Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

I hope your feeling okay lovely friend..

I think I broke everyone’s record a couple of weeks ago..I woke up at 2pm...and had only a few hours of daylight until it was dark again....Hard to get back into a regular sleep pattern after that happens....

Thats okay about walking honey..before your foot started hurting you used to walk daily..It’s not your fault..I’m sure once your foot starts healing you’ll get back into walking...I remember always the long walk you did and ended up visiting the pelicans...and didn’t know really where you were...That particular walk always come to my thoughts and make me smile..

My furs want to come over and give Destiny and Eternity a yummy chewy treat each..so they can sit together and then play chasing after they had enough chewing..I also want to come over and share some yummy chocolates with you and Mr Deebi...Like everything else chocolate tastes better with company...🚪oooh I found a huge chocolate door that we can share....It’s the same size as a real door...😁 yummy,,

Gee Deebi...little Ruby 🦅 makes more mess in the house then my furs do..always sweeping up bird seed..messy, messy Ruby..I call her now..

Was thinking if you are allowed to have a little feathered friend as a pet..they are so cute with their little face and make nice music...

How are you my bbff?...💜..big love with bear hugs lovely friend...💜🐻🤗...keep the hope alive that some day will be one day soon...because yadimh tucked away very safely...

Hugs, love and care everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....🕊🌱

[monkey_magic]

Morning colourful faced ( emoji) wonder woman!

How are we ( U & Mr) sleepy heads today.

The injuries sound pretty nasty so U can only really do what the body allows hey. But I'm sure you could teach me all about it, having gone through it so long. I think acceptance is the hardest thing but once you've accepted it the injuries that have a mind of their own take president. I wish I could fix my back. Going to one day C if there are any surgical options. I hope so.

Hope you're enjoying your shows. I still watch a bit of telly. Bold and the beautiful, the chase, news, home and away are regulars.

We've been having pretty good weather lately. I'm not a huge fan of the heat though. Are you a beach person at all? Salt water always good for injured bodies.

Grandy I'm going to take a chunk of that chocolate door home with me if that's ok, don't want you and Deb's to get tummy aches.

Bye beautifuls !

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Magic and all...

I’m calling in to see you lovely bbff...No pressure honey, but I am concerned for you and hoping you are okay...RUOK?..

Please remember Deebi.. your bbff loves you heaps..💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐻🤗..and am here for you when you need me or even if you don’t need me😁..

If beasty is annoying you here is a little something to remind you that you are stronger then beasty...smarter then beasty...More determined then beasty...

I often read this poem...and wanted to read it to you...Not sure who wrote it...It helps me sometimes..hoping it will help you Deebi...

If the mountain seems too big today,
then climb a hill instead.
If the morning brings you sadness,
it’s okay to stay in bed.
If the day ahead weighs heavy
and your plans feel like a curse,
there’s no shame in rearranging,
don’t make yourself feel worse.
If a shower stings like needles
and a bath feels like you’ll drown,
if you haven’t washed your hair for days,
don’t throw away your crown.
A day is not a lifetime,
a rest is not defeat;
don’t think of it as failure,
just a quiet, kind retreat.
It’s okay to take a moment
from an anxious, fractured mind;
the world will not stop turning,
while you get realigned.
The mountain will still be there
when you want to try again,
you climb it in your own time,
just love yourself ’til then....oh and me as well💜😁.

Good night precious bbff....I hope with all my hope that tomorrow will be a day full of the brightest light possible..

Big love, and care dear bbff..

My love, care and hugs everyone...

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

BP day 2/3

Beautiful Grandy you're a precious bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 I can't imagine you not being in my life. Love and care so much about you dear friend 🤗

Thanks hun I'm ok mostly and have stuff to talk about soon. You'll probs guess. It's ok but not at all. That's pretty normal for us isn't it 😆

Nearly 1am so we better choof for now. Just wanted to thank you for that really excellent poem. Love it. So much wisdom and so well expressed. I'll copy it.

Thank you beautiful love and how are you going? Always in my thoughts daylight till dusk.

Sleep well everyone. Only dreams if bliss and wake feeling refreshed and new 🌱

You're awesome bbff ☺😚🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜⚘

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

my hands on hips..tch..tch..tch...1am and still awake...Hmmmm going to have to read to you about sleep hygiene very soon I think..😁..

Always here for you If and when you feel to talk....a problem shared between bbff’s....is a problem halved....if I am able to help you I will...otherwise i’m here always listening and holding your hand super glued and tied with our friendship ribbon 🎀..love you so much more than the universe..💜🐻🤗..

Been very hot days here...how about at yours..is it hot enough for a little calm stroll along the waters edge, feet in the water is so calming..except when it’s icy 🥶..then it’s a brand new never seen before freezing feet dance😂...

