Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone....❤️💚🤗.

I hope you are okay Deebi...Whatcha been up to dear friend...

Wanted to call in and wish you a very calm peaceful Christmas Eve.....Gee it’s been a while since I had dinner with you...To save you from cooking I made a yummy large macaroni and cheese...I will admit that I do make a mean Mac n cheese...with tomatoes, bacon, pasta and cheeses, cheese and more cheese baked in the oven until the cheese on top has little peaks of brown crusting on it....Then we can wash it down with an iced mint tea....and of course some red and green jelly with custard poured all over it.....

I have been so very busy making your Christmas 🎄 gift...

I took a copy of your gorgeous happy avatar...then I traced it onto a piece of pure white silk and I asked the stars for some spun golden thread, in the colours of your avatar...violet, blue, aqua, green, yellow and red...then black and gold..

I embroidered the pattern of your avatar with the finest stitches I could..including the eyes and giant happy smile...I then stitched a golden border around it...placed it on a mirror with a light attached behind it...so when your feeling down or in the nighttime when you can’t sleep, you switch on the light and all the beautiful colours begin floating all around your room playing the most beautiful music that you can ever imagine...music of the angels...gentle, calming and fill your room with a warm glow..until it reaches into your soul to give you the most serene feeling ever...Its an everlasting present, that can be used anytime you want to, if you want to feel my love and care for you..just softly whisper Grandy...and my spirit will immediately be with you...to sit next to you with an open heart and soul....

Merry Christmas my dearest ever bbff....I so wish we could spend it together...💚❤️🎄🎄💚❤️..

Merry Christmas everyone...💚❤️🎄💚❤️🎄..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey dear Pawsy 🐾 and my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you for your beautiful posts. I will bbl to reply pawsy and my lovely besty bbff ever that was absolutely gorgeous than you. Love it heaps.

Oh struth your prezzy is still in the work shop ☺ thats my head btw or should I say 🙃 my gorgeous. I'll try to give it to you tomoz but know you're in my heart never to leave and 🗯 how often daily. You too are in my soul precious friend 🤗

Oh Grandz if you knew how much I too wish we had it togeather It'd be amazing.

Phoo still working on getting outta this one it turned into a doozy! Cried a bit today but good now.

Buying a mower off other besty but it didn't start, introduced myself to new neighbours borrowed theirs and did theirs too. I enjoy mowing.

Walked with Mr Deebi 😍 oh he's sweet. I loved a handbag but atm they're not doin laybye the precious lent me the money. I owe him so much and he did that the gorgeous & hes struggling too. LOVE IT pockets everywhere.

Playing a lot of poker safe place until I defend others or myself at times. Talked one bloke down then we got on well and he did a friend request yeah right I know he's a pratt but ok otherwise but nah. Yeah good on him.

Lost a couple kg's so nearly back there but being oh So nortee!

Grandy enjoy your time at mrs nsc but not sounding at all ideal. What a shame darlin.

Headaches galore not bad today but having more than not tho a couple wks were ok. Sigh hope yours are settling.

Huge love and hugs 😚🍫⚘💗🗯👩‍❤️‍👩🤝✨🌈

Oh oh yum feed tooo. I want some Grandy 😓

Oh goin church with Mr 😍 tomoz then see his besty/my good friend we're unsure how he'll go this time with the big mongrel C. Was so torn wanting to see mil tomoz but will soonish. Covid here now knew it would with holidays and there too. We didnt have any! Was a close call once but ok I think.

If I don't get prezzy tomoz to you it's on it's way presh.

Lol love this abbreviated word for jealous is Jelly lol.

Pawsy much love too and wishing every lovely here happiness safety and thank you for all your amazing support especially you my champion of champions. Proud of you dear friend.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐾💗💤✨🌈🍫

[Croix]

Dear DB~

Although I tease you over my iceberg I think you are an example to us all of living with and overcoming adversity - while keeping a sense of humor.

May I wish you a peaceful and pain-free Christmas 🎄 and a truly great year ahead

Croix

[Paw Prints]

Ho Ho Ho... Bahh Humbug... & all such yuletide greetings...

I hope you & Mr Deebi have a relaxing Christmas Day with lots of love & laughter...

Ear snuffles from Woofa (when he wakes up) & Chrissy hugs from me

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey there dear Croixy 🐧 Pawsy 🐾 and Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you all for your beautiful visits.

Hope your days are lovely and having plenty of quality chocolate 🍫

Love to furs 🤗💗

Been sleeping a lot today needing it.

Be safe all ☺

Huge love Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🗯⚘🤝✨🌈

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Mr Deebi,

How are you doing lass?.. I hope you have managed to organise a time for you to visit your mil & that you are feeling well enough to travel that far..

I do worry about how draining all your headaches must be for you... I'm not surprised you need so much sleep lass... do be gentle with yourself...

If you are looking for those kilos you lost I have plenty spare that I'm happy to give away... lol

Hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone....🤗..

How you going my #1 bbff....I hope you are okay, well a lot better then okay ..🤗💚..

Thank you for your inspirational post at mine...

I did see the most beautiful sunset ever today..so many different colours in the clouds from a dark grey which turned into a deep purple with lighter shades of purple and over to the left, the clouds were a peaceful pinky reddish colour, kind of like streaked across the sky, not that puffy really, like someone decided to do long brush strokes with different shades of colours...I wish you were with me....I took a hot car cup of tea with me and a tiny piece of Christmas Cake....I received in a small food hamper from work...l

Our 2 fur babies were sitting 🤔...nope playing in the back seat with a new toy they got from Santa...It’s a really soft rubber duck 🦆, white, yellow and grey with a squeaky gadget inside...haha they were having fun...by growling and jumping around...one was on the floor the other on the seat trying to play tug-o-war...a couple of times they both ended up on the floor...I never get tired of their antics, but it was hard to divert my eyes of them onto the horizon..

