Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hey Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩......🤗..

It doesn’t matter what the age of our loved one are...It still will hurt so much...loosing them any age...is so very sad..🤗..

Here for you honey..with my care and love for you...

Please dearest bbff..pubaok...yadimh..sitting with you and holding your hand...tightly..🤝👀..

love, hugs and care my bbff..

Grandy👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Sending you some love and hugs..💜🤗..

Thinking of you bbff......your lovely mil...and Mr. Deebi..

Grandy...🕊🌹🌱🦋💜

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all 😊

You're such a lovely caring soul aren't you 🤗

Thanks Grandy I always really appreciate you so much. True it doesn't matter what age does it. Feel so sorry for the darling. Haven't spoken to her yet giving her some time to recoop from hospital and digest it all.

Had MRI today and we not long up from a sleep. Long trip. Phew no probs in the machine. They give you some glasses and they show pictures of houses trees a few scattered clouds people its neat. Good distraction.

I've in the mornings and nanny nap been in bed otherwise recliner till its completely normal hoping again. So cute Mr Deebi and I are so pleased to see eachother ..big hugs it's gorgeous. He's precious.

Precious like you beautiful how are you going? I'm ok hun just thinking a lot as to be expected. Please dont hold back at yours you dear dear precious friend 😚

Ok gorgeous going to have a late tea sandwich soon watch neighbours and other recorded stuff.

Truly always thinking off you. So much love besty. Thank you for being such an Angel 🤗 you really do mean the world. Thank you everyone and here ☺

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🤝👭🗯😚🕊

[Ggrand]

Hey beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I am pleased you had you mri..sounds peaceful those glasses you wore...That’s a very good idea... I wonder if they have cartoons for children....I would want a cartoon to watch😂..Very good luck with the results..I hope your Dr. gets them quickly...and the right treatment is started immediately for you..so the pain starts easing for you..

You’re mil is a dear soul...and hurts to know that she is not at all well...Honey are you going to visit her for a few days...maybe before that you might be able to finish the beautiful card your doing for her....I’m sure your visit will be so lovely for her...and you..

Love hugs..but it’s something I haven’t had in r/l now for going onto a year...I miss them..they give our soul a beautiful warmth like nothing else can....Your both precious and beautiful people....

Im doing okay, honey so please don’t worry about me..I’ll post on mine soon...today or tomorrow....

Enjoy your day precious bbff....and please remember that if you need to talk that your loving sister is always walking right beside you in spirit..and holding on to you hand..

Thinking of you dearest bbff....Much love and care from me..always each day..and plenty of hugs as well..💜🦋🤗🤗🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey lovely bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and other good people hi 😊

Dear Grandy hi sweetyheart 🤗 Always your support means so much. Thank you dear friend 💜

The glasses were great and like blotches appear after it goes from colour to Black and White like a sketch then each blotch turns into the natural colour again. Great idea.
☺ cartoons would be cool aye.

Yip glad to have that out the way. No idea when they'll contact me.

I did a night in bed yikes but back had a few complaints since here and there. It's not as painful but still is quite strong but luckily quick. After getting out of bed I have to go to the chair for it to move into place 😨 not so joyful.

I heard dear Mils cancer is smallish atm which hopefully will be easier to work on.
Trouble her hearts weaker and age is a big.
Yes want us to go and stay just want her to have time to recoop first and see what they're going to do.
The dear love 💗 and you hurting knowing she's unwell you're so beautiful Grandy 🤗

Hugs are beautiful aren't they. They do nourish the soul and warm it very true.
Thank you for saying we're both precious and beautiful. You are too dear love 😚

I'm so glad hearing you're doing ok. I hope you are hun. I'm blown away how you're going... honey always love that 😊

Thank you so much for being such an amazing loving friend gorgeous it means so much.

Always thoughts honeyheart hugs and deep lasting love dear friend.
Holding your hand tightly too beautiful always 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🤝🗯👭🕊

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I hope you don’t mind but I just feel like sitting with you and chatting...

I hope so much that your mil will be okay and respond to any treatment she is given...I’m sorry about her heart not being the best...it’s very sad dear bbff..I wish I was their to give her my love and a soft gentle hug..I feel I know her through your words..and have a lot of care for her...

Have you heard the results from your mri yet?...Awe I’m sorry that your night in bed caused you some big pain.... Its just so not fair that your in so much pain with your back...Gee they can spend millions of dollars taking scenic walks on the moon..but cannot find out how to stop back pain..or cure cancer..which effects heaps of people..I wish the governments would prioritise there money spending...and put more of it into both mental and physical pain....

How are you honey...both physical and mentally...I really want and need to know...

Wow..we have had thunderstorms for 24 hours..it’s been unbelievable..and after all the lightning shows and thunder it’s going to be in the high 30s tomorrow..Isn’t nature very unpredictable and awesome...Not sure what your weather is like..but just wanted to gently remind you to take a bottle of water with you if you go out for walks...

I gave Ebony a haircut yesterday for something to keep me busy....and it will help to keep her cool....I will try and do a Kya tomorrow...then give them a bubble bath to make them smell as sweet as they look...

Most of your gift 🎁 is finished..It will be done before Christmas so I can give it to Santa Clause...to deliver it to your place...on Christmas Day...

I really hope your doing okay dearest bbff...I like laying on my lounge and talk typing to you..it makes me feel less alone....and helps me to find some peace while I’m chatting to you....

