Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

How are you feeling today my bbff...

Did you find the tiny the tiny bunny rabbit 🐇..I hid under your cushion on your recliner...It’s a warm hot pack 🐇..I hope it kept your back nice and warm...

You will get there Deebi..I think the longer we have mania..the longer we need to sleep to recover...I hope your recovering okay lovely lady...

It hailed here today..so tiny the hail..I went out to pick a few up to give our fur babies..but when I looked at the hail..a tiny face was looking at me..Awe poor hail stones they looked so sad..so I put them all in a cup then into the freezer..I checked them about half hour later..and they all grew into one big hail stone...oops...I decided to get my ice blended out so I could so I could make the big one into little ones again...another oops.. they all turned into frost..oh no..umm so I picked up little bits of frost so I could make tiny frosty ice hail stones again.. 😱 oh no...The frost melted before I could form them back into hail stones....soooo then I had to warm my hands up because they were cold...poor hail stones all melted..took a sliding ride down through my kitchen drain pipes and out the other end and now they are mixed with all the puddles in my back yard...ready to be taken back up into the sky, in the new form of humidity....and then do it all over again....

Meant to ask you if your watch the adorable little children cooking on master chef junior....Oh my goodness they are so good..and their attitude towards each other is so beaand caring...They are always laughing and smiling and are happy for each other..

How was your day today bbff....

Deep love always for you and Mr. Deebi..💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🦋🕊🌱..Thinking of you Dear Deebi..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey there bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 so good to see you. Always is. Thank you for popping in gorgeous 🤗

I'm good thanks hun but wow as per sleeping heaps. I'm able to arvo sleep and a couple extra hrs in bed in the morning now which is good. Miss bed.

Was so scared my back was going to hurt again but touchwood unlike the other day that jolted my whole bod so far today ok & nice to be with Mr sweety 😍 I miss him even tho he's just in the other room. I'll do recliner again with that gorgeous little bunny 🐇 ohh you're so cute Grandy thank you sweetyheart 😀 It worked a treat and was so soft and furry.

What a cute story about your hail.
It would have been proud to be big and solid then slither down the pipe. You're so gorgeous.
Oh oh I'll have to find a spare 3 seconds to knit you a pair of water proof woollen gloves 😅

It's been nice having a bit of extra cool hasn't it. Much prefer it than hot yukko.

Hun when I was sleeping heaps before I think it kept BP away which was nifty. Seemed like a holiday not having it so often. Was a good productive one but still slowly working through the spare room from rearranging cause of wardrobes they're nice. We've got most of our clothes in but heaps of stuff in the room. Had it finally clear 😆 All good getting there just slowly that's the way isn't it.

It's so good getting out of the chair after fighting 🤼‍♀️ my way out (usual story, surprised how comfy it is to sleep in) of the chair and no back grief. Outta bed still wary and v.careful.

Not been doing much mostly looking after the back. Very happy and content with Mr beautiful 😍 we do at times go to lunch with friends or visit others which is good.

Had our blat (drive) with mhw which is always good.

I really hope you're doing ok my lovely friend. You really are doing so well hun. You're amazing!

Thanks for your beautiful friendship sweetyheart.
Love you very much. Cherish our time gorgeous 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🕊🐇🗯👀🤝

[demonblaster]

Bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 sorry hun forgot to answer about the junior Masterchefs no darlin but I've seen a heap of ads about them. Wow they're really good. Sounds lovely how you said they are towards eachother.

Hope you're doing well beautiful. You spoke well elsewhere 🤗

Always love you dear friend spirit soul sister eternally.

Swod Grandy 😢

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🕊🗯🤝💗👀😚

[Ggrand]

Good night dear bbff...

thinking of you..

👀🤝☁️💜🌹🕊🐇🦋🐛🕷🐜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👭

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...bbl..

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

You may be right with the extra sleeping keeping BP away for a longer period of time..but I’m not sure, if the next time it will be harder to manage?...

