Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hey beautifulheart....I’m okay...Please take my hands and breathe with me...5 times...nice and slowly...in....good girl..hold....out-relax...come on Deebi..4 more times...good girl...

Yes Deebi...I do go through that crap...That’s why I’m not leaving you..not letting you go....I think this one is longer..if I remember properly..last episode was a mild one and shorter..

Sleeping i find is a way that beasty mostly leaves us alone..try to get as much sleep as you can dear bbff...and on waking...before any thoughts have come to you..Please try to make your first thought of someone you love..your brother, your mil...your bestie in r/l..and remember their warm caring arms around you...when you meet each other..

I think we have to start our day with a positive..I liked how you said to think of positives before sleep...that’s definitely something I will try tonight....Maybe sweety I’m not sure..but beasty seems to be using different tactics this time..Maybe relax a little...do more meditation even 3 or 4 times a day until your feeling stronger....on insight timer..they have Morning meditation..it’s really good to try to start doing Morning before you get out of bed.. as well as night and through the day if you can....ummm YouTube have some good morning meditation also....Please if you can...can you try a couple of times and see how it makes you feels...

Its okay Deebi...We can do this...were all here holding you tight, pulling you step by step up that long uphill climb...Well get you their beautifulheart....You’re hope never leaves you Deebi...it’s their find it and hold on to it......You must try hard to Believe you can make it out...Have the faith to take those baby steps...and you will make it a Deebi....I believe in you so much....

Sitting with you tonight.. holding on to your 🤝...Oh I put more superglue on them today.. 😂 sorry hun...our hands are unbreakable..

Love you dearest bbff....Sending you heaps of hugs🤗 along with my 💕 love....sissy....pubaok..yadimh..awyis..and definitely lysvm...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🍫🍫🕊🌱💖🐉🔥🐉🌈⛑💭💭

[demonblaster]

Thanks Grandy beautiful

Not long till bed then I don't have to get up except maybe breaky pills. I'm a bit confused I think on the blood thinner tabs probs the most important I could work out the first time where it looked like O missed one but now one of the days theres still one there. Not the end of the world its just since gearing about the strokes I've been good well thought I was but sure I took them. Doesnt matter really its just thought I did 🙃

I mean thanks for everything and you being by my side means the world & beautiful you saying the lovelies here helping me up that mountain, it's high.

Both other episodes there were the extremes but pulled up quickly. No extra stress this time really don't know how it got it's hooks in so hard but this is how its pretty much always been maybe a bit easier because I'm not in the Black.

Agreed sleeps good the more the better.

Wouldnt want to but I imagine I can have higher mg AD's can't even believe I'm thinking that.

Lysvm dear friend. You have a good sleep. In a way I'm pleased crankys sons there cause youu'll rest up.

You're an incredibly beautiful friend thanks lovely. Tomoz I'll try and art.

Havent really noticed the arch in insteps but these joggers I think do have a good one, now two.

Watching friends I remember Croixy suggesting to someone comedies. I like this only laughing at bits atm but distraction mostly. Keep meaning to say to you nah Phoebe scares me she goes a bit troppo at times 🙂 you like her best I know 🙂 they're all very good I think Rachel's very good. Great show. Wentworth on tomoz I record absolute top fave used to be Prisoner, they're doing very well mixing it up now. Juicy ad. Once a wk bummer. Often think about what shows you might like. Bewitched us on brings back happies and Mum us watching I think.

Thanks again sweetyheart 🤗☺😚 💜💑 BPaly 4S. You're beyond magic 💗🗯⛑🕊🛠🍫🗯🌱👀🤝

Twice 🤕tried taken both times common meds so far holding but not perfect but could be ok 🤞

Huge love appreciation. PubAok dear friend. Sleep well honeyheart 🤗

You find out results any day now darlin how are you about that? 💗⚘🗯

[demonblaster]

BP day 20.
Beautifu/S. Grandy 💑💜

A lot of sleep needing more. Slight 🤕 3 days. Meds taking most not all away. Bad atm. Apparently we need to catch migraines early. Unsure if they're all but pull ya down either way.

