Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hi beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Sending you some...no lots of love and care dearest bbff..👭.

💚💚🕊🕊🌹🤗🤗🧸🦘🐄☁️🚿🐂🐕🐏🕷🔑🧸..

RUOK?.....

I don’t know what I was thinking....

I painted my nails..the first time in many, many years....💅...now all I need is some lipstick 💄..a pretty dress 👗, some ribbons 🎀 for my hair...oops shoes ...I must have some shoes...where are they, 💼..hmm these will do.. 👠..Oh and a hat..lets see what I can find 💼.. 🎩 nope, not that one..let’s look again, 💼... 🧢..nah, I’ll pass on that one as well..I know it’s in here 💼, somewhere...⛑nope...ahh here it is 👒....now I’m all ready to go out somewhere...

but where too....hmmmm.🤷🏻‍♀️.... 🏖 beach for some 🏄‍♀️ ..no way, it will destroy my pretty 👗 and 🎀, and 💅 and also my 💄..not to mention my 👠 ...Umm how about it honey, if you put on a pretty dress 👗, and 💅 and 💄and 👒 and put in some shoes 👠..we can’t forget the 👠...then we can go somewhere nice for dinner tonight.....only if you want to....maybe Mr. Deebi can come with us...if he wants to...it would be nice....to spend some time together...just chatting away...about nothing in particular...just being together and having some eats would be a dream come true...

I do hope and pray that your mil is doing okay....and I hope and pray the same for you dearest bbff....um no pressure to reply at all......just know precious friend that I do care so much about you as well as I have a soul sister bond that can never be broken....Eternal love and hugs dearest friend...

24/7 ☁️...💚🧸🤗🕊👭.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey my gorjy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Croixy 🐧 Pawsy🐾 and readers


It's been a while I often think to post and yak but don't get around to it. Sometimes I really want to talk about the deeps it's so hard to. Quite good now

Ohh I do love our mucking around. SO glad you put the choccy store in our bag nice and easy to get to.

Ohh Grandy Mr Deebi would love to come out to tea with us he's such a dear man. Love him to bits.

Grandy nothing in this world would make me happier than us to be rl and out to tea and you staying here. God I wish.

Pawsy love thank you for your thoughtful mention there could be a subconscious going on about my late love.
I know not last but the Xmas before it just wasn't the same. Didnt get there this one

Dear Mil some not good news just heard today she has cancer in 2 major organs. She's going home from hospital tomorrow.
We'll get up there soon for a night.
They said maybe 3 mths possibly a year.
From all accounts she's quite weak & needing a lot of sleep. 💔 😢 She's never far from my thoughts and of course more now.

Our friends stage 4. The chemos holding it but I don't know how long for poor bloke. He's doing well

Oh Grandy love you look beautiful btw I do love that shade of glitter lippy. Loved your posts 🤗😅 always do. We have an incredible sss bond for sure 💜 never to be broken. I think about you so often daily with enourmous love

It's so nice here but I've resigned to the probability we'll have to leave this area. Covids upped rentals and near impossible to get somewhere, other bbff still trying.

Just finishing off my last smokes from this episode. Geez so broke and owe so much to poor Mr love and other bbff. They know they'll get it back. I pay a chunk each pay. Was given patches so should be ok giving them up again today and will use them next cycle or before if need be.

We had another covid alert at Coles We're ok. Boosters Weds.

My mh bloke SO good will be leaving soon bummer. We'll remain very good friends because he chooses not to have the jabs. That's so wrong!

Croixy thank you very much too for your comforting kind words that goes for you all.
I love our banter ☺

We're walking to the shops in a tic and Grandy aren't they beautiful those chai lattes mmmm. Glad you had one gorgeous. Geez I love you 🤗😚

Thanks lovely friends. You're all beautiful so glad to know youse.

We spend a lot of time at bestys some times not. Love it.

Laters good peeps ☺


👩‍❤️‍👩💜🐧🐾🦄🕊👍⚘🤗🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope you are okay...

Just popping in quickly to wish you a good sleep and to send you my love 💚, care 🌹, kind thoughts 🕊☁️ and bear hugs 🧸🤗 before I sleep tonight...which is about now...I am super tired...and my eyes won’t stay open unless I use match sticks 😂 👀...

I will pop back tomorrow, if that’s okay to chat and have a chia latte together with some hot toasted banana bread, smothered with lots of butter....

Love to you honey, with my care and lots of hugs..💚🕊🤗🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone....🤗..

Um...sorry, I’m a day later then I said I would be...but I’m here now, with a nice hot chai latte and hot buttered banana bread....

Thats really so sad about your gorgeous mil..my heart goes out to you and all her family....Doesn’t matter how much we prepare ourselves, it always a shock to hear such bad news...I do so much hope that you you are able to have a nice visit with her.....hugs my dear friend, and please remember I’m always...Thats 24/7/365 here for you....

