Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi Pawsy 🐾 Grandy love 👩‍❤️‍👩 Kitty 😸

Thank you lovely people.

I'm ok but you don't stop thinking aye with so much love.

It's late so beddy v.soon.

A bit of news so will bbt hopefully.

Love you Mrs Grandy my sweety bbff 🤗☺👩‍❤️‍👩💜😚

Sleep well lovely ones and thank you very much.

🐾👩‍❤️‍👩💫🎀✨😸

[Croix]

Dear DB (with a wave to all)~

I'm just popping in to see how you are getting on, and your bbf too. It's a hard time for you when dealing with someone passing and uncertainty over another . Plus the things you have to cope with daily too.

No need to rush to answer, just letting you know I, along with the many others above, care.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Croixy 🐧 and other lovelies out there 👋

Thank you dear also valued friend 🐧 ☺

I'm surprisingly coping ok considering how incredibly deeply I love that beautiful one of my bbff's.

I thought it might happen that I've gone into another mh episode so maybe the manias making it ok not that it is at all.

It was a shock because and not complaining at all I wasn't aware she'd so quickly since seeing her dunno maybe a mth-ish ago which was such a beautiful visit and apart from being a little quieter and so fragile she was the darling I've over 38 ish yrs grown to love so much. We had a fantastic friendship but think best I stop here the tears are starting which is ok but want to keep my mind as good as po through this episode.

I wrote and read at the funeral which was a lovely send off. Beautiful loving close big family.

Assuming it was low key mania that helped me have no nerves reading and picked a poem they asked if I'd like to read.

Even heard the poem that touched my heart when it was picked at beautiful Mums passing and was so spot on for her.

" Miss me but let me go" and it didn't hurt or trigger.

Yes thanks for asking Croixy this bloke is a good friend who's my darlings besty that I knew before meeting the gorgeous 😍 I'd seen him and thought well hellooo also with a beautiful smile as this good man had.

Yikes spoke today and he's doing it very hard. I'm struggling with him being on Palliative chemo that apparently will work for up to 12 mths. He's stage 4. About 3 mths into it.

Mil I had time to come to acceptance but naturally missing her no end although the cancer was another shock. She reached a very good age still with her facilties.

Yikes better stop again because when I come down it'll I'd think really hit harder.

Today we heard of the 3rd passing. One I knew and liked very much, he used to collect donations for charity as my love did and I too for a while with him before that folded on wrong! very unfair terms with our well loved respected leader.

The other is the father of a friend that has/will be completely gutted which is very sad and he's with mh withdrawn from friends

Kitty oh what a 😂 your Avitar. Classic good on ya 😁.

Got untold achieved today boom. if my memory in these times would let me record coping strats I can work more on them.

Really thank you good beautiful friends. You all matter very much. Love to all

Grandy I'LL be backkk to talk more. Some things I want to yak about ☺🌈🌞

👩‍❤️‍👩🤗🎀👩‍❤️‍👩💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful bbff👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗....

Sending you lots of 💚...followed by some comforting hugs🕊🤗...and of course my care 🦋🦄👼...

Thinking of you more then ever...through this sad time your going through....Please...be kind and gentle to you..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....

[quirkywords]

D B

hello Just checking and catching up.
Sorry about your friend but glad you could be part of her funeral.

Kind thoughts b

[mmMekitty]

❤️Hugs❤️

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Sending you the gentlest comforting hugs lass

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and your beautiful supporters..🤗.

Im sorry honey that another dear friend has also passed...You’ve lost so many dear people that you loved very dearly...It doesn’t matter I don’t think if you do prepare yourself for loosing someone, that you know will pass it’s still very hard and a big shock...because it’s so final..

Deebi, sweet dear bbff...,you are grieving big time..Nothing I say will ease that grief for you...but I do want to say that your love for your mil and friends will never ever leave you..I read once.,that grief is all the love we have for them and want to give them, and cannot give them.,,This is true in my mind....One way to give that love is to remember the good times with all your heart...