I was good, really good for a couple of hrs 2day. Now not so much. I can and HAVE to pull up. It's frightening now, it'll go further if I don't make an effort. I think I let my guard down, the other 2 since AD's kicked in were tragic at times but pulled out quickly. It's the only thing I can think why I've gone so deep

This HAS to be a turning point. I seriously 😢 feel I'm going to lose the plot it's kinda starting, no exaggeration. I'm holding for now. My survivals getting stronger. I care now to live. Atm I'm not but ok. My God the depths are rarely short of devastating. Sadly too many know that pain. I intend to be a big part in helping people more. Am doing more with BV too.

Depressions no life there really is better and it's in us! Learning is possibly one of our slowest but an achievable gain in MH. Life in general. We ARE capable.

I take credit too but the majority goes to Grandy 💜 you amazing people here and of course BB 💗 forever grateful ⚘

A not nessecarily irrational paranoid thought often is people may not believe me. Seeing not a full mask of happy go lucky (I genuinely am around most people) Quick interactions are great. People are less likely to be offensive. Not always down to me not having a wall. I put body and soul into friendships often to my dismay. I think people may not believe I have so much turmoil going on at times. Talking more now. I'm unbelievably screwed up yet pretty together in many ways too. Try this head loves..it's free

So to get up I have to go with the happies allow the pain to subside until I learn more. OMG so much roadworks up there but I'll get there. HAVE to. I'm starting to come undone but I can & WILL win. You wouldn't believe the barrage of crap that goes on in these times. It's suffocating. Anxietys' beastys besty. Overdue using my strong will for not against myself.

Really thanks for your time & listening ☺ I know pure hell and the ultimate in happiness. The latters achievable. Fact

I'll always be around & reply to
some threads but mainly for a while Grandy and mine. I need to get my head set completely

💑💜🤝🤗🕊🌱🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello beautiful Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

I really hope so very much that your feeling better this afternoon...I’m not sure honey...migraines can pull me do a lot...I think it’s the longer ones that pull me down...I think beasty and headaches are brothers...😂..

Depression is no life Deebi...You’ve pulled out so many times before...I’m concerned your going with this one too much..Please don’t beautifulheart....I know you have so much innerstrength Deebi...You’re strong darl I know this is a thought hard episode your having ....Please..Please..don’t give up on your fight for peace...It there Deebi...reach out and hold it...use your friends here to help pull you towards your peace..and their is a lot of people here that are reaching out their hands to grab hold of your....Your important...Your needed...you help me and many more here...Deebi...pubaok.. awyis... yadimh...lysvm...ssss....💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💕🕊🌱🐉⛑🤝...

I’m sitting with you tonight beautifulheart...I’m afraid for you...your on your own...Did you do your art today..or was you 😢 all day....are you eating...drinking..please look after you..your important to me and so many here and in r/l.....your so much loved /liked and cared for here....Please be okay...always...

Love you dearest soul spirit sissy...💕💜..Your in my 💭 dear Deebi....

Sending everyone love and hugs..💜💜💕💕🤗🤗🤗...

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐉🔥🔥🔥🐉🔥🔥🔥💖.....🌜🤝👀👂x 24/7🌛..

[demonblaster]

Eternal 💑💜 &🗯goes for many here ☺

Grandy beautiful soul sissy thank you so so much you're an incredible friend 🤗

Same I've been scared but sadly it's the deepest pain that's almost always that makes me try harder which I am. If my head would completely stop 🤕 it'd be a lot easier. My general feeling isnt great but I'm a little way up yes actually I've just done maybe an hr and half art and liking the improves very much. Still unsure if this one I want for mil but I'll sneaky suss her reaction to it casually say oh this one I'm working on what do you think if I can gauge I have another to add to and fix up. It's been therapeutic. I do very much now want to get stuck into it. If it's viable it's also part of my whopper fundraising idea and I do mean whopper could take up to 2 yrs to pull off maybe less.

Yes beasty and headaches I also have them between mongrels. I like your thinking btw about our minds being limitless. Wouldnt surprise me at all. Amazing power at our disposal.

Yes darlin was really going to town eating but settling more thank god today been quite good. These days mainly healthy.

I love you sitting with me but I don't want you worrying ok lovey seriously as you say I've pulled out from how many in the past and recently from stronghold some times. It's incredible how tired you get.

Oh sorry I did have a v.good sleep but woke at 1am ish and read some bits of threads for a while went back about 4am didnt realise the time galloped.