I haven’t had that many bp episodes, this year..they seem to be more often for me when I’m really stressing out about something..

It must be hard missing Mr Deebi through the nights..I’m wondering if your love could move your recliner into the bedroom of a night so it doesn’t feel so lonely for you...then again it might be heavy..I have never had a recliner so not sure on the weight of them...maybe continue using the recliner if it’s helping your back...

Slow and steady gets things done in the end..doesn’t matter how much time it takes to do your spare room..one day it will be finished and that one day is good enough honey...

Thats okay, about master chef junior...no need to be sorry..I just like the honesty and the happy attitude of the children...it’s refreshing..if you know what I mean...

I had a few candles that burnt down to little ones, so I collected them all..melted them and made a new candle..ooop big time..I didn’t have a wick, so now I have a wickless candle😂...I will re melt it another day when I find somewhere to buy some wicks..silly me 😂..

I like that you and your love go to lunch sometimes with friends that’s so good...I’m happy for you..you deserve to have a beautiful person walking alongside with you...Knowing your not alone anymore always warms my heart...

I hope this week coming is a good week for you both...and you enjoy your days the best you can...

Deep love my precious bbff...yadimh and my 💭 ...💜🐻🤗👭🤝👀..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...pubaok..

[demonblaster]

Heya bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

There's always a light or an aura or something when you visit beautiful friend 😊 Thank you for your care and time gorgeous. I hope you're managing well my sweety love. You make me so proud dear friend ☺

I've been doing the nights still in the recliner it's a lot easier on my back but not ideal then I have some sleep in the rest of the morning in bed and nanny naps love em and that Mr Beautiful comes with me too tho he'd be ok without sleeps so would I but they're so good.

Good thoughts about the recliner in the room but no room esp now the wardrobes are there, they're really lovely.

Mri Friday we have to travel a bit with the transport, at least not as far as the big hospital.

The last BP was very good as in virtually no depression. Had a couple of mood shifts but pulled out. Little as in very few scenarios or down memories. Oh was good for a change Grandy wow. Still a lot of work but so much easier. I can't ever trust IT but wow would be amazing to have breaks like that. Memories of the deep hell don't disolve easily do they but hoping it's getting more controllable.

I'm so glad you're enjoying Junior Masterchef. Yes nice seeing uplifting stuff isn't it.

Love what you did with the candles. Maybe you could kinda drill a hole for a wick then the heat would melt it to bind it all.
I like the idea of making candles too. Good on you.

Yes it's good going to lunch. I haven't for a while but have and will more.
Same with church I go on occasion but should more. Been a bit slacko.

Unsure what I've done but my other foot is ouch sore on the R) side yikes. Hope it sorts itself soon. How's your health hun?

You're really beautiful Grandy thank you. He's such an easy lovable darling. We're going great guns. It's so easy. Sweet love he is 😍

Deep love to you too bbff. Always have you in my thoughts. I look at a star and wonder if you've seen it. Wonder how you are and what you're doing.
You're an amazing loving friend 🤗😚🤗😊

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍👀🕊⚘💗

[demonblaster]

Bbff and everyone hi ☺

Wanted to tell you Grandy and lovely people just had some awful news about dear mil.

She's in hospital again the love and very sadly she has lung cancer.

Bugger!

Love you Grandy swod 👭🤗💜👩‍❤️‍👩🕊

[Paw Prints]

Dear Deebi,

Oh lass that is sad news. Sending you the gentlest of bear hugs.

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Im really so very deeply sorry Deebi...

Always here if you need to talk honey...

Sending you a gentle warm hug dear bbff...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....xoxo..

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Paws 🐾 and Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you both so much.

Someone being a good age makes it still very sad. You've known and love/d them longer.

She was back in hospital for other reasons poor love. Back home today.

Thanks Grandy really appreciate that bbff 🤗

Love always sweetyheart yAdimh pubAok lysvm 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👭🗯💗

Paws you're a real sweety too. Much care love and appreciation 🤗 Thanks for the beautiful hugs loves 😊