Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[demonblaster]

Hey there bbff 💑 and readers

Thanks Grandy you really are a special friend soul sissy 🤝💗

Yes sleeps an absolute strong need isn't it. Refuels our body. We're at our strongest with enough.
I had a few hrs surprisingly for how I felt it wasn't deep all the time but rest anyway. I feel a lot better so the bits of deep 💤 must've helped in the betweens.

So good hearing the positive words are helping and you like ☺ thanks Grandz. Eventually I'll maybe have a sentence esp good before sleep to go into the subconcious and on waking to start the day energized. Repetitions a great teacher.

It's SO good having my room done Grandz 😀
I'm so happy to be pushing through lack of volition. The rooms are bigs but littles too like too tired to cook thought nah but then said go on and did a lovely tasty tuna dish if you want the recipe it's simple. People complain about Tuna this is really delish.

Good idea straight into garbage bag. You wanna see the pathetic little pile so far I'm throwing for charity.
I don't wear most of them. Horder city I think.

Yebaa 9 degrees wow feeling like 2. I just I know you feel differently gorgeous lady 😚 wish it didnt dark so early. I often am in nighty but I don't like to for long I feel like I've not moved sort of. Know how you feel tho.

Don't think Leek has a strong taste I've only cooked it in things. figure it's a veg and would go with cauli. I don't like cauli over cooked el dente very nice but in a soup I think it'll have a nice texture like the 🎃

Didn't get my walk so I'll have to tomoz. Happy what I've achieved today though.

I do hope you are ok beautiful Grandy 💜💑🤝🗯😚🛵 thank you for your beautiful friendship and sissy love 🤗

Love you sweetyheart BPaly always.

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi...

Im pleased you slept today and are feeling a little better....that’s good to hear...and that your doing positives before bed..it’s on waking that I think we have to start the day with positives.....

Ahhh very good your room done..but sweety there’s no hurry at all in your own time..is okay🤗..

My hubby was a hoarder of tools, clothes and shoes..he never bought one..if he liked it was always 2 or 3..tools wow that was a big job to do..I left for my children..they took most and made me up a few tool boxes for home....Missing him a lot..

Its Nice here...I like the cold..it’s refreshing...easier to sleep...I’m to lazy to change when I don’t need to go out...Flannel jammies..top and bottom warmer then track pants or jeans....

I like raw cauliflower, crumbed and steamed...not to soft though...

Thats okay about your walk today..there’s always tomorrow or the next tomorrow..only walk when you feel like it...that way you will enjoy it more...

Im alright Deebi..please sweety concerntrate on you beautifulheart...

Thank you for your wonderful friendship dearest bbff...just be a good girl for me and pubaok because yadimh and I’m awyis....and lysvm always...💜🦅🛵🌴⛑🌱🕊🍫🍫..🤝👀👂....Keep deendy 🐉 🔥 burning lovely lady..

Love and hugs to everyone 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🌜🐻🤗🌛....

[demonblaster]

Hi good people ☺

You're a lovely person Grandy 🤗 thank you darlin always

Wow good to be coming out of that beast. The odd downing thought but I can let them pass through now it's easier to be mindful.

Tomoz I want to do more sections of meditation. Also at some stage get more into smiling minds. It's not that I don't want to do things it's doing them but I'm starting to chip at that wall. Life time thing.

Think my foots slowly improving but might be a while before I can tackle the big hills.

Twitches in my body either I'm getting use to them or there not as severe I think the first cause in bed I notice them more. Havent had heavy weakness since hospital but occasionally the fingers don't open easily rare and cramps in forearm with certain angles of my arm wow it comes on fast. Its the spot the twitches are most consistent in forearm

I know darlin, it's very hard isn't it 🤗 missing our loves. I often talk to my love and tell him that. Was having a big sad today actually about him but that's to be expected he was so lovely 💗

That would have been a whopping job with the tools I can imagine. Always memories of people we love in simple reminders isnt there.

Sounds nice the crumbed Cauli, its a nice veg yip slightly under cooked better just a gentle crunch. Looking forward to the soup I'll get you around sweety to stay. Your room will be so comfy 😁 Did you know it whitens again if you soak in milk. It lasts a long time too in fridge.

Thanks yes if we pressure ourselves beasty makes us stubborn. I like being amongst it also ok now being in my own company. Took long enough.

Hope you sleep really well and yes lets have positives first waking too. You're one of my top positives ya know lovely 💜

Love talking with you ☺ love you very much fullstop Grandy. Are you really ok?

PubAok ydimh lysvm awyis ssss bbff gg 💑💜🗯💗🤝😚🤗🎃✨♨️

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

Howz my bbff feeling today?

So so happy that your starting to win this round with beasty..way to go..keep your 🔥 well alight and fanned lovely friend...

