexual assaults incidents are not reported to police.

Further only about 17% of reported sexual offenses result in a conviction, a figure consistent with data from other States and overseas. (Queensland Crime and Misconduct Commission, 2003)

It is not justice, and the system is terrible. I also know in every case that is not a guilty plea then the person assaulted has to go though all that has happened again in such a way that re-traumatization is likely.

I'm sorry for any disparaging remarks by police.

Going to court is not the only way to try to rectify the harm done and the current situation. it can be done though supporting the appropriate groups and organizations and lending them one's experiences. In some ways this may be a more effective action in the long term, with review of law and procedures as well as change of social climate, even if it does not help your own individual situation.

I feel very much for you and all the others in this situation.

Croix

TimTams · ‎16-04-2019

Hi Doolhof,

I have been on a waiting list for 12 months (yep) to receive professional long-term counselling (public system in Victoria). I received a phone call a week ago to update me: I am still on their list but was told there are less people in front of me now. They did not refer me to another service (CASA) because I am now 'no longer classified as being in immediate danger'. I was in immediate danger, but due to having to wait 12 months to receive assistance, of course I no longer am! The whole process does not make sense. Basically it has been a long wait for counselling. However, I have been receiving short-term counselling since late last year from a mental health ward. I also paid for private psychologist sessions myself but stopped due to the cost. I paid a lawyer $600 and legal aid is not a simple process either.

I do not understand why other people get to go to court and I do not have the opportunity to have my rapist questioned. Though I heard this happens a lot where there is 'not enough evidence'. I will never feel the same way again knowing how easily these dangerous people are let off. It makes me scared to be out in public knowing they are too, and I just feel I will live with PTSD forever because they are let off like this.

TimTams · ‎16-04-2019

Hi Croix,

Lots of people believe me. I am fortunate in that way. It is not justice for myself I am worried about, it is how they will continue to go harm another person who might look or dress like me: it makes me sick. I also do still worry about him finding me and attacking or killing me again one day in years to come when I am not surrounded with as many support people. I wish everyone would report, but I understand now why they do not. The police response has been as hurtful to me as the assaults. It just felt like they (police) did their best to let this person off because he was young, employed and had a future ahead of him. I wish they were not so rude to me though. I do not understand why they spoke to me the way they did. I have never been in trouble with the law before and was trying to do the right thing by reporting. In hindsight I wish I never reported and kept quiet. When the officer told me half of the assaults sounded like 'risky sex' I felt pressured to not report everything that happened to me. I reported 2/4 assaults instead of all 4. And after police's response I would never go back and report it all and the rest again. They do not realise what kind of people just got away with some really bad things.

I would really like to know if any other victims out there have been spoken to like this by police in Australia.

But you are right. I no longer have the tolerance or will to cope with court. I have moved on with my life in many other ways, but it will not stop me from feeling sick and scared of being re-attacked or told he has reoffended again one day.

Croix · ‎16-04-2019

The Internet hiccuped and I've no idea if you got any of my last post so I'll start again...

Dear Tim Tams~

In your situation I'd feel exactly the same. To undergo such assaults and then receive a police reaction that seemed in favor of the perpetrator is horrible.

If I leave their reaction to one side 'not enough evidence' is sadly a serious deficiency under the current laws, and therefor is very often brought up. Without sufficient evidence the matter will not go to court.

The reason I'm posting is not only to you, but to others that may be reading this thread. There are sometimes some circumstances where there is sufficient evidence, or a guilty plea, and the person assaulted has decided to go ahead. It is not quite hopeless though serious advice should be sought before initiating any action, most people simply do to know how involved the matter is or how emotionally taxing it is.

My hope is there will be sufficient pressure via the public and interest groups that the whole matter may be reviewed and hopefully handled in a different way.

Croix

Doolhof · ‎16-04-2019

Hi Tim Tams,

I really am so sorry you have had to endure this horrible situation. My first husband used to rape me in front of his mates and bash me up as well. The police told me that as we were married there was little they could do. That was over 30 years ago. I am sorry that it seems the law is still not protecting victims.

I have no answer for the way you have been treated. It is dreadful you are having to wait so long for assistance.

Have you enquired about getting a protection order against the perpetrator or is that not possible? Would it help you feel safer if you did that or more fearful perhaps?

Recently I was in a mental health crisis and I had a policeman yelling at me. I thought that was bad enough, I can't begin to imagine how you feel.

Here we can affirm what you are sharing with us, we can offer acknowledgement and validation that what you are experiencing is not right. I am not sure what else I can do except offer you support.

Kind regards from Dools

TimTams · ‎16-04-2019

I have given up that he will ever plea guilty because he admitted to my face he had no empathy and if he was a good person, he never would have done what he did. It makes me immensely sad to think about how little guilt he has for what he did to me. I know you are trying to be positive but you are right, the situation is hopeless. I guess that stems back to the bigger question anyway in that even if this person did go to jail he will never understand the damage he caused to my life. If he did, he certainly wouldn't be walking around with a smile on his face today. My life has been wrecked by this forever and these people could not care less.

TimTams · ‎16-04-2019

Hi Dools,

For police to say rape cannot happen in a marriage relationship is also not appropriate and as you would know another rape myth that is more recognised by the justice system today, thankfully.

Being assaulted by someone who you made vowels with is far worse than a stranger in some regards. It is a heartbreaking violation of trust and I feel your pain.

I am not surprised though as you said this was 30 years ago and times are recently just starting to change. You are right, sadly times have not changed fast enough. I wish I was not hurt and I hope you don't mind me saying but in some ways I wish I was not. I just wish in 30 years they found a way to do more. It is too late for you and me too now. Justice is important to rape victims and palming them off with 'counselling and a better life' is a cop out. These people need to be punished for the horror they and they alone caused. Sadly I will never receive it, either. But I never thought I was 'special' and deserved a nice life. But I guess I just always hoped for the princess life, like everyone. I was an idiot.

TimTams · ‎16-04-2019

A protection order only makes them angrier and is not something I am willing to go through. It is a system abused by them and ironically I would have to sit near him to ask for one. So no, that will never happen either. I am saving money though and hope one day to move somewhere new on my own in a house he does not know of. In the meantime, I have enough supports around me to feel secure. But I fear in 10 years time I am going to have to leave my home when I am less defended.