Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hi everyone ☺

That's quite ok sweet besty friend 👩‍❤️‍👩.

Huge day today lovey plz only come in if you're up to or when you are. Same as you say you know I read. So just when you're up to gorgeous.

Dam backs so tight hurt like billyo getting into chair grr seriously over this but at least it sorts itself through the day mainly. Taken strongs to relax it. Reluctantly because I'm still catching up from BP. Geesh no matter how mild it still wipes you.

Forgot to say about the curbed panic attacks thru this episode. Wow didn't even feel stressed but stopped them in their tracks. Rand direct health just to be sure cause I've never had butterflies in my arms first one then both legs and arms jyst for a few seconds. He said yes anxiety. Phooey SO sudden. Anyhoo choofed the swines.

Grandy I hope you're ok after today love it must be so terribly hard on you.

Always 🗯 about you and tonne of deep lasting love.

PubAok lysvm awyis yadimh sss bbff gg swod definately. 😚🤗👀👩‍❤️‍👩💜👭🤝✨

[monkey_magic]

Hey Db and all,

Online gaming has become a problem for me. Need to kick it to the curb, or like you guys say choof it off. Lol.

Your poor back. Looking after it the best way you can I reckon. Well done, def not an easy thing to cope with.

Yes,home and away saves the day.

Ciggies r yuk. I used to binge smoke. Haven't touched them in two years now. Glad they're out of my life.

Sounds like you are doing the best that U can.

💐

[Croix]

Dear MM and DB~

Please allow me a moment's blunt talk.

I'm concerned about the gambling, which is cunningly designed from the ground up to motivate you to (in effect) give them money so you can have a moment of adrenaline.

You have both given up other things - what helped then? You have overcome so much, it wold be a tragedy to be trapped by this which operates by stealth.

Croix (who admits he is a nag and who uses the world's oldest recliner chair, cracked vinyl and all) on bad nights. It is amazing)

[monkey_magic]

Hi Croix,

Thanks for the concern. Im not gambling in clubs/ pubs anymore, now it's an online game on my phone! But, I am spending way too much money on it for the adrenaline/ high.

I was thinking of maybe giving my money to my mum to hold onto? And keeping what I need.

I am able to control myself sporadically but then I go all out.

In the past I've just used will power. I am able to quit addictions.

My problem now is having too much time on my hands. Need to find other things to fill my time with.

[Croix]

Dear MM

I guess, as I would have expected from you, you have identified the two most important things, too much money in the short term -letting your mum keep some sounds a pretty good idea, and too much time.

So what do you suggest about the time and getting away from that phone?

Croix

[monkey_magic]

The funny, or not so funny thing is I'm a deluxe member and get lots of free coins on this particular game and I've been playing half the day.... without spending my own money.

You are right. I need to put my money away and use my time on more productive things. I want to ease back into exercise and see how I go. Less drugs in my system means I'm feeling better and more able to do things.

It means the world to me to be weaned off this stuff, now I have to wean off online gaming.

Too much money in the short term- this should be staying in the bank and not used for online gambling. Gosh, there is so much the money can go towards.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deeb👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone....🤗.

I hope you’re doing okay..but I feel you are still coming down and exhausted as it runs it’s course..

I have been listening here..Made a few posts but deleted them as one I fell asleep through while I was talking to you... Please lovely bbff...Sleep as much as you can through recovery....

I will be so pleased when you get a full back scan...it can’t come quick enough...You’ve been in to much back pain for far too long...It’s a concern and sound awful those butterflies in your arms and legs...I hope they don’t come back....

Very well done on the panic attacks..your learning to choof them off before they take hold..that takes a lot of mindful work to do that..I feel mine coming but unfortunately cannot stop them before they build up to much...Your getting stronger then you know beautiful bbff.....

I also play online slots, which I do buy fortnightly chips..but I limit myself now...When I go into mania..I can spend to much money on them...I maxed my credit card out by playing them.....So I don’t play them while in mania..I try to use my energy up by mowing my lawn or doing things around the house now....It took a while but I got their, and credit card balance is slowly recovering....It’s a form of entertainment that we can’t win at....

Croix...Thank you were words also went into my brain...I think I needed to hear them...You are right...

What you been up to Deebi....It’s raining here and I’m sitting outside talking to you...It’s supposed to rain all week...I love the rain..except for storms...

Please dearest friend..look after you, be gentle with your beautiful golden soul, and don’t let beasty into it if you can help it....Always here for you precious friend..feeling a bit slack because I haven’t visited you for a while..but I hope you never ever think that I don’t care or love you...💜🤗👭because I do...just been doing it a bit hard..

I hope your day today is better then yesterday...

My kindest, most caring wishes for you bbff with my love..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

Hi Magic 🐒 Croixy 🐧 and my dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 🤗

Thank you everyone for calling in ☺ always very appreciated.