So winters hit at yours eh, here I'm still at times down to a sheet but not long. I too love a lot about winter and snuggled up in a lot of blankys is so cosy. Still partly too hot with a blanky but I end up with Doona on.

Thanks Grandy it really is comforting what you say truth you're really very lovely. I just hope you're not holding back with your pain lovely always remember we're in this together 🤝 I don't know that I could do it without you and the amazing bb.

Might have a solution to my NBN dilemma a chick very good we spoke for 80 mins told her my problems and why I dont feel I should have to pay so much more when its not a choice etc and have a couple more numbers to try to score better again. Been loyal for many yrs that does help.

Might walk tomoz regardless of tired.

Love you very much dear soul sis ☺🤗💜💗💑 BPaly always Grandz 🌱🕊👀👂🗯

[Ggrand]

Hey Beautiful Deebi...

Just popping in to wish you a good sleep tonight...I’m going to bed soon..just going to make a cuppa tea first....

Snowing only 75 kilms from mine so I have that beautiful refreshing icy cold air...

Im pleased you like me sitting with you...Please don’t worry beautifulheart..I’m okay...

Keep talking here and keep doing your best to Choof your negatives away from your thoughts lovely lady....your strong and your strength is showing in your words...your an amazing friend and I would do any thing to help/support you Deebi...

Try hard to sleep as much as possible dearestbb..sleeps so very important for our strength....Sleep helps strengthen us...both body and soul.....🐻🤗..

Deebi....I know you don’t do music very much...I’m wondering if you could try to listen to some...or anything that you have an interest in..please..listening to something consciously and intently should I hope help to block out beasty’s constant bombardment of your mind....

Im okay Deebi...but tired...I’m going to try bed now...please Deebi....stay safe...look after you...and I’ll talk tomorrow..if that’s okay...love you dear friend..here for you unconditionally....💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Please Deebi...you be okay..always.🤗..

Sending love and hugs to those who need/want them...💕💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🐻🤗🔥🐉🍫 🌜🤝👀👂👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛

[demonblaster]

Hi everyone ☺

💑 what a beautiful friend you are thank you dear Grandy wishing me a good sleep I hope you did too. Not liking you being tired often. You say I'm a good friend to you yes we're good for eachother but often the scales are tipped you here for me a lot which I prefer it being even. You have no idea what a positive dif you make to my life spirit soul sissy 🤗💗💜

V.good sleep thanks hun including nature calls that's ok. I feel still needing more but a lot better today.

I'm working in patches on more words I remember HOPE. Had one for CALM but 😅 forgot some of it.

Btw I was saying about working on 3D in parts of my art. Interesting you got that dream book because I dreamt well kinda saw it, not in hallucination with clarity and knew how to do but surprise 😁being asleep off it choofed but getting there.

Back to these words I've been doing gratitude more often (Wolfy) and lately before sleep a few positives a little harder in mornings so these words the meanings & to feel them. To convince myself because they're positive affirmations every night day and on waking. CALM PEACE HAPPY etc. Some of CALM is..Oh cool think it's..

C.. CALM is

A.. achievable to

L... learn through

M... meditation. Which will also prompt doing it too. YES!

Yes that might be it yay just remembered. The trick for memory is repetition.

Going today to do some more of my room and the spare room a humungus job but ok. needed to do for a long time. Sometimes over the yrs probs in manias I go through stuff. So yip daily a bit not stressing but clutter creates clutter its a good feeling finishing jobbies.

Art as often as po daily.

Walk and good girl today on food.

More sleep. (Prority but at least some of my room first)

Little of another jobby.

Oh nice it amazes me how snow chill travels so far, I know without knowing when its snowing somewhere finally we're getting cooler. Doona most of night. You'd be loving it. I'm coming to yours 🛵 vroom...rugged up sheepskin lace up long boots that I don't have 😂 jeans tucked in, jumpers cosy as. We can sit in front of our virtual fire ♨️ and turn the ✨on.

Going to do a cauli and leek soup same ingredients might throw some winsy bacon in. Let ya know Floss. I'll bring us Pumpkin soup nice thick and warm. Pepper to add for you gorgeous friend but not the whole container luv 😄

Huge love pubAok yadimh awyis 🤗🗯🕊💑💜

[Peppermintbach]

Hi wonderful DB,

I must admit that I’ve been concerned about you. I know you have your downs, but this recent one seems to be so drawn out. I realise you’ve had some ups in between, but overall this low mood does seem to be lingering...