Good night dear bbff...I hope you sleep deep and it’s refreshing for you...Much love beautiful friend..💜🦋..and a giant but gentle bear hug..🐻🤗..always in my 💭 with care..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi all ☺

What a lovely visit sweetyheart thank you for dropping by 🤗 So good seeing you

Thanks so much I'm a little relieved it sounds not too big but then again it's in her lung/s (mil)
Haven't spoken much I've been saying which I do understand it's ok if we don't talk long but still it's hard these changes but shes recooping from hospital being crook the poor love. I get that.
I'll pass on your beautiful support you're so lovely Grandz.

MRI phone calls on Weds. I'll let you know. Thank you for being so caring dear friend.

I'm lucky now the back pains mostly gone except when its complaining then boyo 🤤. Still sleeping in the chair then in the morning the birdies tell me to choof to bed.

Still sleeping lots. Mr 😍 gets up earlier than me I guess most of Australia does too then we nanny nap later.

My other foot on the side's still hurting. Pos one of the nights I slept weird with my foot at a funny angle dunno. It's a nuisance.

Mentally just well I do houseworky things but not all the time but it's ok unless my backs hurting. Sweetylove helps me.
I'm so happy with the darling just no motivation until mania then I want to get up and do things.
Same with my late love always happy with them but still sleep heaps.

Today maybe pre BP anxiety that feeling of needing to break away out of your chest. I kinda dealt it's bloody awful.

Realised I've coccooned pretty much again lately not out of depression just happy with Mr love TV occasional shopping wkly blats with mhw etc. Knocking back outs. Just not really wanting to or broke often so dont go places. Mr shouts me at times and me too but I dont want that all the time it's not fair on the beautiful.

So mentally good but not kinda I guess but so happy and content with Mr lovely. He's a treasure.

Geez the weather sounds brutal hun.
Usually here it's lovely.
Blaghh the heats returning again icko.

Ohh the furs will both look adorable. I think about and constantly cuddle ours here. Just adore them.
Thought you might like to bring y/ours here for a few nights that way I'll get the spare room finished 😆

So cute about my gift. You're gorgeous Grandy Floss 😚

I love hearing from you and knowing you're close by too honeyheart you're a great friend and comfort dear love.

Loven the hugs. Right back at you sweety. You're so beautiful. Stay strong dear Grandy.
You're so loved and appreciated 😊 always darlin.

Best of care 👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍👀🕊🤝💗🗯

[Paw Prints]

Hello Deebi,

I know how worried you are about your mil's cancer. Lass I hope you don't mind I thought I would share about an elderly relative of mine who had lung cancer which they got early. He had part of his lung removed & recovered well though as his Dr said running marathon's was now a no no, however gentle exercise was still good & possible. He lived well for many years after though he would get short of breath if he over did things. It is scary given her age, but I will keep my fingers & paws crossed she has as good an outcome.

Thank you for the smiles you bring me whenever you talk about Mr Deebi. I love hearing how happy he makes you & I'm sure he feels the same about you. He is a sweetie being happy to nana nap with you.

It's good to hear the recliner is helping you sleep without setting off your back. Really hoping the Dr's have answers for you when you get your results on Wednesday.

Sending you huggily hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Paws..and all..🤗..

That’s okay to cocoon sometimes honey..but not to long of o time..having your beautiful love there with you is so precious...I really hope you are both doing okay..eating healthy and are enjoying each other’s company....But..lol always a but with me bbff..You need to get outside at least 10 minutes a day for the sun too do its Magic with our sleep endorphins....just gently reminding you both as well to drink plenty of water through the day..sleeping in the afternoon can dehydrate us so much....Aunty Grandys, words of love and care for you both.💜🤗..

Houseworky thingies are not fun things to do..unless you put on some old rock n roll and sweep, dust and dance along with the beat 😂..I did start singing along..until my fur babies started protesting....barking and howling while trying to cover the ears under their blankies....😂..

Awe Deebi...2 feet hurting isn’t good...Is it the same pain as your other foot or different....Poor bbff...I might have to try to design some crutches with wheels that are motorised with a little foot platform on each of them...so you can stand on them and go zooming around the streets and your apartment until they heal....

Hun...I really hope that they maybe able to operate on mil like they did Paws’s elderly relative...I will keep praying for her dear bbff..it breaks my heart that such a beautiful person is so sick....

Okay my bbff...I popped in to say hello and wish you a beautiful day..I am heading outside to mow my weeds...again!...We are expecting more rain soon...It’s been so hot here..but today has a gentle cool breeze which makes it sort of okay to be outside...

Much love, kind thoughts and caring wishes my Deebi..pubaok..yadimh..24/7/365...Big his lovely friend..💜🦋🐻🤗🌹..

Love to you as well Paws with my care and hugs 💜🤗🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Pawsy 🐾 and my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

Thank you for your beautiful posts they're so appreciated.

I'm good loves just wanted to thank you and let you know alls good.

Bbt beauts. Got our blat with mhw tomoz.

Grandy love you dear friend so much I really hope you're ok huns 🤗 👩‍❤️‍👩👭🗯💜.

Yes everythings awesome with the dear man he's a darling 😍 thanks hun. Love the sweetheart very much. Our times so easy. Can't imagine not having the precious in my life. Very happy.

We went to a bbq yesterday was good.

Love to you too our lovely friend Pawsy 🤗

🤝😚💗😍🕊