I've had two probs tonight too on the recliner which is surprisingly comfy but not bed. It seems laying flats my prob. Scared to, it caught like in the beginning on getting up felt like same as that its broken and the frames moving back in place. Truly bloody horrid and big short pain not quite as bad as before. At least waking ok. Miss sleeping with my love but need to give this a chance to get better. Every bloody time it does it goes again.

Yes Grandy love no depression but hard with the anxietys yes feeling good choofing them Monks 😅 and was a change of mood but handled and stopped hyperfocussingwell kinda on the comment.

Ragged still but getting there. Didnt help taking the strongs to add to tiredness. Hit close to exhaustion.

Croixy you're a good man. Thank you for your concern. I'll be ok. Have to I'm not going back to how it was tho played again just tonight.

Yes Grandz I'm going to save for it. Good girl.

Got some housework jobbies still more to go. Pleased.

Knocked back mils birthday party & staying couple of days we were going to. Great age. And out with friends cause of back.

Love and deep gratitude to you all. Thank you ☺

Grandy never please feel you're not enough here honey it's too hard when in deep. I know you love care and always here for me. Truth it's quite ok, only when you're good.

Monks we're strong enough to do the choof!

👩‍❤️‍👩🐧🐒👭🕊⚘💜🌞🗯👀🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all..🤗.

I think it’s a good idea to try sleeping in the recliner..I know when I lie flat on my back, my back feels like it’s being stretched to much..and it aches much more..lying on my sides doesn’t seem to hurt as much..maybe in the recliner your back has a bit more support at the bottom section of it..just me thinking bbff..

Sleep as much as you need to honey...Takes time to recover the exhaustion...you’ve been managing your anxiety and scenarios so well...It’s taking our thoughts away from them as soon as we realise what our brain is doing to us...Distraction...it’s all about distraction I think..I mean it’s the only thing to do that can stop our over active minds from running away with us...

Awe I’m sorry you missed your mil birthday party..I know you love her lots..I hope she had a good time..and is doing well...

How are you feeling honey....apart from the tiredness are you managing okay?..Pubaok...Don’t know what I’ll do without your absolutely beautiful friendship and talks...

I hope Destiny and Eternity have been giving you lots of purrrr ing kisses and cuddles...My furs send them playful bow wows, and send you some gentle cuddles..

My gift 🎁 to you is coming along so beautiful..it will be ready very soon...no hints though..😂..has to be a surprise for you 😲..love the little tooth on emoji...

Just a gentle reminder Deebi...to not lift heavy things up..and to be very kind and gentle with you...and give yourself a yummy chocolate...I just had one..it was yummy...🍫😂..I am inventing a new flavoured chocolate bar..I’ll let you sample it when my inventive brain has completed it...

Much love to you my bbff...with my care and some of Peppys super soul hugs..🤗🤗🤗..💜💜🌹🕊🌱🦋👀🤝☁️👀..

My love, care and hugs to everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌱🕊👭🎀

[demonblaster]

Beeudiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi good people 👋

Thank you darlin for popping in. Always a pleasure being in your company bbff 🤗

Yes my back much prefers the recliner, I've done 4 out of 5 nights and this morning I went back to bed. Miss not waking next to Mr gorgeous but knowing he's close by is lovely. My back was weird in bed the muscles all tightened. I prefer bed but its comfy in the chair so that's good.

Yip heaps of sleeping wow it takes an age tho mania was longer and more solid.

Yep distractions a great diversion for negative thinking isn't it hun. It doesn't fix but it's needed for our minds to have something else to focus on. Too much constant negatives harder to pull out of.

Was a shame missing mils b.day but we can go and stay another time.

I know Grandy love I feel the same pubAok I too don't know what I'd do without you in my life. What a beautiful friendship/soul sisterhood. So so glad we met my/our lovely sparrow whisperer 😚 you've got the touch gorgeous gentle lady ☺

Oh our gorgeous Destiny and Eternity the dear little loves. Oh they jump around and what a crack up chasing their widdle wee tails and when they stand on tbeir hind legs oh just adore them. Yes darlings it's time for more cuddles...come on 🏃‍♀️...bring your little cute furry tummies ...
Oh thank you for the furs cuddles the little loves 😚🤗 (kiss/cuddle). Plz send cuddles and live back and bows from the cutes this end.

😀 the gift sounds gorgeous. Looking forward to it my lovely.
I think about your unfinished one quite often. 😆 just can't get it off the ground but hope to one day.

Thanks sweety dear Mr 😍 lifts heavy stuff which I don't like cause he has a crook back too

Oh yeh choccys never far away me love we love it oops. Haha new flavour I'm keen on hearing about that invention you clever little lady aren't you 🎓

Loven Peppys super soul hugs 🤗 I see she's taught you well.

Deep love dear friend. Always & in my thoughts so often darlin 🗯⚘🕊

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝✨👀