Awe sorry about the twitches in your arm..the hand resisting opening Much be frightening at times...please sweetyheart..be extremely when your caring anything hot just in case your arm twitches or your hand does naughty things...

I talked to him the other night...I often do..idk some days I remember the bads about him then other days I remember how he used to be..kind at times...mixed emotions at times..

Oh Deebi he had thousands of tools..because I suppose of his trade..I’m pleased they done that for me....

Thank you Deebi..I never knew that about the cauliflower and milk..That’s really good to know...

I’m getting their being on my own..but hard to do things for myself..like hobbies etc...I always thing what for am I doing this...hmmm not good I know..I don’t think I have any self satisfaction at all....I mean I do just to do it..not because I want to..it’s hard to explain,,,.

Deebi..truth Your also one of my first reasons and positives to stay here...you matter so much to me....I really hope your feeling better each day...

Are you okay Deebi?.....pubaok..lysvm.. awyis.. yadimh..💜💕👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Love and hugs dear bbff...💜💜🤗🤗..and all...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐉🔥 🐻🤗 👀🤝👂...

[demonblaster]

Hey there bbff 😀and readers ☺

Always lovely to see you Floss 🤗thank you as always so much for dropping by.

While I remember dear Birdy tweety darling I'm so sorry I remember you said it may have got lost or that effect thanking you for a beautiful post back there, I was deleting notes and saw it. Sweety tweety 🤗🐣 there'll be some extra choccy in your birdy seed 😊

Grandy my bbff 💑 thank you for asking sweetyheart I wasn't on the top of the world but ok today just up from another sleep feeling better again. Have been getting stuck into your room 😀 wow still a bit to go but got the bulk done feeling good about it too, it'll show I moved into a cupboard a huge storage container and still have heaps of clothes but a garbage bag going to charity.

Haven't done my cauli soup yet want to before I go to mils this coming wk and freeze it so maybe tomoz.

It doesn't surprise me you thinking of the hard times 🤗. I find it hard for you about him to understand although I'm so happy there were goods about him. Oh Grandy it's just so unfair your life. So glad you have some good people in rl and here absolutely.

What a shame hobbies don't give you pleasure. My wish for you is the day comes that you like/love yourself enough to want to do things that make you happy god knows you deserve peace my dear friend/sissy 🤗😚

I have my special group tomoz & mhw taking me shopping. Quite a lot on this mth, be back at mils for biggest cuppa too on 26th. So glad I wont be in poor mh hopefully both visits.

Thanks hun it'll be good when I know exactly what's going on with this, I think too could be nerve I'll know if I over did it today in a few days think ok minimal heavy lifting. Btw thanks I hadn't considered that carrying hot water good girl ☺

You too Grandy you really mean the world to me, you and bb here and the beautiful people are famous this way 😆 Grandy this Grandy that love eachother so much 🤝💜

I was reading positives in my tablet didnt realize it was good and I'll add some. Also been thinking of them and did some of campfire too.

Ashamed to tell you my pathetic step count 😆 omg and didnt walk was still well still am tired but thrilled what I've achieved today and lately.

Grandy are you ok is the question my lovely please don't hold back I need to know where you're at beautiful too. Thank you so much for being such a beautiful friend all of you here, so much love and appreciation 💗🐣☘⚘💑💜🌱

BPaly Grandy always 🗯💜💼👍🐘

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB (and a wave to all),

It does look like you have a busy, but hopefully enjoyable, day ahead of you today 🙂 As you said to lovely Grandy, it would be such a relief to get to the bottom of your aches and pains. Hopefully once there’s a confirmed diagnosis by your medical team, it means more effective treatment.

You sound determined to lose the extra weight. I admire that...

I love your list of happies. It must be helpful to have it there as a reminder, source of comfort and healing tool 🙂

Thank you so incredibly much for my special four leaf clover pen. I adore it! I will always keep it with me. What a stunning and thoughtful gift...

Sending super soul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Beautiful Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..


I really hope both your outs today will be both good and bring you some hello hugs and some happy times with your special group...and you manage your shopping with too many ouchies🤗...

Well done doing some more clothes..and sending some to charity..The charity shops really do appreciate them...
I’m really sorry beautifulheart that your still doing it hard with your mental health...I know your starting to get control of your thoughts but it still takes time more ups now but still the occasional downer which will eventually leave you alone for a while...and your normal self will take control...

I spent a couple of hours yesterday washing my car 🚗..I just took my time I needed to get out of my house and it was a nice warm day...

That’s okay about walking honey..don’t push yourself..today you will be out and about with special group and mhw...so your step count will go up...Did you know there’s an app on your phone with a step counter..once you have it on you have to have your phone in your pocket and it counts your steps..