I can’t help but wonder if maybe there’s something else going on/something that has been overlooked that is contributing...or maybe it has been mentioned already, and I’ve just forgotten or missed it. You don’t need to explain anything to me of course, but perhaps this is something for you to think about (and only if you wish, no obligation to do so of course ).

In any case, I really admire how you’re finding ways to cope, such as your gratitude words, through art, etc. I think getting your spare room sorted sounds fantastic! I hope it all comes along nicely....

You soup sounds delicious! Thanks for thinking of me by bringing some pumpkin soup. So thoughtful 🙂

Super soul hugs and much love,

Peppystar xoxo

[Ggrand]

Good Morning Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

I’m pleased you got a good sleep..it helps us so much🤗..

Deebi....Yes good friends darling....Please don’t feel the way your feeling about mine...Sweety goods friends are their for when one of them needs help... at the moment your doing it harder then me and I’m pleased to be able to try to help you...as you would to me....I’m okay..

I like the positive words your working on..that’s such a good distraction..I’m proud of you for doing that...Your hope and calm are really good🤗..theyvare helping me and I’m sure others as well....well done beautifulheart...

Take your time with your room and my stay over room..(spare room) 😂..Sweety when I do my clothes etc..I take big garbage bags into the room with me. sit on the bed and the clothes that I don’t use/want I place straight into garbage bags..then tie them up for a charity shop...Maybe if you have several bags your mhw guy can help you take then to your local Vinnies....The clothes brought in by locals we ask them if they want it to get distributed into other shops or our store...

Yes the air is really fresh here today...9degrees haha wind factor bringing it down to real feel of 2 deg...😂😂..Imlike being rugged up..oops still in my jammies and dressing gown now since Tuesday...I have been having a bath each late afternoon...it’s just in the morning..I couldn’t be bothered changing..😂😂.

I love cauliflower in any way..umm never tasted leek before, I have seen it in shops ..but never tasted it...is it yummy...

I like your plans for today....they sound like fun...I hope you enjoy them....and have the best day you can...💜🤗..Love you dearest friend....and definitely yadimh....and I’m awyis....pubaok....💜🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🐉🔥..

Love and hugs dear friend and everyone..💜💜🤗🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🍫🐉🔥.....🤝👀👂.....🕊🌱...🐻🤗.

[demonblaster]

Peppystar and readers. Thanks for being concerned that's lovely ☺ IT really takes you to extremes I could count on nearly two hands the times it's not quite as savage.

Appreciate very much you suggesting something else which I thought hard about through it. The only down atm but I'm sorta ok about is the extra weight but I know and have started improves. Always will break but I'll get it back off. Absolute.

I think I just didnt try hard enough but catching me on waking is difficult to be mindful & took me down so hard and a longer mania too.

Not quite there yet, more tired than anything else. I have more energy to catch stray thoughts and detach emotion well working more on it. You know I have a massive list of positives happies and couldnt even get the pluck to look at it but I lately and in mania am working on it mentally to become automatic & want to do other words for happies.My basic 3 that changes at times are water trees stars so if I can add a vowel then It'll be easier. Maybe Swat (swat beasty 😄) so A could be ... 🤔..hymmm...🗯

Yes girls you wanna see Grandys or any of you lovelies room now, at least all the clothes make for a more comfy mattress 😆 but my loves I did finish my room.. woo hoo 🎉🎈🎊🏆partee... well not in the spare room 😁

Peppystar thanks so much you also have never left my side for that and you being a lovely person you have my love and gratitude dear lady and because you're a gem I'm giving you a ☘pen that you move and it glides up and down. It's a Red and Black 🖋. One of a kind. Even beeps if it's too far away from you 🤗☺🤗

Soup will keep rolling in as long as you keep filling my pockets with 🍫.. did it again didn't I...said that out loud 😄⚘🌿

GG 💑💜hi sweety thank you as well darling (nice liked that) I'm going soon to sleep again so catch you laters gorgeous heart 🤗😚🕊🗯💥

Thank you beautiful people, starting to stand again 👍