Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone...🤗..

Its so good to hear from you honey...I was getting a bit concerned about you...

Awe Deebi...I hope your back settles down soon...Well done stopping your anxiety attack before it got hold of you...Were you made to wear masks while you were their?....Maybe it set off your anxiety....

Yes..Deebi.....Please be very mindful of your back...and ask Mr. Deebi to move anything heavy for you...

Thanks for asking...I’m okay...talk on mine maybe tomorrow... feeling more comfortable here at your tonight...

It rained here most of the day..as I watched the rain drops falling..the raindrops were smiling at me..and trying to wet me...every time one of them wet me...they started giggling..then more and more raindrops wanted to join in..and I got saturated within seconds...my hair was dripping of raindrops as they slide down my long curly hair..giggling so loud as they fell onto my shirt and joined their friends there, that were playing follow the leader by dripping off my shirt onto my furs...After my furs got enough raindrops on them..they shook themselves and the raindrops were scattered everywhere..soaking in to the earth, to start again by being absorbed into the atmosphere to join their raindrop friends again...until they decide to wash the earth again....Circle of life...

Good night bbff...I hope you have a deep restful sleep tonight and tomorrow..your beautiful light shines for all to see...Love you Deebi....💜🦋🐻🤗..pubaok..Bpaly, swod 🙏..yadimh always and forever...

Night night lovely people...sending my love, care and hugs..💜🦋🤗..Hoping and Wishing you all sleep well..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers hiya ☺

Thank you darlin for such a lovely visit really enjoyed the gorgeous rain story it was so nice I smiled and giggled reading it. You're a gem 🏅

No we didn't have to mask there but we did have to in the transport car was horrid wearing them. We kept letting air in.

Backs hurting at times but luckily not full agony like the first couple-ish mths. Painful and over quickly. Trouble I'm wary doing anything it feels a bit weird. Over it! Yip the dear Mr sweety carries heavy stuff the love. Disappointing cause it was coming good slowly. Now confidence step back again.

I do a lot of sleeping no idea why. I'm glad Mr gorgeous comes too for arvo sleeps but he wouldn't if I didnt and I sleep in hrs in mornings. Happy just lack of motivation. Adore being with my love same as late love just love my sleep but at least don't always nanny nap but mostly do. Dunno always needed a lot.

You're a beautiful friend Grandy love. Thank you 🤗🤝👼

Thank you darlin love you so much, you're daily often in my 🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍🤝🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..and everyone....

Good morning sunshine...

Hoping your day is a good day today..

A bunch of beautiful flowers to start your day with a beautiful scent and wonderful colours...🌹💐🌻..

Love to you my bbff..

Grandy..🕊🌱

[monkey_magic]

Hey all,

Could the meds be the reason why U sleep a lot. I know it's true for me.

Gardener is here making a lot of noise with the whipper snipper.

Oh gosh still waiting to hear if finance has been approved. Been so up and down. Up knowing I'll be driving a new car and down because I won't lol...

Hope you all have a decent day today.

🙊🙉🙈🐵

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩... 🐒 Magic and all..🤗..

I had to wear a mask in my Drs rooms last Tuesday..They are horrible ..not enough air gets through them..I looked on google and made one out of a sock...much easier breathing...

Thats okay about sleeping Deebi...I do some days sleep a lot...I’m glad Mr Deebi also naps with you...I think if we sleep we must need it..Its soul healing honey...

You’re a good girl, looking after your back..and so is Mr. Deebi for helping you...can you give him a thank you hug from me.☺️..please..

How are you feeling..I’m a bit concerned, that’s okay though because friend do get concerned about each other...If you need to talk lovely friend..you know that I’m always here for you..as you are for me...💜..

I made you a beautiful pillow case for you...It is a very soft mauve colour, with jonquils embroidered around the edge..in the centre of your pillow case are embroidered words in a deeper mauve saying “True friends are never apart, 🌹 maybe by distance but not by heart ❣ ”. I hope you like it....oh no..this isn’t your 🎁..I am working on that..The pillow case is because I just wanted to..

Wishing you a beautiful peaceful sleep tonight bbff... with dreams of our waterfall and crystal clear lake that hides in our Stars 🌟...Love you bbff...always and forever....💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗.

Good night everyone reading...hugs, love and beautiful dreams..🤗💜🦋🕊..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌸🦄

[demonblaster]

Hi Magic 🐒 Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

Thank you both for your time and lovely posts always nice seeing youse ☺

Meds might contribute Magic and also I've always needed a lot of sleep. I think lack of motivation seems to be the root cause tho I'm quite happy and content just no get up and go. I remember being same in teens.
Thanks good thoughts ☺
I have sleep apnoea undiagnosed too and weight all adds in I guess.

😆 yip the blowers make quite a racket don't they.

Keep your chin up Monks and the positives rolling 🤗. Remembering and feeling good times gives us a touch of light so needed in hard times. Gotta be a good ☺

Gorgeous Grandy 🤗 you're a dear love aren't you.
I should have said about internet go slow before it was so frustrating.
The other day was hard just getting on here and part of the next day too.

I'm good sweety thanks.
We had a lovely drive yesterday with mhw it's nice just buzzing around laughing or talking usually both. He's very good.

Ohh darl just loven the gorgeous pillow case. Such a beautiful gift thank you so much sweety.
The Jonquils are devine. I imagined the scent and how they make me feel. I like the Creamy doubles they seem to have the scent.
Those words are so beautiful and so true lovey. Never apart 🤝🤗 ever!

My back had a couple of strong spasms over a couple of mornings or early arvo I should say not today phew. I carefully and slowly sit down after getting up.
Havent had that before it was a bit yeh righto.
Pain was mild just didnt know what was going to happen phew ok after.

The quite flat pillow seems to be holding the headaches mostly at bay. Still having some but not needing to remove it too much now throughout the nights.
Let's hope it continues easing them. They seem to be not too far off but it's a welcome change at least.

I feel ok about sleeping a lot and sometimes we don't.
I too think there's mental and physical healing. I'm content and happy esp with this beautiful man 😍 just no motivation for much but do things here and there socially and in the house at times.

I've been doing little jobbies on occasion lately actually. You do feel good getting things done eh esp if you can see the results. Mr beautiful usually helps the love 😍

Grandy and Magic I really hope you're both doing ok. It's ongoing working on ourselves towards happiness. Well worth sticking with though isn't it.
We'll get there and one day be free of demons because we're survivors! ✊

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍✨🌞👀🌟🗯🔥🐒

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all,

Its good to hear that your headaches are not as frequent or as strong...Maybe the flat pillow is keeping your neck more aligned in a more natural way...I don’t think caveman etc had pillows..unless they were made of stone...

Thank goodness your back didn’t do a big out for you...Please take it easy with your physical self bbff...I like that your doing little jobbies on occasions...and Mr beautiful is helping you..Thats so sweet...

I do believe that sleep is healing for both body and soul..it’s something I do a lot of when I’m down because it puts our mind, thoughts asleep as well..

Its been very cold here for 3 days..can’t believe that it’s snowing close by... Then again I can because I can feel the ice in the wind and air..I hope your part of the universe is warmer then mine...strange weather this year..strange year this year..definitely this year will be written in history books for generations to come to learn from...

I did want to sleep last night so I decided to wash my kitchen curtains and hang them up again...They look white now...yay...little things we do accomplish does make a difference about how we feel about ourselves...doesn’t it?

Im going to make a yummy chia tea soon..then into bed for the night...Pop over if you like and have a bedtime cuppa with me...

I’m working on making a super sonic powerhouse balloon 🎈 so we can travel faster to each others place...Hopefully I get it right and it will only take 2.543sec to travel between our places...Then I’ll make another one for you 🎈..Won’t be ready for a while yet...but when it is..woohoo we will definitely have fun visiting..

Good night dearest bbff..Love you over the moon and back..💜🌈 🌓 ...🐻🤗bear hugs and wishes of sweet dreams..

My care, love and hugs everyone...🌹💜🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱

[demonblaster]

Hiya lovely Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and readers 👋

Thank you for popping in dear friend always SO good seeing you 🤗

Yes it's a relief with the 🤕. I move at times either doing that Tai Chi on waking or just moving and ...shudder...the feeling of the cracks like things are moving back in place thank goods no pain doing it. A bit unsettling but ok.

I did for a while back there neck strengthening excercises but unsure if they bought on more headaches probs not cause they're always close by and were often then as well.

Huge relief less pain with the back. Ouched today but not agony. Being super careful at least no spasm today. Yesterday on the balcony. Just held the rail till it eased off.

This surely has been a different hard year for so many hasn't it. Agree future generations will look back on this and hopefully learn from it. Well said Grandz. I like how you think ☺

Good job getting the curtains done and seeing them I imagine will be a good lift for quite a while. Hope so anyway.
It really does help with how we feel about ourselves doesn't it. It's an achievement. I admire people that get on with things. It doesn't pull me down just so hard to do things apart from good ole mania..zooom! 😄

Going to start little walks as part of our drives with mhw which will be good.

I like watching netball on TV Grandy. Been seeing it a bit lately on the weekends.
Don't know if that interests you at all lovey. Good fast game. Lot of skill and you can see the game it's not crowded.

How are you darlin? Arm around your shoulders.
Thank you gorgeous would be lovely to pop around and have a chai aren't they yummo. We could bring the furs if that's alright hun to bring Mr 😍 and extra furs for some yum milk...ohhh look at them the dear little loves...come on darlins time for yet another cuddle...did I see there eyes just 🤤... geez they're getting fast...🏃‍♀️

😆 haha loven the sounds of your new invention. Ohh Grandy what a brilliant mind you have. Can't wait to scoot around so fast. I guess the speed revs up when you let all the air out 📍💨...vrrrrrooom....mmm must brush up 🎓 on my power house 🎈 driving skills.
2.543 secs is really impressive too Grandz I was worried about the G forces if it was going to be 2.542 secs. You think of everything hun.

Absolutely love our time honeyheart you're an amazing beautiful friend. Thank you 🤗.

✨🤝👀🎈🎓🏃‍♀️🌟😍👩‍❤️‍👩💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone....🤗.

I remember before that you watched you nephew play basketball?...and he hurt his foot... does he still play?

I like that your mhw comes to visit you weekly..that really is awesome..and now going for short walks as well as a drive..I am very happy for you...You go girl!😁..

Its been a while since I’ve visited you..and I am sorry...always thoughts of you daily, and miss talking here...Sometimes words get blocked...and don’t work properly...

I am pleased you like my invention..not much work done on it yet..but will be ready for the hot summer nights, to go floating across the moonlit sky with our friends here...

Needed to call in and tell you that your such a beautiful caring bbff....much love dear bbff soul sister..🌹🕊🌱🦋💜.

How are you feeling Deebi...I really need to know...

It was so summery here today..I hope you have beautiful weather to do teeny walks along the beach..

My love, hugs and care everyone..💜🤗🦋.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.....🦄🌟👻🎈🛴🐘🐻🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

[demonblaster]

Hey there Mrs gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍👩 and any readers 👋

Good seeing you darl thanks for popping in sweetyheart 🤗

Actually I'm not sure but suspect he would still be playing basketball. Good memory sweet ☺

Yes it's really good with mhw and is ok that Mr 😍 comes he's such a sweetheart. Oops didnt walk but I know I need to. We went shopping the other day and it was a bit further to score a park. Was quite hard walking. The back slows me at times I stop every now and then. At least some exercise. At times I say to mhw not to worry cause I'm ok.

Oh darlin I know exactly what you mean about words being hard. That's quite ok lovey you have a lot going on. I hope todays a bit easier on you gorgeous tho I imagine it's still hard 🤗 dear love gets so much doesn't it.

I'm good thanks sweety still sleeping heaps but not out of sadness just love my sleep. Told mhw and he said I must need it. My darling gets up before me I think the whole world does and we sleep arvos not every day but often. Mr Deebi wouldnt day sleep if I didnt. He's such a love Grands. So happy with the darling.

You too you're a very caring loving beautiful friend and soul sister my sweety.

Thank you for popping in gorgeous. Deep love darlin 😚💜👩‍❤️‍👩😍🗯🤝🌞