The mountains reach the sky, and I can see gullies where the water flows down after a rainfall, there’s even a dirt track up the mountain..maybe it’s a trail made by our kangaroos 🦘....I did see a few grazing on the grass, as well as some cattle laying around a small watering hole (Dam)...Birds flying in the sky added a special touch to the picture Mother Nature showed us tonight...

Tomorrow...Well, What is Tomorrow...It’s a NEW YEAR 🎉🎊🎐...didn’t that come around fast 💨...but not as fast as your 🔥 🏍...We must really clean out our 💼 soon...Geez no good using last year’s gadgets...time for an update especially since I added extra rooms....a new ladder is definitely required as well as new escalators..l

If I don’t get back in tonight bbff....I would like to wish you a very special and peaceful year next year..Oh that’s only 2.5 hours away...😂😂..

Love you deep bbff, 💚🧸🤗...Love our 🕰 time together, and our furs 🐕🐩🐆🐅, Love our bag 💼, and gadgets, love our imagination....our friends 👬..

Love, hugs and kind thoughts everyone..💜🧸🤗..

🎊🎉HAPPY NEW YEAR🎉🎊....everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I really hope you’re doing okay....(are you?)...No pressure honey...

I wanted to give you a gorgeous bunch of jonquils...with a little surprise that’s hidden deep inside the wrapping amongst the stalks or stems...not sure what their called 😂😂😂...It’s a cute little crystal ball 🔮...If you can hang it where the sun shines inside your home...it will catch the sun’s rays and give you a beautiful display of illuminating dancing colour dots all around your home....You don’t have to do anything....except to sit back and watch the lights and feel the peace that nature has brought you inside,,,through the sun ☀️....

Love you bbff...please be gentle, kind, caring towards yourself...💚🧸🤗🔮🌈🔮🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey my gorjy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Mr Croixy 🐧 Pawsy 🐾 and if readers 👋

You're all lovely good caring people giving your time and support I really do appreciate ☺ and will definately bbl replying.

Yes and no not at all in reply to your caring question Grandy love if I'm ok.

Sheez this has been a very hard at times bloody long stint. I was aware about 3 ish eves ago posting a fair bit thinking hymm 🤔 ? another mania that by all accounts after definately was! We asked Mr Deebis besty to meet if he was up to at maccas which he did because we could but was tricky seeing him new years eve and wanted to not be neglecting him esp going through the chemo and cancer with an unknown future. During that get together wow what a nasty mood drop. I couldn't shake it but no one knew till later. Wow I felt horrible like really bad underneath. Beasty at IT's best I tell ya. Unsure how but came good later. Also did an allniter which wasn't planned that added to my tiredness which I'm still coming out of but slowly coming back to normal but today was a fair whack of crying and just over it but I'm ok thanks hun 🤗 and getting there.

Pokers been a comfort zone and sometimes hrs others a shorter time (working on that so I get other things done).

On a lighter note we're right into chai lattes apart from a bit naughty and mmm yummo cinnamon they're sposed to be quite healthy with various other spices. These are cheap as in Coles (brand) under $4 for 10 satches already with milk powder. So cheap and SO yum.

Will be back loves and to your threads near future. Have been reading so pretty much up to date ☺

So much love precious bbff always 9h and loving our memories in your lovely as always posts. Thank you for that gorgeous ball 😂 not knowing what they are. You're a classic honeyheart 🤗🤗🤗 hope you're ok. 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🐧🐾🦄🗯😷🐶⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone....l🤗..

I think that was very lovely of you, inviting Mr Deebi’s besty to Mac Donald’s ...Sounds like you’re having some mixed emotions within your cycle..and believe me that’s okay...please don’t feel about the mood drop...if you were in a normal cycle, that probably wouldn’t have happened....Bi Polar as you know, first hand can be ever changing from north to south...Its something that is very hard to manage...if it’s manageable at all....Mr Deebi and his besty are certain to understand because they know the beautiful, caring, compassionate real you.....

Crying, as horrible as it is...giving us sore red stingy eyes, head aches, sore throat, red nose...I really am sorry honey and wish I could be there for you, with our cloud ☁️ soft eye cloth...If you can, keep giving your face a nice rinse in cold/cool water...to help keep your body temperature down...

Yes I feel this mania, either came along quickly since your last one or it’s lingering around in a mixed episode...I hope so much that this passes for you really soon....It will pass bbff...just like the waters of a flowing river, changes and moves forward..always forward bbff...Hmm have you ever seen a river flow backwards?...nope..always forward, precious bbff...you are like the water flowing, sometimes it flows slowly, sometimes it flows quickly...but forever changing,,,

Oh Chia Latte, I had my first one at Mc Donalds...Ohhh they are so yummy...I buy those spiced chia tea sachets from Coles...yes they are healthy for us...

Take your time replying to mine...your mh is more important that posting at mine...or replying to me here..,

24/7 you are in my thoughts with a spiritual love that cannot be broken...✨💚☀️✨🔮🕊... gentle bear hugs 🧸🤗🤗..with some chocolate 🍫....I put a chocolate factory on the 1st floor of our 💼...1st floor...because well...why not?...easier to get to 😂😂😂😂..

Hugs beautiful people..🧸🤗, with love and care💜🌹💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...