I hope you have a really nice day my bbff....pubaok. Thank you for being who you are beautifulheart......Love you a lot..💜..
Love and hugs everyone💜💜🤗🤗..


👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🔥🐉....🐻🤗....🕊🌱.....I am okay Deebi...I’ll talk on mine soon..

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear Peppystar and Grandy 💑

Thank you both for visiting dear friends ☺🤗

Wow IT takes some getting through doesn't it. Todays been good I found out today my special group of loves want to come weekly which is great. And shopped. Going to Mils soon too.

More than anything just still tired and yes Grandy darling the negatives hang around a while I just got up from a good arvo sleep. Feeling a lot stronger.

Yes Peps I was glad to see I have a happies list here to on the tablet a few things to add.

Yes I need to get cracking on the diet I do feel I can and do want to get it off.

Haha so glad you love your little prezzy. Huge souls and love back at you dear Peppilly 🤗☘💗

Hi ya gorgeous friend you dear lady you've been by my side every day you darling. Did you 🎯 today lovey? How are you feeling sweetyheart? Sleeping? Good you went easy doing your car. I wonder how you are think about you all the time sweety sissy 🤗pubAok 🗯💜

Thanks that made me feel better about not walking. Thinking my foots really starting to ease off yay.

Thsnks Grandz what a beautiful thing to say. You too lovey you're a lifeline love you very much and thank you for being such a solid loving friend. Couldnt ask for better ☺😚🐘

Awyis yadimh lysvm sss bbff pubAok 💜💑🗯💤💼💧⚘🤗🤝🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Beautiful Deebi...

Your day sounded wonderful and you sound excited about weekly meeting with your special group of lovelies...I’m very happy for you...🤗..make me feel good inside knowing that you have some special caring people you can see weekly....

I tried but couldn’t sleep this arvo...I’m pleased you did..makes the beasty weaker while we recuperate our inner strength through sleep.....Please sweety..get as much sleep as you can...so you can 🤜👿🤛..away from you..

Hi ya bbff....Superglued 🤝..I’m not going any where 🤗💜...I hope your feeling stronger today lovely lady....

No I didn’t go to 🎯...I didn’t want to go out or be around people...My 🚗 looks nice..first wash in over 12 months...I can’t just wash it..the water leaves lime scale on the cars..so I also done a spray polish....

I have been getting around 6-8 hours throughout the day and night..Right amount of hours..just not in one sleep..😂😂..

I hope your foot gets better soon....Looking after it now and only walking when you feel not much pain...means for a quicker recovery..but if you walk when your foot is to much ouchy...I’m thinking harder to heal.....That’s okay about the hot liquid..been meaning to say for a while..please maybe carry ☕️ and soup on a tray...Please be careful...

Deebi..you say to me so much beautiful things...Thank you so much.....Please you be always okay beautifulheart...lysvm awyis..yadimh...always...👀🤝👂....

Enjoy your time with your gorgeous mil..and say hello for me...Oh and I have a little gift for her....it’s a fluffy, soft cuddly.. squirrel 🐿...that loves cuddles and it will give you cuddles back each time mil gives squirrel one...😁..I’ll let your mil...give squirrel a name...

I hope you sleep good tonight precious friend..with the sweetest 🍫and most peaceful 🕊dreams ever..🍫🍫🕊🕊..

Love and hugs dear lovely people..💜🤗...Keep nice and warm...loving winter..💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🐉🔥🔥🐉....🦄⛑👒👟🧣🧤.

[demonblaster]

Hello there bbff 💑

What a sweety giving mil a prezzy I'm going weds so I'll have to remember thats so cute thank you gorgeous 😚

Hey lively you're not sounding ok if you dont want to be around people you poor darling you've been looking after me you sweetyheart and it's not sounding that you're in good shape 🤗 you're welcome to talk here if it helps you know I want to be there for you too honey.

I bet the car looks great wow good job out the way I like you keep yourself busy thatta girl keeps beasty away.

I say beautiful things about you lovely because I mean it you're an amazing beautiful bbff 💑💜 SO glad we met and are so close 🤗💗

You too Grandz hoping you sleep better tonight, I'm sure I will again. Takes so much outta me these episodes but good to be coming out the other side.

You don't know what your big 🎁 is do you, it'll be a while but can't wait 😀 somesing pecial for my bbff.

6-8 hrs would maybe be ok if it was all in one go darl. Shame you didn't sarvo.

Got an invite to a biggest cuppa with the special group so that'll be good too.

Have you done any art and practising for your cane? Oh have they done your tree yet.

Grandy you mean the absolute world to me thank you for you so much love you very deeply soul sissy ☺pubAok lysvm awyis yadimh ssss bbff gg

Thanks for your solid suppirt and friendship dear friend 🤗😚

💑💜🗯🤝💗🎁🌱🎃💤⚘