I know you don’t really believe in God...I do, and a little bit of proof that their is an afterlife, came with the air conditioner turning itself on....I think you said air conditioner...I remember the night my hubby passed a very favourite picture of a lighthouse we both loved...fell off the wall..

I do believe that their spirit is around us, as long as we have those happy and beautiful memories of them....

Take the time you need to grieve, dearest bbff...No hurry to reply here at all...We all hold you so very deeply in our hearts and care so much about you...We want only the best for you....ever..

Something I wanted to send you beautiful Deebi:-

God looked around his garden.. And found an empty place,

He then looked down upon the earth.. And saw your tired face.

He put his arms around you..And lifted you to rest.

God’s garden must be beautiful..He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering..He knew you were in pain.

He knew that you would never..Get well on earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough..And the hills were hard to climb.

So he closed your weary eyelids..And whispered, ‘Peace be thine’.

It broke our hearts to lose you..But you didn’t go alone,

For part of us went with you..The day God called you home.
–Anonymous

Sending you so much love, care and gentle comforting hugs..💚🦋👼🤗..,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...,🕊🌱....🦄👼....👭....💚💜....🤝 all superglued together..

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & all ☺

You're beautiful people giving your time & immensely appreciated support to which I'll always be eternally grateful thank you 🤗

I'm surprised that I am ok which I'm questioning at times.
Manias a godsend anytime's guiding me tho I'm starting to come out of it thank goods - the recent episode was quite a long recovery.

If I dont try to understand/reason why I'm ok which yes is good, beasty wins allowing guilt/self doubts about not crumbling but I'm coming to terms with this too.

Maybe blocking it shock can do that or hoping acceptance. I was so pleased it seemed she had which makes it easier and her being very well home nursed free of pain and not alone on her passing.

It won't change she's 24/7 in my mind of course but yes Grandy I have so many amazing memories.

It wasn't always a smooth ride which goes both ways. Those memories aren't surfacing.There wasnt an ounce of malice in this beautiful soul. Never intentional. Goes both ways

Idk what's ahead but for now I'm best to accept being ok. Her daughter has too by the sounds
Only beautiful people give you reason to love that deep. What a privilege having her for so long in my life

A couple of days before 😢 I heard she stopped talking. She opened her eyes before she left. She knew they were there with her. GOLD 💗

There'll be times I'll hear parts about it all. I so hope its not in mh.
I went very low listening to her daughter on the down side previously

Maybe grieving over the 7 yrs since my late love & the positives above has helped reach acceptance. Time will tell.

I'm reasoning with those down thoughts. I don't doubt tho my love for her that'll remain v.deep

It wasn't always a smooth run for us. Never was there intentional malice or pain meant. Runs both ways.

Sorry wasn't clear the 2nd passing I liked very much but not on a personal level like my darling was. He's ok.

Paws I'd love a hug/shoulder & cuppa thank you 🤗

Quirky thanks for your support too hun ☺ hope you/all are going ok

Croixy always thank you too 🤗

Kitty to you too darlin ☺ You're not a puddy cat you're a purrdy cat 😸

Monks 🐒 beautiful resting in paradise 🤗

Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 powerful poem isn't it. Think I've heard it before. Thank you for a beautiful loving post always hun. I knew you believed in God. I've heard of pictures coming off walls too. I don't think we finish here.

Looking further into thighs. Somethings not good. Affecting walking a LOT.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🤗⚘

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB,

We grieve as we will, allowing for where we are within ourselves. I know it gets confusing & I've questioned my own responses at different times. Each was different, & that's important to remember. How I responded was alright for where I was at, at the time.

You don't have to crumble to show that you loved someone dearly. You feel your love in your heart & hold her in your mind. You might find other ways of expressing your love, & loss. When I lost someone, who I'd lost long ago anyway, I found it hard to express deep feelings. conflicted & some awful guilt & more.... I found creative expression very helpful. Writing & painting. I wish I could have done more, but I think I've done enough, for now.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty