Bad experience with police/reporting rape?

[TimTams]

Hi,

I am hoping to hear from other rape survivors in hope someone has been through what I have. When I reported my rape an officer encouraged me not to report 2 other assaults by this person because it sounded like "risky sex". This really hurt, because each time I was badly assaulted. 

I am wondering is anyone else who has reported rape in Australia has had bad experiences with police like me? I am finding it really hard to understand why not all victims are given the chance to go to court due to 'not enough evidence' as well. Of course rapists will deny it and I just cannot understand how this is all the system does before closing a case.

Has anyone else struggled with not having 'enough evidence' to get a conviction and bad remarks from police officers?

This has really deeply affected my trust in society. It just feels hard to understand the world when you are raised to believe these things are wrong, yet police support the rapist.

Thank you for any insights.

I have felt very alone in this and was wondering if there are others out there who have had similar bad experiences when reporting their rape?

[xxx]

Hey TimTams,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your experience. Its absolutely appalling how some people are treated when they come through the justice system.
I am a rape survivor and i had very similar events happen to me. I didn't report it straight up because i was terrified. I went to see CASA to help as i was struggling with the trauma and flashbacks.
I was not given the chance to take it any further due to 'lack of evidence'.
I reported it and was told these things by the police officer
'was it a regretful sexual experience or was it rape?'
'being drunk isn't enough' (even though my rapist was sober.)
'you didn't say stop or specify if you wanted it'
'he was crying all the way through the interview, so upset that i would think he was a rapist'
'you need to try and move past this so it doesn't consume you'
'There is not enough evidence to convict or do anything more'
'maybe the letter will provide you with closure' - i never received this letter he was supposed to write..
'he offered to pay for counselling'

I have no trust in the justice system at all anymore. I feel like it was a huge slap in the face and then i questioned myself, why did i even bother reporting.
I still feel so alone and its been a couple of years. I feel sick whenever i think of it and this person was someone i was once close to. they took advantage of me and i will never look at it the same.

I have no clue if i should bring up the case again because there isn't much more that can come out of it. i feel like it would just cause me more pain and i don't think i can take anymore pain 😞

I'm not sure that this will help but i hope you know that you are never alone xx

[TimTams]

The person who raped you offered to pay for your counselling? He sounds as much as a psychopath as what my ex-partner was. They are the sickest freaks acting like saints after what they have done and I bet he was crying because of what he did. The police may pity these rapists but I do not. The police clearly do not know what the law is. Did you disclose all the information you could remember to police at the time of reporting? Did you remember more afterward which you did not tell police? Since reporting I have remembered one more assault that I did not report initially. But after the way I was treated I am too scared of the police to ever go back. The other part of my case was that there was a whole other part to my story which I did not even have the chance to report. I am like you though, pretty disgusted by their response. Yes, it helps but does not make things better for either of us. But thanks - and I believe you, which I hope helps you.

[TimTams]

And yes, totally. After the way I was treated by a few officers when I came forward I now look at police officers and picture them as being people who help rapists. I will now feel this way about them for likely the rest of my life. I honestly do not think they care about these guys. It makes me sick. What type of information did you withhold from telling the police? I got the vibe the police do not care at all because they were not remotely interested in uncovering more information, shutting me down before they even knew the full story. Remarkable and eye-opening indeed.

[TimTams]

xxx do you know why police do not look into all the information before closing a case and saying there is not enough evidence? How are police making judgements on cases before even gathering all the relevant information? I am really confused by how they can say there is not enough evidence before knowing and understanding what other evidence may be.

It seems difficult to believe they can make rude comments on the validity of a case before digging deeper. It is almost like they decide who they want to believe.

To also be told delayed reporting mattered is disgusting and the bias of police, certainly nobody else.

[Dumblond66]

Hi Timtam, 

Firstly, I am truly sorry to read of your sexual assault. And im sorry this has happened to you. 

Secondly, again I'm sorry the officer taking the report seem to downplay your assault too you.... what happened to you is a big a deal, and I do souley believe the police do as well, but unfortunately (and it bloody sucks trust me) rape is hard for them to prove with or with out lack of evidence. 

I wanted to let you know that I also have a very simaulr experience with reporting mine. 

First of all, I was 14 and lived in a small country "city". I had snuck out and unfortunately got into a very unsafe situation. I had 8 attackers, in a gang attack. 

I didnt mention anything untill Monday at school when the worst one of them touched me at school. ..

Told the school who got the police involved immediately. 

I was lucky in this sense... statemen and sent of a kit within 12 hours of reporting.  Unfortunately 2 days after the attack. there was pyshical evidence but very little DNA if any. 

I was taking seriously, the boys admitted to sexual happens however 8 boys telling the police it was consensual against me? Even with evidence if it went to trial  these boys families had money to surport them with fancy lawyers to make a mockery out of me. 

Plus that small country city thing- something else big happened in the region at the same time and alot of police resources were put to that at the time. 

I guess I did get lucky with the police, at the time I didnt think I was heard. 

I guess the point of my story is, the police do really take these things seriously...but they are a risky and even with evidence it unfortunately comes down to he said she said. 

I believe the officer taking your statement, does want to help, but the police and espically men are very black and white. They unfortunately can lack the Empathy to a situation excuses on thier behalf. 

I maybe able to recommend a fantastic Pychologist who deals in sexual trauma also. 

I believe she does telehealth, and I know she accepts Medicare and mental health care plans. I'll find her website and I will post another comment. 

Shes located in Portland. 

You got this girl x 

[Guest_81946523]

Dear TimTams,

I had the same experience as you; I tried to report in November 2023, and the detective told me it was very difficult to prove as I needed a witness of the rape; then he tried to convince me that it was a complex process but not only that, I will have to face the jury, that will be very embarrassing for me, so I decided to leave it as a report and not pursue it until I was strong enough to do it. A couple of months later, I was ready, and he would not stop asking why want to pursue it. I said I needed time to feel strong enough to do it, so I disclosed four counts of sexual assault, and when I was going to disclose more, he stopped me and said, 'Your ex is in enough trouble already.' 

Following that, he arrested him and said he would charge him and would not release him; two hours later, he called to tell me that he was releasing him with an AVO. I went to court about four times for that AVO. Meanwhile, the detective is 'investigating.' He asked for help from the legal advice office as he does not want to take my case to court; he is looking for an excuse not to take it. 

I am suffering a lot; no one cares about us victims of sexual abuse, and the system is broken. We need evidence such as pictures, videos or at least recordings showing the perpetrator raping you or a confession he did it. 

I hope you can find someone to help you; I am currently searching for that help, as it seems that my case will not be heard at the court, and the perpetrator will go free. 

[Tryn2]

Hi TimTams

I am brand new to beyond blue forums and this is the 2nd post I've read. I can personally relate to your situation and totally feel for you. About 4 years ago I went to the local police station and reported sexualising assault against ne when I was 11 years old. I hadn't realised just how much impact it had on my life until then as I could feel my inner child screaming out to be heard and acknowledged. I was in an abusive relationship of 13 years with a malignant narcissist, addicted to drugs and alcohol since 17 (now 44),  separated from my 3 daughters, estranged from all family, no friends, a conviction record longer than my arm, a state system that had me tagged, outcast and ostracised and more self harm and suicide attempts than I care to mention. The point is, this whole time, my whole life, I had buried away my childhood trauma of witnessing and experiencing abuse only to result in all of the above, so good on you for speaking up it takes a hell of a lot of courage i know and the last thing you need is a cop belittling you or even "gaslighting" you as I see it. The first officer I spoke to by telephone was a male detective who had the same attitude so I put it off another year initially because I felt I wouldn't be believed or even I'd be reprimanded somehow and viewed as easy. Eventually the female detective who recorded the interview followed through with the investigation (to some extent). The man who sexually assaulted me was my mother's boyfriend, a drunk, who used to abuse her physically and mentally on a daily basis. She witnessed the assault on me but defended him and called me a liar. He was a police officer. A senior sergeant! So I was reporting a retired police officer who I've been told by 3 other women in the past have also been sexually assaulted or harassed by him or witnessed it. Last I heard on the matter was a phone call that they had spoken to my mother who, as expected, denied the abuse in any and all manner (she now refuses to let me speak to my children and raised them to hate me). They interviewed the perp who didn't confess but couldn't deny it happened! No more calls after that I happened to see his name in a court list weeks after I moved interstate and when I rang the courthouse to enquire they stated he was convicted of Drink driving and the other matter wasn't continued with the prosecution withdrew the charges. The entire system in that state and the nation needs to be put under scrutiny and overhauled to balance the scales of justice. The only support I've had is myself and finally believing it wasn't my fault has seen me stay alive and partly sane. I can still love whole heartedly my children are proof to me of that but loving myself seems impossible and uncomfortable I don't know how to begin entertaining that notion. I'm sorry I don't have any advice really for you but i just thought knowing of others who feel for you and understand your situation might be of some comfort, the feelings of isolation are lethal I wish I knew of more support in this area for us.