Hows your back, neck, headaches and foot feeling lately beautiful friend?...I hope with all my hope that they have eased of for a while for you...

I often read that poem..it makes sense to us poor unfortunate depressed...it gives us a guide line that..it’s okay to not be okay...So true honey..a day is not a lifetime even though it may feel like it sometimes...

Sending you my love..care..respect and huge tender hugs...💜🐻🤗🦋🕊🌹🌱🎀🎈..oh and a few pieces of the non calorie, bite size chocolate 🍫...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hey my/our gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 and to everyone ☺

Thank you for your sweet loving visit Grandy it's such a pleasure walking together and being so close 🤗

Phoo these BP's take you for a ride don't they. Got quite a few jobbies done with the help of this beautiful love and in between another.

We visited besty and her partner who's riddled with cancer. Wiped out but holding.

I've been good hun so far. We went to church which I occasionally go to, the people are nice. Some know I'm not a follower exactly but agree with a lot of the bibles teachings. A lot not.

Had a fair bit of social lately.

I'm on the way down babe so I'll catch later if ok. Very tired.

Headache 2 days rid it tonight.

Foot naughty and yikes holding fluid will check it out if it doesnt go.

Back thank goods settling in the catching pain but the muscles when lifting light thing and walking are tragic and can't stand too long.

Hope you're holding up as well as can dear sweet lady.

So much love Grandy you really are a beautiful person.

Monks I'll bbl darl thanks again for your post.

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies ☺

Magic 🐒 & bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 thanks for the lovely visits.

We like Home and Away too

Nearly paid back all debts. I was/am compulsive Monks only with Pokies, tho probs with other on occasion. Had stopped for over 10 yrs.

Recently played on line.
No harm done except to myself. Could have had profit. All Ok. Again in mania. In normals I would have done same

Great having more rational thought in mania let alone on pokies.
I'm changing my ways for the better. Compulsion's still there but less. Think the vital help will be not doing it too often which will reinforce how it used to feel.
Cant anyway yet. Controlled thoughts but not the urgency & desparate need/desire.
I won't go to how it used to be. Only if I can afford. Still shouldn't.

Backs are mongrel pain. Over 60 % people have probs. 96% are X nurses. Lifting machines/wardsman were as rare as hens teeth then. More now

Mines off kilter again. Recent sleep in recliner helped instead of bed with no guarantee strong pain relief would help with the pain. Couldnt lay on my back.

Still not good esp when I first get up & sit.
Through the day it settles mostly not today tho.
Bigger MRI machine soon. Whole back.

Wow! Hardly any depression! First ever/long time I've had more mania which was bout a week def type 2 not 1.

I got stuff done 😆 vroom 💨 Thrilled. Manias how it's meant to be.
A few more big/day sleeps be back to normals.

Planning to do art that's all over the table 😂 & things. Sick of doing nothing much.

Started going down hard.
In a better frame of mind going to talk to good friend. She misunderstood, unintentionally knocked me without knowing the facts.
Our loves deep but I don't like being misunderstood.
Pulled out after a handful of tears & not wanting to go down further. Was happening fast.
I'm secure in her deep love returned.

I'm speaking up again just not always like yrs ago.
As our Peppy 💖 says pick your fights.

Relief my backs easing on walking/standing.
Did some small walking with shopping & an ok distance rather than us driving. Think its helped. Keen to walk again when I recover, otherwise the stimulation brings on mania again. And get foot right

Slowly easing off on naughty food tho still having but less and less often. Still mighty breaks. Fed up being unhappy again in myself weight wise. 2 pkts 🚬 in mania made me cough that stirred back again. Was starting to recover. Karma!

Love to you both.

🤗🐒👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🌞⚘🌱

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

Backs are @#&^@#% things....

Sending you huggily hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Thanks lovely Paws 🐾

Yes they sure are @#&^@#% and more. At least mine recovers slowly, trouble is it keeps reverting!

Hope you're travelling ok dear lady. And that the boss is behaving ☺

🤗Hugs back huns.

[Ggrand]

Good Night Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone...🤗..

Just a quick drop bye to wish you my bbff... and everyone a lovely refreshing sleep and sweet dreams....

Always listening Deebi.,,with my big ears...reading your words with my 👀....and holding tight it’s my hands...

I want to reply to you..but I’m really tired and heading for bed.....VS tomorrow...needing some extra sleep 😴..tonight..

Will pop in tomorrow for a chat if that’s okay.😵 🛌😴..

Good night, sleep tight...catch the morning light..

Love and hugs bbff and Paws...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱..sdod 👭..💜