Awe I know how much you like your mental health bloke...I am sorry he is leaving you, but pleased that you will stay good friends...I haven’t heard from my support worker now for 2 weeks...since she sent a GROUP msg to say that no face to face contact...only phone support...hmmm..What phone support?...anyway it is what it is...

I have found around a dozen butternut pumpkins in amongst my huge forever growing pumpkin patch....If it keeps spreading, I’ll have no back lawn left 😂...I do hope they grow....in time for winter, for your yummy pumpkin soup.... I wish I could send some down to you...

I hope you had a nice walk the other day....I have to go to town tomorrow to buy some meds..l might stop off at the back of the park and have a nice coffee while watching the small creek flow....maybe I might be lucky and see the ducks that reside their...

My Dr. booked me in for my booster in April..but I think now I can have it February...which will be 4 months apart instead of 6...My Dr. will probably contact me to let me know...

Today has been perfect..26deg with some cool winds, just perfect enough for me to mow my lawns AGAIN!...so over my them...,My hip/groin and back doesn’t do well for a few days after...so I will probably just be lazy for the next few days until they settle down..,

I hope you’re doing okay honey....my new avatar Angel is sending my love, care, and big hugs to you via her little dove she’s holding....💚🌹🦄🧸🤗....🕊🕊🕊🕊...

Love, care and hugs everyone listening here..💜🌹🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Croix]

Dear DB (wiht a wave to Grandy)~

You said "I love our banter ☺"

Hmmm... I'm not sure its banter, more like I can see the trouble and bad influence you are! Anyone who would substitute a penguin (inebriated or sober) for a walrus is most certainly full of cheek and mischief (or failed biology I suppose).

If it is any consolation, on a more serous note, giving up the smokes was only something I managed in later life. I never thoght I'd be able to, but was wrong! (You see even walruses can be wrong sometimes) - (but very rarely of course)

Hope you find a new enjoyable home at a reasonable rent soon

Croix (who owns his iceberg so no rent!)

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi, wave to Grandy & Croix,

Oh lass I'm so sorry to hear your news about your mil... I do hope you get to see her soon as I think you both need to hug each other...

You really are being pummelled by sad news... having to deal with your mil's illness as well as your friends & then to learn you are losing your wonderful support worker... lass we are all here for you if you need to talk more...

Can I offer a silly (but it did help me) suggestion with trying to give up the smokes... I took the ink bit out of a pen just leaving a hollow tube... I found it helped with the hand to mouth habit & the drawing in deeply habit by "smoking" using it to breathe in air only... I didn't use it all the time just when the urge to smoke was really strong... for me the habit was the hardest part to break...

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely friends thanks so much for your care and support.

I'll bee backkk.

Have a mild but oh so painful quite often back out.

Had 4 days that were horrible crying cranky just blaghh. Dear Mr Deebi 😍 the lovely man just wore it. I was horrid and felt like crap being so awful between crying. Ok now yay.

Youse really are lovely thank you ☺

Heya Mrs 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 so good seeing you always. Deep 4evs love beautiful I'll bbl to reply properly thanks loves 🤗

Love to you Pawsy 🐾 and a shake to Mr Croixy man 👋 uh oh have to settle for a wave 🤗🐧

[Croix]

I'm up to you DB, you weren't rying to shake my flipper, you were trying to slip me another penguin!

-C

[demonblaster]

😅 uh oh sprung

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I am sorry your back is giving you some hard times..

I am sure Mr. Deebi has unconditional love for you as we all do, and understands that at times depression bi/polar takes control of our thoughts, words and actions and it’s really hard to overcome them...but eventually we do have wins and take back our control...and once again become the person that we are...without beasty’s interference....You got this honey...Depression bi/polar cannot have you...Do you know why?....because my bestest bbff you are so much more then they are.....

Can I tell you something?....😂...ears 👂👂on the iPad screen...waiting...waiting...Oh good, so I can..

On my drive home from my shopping town, it’s a really beautiful road...well not the road, it’s full of pot holes 🕳...I mean the scenery....The road goes over the top of mountains, sometimes around them...with no gutters, typical country road...along the roadside lots of trees, grasses, rocks etc. and weeds...paterson’s curse has a beautiful deep purple flower...anyway....as I was driving i noticed these little white butterflies everywhere....so many of them flittering here and their, I just had to stop..and I just sat watching them...there was so many they looked like snow falling and floating around my car...Have you ever really watched a butterfly fly, so graceful and peaceful, like they dance in mid air instead of flying...

I wished so much you and the others here could have seen them....If they landed on Mr Walrus’s nose...would the butterflies tickle his nose?....hmm I wonder if walrus’s know how to sneeze 🤧...Your Avatar has no nose Deebi...so you wouldn’t be able to sneeze 🤧...even if they do tickle....

No hurry to reply honey...just be okay always my special bbff...and look after your precious self....sending you via our golden string much love, care and lots of caring hugs..⚡️💫💚⚡️🧸🤗⚡️🕊⚡️🌹💫..

Hugs to everyone,,,🤗..and all the fur and feathered companions.. 🧸🤗..we all have..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...